


love me if that's what you wanna do

by guccixadidas



Series: tragically beautiful [2]
Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Depression, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Light Smut, Love, M/M, Older Harry, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Sad Louis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 111,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24851617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guccixadidas/pseuds/guccixadidas
Summary: PART TWO OF THE TRAGICALLY BEAUTIFUL SERIESharry and louis have it all but even then it can become too much
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Series: tragically beautiful [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1703590
Comments: 31
Kudos: 76





	1. welcome to the bubba and curly sleepy vlogs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second book!!! omg

mood: rich man's frug- sweet charity  
  


** Sunday, November 18th 9:10 am **

Ever since the morning after Louis spent the day with Harry at the river he had never felt so relieved. He didn't have his usual haunting thoughts that only made an appearance every now and then and it was easy to roll out of bed as if he lost ten pounds. Ten pounds of stress is what it was. He laid in bed with the biggest smile on his face, reminiscing the events that took place last night. Harry was his boyfriend. He had a boyfriend— his first boyfriend and a perfect one at that. Internally he really wished he spent the night over at Harry's just to see what it felt like to wake up next to his boyfriend but they had plenty time to do that and maybe it'd be moving too fast. Surely, Harry wanted Louis to stay over so that wouldn't have been a problem.

Today was different though. He woke up feeling so... content? For a moment he forgot that people didn't like him and that his past was the most terrifying thing someone could think of because all that mattered was Harry. He still couldn't believe that was real life. The fact that Harry actually liked him back and it wasn't a dream. Of course Louis was having his hesitations, who wouldn't? Harry was created by the gods themselves. They took their time to perfectly sculpt every inch and cranny he possessed and it totally was not fair for the rest of the human population but there was nothing he could do about it. And then there was him. He didn't think there was anything special about him and to call him average would be a compliment. He's tiny and can barely hold a conversation and rarely ever had an appetite. In his eyes he held so many flaws and for someone like Harry to even give him the slightest time of day should only be in fantasies.

But life wasn't a fantasy. This was real and Louis obviously second guessing it at first but the more time he had to think about it the more it made sense. Harry always wanted Louis close to him and not in a way where they were always together. He wanted him physically close and couldn't stand when Louis pushed him away. The kisses made perfect sense now and Louis couldn't believe how stupid he was to think Harry didn't like him back, because really. What straight boy would kiss back when another fellow boy kissed them? What straight boy initiated many of said kisses? What straight boy would crave and deepen the kisses and hold another boy so close and want to feel them? None. No straight boy did that but Harry did and Louis was too far into denial to think otherwise.

Sure, a kiss is a kiss and Harry had kissed boys before but he would never kiss them the way kissed Louis. Like with Niall, they kissed a handful of times but it was never how he would kiss Louis. Even the first time he kissed his tiny little neighbour. It was only a peck but he felt so much and he wanted more but knew Louis wouldn't exactly be up for it. And then he remembered the party they went to. Harry literally brought up to a room because Louis was uncomfortable kissing in front of all those people and still he didn't bat an eye. Harry had him sit on his lap and Louis completely waved it off. Harry held him so close and kissed and licked down his neck and still Louis thought it was just a heat in the moment which looking in retrospect was so dumb.

His mind wandered to the day after the party. He still didn't remember much of it, especially the bit where he disassociated, obviously, but the more time that passed the more bits and pieces he remembered. He remembered a few things of him and Harry in the bathroom where he was sat on the sink but it was incredibly hazy. He didn't remember anything that was said but he can vaguely see Harry crying and him wiping away his tears and kissing his nose and cheeks. He remembered Harry's wonderful smile and the way he took care of him without another thought. _Louis loves Harry_. That just may be the only words he remembered from that time. It was true and he didn't necessarily regret it because he was sure Harry returned it. He was royally foolish to think that Harry only viewed him as a friend after having showered him and dressing him. Harry did his laundry, folded and put away his clothes, vacuumed up the broken glass, and tried many different ways to remove the blood stain from the carpet just so Louis wouldn't be able to remember what happened. Sure friends wouldn't want their friends to remember things like that, but Louis didn't think people would go through such great lengths to do so.

And when Harry seemed sad to call Louis his best mate that day. How sad he sounded and his arms instinctively slackening around him due to his disappointment. Even still Harry stuck by his side when it was hurting him to pretend that he didn't want anything more than to be Louis' friend. Then Louis remembered the next day when Harry went to school just to satisfy Louis' nerves about not turning in his work. He went out of his way just so Louis could stay home and be in a comfortable place to cry and be sad without worrying about missing out on academics. Harry pulled Louis onto his lap to hold him and comfort him. Harry carried Louis up the stairs and tucked him into bed for him to rest. Oh god. Harry asked Louis to be his boyfriend. In the moment Louis laughed at it, but looking at it with everything he knew now he wanted to scream. Harry was being serious. Harry asked Louis to be his boyfriend and he just laughed in his face.

After a good hour of thinking about his and Harry's past relationship, Louis finally rolled out of bed and he might have fallen to the floor. See, the previous week and most days before then, rolling out of bed was one of the hardest things to do. Getting up felt so heavy but it was different that morning and he wasn't expecting to go flying. But he got up and sauntered over to his bathroom for a quick shower, rinsing off his body and doing a quick condition before getting dressed in a pair of sweats and a loose t-shirt that was awfully big on him and may or may not have been Harry's. In all honesty he didn't know but either way he wouldn't have minded.

His mum drove him to the hospital and only asked a few questions about Harry which made Louis quirk a brow. Her questions were suggestive and a little prodding but he was still oblivious to the fact that his parents knew about Harry's liking towards him. He answered shortly since Harry wanted to keep them quiet for a bit and he knew it was going to be hard to lie to his grandparents because they always saw right through him. He took years of theatre and only hoped everything he learned would pay off. He took a course on method so hopefully he could pull it off.

As usual, Louis was greeted upon entering the hospital by the receptionist and fellow nurses passing by the corridors that knew Louis. They granted him access to the C-wing where he went every weekend to see his grandma. When he walked into the room his nan was sitting upright in the hospital bed with his grandpa sitting next to her, holding hands as they watched a program from the small telly in the corner of the room. He stealthily walked in, trying to mask his extreme happiness as best as he could.

"Louis!" Rose greeted him with a huge smile that stretched to her ears.

"Hey nan," Louis responded with a small smile as he walked to the other side of the room to sit in the chair next to her bed. "Grandad."

"Hi son," William greeted with a warm smile and a short nod. "How're things? You feeling any better?"

God damn it. He was so close to keeping everything contained but that question only reminded him of Harry, obviously, and he couldn't stop his smile. But he did do his best to keep it small. "I'm doing okay, feeling a lot better than last time I visited." He looked down to his lap to hide the smile before composing himself and looking back up with a plain expression. "I've had time to think things over and I uh- talked things out with different people, ya know?" Both his grandparents nodded, their attention now geared to their grandson. "And, um, actually I-" a short laugh escaped his lips as he shook his head from side to side. "Harry says hi." He peered through his lashes to see his grandparents' reactions and they're exactly what he imagined it to be: shocked.

"You two had a chat?" Rose asked turning her body a bit more towards Louis.

"Yeah, yesterday. I didn't really want to talk but it was the least I could do, right? So we went to this cliff that overlooked the city and we talked things over."

"I'm guessing it went alright?" William butted in with furrowed brows, leaning his elbows on the bed.

"Yeah, we're friends again." That was hard to say, especially because they were dating. "We explained our own sides and worked things out. So yeah."

"Just friends?" Rose squinted her eyes and Louis couldn't help but squirm under the gaze. She was a god damn sweetheart but she had her moments.

"Well, um," the vibration in his pocket distracted him from his thoughts, hoping it was Harry. He really wished he hadn't forgotten that they were together like he did with Monet. Since this was Louis' first relationship, he didn't really know if he should have messaged Harry when he first woke up or not so he didn't. And when he woke he didn't receive a text from Harry that could've meant one of two things: he forgot or he was still asleep. Louis was leaning more towards the latter— at least that's what he hoped for.

Louis pulled out his phone to check what the notification was from and immediately smiled when seeing the message on his screen.

_[Harry]: morning bubba (:_  
_[Harry]: i didn't forget, i promise. how could i ever?_  
_[Harry]: just not a morning person but you already know that_

Louis smiled from ear to ear and bit down on his lip to keep it small but it was a failed attempt. "It's Harry, isn't it?" The question snapped Louis out of his thoughts and his entire face turned pink. He shoved his phone back into his pocket with a sheepish smile. "There's something you're not telling us Lou. What happened at the cliff?" So much for method acting.

"A lot?" He laughed and shifted in his seat, feeling uncomfortable under the gaze of his grandparents. "He told me he liked me and I did the same." He left it at that, not wanting to elaborate on it, especially since he turned out to be a shit liar.

"That's great son!" William had a genuine smile on his face. For as long as he could remember Louis struggled with trusting people and the fact that Harry and Louis liked each other made him extremely happy. He was on the right path to get his life back. "So you two are together?"

"Not exactly?"

"Dear god, this boy William. I swear." Rose rolled her eyes and let go of her husband's hand in frustration. "Why not?"

"He did ask me to be his boyfriend but I told him I'd think about it. It's my first relationship, you know? I know he's a good guy, I just want to make sure everything's right before anything happens officially."

Rose couldn't fight that. She completely understood where he was coming from, especially after years and years of betrayal. "Just don't push him away because you're afraid. Relationships can be scary at first but if you really want it you'd be able to get through it together."

"Yeah, he understood where I was coming from. Said nothing will change until then and that he'd respect whatever decision I make."

"Not to say I told you so but... I told you so."

Louis laughed and nudged his grandma's arm gently. "Yeah, yeah." The room fell silent when his grandparents just nodded at him, William's attention flicking to the telly for a few seconds before Louis spoke up again. "I really like him."

"What is it you're scared of?" William asked, scooting his chair closer to the hospital bed.

"Everything? I mean he's been in relationships before and I'm afraid I won't live up to any of them."

"You're overthinking it. If he really likes you, he wouldn't compare you to any of his past relationships."

"He wouldn't, he told me himself. I know it's all in my head but I just want to be enough for him." Just because him and Harry were boyfriends didn't mean he still didn't feel like he wasn't enough for Harry.

"So you taking time to think it over isn't because your second guessing his intentions but because you're lost in your mind? You're afraid you'd be together for a few weeks then he'd realise something and drop you for someone better and less complicated?" A mind reader is what she was.

"Exactly. I know I shouldn't think that way because he really does make me feel special and he's told me that I shouldn't think that way but how could I not? He's so perfect and I'm so flawed. We're complete opposites in that sense and I can't do things for him that people in regular relationships do. I know I can't satisfy him completely and I'm scared that'll be a deal breaker and he wouldn't want to be with me anymore."

Was it hard to hear such a young boy look so down on himself? Absolutely. It was justified but it was so terrible how torn down Louis was for him to think of himself that way and it was such a shame that he couldn't be normal. He'd put put down so many times that he started to believe it. His grandparents could just tell how much he wanted to be normal for Harry but the simple fact that he couldn't tore them to pieces. Louis would never be normal and Harry knew that but Louis was too lost to see that Harry didn't care for that.

"This boy, if he really likes you none of that should matter." Rose nodded her head in agreement as William spoke. "He should accept you for who you are and as much as I've heard, he does. You're getting too worked up about it. Get out of your head bub. It's all in your head."

"I know." Louis looked down to his lap, fiddling with his fingers to try and distract himself from the fact that his grandparents were looking at him very intensely.

"Harry seems like a good boy and from what I've heard, he's never cared about the severity of your past even if he doesn't know the details. He likes you despite all of that. He took care of you when you were at your lowest because he wanted to. He didn't feel an obligation, he genuinely wanted to and that was obvious when he said he cried. He felt bad."

"I don't know what to do paps. Am I even capable of love?" Louis hadn't expected it to, but the room fell eerily silent and at first he didn't understand why. The only sound came from the low volume of the telly and faint voices coming from the hallway. It wasn't until Louis replayed everything that he widened his eyes in realisation.

"Love?" His voice came out quite astonished and that was totally not something he expected Louis to say, especially so early on. As far as he knew he and Harry weren't together and for him to mention love was sort of bewildering.

After a few moments of awkward silence, Louis cleared his throat and looked to his lap, taking a very sudden interest in his fingers. "At the cliff Harry said a lot of things." He swallowed thickly and hated how silent his grandparents were as they waited for him to speak up again. "He was getting frustrated with me because I told him that we just couldn't be together. It didn't matter how much we liked each other, the world wouldn't allow us to be together and he kept drilling into my head that he didn't care. He just wanted to be with me and go on cheesy dates and road trips with me." Louis stopped, really contemplating whether or not he should tell his grandparents. He hated to lie to them but Harry didn't want anyone to know and even though he won't be admitting to anything they'd surely be suspicions after he said it. "He said he wanted to get the chance to love me and hoped that I would want to love him back."

The room remained quiet for what felt like an eternity until a nurse snuck in and broke it. "Sorry to interrupt- oh, feels tense," the familiar nurse, Lauren, said awkwardly. Lauren was well known within the Tomlinson family for the sole fact that she was the one who took care of Rose the most attentively.

"Just having a discussion on Louis' much complicated love life," Rose spoke up with a smirk. Louis hated talking about these things but she thought he needed to man up and start dealing with it.

"Nan! Oh my gosh." Louis turned red, red, red and his cheeks were extremely warm to the touch and he felt like combusting in that moment. That was not okay!

"Oh?" Lauren seemed extremely interested and Louis really wanted to disappear. "Didn't know you had a love life Lou." She walked further into the room, William having already stood from his seat knowing what Lauren came in for. It was just a daily check up to check Rose's vitals and all that.

"I don't." He groaned and ran a hand through his hair suddenly feeling extremely uncomfortable.

"It's complicated," William interjected.

"Oh do tell." She wheeled in a small cart with a few needles and vials for her blood work.

"There's nothing to tell! I don't have a boyfriend." Maybe visiting his nan was a bad idea after all. He saw her yesterday so what was the need to see her two days in a row? He could've spent the day comfortably in Harry's arms. But no. He's in a hospital room being interrogated by his grandparents and a nurse who thinks she's Louis' annoying sister.

"Not yet. They like each other but he doesn't think he's good enough for him." Louis had always loved his grandparents and he'd ever ever want harm to come their way but they were really testing him in that moment. He was a private person! He didn't like to go all willy nilly and tell people about things that certainly did not concern them.

"Aw, why would you think that Lou?" Lauren twisted one of the vials onto the tube with the needle. "Gonna be a pinch Ms. Rose." She was strong though, she felt nothing as the needle pressed through his skin. "Hello? I asked a question Louis."

"He's just... he's too perfect and I'm too me and it just can't work, ya know?"

"You're great, I don't see why you look down on yourself all the time." Lauren clamped the tube to switch out vials.

Louis always pushed it to the side that Lauren just didn't know. She didn't know much about Louis' situation but she knew he used to have panic attacks often and that he'd disassociate every now and then. She knew he was lonely and in need of company and she knew he had the biggest heart anyone could ever possess so she couldn't understand what was wrong. She could totally see why someone would take interest in Louis and she hated when Louis would always turn it down. He was adorable and anyone would be a fool to think otherwise. He acted as if no one liked him when in fact there were many people in the hospital who tried to flirt with him but he just waved it off as being nice. Of course it was a mixture of boys and girls— more girls than guys— and still Louis remained so oblivious. Some girl even bought him lunch. Granted it was the crappy hospital food, but still.

"He's pretty and popular and I'm just me. He's got no flaws and all I am _is_ flawed. We're such opposites."

"Have a picture?" It wasn't really a question. She's heard some stories of the two teenagers from his grandparents and there's no way she would believe if Louis didn't have a picture of him. Especially after hearing about the brownie incident.

Without putting up a fight— because he knew it was pointless— Louis sighed and pulled out his phone, scrolling through his camera roll to find a picture of Harry or of him and Harry, either worked. As of recently the two hadn't taken many pictures together— of course they took pictures of each other without the other knowing. The last selfie they took together was that Friday before everything turned to shit. Harry really wanted a picture of them with their outfits and Louis was surprisingly compliant to it. He stopped putting up a fight because of how often Harry wanted to take pictures with him. Eventually he learned to just go with it but even if he did that didn't mean he'd smile in them (the only way Harry would be able to crack a smile out of him was if he tickled him or kissed him on the cheek).

There were so many he could've chosen from— not that he stored pictures of them on his phone, which isn't so bad but— since Harry loved to spam Louis with all the pictures he took and he'd even use Louis' phone sometimes if he couldn't find his and there were even times when Harry would steal Louis' phone just to take pictures of himself. Louis didn't know this at first until he went into his camera to search for a picture for his mum and saw a plethora of pictures of Harry and he swore that nightmares were made of that.

He finally picked a photo. It took a while since he had to scroll so far into his pictures but he settled on the picture where Harry was grinning like a god damn fool with egg whites dripping down his hair and cocoa powder splattered all across his face. The picture brought back so many wonderful memories from that day and he couldn't stop the smile that matched Harry's in the picture. In the photo Harry was grinning widely, standing in between Louis' legs with a hand on his cheek to press their faces together. And though Harry looked incredibly adorable, Louis' face was scrunched up in a pout because of the feeling of the egg in Harry's hair being smeared against his jaw. It was a wonderful picture nonetheless.

He handed his nan the phone and before she passed it to Lauren she took a quick peek. She had a fond little smile, proud of her grandson for not pushing Harry away like he initially wanted to. By the time Louis picked a picture, Lauren was done with the blood work and was waiting patiently for the phone. When she finally grabbed the phone her eyes widened and her eyebrows shot up. It was written all over her face. Shock. And Louis knew it was because Harry was so beautiful and she probably wasn't expecting that, no one would have.

The shock slowly turned into complete smite. She smiled and let out a light chuckle. "You two are so cute Lou." Of course Louis turned red from the somewhat compliment? The warmth spread from his cheeks, down his neck, and all the way down to his toes. Technically he was showing people pictures of his boyfriend unbeknownst to them and not only did he get a slight thrill from it, but he felt okay with it.

Louis didn't see a problem with handing over his phone to Lauren to show her the picture but he was soon regretting it when seeing her finger press on his screen and swipe over and over again to look at more pictures. "What are you doing?" His voice came out as a squeal and if his nan weren't separating the two of them he would've pounced on her. "Stop it!" He hurriedly rushed over to the other side where Lauren was stood. "Real mature Lauren. Give it!" Lauren was taller than Louis, mostly everyone was, and she was holding the phone above her head and continued to scroll through pictures, seeing a few screenshots and pictures of the board from lessons along the way.

She was laughing and teasing Louis for a minute and everyone found it humorous, even William and Rose. He was just so tiny. No one knew it was from a picture or a recent notification or whatever, but Lauren stopped the scrolling and just held the phone high. At first she did stood in mild shock but then she quirked a brow and lowered her gaze. "Louis," she began, her voice completely unreadable. "Will you step out with me for a minute?"

He hated how he couldn't gauge her voice and he hated the weird looks he received from his grandparents because, surely, they thought there was something bad in his camera roll— which there wasn't. He hated the anticipation in his veins and the intense anxiety of not knowing what happened. But he obliged and followed her out the room. Once they were out, she closed the door behind them and looked at Louis with knitted brows and a hard state. He felt like crumbling. It wasn't from the look, it was from the endless possibilities. He was scared she stumbled upon nudes but he had to remind himself that he'd never taken a nude before nor did he hold anybody else's. He didn't have any bad pictures, none bad enough for her to turn all serious at least. So it had to be a notification he received but even then he couldn't think of anything so bad where Lauren would get all serious.

Louis sighed and shifted awkwardly because Lauren was still staring at him and he couldn't help but feel like he was about to get reprimanded. "What, uh, what did you bring me out here for?"

As he spoke, Lauren squinted her eyes tighter and tighter until they were barely considered slits. "Is there something you want to tell me?" She crossed her arms and popped a hip out with Louis' phone still in her hand.

"No?" What could it possibly be? Seriously, there wasn't anything bad in his camera roll or else he wouldn't have given his phone to Lauren. Especially not so far back so he truly had no idea what was going on.

She sighed, obvious annoyance was in her expression with a bit of betrayal and Louis really wanted to know what he did. "You promised Louis." It was sad. _She_ was sad.

"What did I do?" His voice came out in a whisper, feeling ashamed for an unknown reason.

Lauren looked at the phone one more time, sighing, before flipping it around to show Louis the picture she was looking at. "You tell me," she said.

Louis had never been more confused but he did hate Harry and was sure to have a chat with him later for taking pictures of him while he was sleeping! Louis was sleeping in his bed and he recognised it to be the day of Emily's wake. His hand was gently placed next to his face on his pillow and he was really close to Harry but only he could tell because he could just barely make out the outline of the tangled legs. Oh, and the fact that Harry's elbow was poking through the bottom. But Louis didn't see anything wrong about the picture. Literally, he was just sleeping.

"What's- I don't see what's wrong." His words were very apprehensive and confused as he tried to find something wrong with the picture.

Lauren sighed, clearly aggravated that Louis couldn't see what she saw. She looked down and furrowed her brows in sadness before quickly recovering to her betrayed expression. Grabbing his wrist, she lifted it up to eye level with a sigh. "What is this?"

Louis finally realised what she was thinking and his eyes widened. "Oh no, that's not- it's not what you think," he rushed, quick to shut down her thoughts. "It's not from that. I did hurt myself but it was nothing like that."

He received a very hard, very intense glare hearing a light tapping of Lauren's foot. "Explain then."

"Had a panic attack and freaked out apparently. I didn't remember anything really but Harry told me I broke some glass and that I was holding onto it with a death grip so.."

For a few moments she stayed quiet and stared at Louis' wrapped hand. Louis always lied about why he was wobbling or why he wore a sweater in hot weather so today shouldn't be any different but the fact that he mentioned Harry made her believe him a bit more than usual. "How come?" Louis quirked a brow and tilted his head to the side. "The panic attack."

"We were arguing me. It was my fault really because I was being stubborn and I know he has anger issues. I was kind of testing him and he was being a little rough with me." Lauren raised her brows at that, concerned for the small boy. "Wasn't too bad, he told me he can't really ever be completely angry when I'm around but... He was just holding me tightly and he pinned me to the bed. I'm not hurt from it physically but it reminded me so much from before."

"So you slipped away." Lauren almost felt bad for assuming but he didn't have the best track record.

"Yeah. He got mad and he stormed away to have a break and when he looked back at me it was just too familiar and it was hard not to." Lauren's fingers gently grazed the top of the bandage as she listened to him speak. "He took care of me after it all happened. Cleaned my hand and showered me as well. When I slept he cleaned everything up and did my laundry. He tried to get the blood stain out the carpets but it's still kinda there."

The only people Louis ever really talked about were his mum, Ryan Reynolds, and Hugh Jackman so it was a little out of the norm to hear him talk about someone else— someone his age, someone who liked him. But it was elating in a way because she was afraid Louis was never going to be okay again. She'd seen the progress every time he came back to the hospital but it was nicer to know that he was actually trying. "He must like you very much."

"He cares about me, yeah." Lauren nodded, looking back to Louis' phone and continued to scroll through pictures but, again, didn't get too far— maybe only a few pictures after— when she gasped.

"Oh my," she whispered, lightly placing her fingers over her lips.

"What?"

"You don't through your camera roll often, do you?" It was sort of a rhetorical question because the answer was pretty obvious. If Louis saw these pictures he'd definitely not be second guessing Harry's intentions. He shook his head with knitted brows, confusion plastered all over his face. "Take a look babes." He took a few steps closer to the nurse and pressed their shoulders together so he could look at his phone.

"Oh," was the only thing Louis could say. If these were the kinds of things Harry put in his camera roll, he definitely should check it more often. If only he checked his camera roll more often then him and Harry would have never fought. "I didn't- wow." They were all of Louis sleeping but each had different qualities to them. The first one Harry's thumb was stroking the apple of Louis' cheek. The second Harry's fingers were carding through Louis' fringe. The third was Harry's hand placed under Louis' arm. But the next one- The next picture was used with the front camera because Harry was now in the picture and Louis was wrapped around him. His head was snuggled into Harry's shoulder and his arms circled around his waist. When she swiped again, it was video just over a minute long and the thumbnail was Harry with a gentle smile. "Play it," Louis whispered.

Without hesitation Lauren pressed play and the video came to life. " _Welcome to the bubba and curly sleepy vlogs._ " Harry greeted with a smile, his voice deep and raspy. " _You're not having a very good start to your day but hopefully you'll start feeling better when you wake up again_." He paused to look down at Louis who was peacefully sleeping next to him, his breathing even and steady and his features extremely soft. He looked at him with an expression Louis only saw last night when Harry grabbed his hand to place on his heart. When he looked back to the camera, his smile remained fond and his expression soft. " _God Lou, I don't- I'm struggling here. I wouldn't be making this video if I knew you went through your pictures often but obviously you don't since you never said anything about my gorgeous selfies._ " Both Louis and Lauren chuckled at his comment. " _Look, I'm going to be completely honest with you bubba and I'm sorry if you see this today or tomorrow or anytime soon but I like you so much. And it's crazy because I kind of just realised yesterday but I feel so much for you. It's kind of weird because it was confusing— all the things you'd make me feel— but I'm learning not to push it away anymore because I think we could have something special? Maybe? Sometimes I feel like you feel the same but then you run away or you don't want to talk about feelings and it hurts. But if you don't like me then I'll just have to live with it, yeah? I-_ " Harry cut himself off when Louis whined in his sleep and snuggled closer to Harry, tightening his grip around his body and taking a deep breath as he relaxed. " _You fell asleep with your back towards me but separated yourself a few minutes later. But now-_ " Harry paused and looked down to his sleeping friend. He smiled and kissed Louis' forehead.

As he watched, Louis reached up to his forehead for his fingers to dance on the spot Harry had kissed in the video. "What?" Louis whispered in shock, but the video wasn't even close to being finished.

" _Now you're all cuddled up with me properly and I really like it. I really like you and I know I probably shouldn't be recording this, but I don't know how else to get it through your thick skull. I literally asked you to be my boyfriend a few minutes ago and you laughed at me so... it's okay though. I know you think I'm a lady's man and although I very much am..._ " Louis scoffed and rolled his eyes with a smile. " _...I'd much rather be_ your _man_." The sentence made Louis blush and Lauren was still in a state of immense shock. " _You're gonna hate me for kissing you in your sleep but whatever. There's nothing you can do about it or this one._ " Another kiss was pressed to Louis' forehead and in response he gave Harry a squeeze and turned his head a few times before shoving it in his neck. His hand slid up Louis' arm and through his hair to massage at his scalp. He carefully rested his head on top of his neighbour's, looking at the camera. " _If you keep making me feel this way, I'll be sure to fall in love by next week. For future purposes, please be my boyfriend._ " And with that the video ended without anything else.

In the immense state of shock they were both in, their eyes remained locked on the phone and Louis swore he wasn't breathing anymore. So many things he had to think about. That video was from over two weeks ago. Harry had just realised his feelings the day prior and he was talking about falling in love? They weren't even together for Christ sake! Harry had never told Monet he loved her after months of dating but there he was talking about the possibility of falling in love with Louis who was only a friend. It was nice to hear, maybe, and a little weird but also kind of out of place? Not that it was wrong but Louis couldn't help but feel like Harry was just lost in an ocean of emotions. He didn't know what he was feeling because he was feeling everything type of situation.

"Lou-"

"I can't." They were both filled with shock, not being able to remove their eyes from the screen for minutes on end. The only thing that brought them out of their daze was Louis' phone vibrating when he received a text from Harry.

"Here." Lauren handed the phone over to Louis for him to respond.

_[Harry]: lou?_

_[Louis]: Sorry, I'm visiting my grandparents right now._

_[Harry]: i know, i just didn't want YOU to forget_

_[Louis]: Didn't (:_

_[Harry]: <3_

_[Harry]: text me when you're finished yeah?_

_[Louis]: Sure thing Hazza._

_[Harry]: you're still coming over, right?_

_[Louis]: If you want._

_[Harry]: of course i want baby_

Louis shoved his phone into his pocket and for a moment he forgot what took place before then and his smile fell away. "There's something you're not telling us," Lauren said as she watched nurses and doctors walk by. She felt it. After watching that video she had a gut feeling that there was no way Harry and Louis were just friends. Not when he said things like that. "He's your boyfriend isn't he?"

He looked to the ground with a sigh, forcing his hands into his pockets as he rocked back and forth on his feet. Harry wanted to keep it a secret but how could he stand there and lie when Harry said such passionate things in that video. At first he just nodded his head just barely before he whispered, "yeah."

"Why didn't you just say that?" Lauren made Louis look up at her and she had a look of betrayal. Not like the one she wore earlier, this one was more lined with concern.

"He doesn't want me to tell anyone." Lauren sighed and immediately her features hardened in anger. "N-not like that. He's doing it for me."

"Really? That's what he told you?" Despite all the things Harry said in the video and, yeah, Lauren believed him, she thought he wanted to keep it a secret 'for Louis' sake' when in reality he was ashamed.

"He said he wanted me to get used to the idea of a relationship before going public so I'm not entirely freaking out. I believe him. Now more than ever."

She eyed him with a very intense look, trying to find some kind of insincerity he was holding back but there truly was none. "Then I do too." They stood awkwardly for a few seconds before Lauren spoke up again. "Your secret's safe with me, _bubba_."

"Shut up." He rolled his eyes and pushed passed the door and back into the room, making his way back to his seat on the other side of the bed. Lauren finished doing the daily check ups in no time with a light conversation floating through the room and he really wished she stayed because he knew where the conversation was going to go.

"Louis," William said simply once the nurse left the room as he sat down in his usual chair.

"Grandad-"

"He already loves you Louis."

His eyes went wide in shock and confusion. They never met Harry so they really had no right to make assumptions about him, good or bad. "You've lost your minds."

"Think about it: he took care of you when you were at your lowest, he stayed by your side even when you continued to push him away, he wants to help you get better, and so much more."

Louis just shook his head; he didn't want to believe it. It was too early, way too damn early for that word and people need to stop throwing it around like he wasn't already on the edge of exploding. He didn't want to love Harry, not right now at least. He wouldn't allow himself because he was afraid he'd fall in love and then get his heart stomped on. He refused to love Harry without knowing without a doubt he felt the same. "Platonic love."

"Come on Louis, stop being so naïve."

"No granny, I don't want to talk about it anymore." And it was obvious to everyone in the room that Louis was afraid. Afraid of falling for a boy who he was unsure will ever feel the exact same.  
  


** 1:13 pm **

Louis stayed at the hospital a few more hours and luckily for him his grandparents changed the subject and they talked about Rose and her health. The doctors told her that if she kept making the improvements she was making, she'd be out of the hospital in no time. That was maybe the best news Louis had heard all year. He really missed going places with his nan like they used to when he was little and he was really happy that they'd be able to do that again soon. That is, if her health kept making significant inclines but Louis had no doubt she'd be able to do it. She was strong.

After an hour or so of talking, the room fell silent and all three of them watched the program that played on the telly. Louis laid his head on the railing of the bed, holding Rose's hand between both of his and William on the other side with his eyes glued to the tv and his hand in his wife's. It was nice and peaceful and for the first time in a week Louis' mind was able to rest. He was able to live and just breathe. He never knew how good it felt to breathe until he wasn't able to. Every intake felt so fresh and cleansing even when he was in the toilets. Life was just so great in that moment in time and he really hoped it was going to stay that way for a while.

When it was time for Rose to do her weekly chemo, Louis decided it was time to go. He never liked seeing her look so sick and weak so he never really stuck around for that. William was driving him home as usual with the radio playing at a low volume. They haven't said a word since Louis said his goodbyes to his nan, the nurses, and receptionist at the front desk but it wasn't anything awkward— sort of. He didn't want to talk about Harry anymore. It was like every time he was with them, they wanted to know the last bit of information about him and not that it's bad whatsoever but it was annoying. Louis understood that his grandparents just want to know to keep him safe, but there were other aspects to his life other than Harry.

As he thought that, he of course was sending a text to Harry telling him he was on his way home. He really had no idea what Harry had planned for them but it was like that every single time. "How're you feeling?" William asked as he turned at an intersection.

Louis placed his phone on his lap and flatlined his lips, looking out the window. "'m alright," he responded in a hushed volume— a volume just above the radio.

"I don't want it to come across like we're trying to force you to feel things. We just want you to see clearly what's happening."

"I know grandad, I'm just-" Louis sighed and shook his head slightly. "I'm almost eighteen. I know you want to protect me and have me live the best life I can, but I need to make decisions for myself sometimes."

"I know, but we just don't want you to miss out on a great opportunity because you're afraid."

"But you don't know it'll be a great opportunity. It just feels like you guys are wanting me to see things from how you view them and I'm sorry but you don't know everything that happens between us." He finished with a huff and slumped against the door. "I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"No, you're right son. I never meant for it to come across that way. Your judgement on Harry would be far more better than anyone else's."

"I do appreciate everyone's input and advice though." He turned his head to look at his grandfather who glanced over with a smile.

"Just want what's best for you."

"I know." The rest of the way was quiet and Louis peered out his window to watch the world pass by with his mind rattling. He felt bad for lying to his grandparents but it wasn't like it was a huge lie, right? He's never lied to him so there was a bit of guilt bubbling in the pit of his stomach but he knew it was for the best. Harry wanted no one to know and if they found out today, they could've possibly changed things between them. Hopefully the lie was for the better but only time will tell.

William pulled into Louis' drive as he usually would and sat there for a few seconds without anyone moving a muscle. "When can we meet him?" William asked out of the blue. Of course Louis knew his grandparents wanted to meet him but he didn't expect them to be waiting in anticipation.

"Dunno grandad," Louis responded, staring at his front door. "He wants to meet you guys, he pouted yesterday when I told him I was going, but I don't know if I'm ready yet."

"Why? He's been your friend for a while now and he went to Emily's wake. I don't see why he can't meet us."

"Him meeting family that hates me is different than him meeting family that loves me."

"Just don't wait too long, you know your nan's life is unpredictable."

"Yeah, in the next couple weeks, I promise. I'm heading over to Harry's so I'll see you next weekend. Love you." Louis leaned over for a hug then reached over to the door to let himself out.

"Love you son." When the door was closed, William watched Louis happily trot across the street to Harry's house. If there was something Louis was hiding about Harry, William had a feeling he knew but since he went out of his way to keep it hushed, he made a silent promise that he would too.

When Louis made it to the door, he rang the bell and linked his fingers behind his back, rocking from his heels to his toes. It didn't take long for Louis to be able to hear hurried rustling from inside the house. The door whipped open to reveal a extremely happy Harry with the biggest smile on his face. "Lou!" he exclaimed as he wrapped his boyfriend into the tightest hug.

"Hey Haz," Louis said through choppy chuckles from not being able to breathe all that well. Harry pulled away and was about to lean in for a kiss when Louis dodged it and pulled him back into the hug.

"What was that for?" As he pouted, his arms slackened around Louis' small frame in disappointment.

"My grandad is in my drive." Harry's eyes flicked across the street and saw an unfamiliar car in the drive.

"Oh yeah. Come then." He pulled away again and dragged Louis into his house after Louis turned around to wave at his grandad. Right when the door was closed Harry attacked Louis in an urgent kiss. It took Louis by surprise so he wasn't really able to return it before gently pushing him away.

"What about your mum? She might see us." Harry just shook his head and kissed along Louis' neck.

"She's having a meeting with her lawyer. Won't be home for a bit." After he finished talking, he reconnected their lips and it was almost too much for Louis. He knew Harry was clingy and affectionate but my god was this a lot.

"Hey," Louis gasped after pushing Harry away again. "Quit it. Let's go." He grabbed his hand and pulled Harry up the stairs. Just before opening the door, Louis turned around to look Harry in his eyes. "And don't think for a second that you're going to pop my cork."

The reference made Harry cackle, throwing his head back in laughter with pink cheeks, remembering what exactly happened during that song. "Where's that song even from? I've been meaning to ask you that."

Louis threw himself into Harry's bed, watching him sit on the chair tucked into his desk. "God you're such an uncultured twit, I swear." Louis scoffed and rolled his eyes, leaning his head on one of his hands facing Harry.

"Hey!" Harry gave him a pouted lip and knitted brows, offended by the statement.

"Sorry love, but it's true. _Sweet Charity_. It's from _Sweet Charity_." To say that Harry's heart didn't just drop would be an understatement. It'd been barely a day but Harry was dying without Louis calling him sweet nicknames.

"Okay smarty pants," Harry teased, plopping down next to Louis, his hand immediately resting on his cheek and using his thumb to gently rub across his cheekbone. "Educate me."

Louis smiled and placed his hand on top of Harry's. "'s about a girl who wanted to be loved. She had bad relationships in the past but remained optimistic." His eyes flickered all across Harry's features with his smile widening because, wow, that was his boyfriend. "She used her body for money, that's the whole _Big Spender_ thing."

"Mm, makes more sense now. Is it one of your favourites?"

"Not really. The musical did numbers but the film not so much. It was released at a bad time. Popular genres were changing and old-fashioned Hollywood musicals weren't one of them." For a moment Louis' eyes shut feeling so content with life. This was technically the first time he's hanging out with his boyfriend and though it was a strange thought he still had to get used to, he really liked it. "It's a good musical no doubt, especially since it had one of the world's greatest choreographers, but it was just released at the wrong time, ya know?"

Harry hummed and slipped his hand back to Louis' neck, making his small hand fall off and play with the hem of Harry's shirt. "And who's that? The choreographer that is."

"God, you're really killing me here." Harry pouted his lip as he pulled Louis closer, their lips nearing and nearing before they touch but no kiss was exchanged. "Fosse, Bob Fosse Harry." His words came out in a breathless whisper the closer Harry got to him, his eyes shutting in anticipation.

"Mm." All Harry had to do was pucker his lips and he'd kiss Louis. The kiss was slow and gentle and lasted no more than a few seconds but there was a lot of emotion in it and it left Louis a little stunned. When Harry pulled away, Louis' eyes remained closed with his lips tingling from being touched in such a way. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just- yeah I'm fine." Louis opened his eyes and Harry could tell his mind was bouncing all around his head and it made him chuckle.

"What made Fosse so great, huh?" Louis looked at him, baffled that he had no idea who Bob Fosse was. Sure, Harry wasn't into dance or musicals of sorts but everyone knew Bob Fosse. He had numbers in mainstream movies and as you knew his m.o. it's easy to recognise.

"How can you just say that as if he wasn't the best?" He sat up in frustration because this was Bob Fosse for god's sake! If it were Michael Bennett maybe Louis would have let it slide but Bob Fosse?

"Jeez, I'm sorry babe. Didn't mean to offend you." There was humour lining his voice because, come on, it was cute when Louis got passionate and flustered over something, even if he insulted Harry along the way.

"You didn't offend me, you offended the entire community of dance."

"Okay now that's a little extreme."

"Get your laptop." Louis tried to scorn Harry and for the first few seconds he was able to keep a straight face but it was so easy to crack. He got up with a laugh escaping his lips and a shake of his head to retrieve his laptop from his desk. He picked it up, opening it to put his password in so it was ready for Louis to do whatever it was he was freaking out about. "I don't even know why I agreed to be your boyfriend. This is truly unbelievable."

"Hey now, that's not so nice." Louis just scoffed as his fingers frantically pressed keys on the keyboard. "Sorry to tell you this, but no take backsies. You said long term and so that's what you're gonna get." Before he could push him away, Harry pecked Louis' jaw with a cheeky grin.

Louis took the laptop and scooted all the way to the bed so that his back was resting against the tapestry. "Come, look." He pat the space next to him for Harry to sit in. When he did, Louis pulled up a compilation video of Bob Fosse dancing. "Prepare to be amazed." He started the video and immediately a tap routine popped up on the screen. It only lasted maybe fifteen seconds before the next clip started to play but with Harry's lack of knowledge, he thought it was decent. He watched the other clips as they came and thought they were all good, but he didn't see something special in him the way Louis did.

"What's his trademark?" Harry asked about two minutes into the eight minute clip.

"Hold on, it's coming up," Louis mindlessly spoke as his eyes were glued to the screen and he was left in awe. He was only watching Bob Fosse through a screen and yet he felt so honoured to do so. "Look, right here. You see that?" Louis rewound the video to point it out directly. The number was from _Kiss Me Kate_ and though the musical wasn't directed by him, he was allowed to choreograph a routine for the musical. "You see those sluggish moves and those small pulsing movements? That's kind of it. It's like doing things big things with doing absolutely nothing if that makes sense."

"It doesn't." Harry watched Fosse glide around the floor, dancing about but still couldn't see what Louis saw. He just looked like an ordinary dancer. "What's so special Lou?" He had to stop his laugh when Louis groaned again.

"Look how he dances, Harry! How do you not see it?" He let a few seconds pass by for Harry to watch him dance as if it was nothing. "C'mon, he makes dancing look like walking."

"And that's supposed to mean?" Harry's eyes followed Fosse as he completely owned the stage. He was beginning to see what Louis was talking about. His movements were so fluid and meshed into one another without it looking like he dancing but surely many dancers can do that, right?

"He makes it look so effortless. It's like he's not even trying to be good. Oh look!" Louis rewound the video again to show just how amazing Bob Fosse truly was. "Okay, this is his dance with Tommy Rall from _My Sister Eileen_. He's the one on the left. Now watch how he dances compared to an amazing ballet dancer." Harry wasn't sure if that was meant to be a good or bad thing but taking that Louis' been making a big deal out of Bob Fosse it's a good thing.

So he did. Harry watched and compared the two dancers as best to the little knowledge he had and he could definitely see the difference. Tommy Rall was good, great even, but he could tell he was dancing a choreographed routine compared to Fosse. He was just flying through it like it was nothing. "Oh wait, I can definitely see the difference."

"Exactly, and you can especially see it here. Look at their knees and legs here." It was the part where Rall and Fosse were sidestepping towards the left of the screen. "See how Tommy is putting emphasis in his steps to show character where Bob is casually going through it like that's what his character did on a daily basis?" He used his finger to demonstrate and point at what he was talking about just so Harry understood him better. "Now look at their arms." The part of the dance was where they were fluttering their hats and walking towards the side with their hands swinging from side to side. "See how Rall is more stiff than Fosse? Throughout this entire section Fosse is just more fluid."

"Yeah, yeah, I can see that now." The more things Louis started to point out, the more Harry felt himself be at awe from the way Fosse was moving.

"Tommy Rall is an amazing ballerino and he had a very successful career and you can tell that his technique is better than Fosse's in this bit where they do the pirouettes." Louis went back a few seconds to go over it again. "So in pirouettes, as you turn, your head is the last to leave and the first to return as you can see. And you've got to keep your hips forward and shoulders back, ribcage open, like Tommy is doing." They watched Tommy completely nail the pirouettes. "Now watch Fosse. His shoulders are kind of slumped and his turns are a lot slower and since his body isn't tight and his eyes were trained on the ground he almost fell out his last turn."

Harry couldn't stop the smile as he listened to Louis talk so passionately— the way he'd get angry if Harry didn't understand or the influx of his voice as he got excited. "If that's so, why is he such a great dancer?"

"Because he just is. He was trained but there were things he couldn't perfect. But it's not like he does pirouettes in every number. He's more of a jazzy dancer." They continued to watch the video, the next clip being from the same dance but a different section. "I mean, you can see just how great and smooth he is."

"Yeah, definitely." His mind was too focused on Fosse to even think of a response to give. Harry shifted down the bed and leaned his head into Louis' shoulder so he would be more comfortable.

"And look at his jumps and leaps. For someone who started training so late he's got incredible height. They compare to that of a ballerino and sometimes even better. It's crazy." They watched the rest of the video in silence and after it was done, Harry requested to watch another because he really did enjoy watching it. Then Louis had to explain how he was more of a choreographer than a dancer because he thought he had limitations as a dancer (which was complete rubbish in Louis' opinion). So they watched dances he choreographed and it was almost as good as watching Fosse himself. The only downside being is that no one ever did it like Fosse. "I know a Fosse inspired dance you've probably seen before."

"You sure about that?" Harry raised a brow and sunk further down the bed to rest his head against Louis' chest wrapping his arms around his waist.

The action made Louis' insides turn to mush and he had to try really hard to not blush. "Yeah, close your eyes."

"Lou-"

"Just do it. I don't want you to see where it's from."

"Fine," Harry sighed, closing his eyes and turning his head into Louis' chest with a huff, but kissed his shirt anyway.

"You know Fosse directed and choreographed Chicago?"

"That one's your favourite right? We've watched it before."

"Yeah, its great."

It only took a few more seconds before Harry started to hear the intro to _Single Ladies_ by Beyoncé start to play and he couldn't help but laugh. "Seriously Lou?" He turned his head to look at the screen just to make sure he heard right and low and behold he was.

"Just watch." One of Louis' arms wrapped around Harry's back and he traced random patterns on his side. "A thing with Fosse, you've got to pay attention to the hands, feet, and neck mostly. That's where his signature lies. And the hips too, but."

"Oh wait. They're doing that pulsating hip jut thing."

Louis laughed and bent his arm so his hand could rub at Harry's scalp. "Yeah, but you didn't even notice the hands in the beginning."

"Well I'm sorry I'm no Fosse expert like you."

"It's Fosse. Emphasis on the O."

"Shut up." Harry laughed with a roll of his eyes and continued to watch the video. They got to the end of the video without saying another word until Beyoncé started to roll her hips.

"All those weird poses? Fosse. The way they contort and relax their torsos? Fosse. That hip roll?"

"Fosse, I get it babe." Louis laughed making Harry smile and feel warm all over. He snuggled closer to his boyfriend, giving him a little a squeeze. "Show me more."

"Beyoncé actually has another Fosse inspired music video."

"Give it to me."

"Okay, first I'm gonna show you what Fosse dance she was inspired from and then the music video."

"Kay." As Louis typed whatever it was he needed to pull up the video, Harry turned his head to look up at him with a smile. He pursed his lips and waited for Louis to peck them before returning his eyes to the screen.

"So this is a dance number from _Sweet Charity_ and it's called _The Rich Man's Frug_."

"What's a frug?"

"The dance. The frug was popular in the sixties and changed into the twist and the chicken but Fosse's interpretation consisted of three different dances: _The Aloof, The Heavyweight, and The Big Finish_." Louis played the video and the two of them watched without any interruptions and the more Harry watched, the more he recognised all of the things Louis told him about Fosse's signature: the wrists, the hips, the neck, the legs, unusual and awkward posing, etc. It was quite fascinating actually and he was kind of shocked he didn't really appreciate it at first. He still wouldn't consider himself a fan, but he could definitely see why he was a great choreographer.

Fosse grew up in the cabaret nightclubs in Chicago and was completely taken by the moves and dances the strippers would do. He spent nights studying the way they moved their bodies and used that to incorporate in his style of dance hence why it tended to be more on the sexy and burlesque side of jazz. His tv debut was in a show called _Your Hit Parade_ along his first wife Mary Ann Niles. Only a short three years later he made his Broadway debut in _Dance Me A Song_ in 1950 only having been in the chorus. He became the understudy to the title role for _Pal Joey_ and ended up taking the role for part of the tour. He proceeded to have a very successful career as a dancer and choreographer.

"It's kinda weird, not gonna lie," Harry commented just a few seconds after _The Heavyweight_ started.

"Yeah, well it's art," Louis scoffed in a not so annoyed tone. He couldn't and shouldn't expect Harry to appreciate the masterpiece that was Bob Fosse because not even Bob Fosse himself could. "That's what made it good though. It's unique."

"I never said it was bad bubba. Don't get so sour. I think it's kinda cool but it's still weird. Very distinct though. I think I'd be able to pinpoint a Bob Fosse number if I see one now." They continued to watch for a bit, but Harry was getting kind of bored with it all. Not that it wasn't interesting, because surely it was, but it just wasn't one of _his_ interests. "Tell me more about Bobby."

"God." Louis groaned and rolled his eyes at Harry. "He was really inclusive. Each dancer was given a character and that really set him apart from the other choreographers. He didn't just have a chorus, he had a group of people with individual identities with meaning behind every single movement. He wasn't one of those choreographers that needed perfect technique because there were things he couldn't do himself so in some cases he would take those hinderances and make it a feature in the dance."

"That's kind of nice, but isn't technique important? Isn't that what makes a dance look nice?"

"Sure, but this isn't ballet. It's jazz. Just like in jazz music, there are no rules. Jazz music makes up their own keys so why not do it in dance?" Harry laughed and sat straighter so his head was more on Louis' shoulder to stretch out his back from being slouched over.

"What imperfections did he have?"

Louis knew Harry kept going along just to entertain him. He didn't have an interest in dance and musicals like Louis did, but of course he'd want to learn something his boyfriend seemed so passionate about. "He had rounded shoulders so that basically means he hunches forward, hence the slouching. And he couldn't do a turn out, which basically meant that his heels were touching and his toes were pointed out at a one eighty degree, so he danced with them facing in. So that kind of became his style. He also had premature balding so that's why he features a lot of hats."

"That's kinda funny in a way, no? Kind of like a mockery to the dance world." See, Harry had no idea what he was talking about, but hopefully Louis would go along with it and understand. "Since dance is about being pristine and have wonderful technique then here comes this guy who can't stand straight or turn his feet out and yet becomes one of the greatest choreographers of his time."

"You're beginning to understand why he's so amazing." Luckily for Harry, the conversation ended there and they finished the video off and switched over to Beyoncé's _Get Me Bodied_. "This is almost like a direct inspiration. Watch." At first Harry didn't see the relation to Fosse as the video started and it wasn't until a minute and a half in where he recognised the scenes. Louis was right. The framing, posing, and acting is fairly the same especially when they repeat " _who is it?_ " over and over again. The dancing throughout the entire video was either Fosse's choreography from the frug or moves inspired by Fosse. Was it entertaining? Sure, but Harry wasn't that big of a fan of Beyoncé so he sort of tuned it out.

"I can definitely see the similarities," Harry said in a very distracted tone when the video ended.

"Sorry for the huge rant," Louis apologised as he closed the laptop and pushed it to the side, turning in Harry's embrace to face him. "I know you don't care for any of that and were only engaging in the conversation because it's something I like but I got a little carried away and-" Harry cut him off with a quick kiss to his lips. When he pulled away Louis' entire face dusted in a deep red and he bit down on his lip and turned his head into the pillow.

"You're rambling love." Louis giggled into the fabric only removing himself when Harry tapped on his shoulder. "I don't mind. Yeah it's not my cup of tea, but at least I'm more educated than when you first got here. Plus, now I can impress some chicas with my knowledge."

Louis scrunched his brows and let a frown take over his face. "Not funny."

"'s only a joke."

"Yeah, but you like girls."

Harry sighed and wanted to shoot himself in the foot. Louis wasn't Monet. He couldn't just joke around about that stuff and expect him to be okay with it. Especially since he's had girlfriends in the past and he could only imagine how Louis was feeling in the moment and it wasn't good. "I _liked_ girls." Louis huffed and crossed his arms with a pout. "Hey, but I like you now, yeah? Only you Lou."

It was hard to keep a straight face as Louis was rolling his eyes because Harry had that dumb, cheeky grin on his face from the rhyme. "Vous promettez?"

"Je te promets ma petite poupée." They interlocked pinkies and kissed their thumbs.

"Oh mon chou, de quelle façon vous avez un moyen avec vos mots." Louis mocked a swoon, clasping his hands to his heart, knitting his brows and fluttering his eyes.

"Don't call me your cabbage." Harry rolled out of the bed and walked over to his wardrobe to grab a jumper for himself.

From the bed, Louis watched Harry walk away and pull the jumper over his shirt before speaking up. "What'd you have planned for us today?"

"Well, it was kind of hard for me to decide something because I would love to go on a date, but since we're staying under the wraps for a bit I decided we should start watching _The Office_ as promised so many weeks ago."

"Speaking of us, I made an oopsie."

When Harry turned around, Louis had an awkward look on his face and it made him raise a brow. "What'd you do?"

"When you were brought up, I denied our relationship but somehow the nurse figured it out and I couldn't lie then so she knows."

Harry sighed, but he honestly was not too upset about it because he didn't mind people knowing about the relationship. It was all for Louis to get used to the idea and be okay with it before having people judge them. "How don't your grandparents know?"

"We were having a side conversation in the hall for a bit. Asked me about my hand and stuff."

"I'm guessing I'm part of the _stuff_ bit?" Louis nodded with a half frown and wandering eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"Hey, no." He approached the bed again, sitting on the edge of the mattress with urgent eyes. "I don't care if people know, Lou. If you want to tell people, fine. But the more people that know, the more pressure you're going to feel."

"I know, but still."

"Don't stress it lovely. I don't mind it at all. Just don't want _you_ to worry about it."

"Just thought you would mind but I'm fine with it."

"Good."

"And I um- how long do you think we're gonna be hidden for?" When he first agreed to it, he understood where Harry was coming from but after seeing Lauren's hesitations that morning he was starting to have slight doubts.

"It's up to you. Whenever you feel comfortable baby. I don't care. It could be today, tomorrow, two weeks, a month, a year. You tell me." Harry walked over to his window to grab the blanket that was crumpled on the seat and got another from the shelf in his wardrobe.

"Definitely not a year," Louis commented as he sat up and leaned against his hand, watching Harry roam about his room.

"Well that statement could go one of two ways."

"Wouldn't want to wait an entire year before going public."

"So you'd want to be with me for a year?" Harry turned around with a smile on his face from the door that led to the hallway.

Louis returned the smile but was quick to raise a brow and show a smirk. "Let's see how long it takes for you to drive me crazy." Harry flicked Louis off, earning a giggle as he disappeared down the hall to do whatever it was he was going to do, leaving Louis alone for a few. He just fell back into the mattress, staring at the ceiling for a few seconds before sitting up and glancing around the room. There wasn't many things different with the room, besides the blackout curtains which... is a tad dramatic now that Louis thought about it. Sure he was upset, but _jeez_. Not even he was that dramatic.

He understood that Harry didn't know when they'd speak to each other again but neither did he. Maybe it could've been from the fact that Louis just left, but still. They were both hurting and in pain about everything that went down and sure, Harry was left alone, but Louis cried all night too. He cried as he ran across the street and as he passed through his house and as he laid in bed. He didn't want to leave and talking to Harry was very tempting but he couldn't stomach the thought of having his heart ripped out his chest and stomped on repeatedly.

And maybe he shouldn't trust Harry now. He couldn't deny that he seemed true to his word and though he said that Zayn and Aiden didn't matter, what if it was part of the game? His mind always wandered to that, but Harry wouldn't do that to him. He never had, but what if that was the point? What if it was just a game and it was all for Harry to convince Louis he was kind and sweet to gain his trust. But none of it would make sense with everything that happened last night. If it all was a game, Harry's heart wouldn't beat fast and his breathing wouldn't stutter when he looked at Louis, right? You can't make that stuff up. It's an involuntary movement. He couldn't control his heart beat or his breathing.

"What's on your mind?" Harry whispered into Louis' ear and he didn't remember him returning from the corridors or him wrap his arms around Louis. The sudden noise startled him a bit but he was too distracted to notice it all that much. "Is it me?" It was supposed to be a tease and Louis knew that but it was true and maybe not in the best way.

"Yeah," Louis whispered, leaning back into Harry's body.

"Is it good or bad?" He nosed along Louis' neck, leaving a few kisses along the way.

"Could go either way, I guess."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"I'm just- I'm thinking about a few things is all. Nothing too bad."

"Is it about my intentions?" Harry stopped his actions and rested his chin on Louis' shoulder.

"No. I was kind of questioning it yesterday, as you know, but I believe you. I'm just having a harder time accepting it all. I almost feel bad about it."

"How come?"

"I don't know." Louis turned around and reached a hand up to wipe away Harry's frown. "Like if we never met you'd still have a girlfriend, you know?"

"Hm." Harry stared back at Louis with no emotion on his face, his eyes flickering around his features.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not upset Lou. I understand what you're saying and maybe it's true but it's not what happened. This was how it was meant to be and I don't mind it. I don't think we'd be here if I did." He pulled Louis in closer and held him tighter. "And it's kind of stressing me out how many serious talks we've had and it's only been a day of us dating."

They shared a gentle laugh together, the mood immediately lightening. "Sorry. I've just never done this before so it's a little weird for me right now."

"No worries sugar, it'll come soon." Harry kissed Louis' forehead and turned to reach for the laptop behind him. "Now get on the left side so we can lay and chill." He hadn't realised it, but every time they slept in the same bed or would just be laying down, Louis was always on the left with Harry on the right.

With a roll of his eyes, Louis crawled over Harry's body and got under the covers, snuggling closer to his boyfriend. "Why'd you bring the blankets if you've already got covers?" Harry was typing away, logging into his laptop and opening up Netflix.

"Oh yeah. I don't have many pillows so if you wanted to have your head higher put it under your pillow." Louis just hummed in response and moved his lower half back so Harry could put the laptop between them. The only sense of touch were the tops of their heads. _The Office_ started to play when Harry reached out his hand for Louis to hold, kissing the back of his hands before resting it between their bodies.

In that moment, life was great. Louis was having his worries but he knew it wasn't going to last long. Harry was nice, he was so god damn perfect he wouldn't dare hurt a soul. Louis knew that and he really tried to push all the bad thoughts away, only keeping the positive but there those few negative ones stuck in the back of his mind. The only problem with his thoughts was that none of them were true. Harry wholeheartedly adored Louis to the core and Niall was right, he did love Louis but he wouldn't allow himself to believe it, not yet at least.

They spent hours upon hours watching the show until the sky went dark, now that the sun was setting sooner and sooner every day that passed. They fell asleep at sometime, Louis always giving in sooner than Harry and if Millie saw them asleep with their hands intertwined she wouldn't make a comment on it in the future. Besides, the room was dark and the only light that gave the room illuminance was from the hallway so she must've saw incorrectly. She left the two boys alone to sleep peacefully for the rest of the night until Louis woke in a panic. It was just those dreams where he was falling but he shot up, which ultimately made Harry wake up.

The night was prominent and the dark was rich. The clock read it to be half passed three and Louis would have fell back asleep if he didn't have school tomorrow. And maybe he still could've since he only lived across the street but Louis wanted to shower in the morning and all that. Harry tried to convince him to stay but ended up walking Louis to his house in the middle of the night, giving him a kiss on his forehead when they separated ways. Louis snuck his way into his room, thankfully not waking up anyone in the house and went to sleep with a good night text from Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> having to edit two chapters in one week was so hard while working everyday holy moly but as mentioned before, i will be taking a break to gain my sanity back an prewrite chapters so i'm not losing my mind by the end of the book like i did for the first one. thank you all for reading and supporting my writing <3


	2. it was louis' turn to prevent him from spiralling out of control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🥺🥺🥺
> 
> hi!! in celebration of me finishing writing ten chapters, here's one of the ten (i've actually written maybe twelve but that's besides the point). it's been so long omg
> 
> hopefully it isn't completely wack and my writing wasn't a bit rusty from the break i took.

mood: holding on to you- twenty one pilots  
  
  


** Tuesday November 20th, 6:52 am **

The first day back to school and being boyfriends with Louis was extremely hard for Harry. Staying hidden and keeping his emotions at bay wasn't something that was easy for him to do. When he first realised his feelings for Louis it was so hard for him to keep it to himself and even then he did a terrible job at it. He'd ask for kisses and cuddles when it wasn't his place to and he'd take care of Louis as if they'd been married for years. He wore his heart on his sleeve and was never good at hiding his emotions, so one could only imagine how difficult it was for Harry to act as if everything was back to normal (if normal meant him and Louis being friends again).

Louis allowed him to kiss his cheek when he walked out his front door, making sure it was closed, and he let Harry hold his hand on the way to school, but when they reached school grounds the two separated like oil and water. Pretty much everyone in the school knew Harry and Louis had a falling out, but they also knew that when they were together they were practically inseparable. Harry used to wrap his arm around Louis' shoulders or link their arms together and he'd even kiss the top of his head in the corridors, so holding hands wasn't anything new to the public eye, but the awkward tension they radiated made everyone more suspicious than they cared to be. It was obvious something was up but no one who dared to care could pinpoint what it was.

Especially Monet and Niall. The two boys went to see them in the courtyard before class started. Harry and Louis sat with a decent amount of space between their bodies and never once did they looked at each other. It raised flags to the both Niall and Monet and they thought something was up because it was all so _weird_. Harry would usually pull Louis in and have their bodies touching one way or another whether it be just their sides lightly brushing against each other, or their thighs squishing into one, or a gentle arm over the shoulder. They were always touching and to see them separated and acting strange was confusing, but they brushed off and figured it was them having to get used to each other again after a week of not being around one another. Their temporary falling out was incredibly hard on the both of them and Niall assumed they hadn't talked much of it out just yet. To him, and everyone else, he thought Harry and Louis rekindled their friendship. Harry didn't tell him or Monet anything otherwise so why would they think that way? The awkward tension could be due to the both of them knowing they like each other but Louis, presumably, not being ready for a relationship at the moment. Who knew.

During each passing period, Louis and Harry find their way to each other and there were a few moments where Harry would attempt to kiss Louis' cheek but Louis would push his face away with a ridiculous grin dancing on his lips. Of course he'd pout, but the alternative was to kiss the back of Louis' hand and, for some reason, that was allowed. Louis told him that he was allowed to kiss his cheek in public, but maybe that meant when they were officially out? Could you imagine two boys, one who everyone thought was straight, who had a falling out becoming friends again and the first day back the straight one is kissing the gay one's cheek? Weird, but again, not out of their norm. Like any other day, they spent lunch together and Louis had to constantly remind Harry that there were people around and that he shouldn't be trying to kiss and cuddle with him as if they weren't in public. But his words never got through to him and when Harry shoved his face in Louis' neck to leave a few kissies, Louis had enough. He stood from his usual spot to sit in Harry's old one across the table— Harry made it evident that there was no need to sit so far from Louis since they were now dating. That earned frowned but he was the one who came up with the idea of staying underground.

Louis' study hall was spent with Harry taking numerous pictures of him and profusely trying to convince him that just one kiss wouldn't be that bad of an idea since there weren't many people in the library anyway. However, they never kissed and because of that Harry stomped away when the class was almost over and told Louis he wouldn't be talking to him for the rest of the day. He didn't keep that promise because after eighth lesson Harry stood outside Louis' African Literature class with pursed lips and knitted brows, arms crossed over his chest. When the last period was almost up Louis received a text from Harry saying that he was going to meet him in the toilets after school with a sad face to show he was still upset about not receiving or giving any loving throughout the day.

The second Harry laid his eyes on Louis when he rounded the corner of the bathroom, Louis was tackled in a hug and multiple kisses were pressed all over his face before their lips eventually met. It was ridiculous really. He knew Harry loved affection and all that but it'd only been eight hours and he was acting like he was being deprived for years. Nonetheless, Louis still let Harry kiss him as if tomorrow wouldn't exist and, of course, that'd be the one and only time someone would use that bathroom after the many times they've met up in there. When they heard the chatter of the halls get significantly louder and the slight squeak of the door, they pushed away from one another, Harry fixing his hair in the mirror and Louis washing his hands with bright pink, flustered cheeks and when Harry made a snickering comment about it Louis punched his arm with a frown and dragged him out the bathroom.

Their walk back home was the biggest relief Harry had ever felt. He was finally able to act like a boyfriend to Louis. He could freely touch him and kiss him if he wanted to— which Louis still limited since people from school used that street to get home. They spent the rest of the day in Harry's house doing homework for a bit then just hanging out like normal boyfriends did. Millie came home quite late which wasn't much out of the norm since she worked until six and would often see her lawyer during the week for an hour or so to discuss the details of the divorce. It was hard for both Millie and Harry, but Louis was a nice distraction for Harry and he was always sweet to Millie. That same night when she came home Harry was in his room and Louis went downstairs to get a drink and she had this look on her face. Louis could just tell she was at her wits' end with everything going on in her life at the moment. Her husband having a long term affair, the divorce, her daughter not being around, Harry being upset that him and Louis weren't friends and to hear and deal with her patients' problems was hard for her when she couldn't cope with her own. Her greeting was soft and weak and Louis knew she wanted to disappear, he's seen and felt that himself. So without thinking or saying anything he walked over to Harry's mum and gave her a hug. At first she gasped and her body was rigid but she soon relaxed and squeezed Louis tight.

She proceeded to ball her eyes out on his shoulder, losing all of her control. Throughout it all, Louis was there holding her the way she needed to be held, rubbing his hand up and down her back and telling her that everything was going to be okay. He whispered that phrase over and over again until she knew that everything was going to be fine. "What you're feeling right now is excruciating, but I promise when everything is done you'll be free of it," Louis told her. "The divorce may still be in the back of your mind from time to time but that burden won't be on your shoulders anymore. You deserve to be happy and if you can't get there yourself, you have Harry, Gemma, and me to help you. You're strong Millie. Keep holding on." In the middle of Louis reassuring Millie, Harry left his room to see what was taking Louis so long but stopped midway down the stairs when he heard him say 'you deserve to be happy'. He poked his head around the stairs and saw his mum latching onto Louis like a lifeline. He tiptoed back up the stairs, sitting on the top step to eavesdrop. Harry felt like crying not only because his mum was crying her eyes out, but because of the fact that Louis was consoling her and showing her the love she so badly needed. After a while, Millie pulled away to wipe at her eyes and she apologised for 'making a fool of herself'.

"No need to apologise, love. Sometimes the only way to get things out of our system is to cry." She laughed and thanked him for everything and went to walk away but Louis stopped her. "Know that it will get better. I used to live in darkness and I never thought there would be light in my life again and look at me now. Your son is the best thing to ever happen to me." Both Millie and Harry smiled at that, his eyes prickling with tears. Louis hardly ever expressed how he felt or talked about Harry in such a way and it was about time it happened. He was always so reserved and Harry had a hard time knowing exactly how he felt and to hear him speak freely to his mum was nice even if it wasn't meant for his ears. Of course he had to know that he had a HUGE part in Louis' life changing for the better, but it was always better to hear it because then it was like confirmation; it all wasn't just in his head. "He wasn't the one Millie." No matter the thoughts in her head yelling at her that Lous was wrong, she couldn't disagree with that. George couldn't be the one. Millie thanked Louis for everything and hugged him one last time before walking into the kitchen to clean her Tupperware from work. Louis followed behind her, taking her lunch bag from her and telling her not to worry about it. He encouraged her to go up to her room and settle down to put her tired mind to rest.

Both Millie and Harry loved him dearly for that.

Once Louis washed everything and put it all away in their respective places, he walked back up the stairs, sliding a note of encouraging words underneath Millie's door before going to Harry's room. He was sitting on his bed with his back propped up on the wall with his head hanging between his shoulders. When Louis closed the door Harry's head snapped up and his eyes were a light shade of pink and his nose tinted rose. "Why're crying?" he had asked his boyfriend.

"Come here," Harry demanded in a soft voice, outstretching his arms for Louis. He obliged and sat on the edge of Harry's bed, giving him a light squeeze. "You truly don't know just how amazing you are."

"Why?"

"I heard you talking with me mum." He pulled away to stare into Louis' eyes, a soft, fond smile growing on his face. "You said words that I could never tell her. They mean so much more coming from you and I know she's incredibly grateful for it."

"People shouldn't be sad, or so someone's told me." He wiped away Harry's happy tears with his thumb, a smile of his own etched on his face.

"What would you say if I asked you to marry me right this second?"

Louis laughed and shook his head, moving further onto the bed to sit on Harry's lap sideways and resting his head on his shoulder, looking up at him. "I'd say you're ridiculous." The rest of the night consisted of never ending cuddles and kisses on Harry's behalf to show Louis how much he appreciated what he did for his mum.

The following day Louis didn't expect anything to be different. It'd only been one day and he was sure Harry was going to act like a needy brat today too. Unlike other times in the past, Louis walked across the street to meet up with Harry, knocking on his door. Millie opened the door with a warm smile, offering him a hug before letting him in. They chatted with ease for a quick minute before Louis slipped away to go up to Harry's room. She thanked him for the note he slipped under her door and told him that he had no idea what they meant to her. Louis wasn't told this, but she put the note in a frame in front of a picture of her and George. When he excused himself, he gingerly knocked on the wood, waiting for a response to enter and knocking again when he didn't get one. Once again there was no response so Louis carefully opened the door and poked his head in the room. Low and behold, Harry was still in his bed soundly asleep.

With a roll of his eyes, Louis walked into the room, quietly shutting the door behind him, and headed towards the bed to shake Harry awake. "Hey," he whispered with a gentle hand on his arm. "Wake up."

"Mummy stop," Harry whined, pushing the hand away from his arm. He shifted around on the mattress, turning his head in and out the pillow and lazily kicking his legs underneath his comforter.

A light chuckle escaped Louis' lips as he scooted closer to Harry's body. "Not mummy Hazza."

All of Harry's movements froze and a small gasp escaped his lips. "Kitten?"

"That's me." Louis smiled and traced his fingers along Harry's cheekbone.

Harry finally opened his eyes with a warm smile stretched across his face, his hand placed on top of Louis'. "Come lay with me." He slightly tugged on Louis' hand with a smirk.

"We've got to get to school."

"I'll drive us." He moved back and lifted his covers, revealing his bare chest and thighs, the only fabric clad on his skin being his briefs and even then nothing was left for imagination. "Lay with me please." Louis did his best not to stare at Harry's perfectly toned muscles or the tattoos that wrapped themselves around his skin and he especially did not want to get caught drooling over how nice Harry's thighs looked.

"Fine." With a sigh, Louis took his shoes off—because nothing is worse than getting in bed with shoes on— and snuggled against Harry's ever so warm body.

"You're lucky I wore pants to bed last night," Harry whispered in Louis' ear once he was pulled in close. He wasted absolutely no time to give Louis a kiss right next to his jaw.

"You sleep naked?" Louis curled his chin around Harry's shoulder only to tuck his head into his neck.

"On most occasions but I was feeling extra lazy last night." As a response, Louis only hummed, biting his tongue from saying Harry was always lazy and decided to dwell in the warmth that Harry gave him. It felt a little weird to be fully clothed and to be holding someone who was basically naked and Louis was sure Harry felt the same but altogether didn't mind.

Minutes passed and it was no surprise that Harry fell back asleep to the wonderful feeling of Louis' fingers rubbing at his scalp and a body being pressed against his. He was always one who loved to be cuddled and held closely. "Harry," Louis whispered, carefully pulling away from the body that was holding onto him for dear life. "We've got to go love." He pushed back the frizzy curl that laid across Harry's face with a fond smile.

There was a light groan but little to no movement and Louis wasn't sure if Harry was waking up or trying to deepen his sleep. He really hated being that prodding person to keep trying to wake him up but he knew that if he didn't, Harry would have chosen to stay in bed all day. Not too long after the groan Harry's eyes fluttered open and another gentle smile and soft features appeared on his face. "Good morning sweetheart."

"Get up Curly." He grabbed one of the fuzzy curls and tickled Harry's nose with it to get him to do any movement other than scooting back to allow his boyfriend in bed. He swatted the hair away with a scowl, scrunching his nose from the tickles, and rolled over Louis to get out of bed, crushing him. A suffocated squeal was let out and Harry chuckled to himself as he walked to his wardrobe. "So I cuddle you and you repay me by crushing me?"

"You tickled my nose." It was quite a shame that Harry couldn't dramatically disappear into his wardrobe like Louis could while they were in the middle of their bickering, but he made sure to put on a show by forcefully pushing open his doors.

"Boo hoo. I could have died." Louis sat up, leaning back on his hands with the comforter still on his lower half.

"Are you calling me fat?" He turned around with a raised brow and the shirt he pulled off the hanger flung over his shoulder.

"Well you're not burly just yet." Louis, too, raised his brows in a testing manner, watching the way Harry's eyes never left his as he pulled the shirt over his head.

With only his shirt and briefs on, Harry stood by his wardrobe staring at his boyfriend before letting out a short breath. "Huh." He walked over to his dresser, finally looking away and opening a drawer to pull on a pair of his usual black skinnies with rips at the knees. "Funny you'd say that."

"I'm not trying to be buff."

"Oh of course not, everyone could tell." Louis gasped, standing up from the bed and stomping his way towards his boyfriend with a pout.

"You're mean." A smile flashed on Harry's face before it turned into a cheeky smirk. His arms looped around Louis' waist, pulling him flush against his body.

"You're the one that started it, princess." The words were mumbled against soft, plush lips just before Harry connected them completely in a gentle kiss. Princess reminded him of that morning spent with Harry the day of Emily's wake and Louis felt the exact same way as he did that day. His heart picked up speed and an eruption of butterflies in his belly.

"Was gonna say I like your chub," Louis sweetly spoke as he pulled away from the kiss.

"My chub?"

"Yeah, your chub." He slipped his hands under Harry's shirt and squeezed at the bit of skin on his sides that poured over the waistband. "Think it's cute."

"Nice save," Harry said, rolling his eyes with a smile as he walked out of Louis' hold and to his desk to grab the backpack that was propped up by one of the legs.

"Wasn't a save," Louis responded, following Harry out the door of his bedroom. "I do like it." Harry never was one to blush, but the small appreciation made him smile. He hated the extra skin he had around his belly— though it wasn't much it didn't exactly tickle his fancy that it was there— and the compliment temporarily made him like them too. It was one of the reasons he started weight training. "They're called love handles for a reason."

"Okay, don't push it Lou." They walked down the stairs and into the kitchen where Millie was cleaning up the dishes she used to make breakfast. "Hey mum." He placed his hands on top of her shoulders and leaned against her back to kiss her cheek.

"My son," Millie spoke in her never faltering sweet voice. "You two were up there for quite some time." Her brows raised as she looked over to Louis who was fishing through the bowl of cereal bars. In no way was she suggesting anything but ever since Sunday, she'd been a bit suspicious of the two boys.

He peered up, keeping his head down and his hand swirling around the contents in the dish. "He fell back asleep like the lazy sod he is." Millie chuckled along, knowing her son very well. He hated mornings, he especially hated waking up and even more being woken up. It was a surprise that Harry wasn't angry and throwing a fit about how crucial it was for teenagers to get eight to ten hours of sleep. Considering that Millie was almost certain that Louis woke him up at least once, she was shocked he wasn't being pissy.

"Well how do you expect me to-" he cut himself off with an awkward cough as he opened the fridge, catching onto where the words were heading.

"You can't just pick a fight then stop. Say it Harry." He looked over to Louis who was looking at him with furrowed brows, but not seeming pressed about the situation.

"Was just gonna say how did Louis expect me to wake up early when I had a late night last night." As he spoke, his eyes never broke from Louis' but it wasn't intense at all. Especially not when seeing Louis' slight disappointment when he looked back into the bowl, gently pushing around the bars again, seeming disinterested. "Well, um, we better go before we're late. Love you mum."

"Love you." She noticed the slight tension in the room but still kissed Harry's cheek and gave him a squeeze. "Bye Louis. It was nice seeing you this morning."

"You too, Millie." He flashed her a smile before pushing off the counter and following Harry to the door. "You look lovely today. Have a wonderful day at work." She gave him a smile and sent him a kiss as the door closed behind them. Like he always did, Harry opened the car door for Louis and walked over to his side.

Buckling his seatbelt in awkward tension felt like he might as well just tighten the belt to suffocate himself. "Lou, I'm sorry if I upset you. I just thought-"

"No worries Hazza." Louis offered him a smile but it was pressed and not even close to genuine. "It's fine."

"You don't seem fine with it though. Did you want my mum to know?" Louis only shrugged and dropped his head back against the head rest, looking out the window. "I can go back in there and tell her if it'll make you feel better. I just panicked and I guess we should've talked about what to do in those situations."

There was a soft chuckle coming from the passenger side and as Louis turned his head, there was a smile on his face. He reached his hand over to hold onto Harry's. "'m not upset about that; I'm not really upset at all. It just didn't feel good for you to kind of, like, deny anything between us."

"Did it for you." There was a frown etched across his lips, feeling bad with an unjustified reason.

"I know baby." That word was enough to rid Harry's frown and replace it with an excited grin. Pet names falling off of Louis' lips were a blessing. Louis' hand trailed up to Harry's cheek to cup it before leaning in to kiss his boyfriend. A kiss that was brief and totally PG, just in case Millie decided to step out the house, but Harry enjoyed every bit of it.

"You're doing really good Lou," Harry said when pulling away and pressing their foreheads together only to kiss him again. "I thought you were going to take time to adjust but you're easing into this relationship incredibly." He pulled away and started his car, backing out the drive with their hands still interlocked.

"Well, it's not really anything different from our friendship, you know? Maybe if we weren't so... affectionate it'd take me a bit to adjust, but we've had tons of practice the past couple weeks."

"I guess." The remaining minute or so was spent in silence. The days were getting colder by the week and though Harry really loved the ten minute walk to school, he didn't want either of them getting sick. Besides, driving to school meant they could leave later than usual and that meant he could spend more time in the morning to cuddle with his lovely boyfriend. Now that was something he definitely could not resist.

As Harry pulled into the car park, he saw Louis' body tense a bit and the grip of his hand slacken. Yes, Louis was doing good at adjusting to their relationship privately, but when it came to being in a relationship on school grounds, that was completely foreign territory. Louis didn't really know what to do when they were at school, especially since they're not public yet. He was the one who would get awkward when Harry was around, thinking everyone knew about them when they all probably didn't give two flying fucks.

"What is it?" Harry asked once the car was successfully parked in a spot not too far from the building. He kissed the back of Louis' hand and looked his way, pressing their hands against his cheek. "What're you getting nervous about?"

Louis sighed, slumping back into the seat and briefly looking out the window before returning his eyes to the driver's side. "I don't know." His voice came out gentle and uncertain, like he was afraid. "I like you, I do, it's just-" he dropped his head back against the head rest with knitted brows. "I'm just so scared of what people are going to say, you know?"

"Yeah." Harry, too, dropped his head back against the head rest but turned to look out the windshield, their hands falling to his lap. "I'm kinda scared too. Maybe not for the same reasons, but I am scared. Like I don't care what people say about us because they can honestly all fuck off, but I'm scared what's going to be said or done to you."

"What do you mean?" He gave Harry's hand a small squeeze to gain his attention again.

"I just don't want you getting hurt is all." His eyes flicked all across Louis' face, admiring every single beautiful feature he owned. "And I know if that does happen I won't be able to control myself."

Louis shook his head with a smile, his free hand reaching across the way to push Harry's curls behind his ear. "It'll be my battle. Don't worry about it Hazza."

It was frustrating, but Harry had to keep reminding himself that Louis had never been in a relationship before. "That's where you're wrong, darling." He tilted his head to the side and furrowed his brows. "Your problems are now my problems and mine yours. We're a team. We work through things together and not without the other, okay?"

There was a strong urge inside of Louis wanting to deny what Harry just said but he wanted to be a team and he knew if he were to deny it Harry wasn't going to have it. He wanted to become one with Harry and have him be the person who he could rely on. "Wouldn't want to bring you down with me."

Harry retracted his hand with a chuckle and unbuckled his seatbelt. "Why can't you see?" He reached into the back seat to grab his school bag, placing it on top of his lap. "My love, when you're upset, I'm upset. When you're happy, I'm happy. When you're down so am I and the only way to fix it is to talk it out."

"You're so-" His sentence was cut short when there was a hard thump against the window behind him and a short scream sounded through the car shortly after.

With a heavy and annoyed sigh, Harry rolled down Louis' window with a grimace. "Fuck off Niall. You scared Louis."

"I'm sorry Lou," Niall sang with a smile, patting the top of Louis' head with a light hand. The two weren't exactly friends so the interaction made Harry raise a brow but Louis didn't seem affected by it. Of course he got annoyed and swatted his hands away, but he didn't tense from the foreign touch.

The window was rolled back up and Harry stepped out of his car, slipping his arms through the straps of the backpack. "Move so he can get out." Niall raised his hands up in defence, taking a step back so Louis could open the door. "What is it you want?" He walked over to the other side of the car to grab Louis' wrist and pull him towards the school with Niall trailing behind.

"Just wanted to say hi but I didn't know you were so pissy this morning."

"I'm not pissy. I'm just annoyed because I was trying to have a conversation with Louis."

"Fine. I'm sorry peaches. How ever will you forgive me?"

He hummed tilting his head from side to side before looking down to his boyfriend. "Should I forgive him Lou?"

"Seriously H?"

"Hush now. We await the jury's verdict." Niall sighed but looked down to Louis who was pretending to be deep in thought with his furrowed brows and a hand to his chin.

"I say forgive him," Louis spoke without any sense of hesitation or anxiety in his voice. Niall did a victory pump in the air the same time Harry let out a groan and dropped of his head. "But on one condition."

"This isn't a debate."

"But it is the jury's verdict. Failure to fulfil the verdict will result in the ending of yours and Harry's friendship."

"What? No way!"

"You don't even know what the condition is, Niall." It was weird to have a back and forth with Niall but it also was sort of refreshing and a reminder that maybe everything was going to be okay and that his life would go back to normal eventually.

"Harry, you can't possibly allow this."

"Overruled." Niall groaned and walked with a slight slump to his step.

"What's the condition?"

Louis smiled, bumping shoulders with Harry before gearing his attention back to Niall. "I want a brownie. Preferably homemade."

"I don't see why I should reward you when this was between me and Harry."

" _I'm_ the one you scared. Besides, if Harry's upset, I'm upset." Harry gave him a smile, wrapping his arm around Louis' shoulders to pull him closer to his body while keeping it platonic enough.

Niall rolled his eyes. "Fine," he groaned, dropping his shoulders forward.

"And you have to make one for me too," Harry chimed in.

"No," Niall and Louis said in unison. They stopped walking to stand in the middle of the courtyard with students passing by them.

"What? Why not?"

"Because this has nothing to do with you." In response, Louis giggled and offered Niall a fist bump with Harry snickering something next to him.

"I liked it better when you two weren't teaming up against me." He retracted his arm from Louis' shoulder to cross over his chest.

"C'mon, H, we better go before the bell rings."

Louis furrowed his brows and looked over at Harry who seemed like he got caught doing something bad. There was undeniable confliction written all over his face as his eyes shifted from Niall to Louis over and over again. "I'll, uh, I'll meet you there Ni. I've got to talk with Lou real quick." Instead of putting up a fight, Niall just nodded with a flat smile, backing away before turning around to walk away.

"What's going on?"

This wasn't the time or place Harry wanted to have this conversation but he knew he didn't have a choice. He had to address it one way or another. "Love, um- okay. I talked with Niall last night and we discussed a few things that I need to go over with you but I don't think right now is a good time for that."

Louis eyed him for a second, deciding whether or not he wanted to believe him or pick an unnecessary fight. "Is it bad?" He chose the former.

"No. Oh Lou, it's not-" Harry started to reach his hand over to cup Louis' cheek but stopped midway, awkwardly retracting his hand. "Sorry if I worried you. It's not bad. Just a few ground rules."

"And you went over this with Niall?"

"Yeah, but he thinks we're just friends. It applies either way." Louis flatlined his lips and gave a small nod. "Okay, I've got to go. I'll see you after third, yeah? And we'll talk at lunch." Again, Louis nodded his head, offering a slightly bigger smile than the last time. "I would give a hug and kiss but..." They shared a brief chuckle and awkward shifting for a few seconds. "So I'll just-" Harry blew him a kiss as he took a few steps back, waiting until Louis returned the action before turning around fully to meet Niall inside the school.

To be suspicious of Harry and Niall was absolutely ridiculous so Louis tried to push that away as he walked into the building. Alone. It'd been a while since he experienced the pushing and shoving and teasing, so when someone forcefully bumped into his shoulder, it knocked him off-kilter, causing him to stumble a bit. Once he regained his balance, he looked up with furrowed brows and, really, he shouldn't have expected anything different. Aiden and his friends were laughing and snickering to one another while making glances towards Louis. He concluded that they still didn't know he and Harry were on good terms again because if they did, Louis was sure they wouldn't even think of purposefully taunting him to his face.

With a shake of his head Louis dusted himself off and walked away with his head held high. This would be the only time Louis was grateful for the childishness his schoolmates displayed because now he wasn't thinking about the secret Harry was keeping from him. Sure Louis had a few things about his past he hadn't yet told Harry, but he wasn't necessarily keeping it secret. Harry knew of the trauma and how it had affected him, he just didn't exactly know what happened or why. Hell, Louis didn't even know why it happened. He also didn't have to think about the impending talk about god knows what, but if Harry ditched him just a few minutes ago, Louis didn't think it was going to be a good talk. And, well, maybe the taunting wasn't much of distraction after all. So until lunch came around, Louis' mind was spinning in the same circle over and over and over again.  
  
  


** 11:43 am **

Lunch wasn't Louis' favourite time of the day but he'd been looking forward to it ever since that morning. When Harry stayed after class to see him after third, Louis couldn't help but be a little upset with Harry for the simple fact that they didn't complete the morning together. Yes, he knew it was dumb and borderline petty, but they always spent the entire mornings together. That was how it always had been and that shouldn't change now over a conversation with Niall. Walking to his first lesson alone and having no one to talk nonsense to was upsetting to Louis. He'd always been the person who didn't mind to be alone but now he'd much rather be alone with Harry. So when fourth came around, Louis was a bit standoffish but didn't want to set off any alarms so he talked openly with Harry before he scurried away to his class to not be late.

And his acting attempts worked, for the most part. Nothing was set off in Harry's mind that Louis was upset with him. He was too wrapped up in talking about whatever nonsense happened in class to notice that Louis wasn't exactly himself. Well, until lunch. Upon walking into the back area, Louis was quietly doing his homework, as per usual, and everything seemed fine. Unlike yesterday, Harry sat across from him, thinking it'd be best for their pending conversation, and never once did Louis budge from his work. He quirked a brow and poked the back of Louis' forearm and, still, to no avail.

"Lou," he whispered, poking his arm over and over again. Louis kept doing his homework as if there wasn't a foolish oaf bothering him. "You're upset with me." It wasn't a question; he didn't have to ask.

"Why do you think that?" Louis questioned back, his pencil never faltering from scribbling down answers on his worksheet.

"You're ignoring me."

"No, I'm doing my work."

"But you didn't deny being upset with me." Louis sighed and forcefully placed his pencil on the table, folding his arms over his chest and leaning forward on his elbows. He stared back at Harry with an unwavering blank expression (that didn't mean his heart didn't pick up its pace at the sight before him). "What's going on?"

Louis sighed, rubbing his hands over his face and pushing his palms into his eyes. Okay, maybe he was overreacting but it was their thing, you know? "You ditched me this morning. We always spend the mornings together."

"Lou I didn't-" Harry paused, letting out a light sigh and ran a hand over his face. "I wasn't ditching you, love, I just- it's part of our talk, yeah?" He didn't make a move, only raised his brows for Harry to continue. "I didn't know the mornings were so special to you."

"I thought you liked spending mornings with me." Louis frowned and looked down at his lap.

"I do." Harry stood from his seat and walked over to the other side of the table to sit next to his boyfriend. He placed two fingers under his chin to lift his head. "The mornings are my favourite part of the day because you're one of the first things I see." Louis' face tinted pink and he pushed Harry's hand away with a smile and furrowed brows. "I wanted to stay with you, but I made a deal with Niall but I'll tell him to exclude mornings because that's you and me time."

"What's the deal?" Louis turned his body so he was facing Harry, laying his head down of the top of the chair.

"I really didn't want to talk about this at school but it looks like I have no choice but to." Louis didn't argue because although Harry did have a choice, he didn't want to wait until the school day was up to know what was going on. "I was gonna talk about it with you today but at school wasn't how I pictured it."

"Tell me."

After a heavy sigh and the cracking of his knuckles, Harry began to explain himself. "Me and Niall agreed that I need to spend more time with him and Monet and all my other friends." To put it simply at least.

Louis perked his head up, ready to defend himself because he was sure Monet and Niall were trying to accuse him of stealing all of Harry's time. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"When we were friends I kind of lost myself and adjusting my entire life to suit you. No, don't-" Louis lifted his head even more, his scrunched brows deepening, his head to tilting to the side. "Don't be upset. It's nothing to do with you. I became a fool and I don't want to be that anymore."

"So?"

"Maybe we should spend less time together?"

For a few seconds Louis stared blankly at Harry as if he didn't believe what he just said. If Harry wanted to spend more time apart why would they even be together? Why did they have to make up if they weren't going to spend time with each other? "Less time together." His voice came out dumbfounded but Harry nodded his head in oblivion. "What's the point of us being in a relationship if you don't want to spend time with me?" If they weren't in the library, Louis would be yelling at him because why in the fuck would he play with his emotions like that? Why would he create such a scene like a did on Saturday in attempt to swoon Louis, only to be told days later they should be spending less time with each other?

"Don't say that. Please don't say that Lou. I want to be with you and I want to spend time with you but I also need to make time for my other friends. I changed these past few months. I used to go out with my friends and go to parties and social events but now I only spend time with you. I don't think it was a bad thing at all, but I want to be in control of my life again."

Louis turned his head to look at the front of the library with furrowed his brows as he tapped his fingers on the table. At first glance, he thought _he_ changed Harry. Hell, he _knew_ he changed Harry, but he never thought he changed him so much that he lost himself. But at the same time, he had to keep reminding himself that it couldn't entirely be his fault. He wasn't the one who forced Harry to give him all of his attention. He wasn't the one to tell Harry to hang out with him all the time but it was hard to ignore that he had a role in it. After all, he was the reason Harry with his other friends.

"It's my fault isn't it?" Well, he couldn't push it away.

"What? No. Of course not darling. I'm the only one who has control of my life and I lost that control because I got too caught up." Harry did his best to reconcile his boyfriend but Louis wasn't easily persuaded, especially when he had his mind set.

"Caught up in me though."

"Yeah, but it's nothing to do with you, je promets mon cherie. I don't blame you and I didn't mind until Monet and Niall pointed it out. I can't exclude them anymore."

"What does this mean for us?" When Louis looked back to Harry, he could tell he was trying his best to suppress his worry with a weird attempt at placidity.

Harry sighed and reached up to gently brush his fingers against Louis' cheekbone. "I wish I could kiss you." His eyes fell down to Louis' lips and rose to his eyes only to drop back to his lips, lusting after them. Wanting them, _needing_ them.

"Do it," Louis whispered, his breathing becoming staggered as he watched Harry lick his lips.

"You sure?" Harry questioned, weary of their surroundings but also leaning in.

"My cheek." He turned his head so Harry could kiss his cheek and even though it was barely even a second of contact, Louis' face warmed under Harry's lips and his cheeks washed over in shades of pretty pinks and reds.

"Gimme a kiss." Before Louis could reject, Harry glanced around the library just to make sure no one was watching then pushing out his cheek for Louis to kiss. "Thanks baby." Louis offered him a genuinely big smile, laying his head back on the top of the chair.

"So what now? Like what'll happen between us?"

"Nothing." Harry grabbed Louis' hand and gave it a squeeze for comfort. "Nothing's going to change my love. I'm just going to spend more time with my friends but that doesn't necessarily mean we're going to spend less time together. And who knows, maybe you'll be friends with them again and we could all spend time together." His hand reached up to brush away Louis' fringe and his fingers lingered on his cheekbone, forgetting that they were in public.

"One step at a time."

"Of course and that leads into something that may upset you a little."

"What is it?" Louis bit down on his lip, placing his hand on top of Harry's.

"Two or three days a week Niall wants me to have lunch with them."

"Okay. I'll just, um, keep myself busy when you're not here."

"I mean, you could come with me whenever you feel comfortable and we could spent every lunch period together."

"One step at a time." Harry nodded in agreeance, pulling his hand away and giving Louis' knee a squeeze before taking off his bag and opening it up to take out his lunch.

"Want some food?" A few months ago Louis would never even think twice about taking food from someone else let alone entertaining the thought of eating something potentially fattening, but he's actually a bit hungry.

"What do you have?" Louis scooted his chair back in and a little closer to Harry's, peering over his arm to look at the contents that's were just poured out onto the table.

"Pick whatever you'd like Lou." Harry slid his elbow against the wood far enough for him to lay his head on his hand and be able to look at Louis. For a few seconds, Louis' eyes flickered over each item and Harry watched how, for the first time, he actually seemed to be very intrigued by them all. There wasn't anything special about the lunch either, just a sandwich, crisps, a drink and some fruit.

"These." He grabbed the Tupperware of fruit, uncapping it and popping a strawberry half in his mouth. "And we can share these?" He picked up the bag of crisps with a cheeky smile that earned a grin from Harry.

"Course. Now get back to doing your work. Wouldn't want you to flunk." Louis pouted and bumped shoulders with Harry before picking up his pencil to get back to doing work. The rest of lunch was spent in a comfortable silence. Louis continued to finish up his homework until the end of the period and Harry laid his head on the table, scrolling through his phone. He made occasional glances to the tiny boy he adored so much and answered a few questions Louis asked. He also would try to sneak his hand to place on Louis' thigh but every time he did, his hand would be batted away with a soft scold that was more adorable than intimidating. Harry also tried to sneak a few pictures of Louis on his phone but somehow, someway, in the midst of taking pictures, the ringer switch flipped on and the shutter went off. Let's just say Harry didn't get his phone back until the bell rang.

The talk they had was vaguely brief and went easier than Harry first initiated, but he knew Louis understood and was fine with it, at least he hoped. Talking about their relationship at school wasn't something Harry wanted to do, not that he was against it, but it was risky when they were trying to keep it to themselves. Surely someone heard them talking but neither boy was thinking about it. For Louis, he didn't really care that Harry wanted to spend more time with his friends because, well, he didn't want to be the one holding him back from such things and then people hating him for it. Besides, too much Harry can get overwhelming and annoying so a break every now and then wouldn't hurt. But at the same time he feared he would lose Harry.

At first, he thought Harry meant they spend less time together so he'd have more time to spend with other people and that he couldn't get behind. Like he said, what was the point in being in a relationship when the two partners aren't spending time together? But eventually he understood where Harry was coming from. And he would agree with Harry losing his control on his life. In the beginning of the school year Harry and Louis didn't spend much time together, obviously, and as the weeks passed and the closer they got, they became inseparable. Which, at first glance, isn't a bad thing but now knowing that Harry only wanted to do things with Louis and would literally drop plans he had with his friends just to be with him was a little much. He didn't want to be the reason Harry lost himself so he wasn't going to let it happen. Harry saved him from many things and now it was Louis' turn to prevent him from spiralling out of control.  
  


** 2:21 pm **

Unlike every other week, the drama teacher didn't hand out excerpts of scripts. Rather, she assigned a project where groups of two or three had to come up with a short script of whatever they choose. It could be a skit, a short film, a play, etc. The only requirements she had were that it had to be at least three minutes long and you couldn't work by yourself or in groups more than four. As per usual, Louis stayed by himself but this time around he knew that Liam was going to soon approach him. If you were to ask Louis, he wouldn't exactly say they were friends but that was just him being stubborn because Liam definitely considered them to be friends.

They were nowhere near the calibre of his and Harry's friendship and quite frankly he didn't really want to be that close with anyone else but Harry. However, him and Liam have been getting more and more well acquainted as the weeks pass by. Liam didn't allow Louis to sit by himself anymore for starters. He'd either pull up a chair next to him, have people sit around him, or he'd invite Louis over to sit with him and his friends. Another thing was that any time they got to choose their partners for anything, Liam would rush over to Louis as if he was a popular choice (he wasn't).

Liam genuinely liked Louis' company and he wished he wasn't so stubborn about making friends with people. He was nice and sweet and quite witty and funny and an overall great person. It sucked that Louis never was willing to do anything with Liam, but he figured it was the same thing with Harry. Surely Louis was as stubborn with him as he was with Liam and he used that as motivation to keep pursuing a friendship with little Louis Tomlinson. And if Liam had a small liking towards Louis that suggested that he wanted to be more than a friend, Louis was completely oblivious to it.

As predicted, Liam was making his way over to Louis from the opposite side of the stage— it was one of those days where he surrounded people around Louis so he wasn't feeling alone. There was a shit eating grin on his face and Louis returned the gesture but without the excitement. "Hi Louis," Liam sang as he plopped onto the chair next to the tiny boy.

"Hey," Louis responded with a warm and genuine smile. Just because he was stubborn about befriending Liam didn't mean he didn't enjoy his company. "So we're partners?"

"If you want." Liam shrugged, trying to do his best to act nonchalant. "If you don't want to be my partner you can tell me to sod off."

"No, it's fine." Louis laughed, leaning back in his chair.

"What'd you want to do?" It was formally the first time those two boys have talked in a week. Since Louis wasn't feeling up for anything, he wasn't talking to anyone and that included Liam.

"I don't really care to be honest. We could start brainstorming things we could do. I mean, it's due at the end of next week so we've got time."

"Since we've got a record of not working on things during class, maybe we should talk about your cheery mood instead of brainstorming."

"What do you mean?" His face tinted pink and he squeezed his arms into his sides and crossed a leg over the other.

"Don't play dumb Lou, you know exactly what I'm talking about." Louis shrugged, but there was a playful smile on his lips, his eyes dancing all over the room, anywhere but Liam. "You've not talked or even acknowledged me in a week but now you're talking and smiling as if you weren't on the brink of falling apart last week."

"'m fine." When he finally looked back to Liam he had furrowed brows and his lip pulled to the side.

"Now you are, but what was going on last week? You had me worried." There was a wave of warmth mixed in with butterflies that went through Louis' entire body when Liam said he was worried for him. It could've just been him being respectful, but it was nice to think that someone other than Harry was worrying about his well-being.

"Well, I mean, basically I'm on good terms with Harry again." Louis bit down on his bottom lip and knitted his brows, tapping his foot rapidly on the floor in attempt to alleviate his anxiety.

"I see. It makes sense. I've seen him the past week and he looked horrid. Miserable." Liam recalled seeing Harry moping around the halls with a mess of curls that was mangled together or poorly swept up into a bun. There were purple bags under his eyes and his eyes were red and puffy. By the looks of it Liam assumed he lost a loved one but now that he knew it was just because something happened between him and Louis, he found it a bit strange and slightly overdramatic. "You two had a huge fight or something?"

"No. I just- we're friends and stuff kept happening between us that made me feel bad."

"Like what? Do you two disagree all the time? Or like did one of you accidentally see the other naked and it's been awkward ever since?"

"None of the above. Just... stuff. It's really complicated and I don't really feel like explaining it. Don't think I could anyway."

"Oh, no worries. Sorry if I was pushing. I know I get way too curious sometimes and I become persistent." Liam slid out of his chair to sit crisscrossed on the floor, gesturing for Louis to do the same.

"I'm kinda used to it by now." They shared a brief laugh before Louis continued to talk. "It's nothing serious. I overreacted really. I ran away when he wanted to talk because I was scared, you know?" When he looked over to Liam he had the most confused expression on his face.

"Not really? But I get what you're saying. At least you two are fine now. I'm glad to see you smiling. Looks good on you." It almost felt inappropriate for Louis to blush at the subtle compliment given to him since he did have a boyfriend.

"Um, thanks." He chewed on his bottom lip, not really knowing what to do or say. "You've got a nice smile too. Like when your eyes squint and your nose scrunches up." He finished talking, but he cut himself short and turned a brighter shade of red, embarrassed for being so detailed when complimenting a classmate. Not to mention he might've been flirting when he had a boyfriend! "Sorry, I don't-"

"Hey, no worries. It's alright. At least I'm not the only one who pays attention to the crinkles by your eyes or the brightness of your smile." Okay, that was totally inappropriate but Louis couldn't say anything because he still needed time to adjust to everything. Obviously being in a relationship wasn't going to stop people from flirting with Louis or Harry— especially if they didn't know about the relationship— but it still made him feel the slightest bit uncomfortable.

Louis chewed on his bottom lip, looking to his lap and pulling at the folds of his jeans with the side his foot rapidly tapping on the floor. "Well, um, maybe we should brainstorm some ideas now."

"Good suggestion, but I think we should get to know each other. I mean, we've spent some time talking in class these past few weeks and if we're going to be continuing working together, I'd like to know who my partner is." The use of _my partner_ added to Louis' uncomfortability, but he had to remind himself that it was nothing like that. Liam was just being nice and not everyone that was nice to him was trying to flirt.

"Okay, um, what's your favourite playwright?" Louis looked back up with a smile, a bit of his tension leaving his body.

"I like Émile Zola a lot. How about you?"

"Yeah, I've heard his name a few times but I don't know much about him. What do you like about him? But I like Anton Chekhov, which, if I'm not mistaken, was in the same time period as Émile?"

"Yeah, they lived in the same era and actually died two years apart from each other so." Something Louis has grown to like about Liam's company was that he could talk about theatre and musical things and have an actual conversation rather than talking about it with Harry and it's a one sided conversation where he had to teach him about the topic ie Bob Fosse. "All of his pieces are in French so I can't really read any of his books unless they're translated, and even then they're a little wishy washy, so I like to watch his films more."

"What's your favourite film?"

" _La Bête Humaine_ which means the human beast, but anyway. It's about this guy, Jacques Lantier, who is unhealthily obsessed with trains and would relate sexual desires with murder? So like he killed every girl he's had sex with except one but it was because he heard a train in the background and like... I'm incredibly rubbish at describing things if you couldn't tell."

Louis giggled along with Liam's awkward and embarrassed chuckle. "No worries. I don't really know what you're talking about but that's nice to know I guess."

Liam's cheeks turned a bright red and he hid his face in his hands. "God this is embarrassing."

"No, no, it's okay." He scooted closer to Liam, gently placing his hand on his arm. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm not either." Liam peeked out of his hands, trying to hide his smile from the touch and lowered his hands to look at Louis. "Like the other day I went on this Fosse tangent with Harry and got completely carried away and he probably had no idea what I was talking about so."

"Oh, I love Fosse! I don't know much about him as a person but I love his work. _Chicago_ was incredible."

"He truly is incredible." Louis tried his best to keep himself composed and to not go on a complete rant like he did with Harry.

"So about Anton Chekhov."

Louis shrugged and laid his head against the seat of Liam's chair, forgetting that his hand was still on his arm and being oblivious to the fact they were incredibly close. "I just like his books and plays. Just like Émile Zola, Chekhov's pieces were in a different language and the translations are a bit murky but I still like them nonetheless. He was incredibly influential and he revolutionised drama and theatre. His works were based around everyday discussions which remodeled what drama was before. Him and Stanislavsky really put a hole in theatre and changed it for the better. Together they reinvented something that was once seen as high art into something that was more relatable."

"And you said you're bad at explaining things? That was clear as day." Liam wore a tight but warm smile, a huffy laugh escaping his nose and his eyes in complete fond. "I've read some of Stanislavsky's books on method acting and it honestly changed the way I viewed acting."

"Oh my gosh, me too!" Louis shot his head up in excitement, his hand squeezing Liam's arm. "It's incredible and truly mind opening. _An Actor Prepares_ was incredibly helpful with how to carry yourself onstage."

"His views on method acting were very insightful too. ' _Love the art in yourself and not yourself in the art._ _'_ "

"Yes! God this feels so great. I can finally talk to someone about this stuff that is actually able to respond with an equal amount of information. Talking to Harry is like talking to a brick wall." Well, it was true. "I didn't know you knew so much about the arts?"

"Oh, I love the arts. I know it's a tough business to get into, but it's what I want to do, more writing than acting."

"That's incredible. I used to want to do theatre but I've been losing interest in it over the years so I'm not really sure what I want to do now." Although that was true, it wasn't exactly the full truth. Louis absolutely adored everything about drama and theatre but it was ruined for him years back. Whenever he watched _The Sound of Music_ he had terrible terrible memories that he wished would just go away. But they never will and so Louis would never watch that musical ever again.

"What? You're incredible at this Lou. Way better than me. You shouldn't give up on it."

"It's not that simple, but there are other things for me to do as a career."

"All I'm saying is that you're a great actor and I'd love to see you on the big screens one day." Liam smiled and it was only then when Louis snapped out of the trance he was in. It was the sudden feeling of Liam's fingers softly playing with his that had him realise that they were way too close for comfort.

He rigidly scampered away, every muscle in his body tense. "Oh, um, okay. It, um- we-"

"Let's just start brainstorming then." Liam awkwardly shifted back into his seat, pulling out a notebook from his backpack to begin their work.

The rest of the class period was spent with awkward glances and brief exchanges of words that came sparsely. Louis couldn't believe he let himself get that close to Liam especially since he, you know, had a boyfriend and all. It wasn't like he was trying to openly flirt with Liam, hell, he wasn't trying to flirt at all. He just got caught up in the talk and didn't realise they were so close and way too intimate for his liking. And when the bell rang he raced out of the auditorium without saying a word to Liam and went straight to his locker to exchange a few books before going home.

He took his time with switching out his books since Harry sent him a text to meet him by his car in a few minutes because he had something to take care of before heading home for the day. After his books were changed out he closed his locker and roamed around the halls, keeping to himself as he usually would with his mind raving about what happened last lesson. He was stuck between wanting to tell Harry and keeping it a secret. See, telling Harry would be the right and noble thing to do but it wasn't like he was flirting with Liam. He didn't want to keep secrets, but he was scared how Harry would react since he had anger issues and all that. Louis could tell that Liam was trying to flirt with him and Harry would definitely not like that.

After so many minutes passed by and the corridors were clearing out, Louis made his way to the nearly empty car park. He immediately spotted Harry leaning against his car and never felt more relieved. He ran towards the car, immediately latching himself around his giant boyfriend. "Oh hi baby," Harry said through laughs, hitting his back against the side of the car, his arms wrapping around Louis' waist. "I missed you too."

Louis smiled up at Harry, his eyes bright. "Hazza," he cooed, snaking his arms up to hold Harry around his shoulders. His lips pursed for a kiss but Harry shook his head and carefully pushed Louis off him.

"Not here, darling. Let's go." He gripped onto Louis' arm and helped him into the car before buckling himself in. "Had a good day today?" The engine roared to life as the gears shifted to pull out the car park.

"Was alright." Louis shrugged and looked out the window in hopes that Harry wouldn't notice his change in mood but he knew it was no hope.

"What happened? You're getting weird." His hand slid over to lock in Louis' and Louis nearly pulled away from the events that happened not too long ago.

"Nothing. Just wanna lay in bed. Long day."

"Anything for you my love." The rest of the quick drive home was spent in silence, Harry giving Louis' hand a quick squeeze for comfort. He knew what was going on wasn't nothing because of the sudden switch of his moods. One second Louis' sprinting towards Harry with a smile and wanting a kiss and the next he's being short with his words and pressing himself into the side of the door. But Harry let it go for now.

Harry parked his car in his drive and walked across the street to Louis' house, his hand wanting to be somewhere on Louis' skin but he was still being distant. They entered the quiet house, heading straight to Louis' bed. It was one of the first times they skipped out on homework and instead decided to take a nap, but, honestly, Louis didn't know if he could stomach his thoughts any longer. He knew that if he were to stay awake and do his homework, his mind would be playing back everything that happened with Liam and that in itself was not okay. Not only that, but his guilt would intensify and he'd end up spilling to Harry.

When Louis laid down in his bed, Harry found himself in a space directly behind him, his belly pressing into Louis' back and his lips leaving reassuring kisses to the back of Louis' neck. "I'm sorry," he whispered, tears threatening to spill out his eyes. He subconsciously curled into himself just a bit for Harry to notice the anxiety lining his voice.

"What for?" Harry questioned in a mellow voice to keep Louis from going off the edge. He cuddled closer to his boyfriend, squeezing his tiny body in his arms, and pressing his face to the back of his neck.

Louis backed up into Harry's warmth even more, wiggling his bum a bit before settling himself. "For being dumb." A few tears slipped out, hitting the fabric of the pillow underneath his eyes.

The shakiness of Louis' voice and the unevenness of his breathes were a sign to Harry that today wasn't fine and neither was Louis. There was something on his mind that was bothering him but Harry wasn't a mind reader. "You're not dumb." Harry rubbed the base of Louis' tummy as an attempt to help calm him down. "What happened today?"

Louis didn't respond. Instead, he continued to silently cry himself to sleep. He hated himself for not telling Harry what happened and he had all this pent up guilt building inside him by the minute. And it wasn't that he was afraid Harry would lash out because he wasn't a violent person, not that he'd seen at least, he was just didn't want Harry thinking their relationship meant nothing to him. They've only been together for a few days and bad things were already happening and it only worried Louis even more for what was to come in the future. Harry may think they belong together but did the universe agree with that? Did anyone else agree with that?

If Louis told Harry, he would like to think that he wouldn't cause any problems with Liam, but they've never been through something like this before. He wanted to be with Harry but he also enjoyed Liam's company because for once he was able to have a conversation with someone who appreciated the arts as much as he did, but he also didn't want Liam thinking anything could happen between the two of them, that is if he was flirting. So, that's how Louis fell asleep. With his mind running ramped with thoughts of Harry and Liam, tears slipping out of his eyes that seeped into the fabric of his pillowcase, and Harry lightly tracing his fingers at the base of his belly for comfort and his soft, tender voice quietly singing a song into the fabric of Louis' shirt. All he wanted was for Louis to be okay.  
  
  


** 6:47 pm **

Louis wasn't really tired when he suggested they lay in bed, but he did end up falling asleep for quite some time and when he woke up Harry was still wrapped around him fast asleep. His breaths were light and hot against his neck and so were the arms and leg that was wrapped around him. He definitely liked the feeling of waking up with someone holding onto him, but he still had that underlying guilt weighing him down from his last lesson. As much as he wanted to push it away and let it be, Louis knew he had to talk about it in order to not feel so icky.

But since he was still sleeping quite soundly, Louis tried his best to carefully turn around in Harry's arms as to not wake him up. Even when he was sleeping he looked so god damn perfect and even more precious than usual. His lashes weren't too long but they curled up and spread out nicely and his cheeks always turned rosy because he was always warm under the covers but not warm enough to begin sweating, which Louis was grateful for. His lips were plump and his brows were slightly furrowed and, yeah, no one could blame Louis for placing a soft kiss to his lips— now that he could and all.

For a moment, Louis distracted himself with the beauty before him by pushing his knee in between Harry's legs and letting his fingers wander over his features. He tucked a curl that dangled across Harry's face behind his ear so it was easier for his fingertips to search the plush tanned skin. One of the things Louis envied about Harry was his lack of pores and the fact his face was so smooth even when he had a bit of stubble. Sure, his face rarely ever broke out, but his pores were visible and he had dry skin that had to be moisturised twice a day. He had to teach Harry to wash and moisturise his face properly and he just knew he didn't do it every night and the fact that he still had perfect skin was absolutely outrageous.

His fingers travelled from the edge of Harry's jaw down to his chin. He gently pulled down on the skin which pulled down the center of his lip, showing off his bottom row of teeth. A soft huffy giggle left Louis' mouth when he let go of the skin and his lips hit together with a tiny plop. It didn't take too long for Louis' smile to be wiped away when he looked up at Harry's closed eyes. He felt like crying all over again. "Hazza," he whispered with a wavering smile and watery eyes. "I'm so hurt and it's only a matter of time before you find out what happened and I'm not ready for it. You're gonna leave, I know you will." The tears flowed out freely without a second thought and Louis' heart ached at the words that left his lips. "Who wants to be with someone so damaged, someone so broken, so tainted, _corrupted_. I'm defiled and dirty and so god damn contaminated you're never going to want to love me." Louis did his best to keep his sniffles controlled to not wake Harry up but he was slowly losing himself. "I'll give it a few weeks before you decide you can't handle me anymore but until then, we can have some fun, yeah?"

It could've been from the loud sniffling or the fact that Harry seemed to be connected with Louis on another level, but Harry groggily woke up, fluttering his eyes open to see his boyfriend crying. "Lou?" Harry croaked out. "Baby what's wrong?" He became fully aware when Louis sniffled and let out a small whine. "Hey, no, no. Shhh, c'mere." He wrapped him in a tight, breathless hug to help calm him down. "I know I'm always wanting you to do things at your own pace but Lou, please, when something is bothering you this much you have to tell me. I hate seeing you like this."

Unlike other times, all it took for Louis to calm down were reassuring arms around his body and gentle hands caressing him. He calmed down almost instantaneously but his breathing was still erratic and he'd hiccup every now and then. "You're going to leave me."

"What?" Harry pulled away with the most confused ridden face. "I'm not going to leave you. Lou why-" Harry tried to think of what could have possibly went wrong in the few days they've been together for Louis to ever think he'd leave him, especially when they both agreed they wanted to be together long term. "Did someone say something to you?"

"No."

"Then what? Hey, look at me." Louis peered up through his lashes to look at Harry. "Talk to me."

"I keep making mistakes." Louis' voice broke as he spoke and he looked back down to his lap because the tears were making a reappearance. "All I do is mess up and I can't seem to know how to stop."

"Let's get your breathing steady before we talk, okay? Want you to be calm." For a few minutes Harry held Louis close and rubbed his hands up and down his back to get him back to normal and at first it wasn't working because Louis was getting lost in all of the thoughts in his head. So what's a better distraction than singing a song? Harry started to sing and only then did Louis begin to relax because, well, Harry was ridiculous. " _Too high, can't come down. Losin' my head spinnin' 'round and 'round. Do you feel me now?_ "

"I can't stand you," Louis giggled pulling away from Harry to look him in the eyes, his own ones shining brightly.

"You love it." Harry returned the smiled and then pressed a chaste kiss to Louis' lips. "What's gotten you all upset, hm?"

Louis sighed and looked down to his hands that were captured in Harry's. "I messed up." He glanced back up with saddened eyes and knitted brows. "I got carried away in the conversation and I was so excited to talk about theatre that I didn't notice what I was doing and I-" Louis was cut off with Harry pinching his lips together and a chuckle following after.

"You're rambling sweetness." Louis pulled Harry's fingers off his lips with a scowl before holding his hand again.

"I think this guy was flirting with me."

Harry pulled his brows together and his features hardened the slightest bit. He didn't like the thought of someone flirting with his boyfriend even if they didn't know Louis was his boyfriend. "Who?" He swallowed hard, clenching his jaw.

"A classmate. I was too into the conversation to even notice it but then I felt his hand touch mine and I immediately pulled away. I didn't- I didn't like it."

It was obvious Louis was upset about what happened but Harry couldn't help but laugh. Of course Louis would be the only person to be too caught up in a conversation to know someone was flirting with him. "What were you two talking about?"

"Theatre stuff. It's just that... I can talk about it with you but we don't really have a full conversation and I did with them and it was nice but I was too into the conversation that I didn't notice how close we were and... I'm sorry."

Harry stayed quiet for a few seconds, admiring every feature on Louis' face. His clear oceanic eyes, his cute button nose, his soft but prominent cheekbones, the way his flushed cheeks and slightly puffy eyes looked in the moonlight. "'m not upset, lovely." He smiled and ran his the thumb over those soft but prominent cheekbones, staring into those clear, oceanic eyes. "Is this what you were upset about earlier when we were in the car?" Louis sheepishly nodded his head, looking down to their hands. "What happened between you two?" There wasn't any jealousy lining his voice but he did have to get to the bottom of it.

"Nothing. I got excited and squeezed his arm and I guess I left it there then I felt him touching my fingers and I pulled away immediately but I- I didn't mean to do any of that."

"You know, giving other people attention doesn't constitute as cheating. Does that mean I'm fond of it? No, but anytime something like this happens I don't want you worrying about upsetting me." His hand slid back to Louis' neck, pulling him in for a kiss. "Stop worrying your pretty little mind darling. Besides, I hold hands with Niall sometimes and you don't get upset so I can't be mad."

"Niall's different though. I know he's just a friend but this guy was openly flirting with me."

"Yeah, you're right. But I'm not too bothered by it. I'm glad you told me though. Good communication leads to a good relationship."

"I like you."

Harry chuckled, pulling Louis in for a hug. "I like you too."

"Sorry for making a big deal." Louis snuggled closer into Harry's body, getting comfortable in his warmth.

"No worries love. There's nothing we can't work through." Whether or not that was entirely true was still left unknown, but Louis really hoped it was. Especially when thinking about his past. It's so heavy and dark and too much for Louis to handle himself that he couldn't even begin to imagine how Harry would feel about it all. What he really hoped for was that Harry see through all of it, but he also knew that was difficult to do. No one was able to carry that weight on their shoulders so they left Louis lonely.

Although knowing how detrimental his past was to not only him but his family, Emily, he really hoped Harry would stay after finding out. It was hard to think of someone as pure and clean when you know about the gross, dirty things done to them and Louis was afraid Harry wouldn't want to be with someone so tarnished. Did he feel bad for keeping this secret for so long especially when Harry's shown nothing but love and respect towards him? Yes, but he had his own irrational fears that kept him from doing so. He didn't want Harry to be Zayn or Niall or Aiden. He wanted Harry to stay possibly forever.

"What are you worrying about?" Harry quietly asked into Louis' shoulder, turning his head to kiss his neck.

"Nothing," Louis responded, trying his best not to smile because, yes, he knew he had irrational thoughts and Harry was just so sweet.

Harry separated their bodies and quirked a brow. "You're lying, but I see you're smiling so I'll let it go." He kissed Louis' forehead before rolling off the mattress to grab both of their backpacks off the floor. "Let's do homework."

For the rest of the night the boys peacefully did their homework without any other worries on their mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so much has happened since june and idk where to start. i'm sorry to say this, but i'm not offically back to posting regularly. i know, i'm sorry ): but i think what i'm going to do now is either post every other week or once a month just to keep you guys refreshed and entertained (hopefully). i want to start posting once a week like i used to when i finish at least half of the chapters bc uh... i'm a mess rn.
> 
> how have you guys been? i hope you guys haven't forgotten about me 🥺 i promise i didn't forget about you either. i've been wanting to post this chapter for i think three weeks now and haven't had time to edit it since i've been busy with school and work and all that but alas we're here.
> 
> if any of you want to message me or stay updated on the progress of my book or whatever i made a twitter months ago that i forgot to promote. it's @guccixxadidas feel free to follow me and message me if you'd like. i promise i respond to my messages 🥺 and i'll do my best on posting updates on the twits, but i'm not good with social media.
> 
> i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter about setting ground rules and understanding that healthy relationships require time apart. i love you guys. thank you for your support xx


	3. the threat was a little extreme but he meant it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi lovelies! here's another chapter for you. i wanted to post last week but i had like 7 assignments, a test, and a midterm all due last sunday so i was crazy busy. i hope this chapter isn't much of a disappointment because of that.

mood: falling for you by colbie caillat  
  
  


** Thursday November 22nd, 7:02 am **

"I've been doing some thinking these past couple days," Harry said coolly as him and Louis walked hand in hand to school. The past few days had been surprisingly easy. Louis wasn't feeling insecure about their relationship— he at least wasn't showing it to Harry— and their 'spending-some-time-apart' was going well. It'd only been one lunch period and yesterday night they spent apart, but it felt nice for the both of them. At first glance Louis was scared to spend time apart from Harry because he didn't know how it was going to affect their relationship, but he felt almost relieved to get a break. Not being with Harry was worrisome because he was afraid that Harry would realise that he could have fun without Louis but the constant vibrations of his phone from messages from his lover washed away his fears. Harry thought about him even when they weren't together. Digressing from that, the mood's been incredibly light and Louis was feeling great. He had a feeling some people at school were catching on to what they were trying to hide but he also couldn't find it in himself to care, which was odd.

"Let me guess," Louis entertained with a playful roll of his eyes and a squeeze of his hand. "It's about the chef's hat folds isn't it?"

"Um, it's called a toque Lou, don't be so mindless." This was one of the things Louis hated the most whenever Harry learned something new. It was like those people who learn a new word and then won't stop using it for days on end. "And yeah, that's been on my mind, but it's not what I'm talking about." Yesterday when Harry and Louis were walking home after school before Harry went off with his friends, somehow they got onto the topic of eggs and Louis told him that the one hundred folds on a chef's hat represents the one hundred ways to cook an egg. Not only was Harry mind blown that an egg could be cooked one hundred different ways, he was also astonished that a pleated chef's hat had one hundred folds. And apparently Harry went to relay that information unto his friends because Monet didn't hesitate to send Louis a text message thanking him for telling him pointless facts he was better not knowing because he would not shut up about it.

"What have you been thinking about?" Louis slipped his hand out of Harry's, earning a whine from him but he replaced the handholding for wrapping his arm around Louis' waist, cupping his hand around his hip.

"How we don't write each other letters anymore. That was such a cute thing we did and I kind of miss it." He kissed the top of Louis' fluffy hair and rubbed his head up and down his side.

"Then write me one." Louis stopped walking and pulled away from Harry to look him in the eye. He shrugged with a crooked smile. "I wouldn't mind."

Harry smiled and mindlessly pushed away Louis' fringe. "Would you write me back?" He tugged on the straps of Louis' backpack to pull him in closer— way too close for two boys who are trying to pass as friends.

"If you want me to." Louis smiled in returned, feeling incredibly endeared by the way Harry was looking at him as if nothing else mattered because, really, it was true.

"But do you want to?" His hands slid down from Louis' shoulders to his waist, wandering to his back to pull him closer.

"Yeah, we can write letters again." They exchanged sincere smiles. "But isn't that kind of making it cheap? Like we're milking it out?"

"They're just letters baby."

"Yeah but they're a nice memory we have from when we were friends. What if writing each other letters now would take that away? Like the letters were sweet but they had purpose to them."

"I get what you're saying, but I still wanna write you letters." Louis laughed and rolled his eyes. "Besides, I think it could be cute. We could write each other cheesy love letters now that we're together. You know like letters couples write back in the day during war? Or we could just flirt and gush over how we think the other is perfect. Like how you're only wearing joggers but you're driving me crazy with the way it accentuates your hips."

Louis tried his best to mask his blush and play it cool but to no avail. His cheeks were a deep pink because, well, he really liked Harry and all the cheesy compliments, and his skin warmed. "Geez take me out to dinner first." Harry's nose was booped before Louis pulled himself away and started walking to school again.

"You know I'm dying to go on our first date, Lou," Harry whined as he chased after Louis. The action felt all too familiar but it was different this time around. Harry was so used to chasing Louis after months of doing it, but this time he knew Louis wasn't going to run from him. "That's a sensitive topic for me."

"Anyway," Louis raised his voice to get back on topic because they drifted off way too easily. "Fine, we could write each other letters again. On one condition."

"And that'd be?" Harry looked down to Louis with scrunched brows from the late blooming of the sun. The hard features soon softened from how gorgeous Louis looked with the warm, golden rays dancing on his milky skin, giving it some colour for once. How it casted shadows onto his eyelids behind his long lashes and brighten his eyes to a crystal blue and make his lips look even pinker than their usual muted colour. So how could Harry not walk in front of Louis, making him stumble on his feet a bit before pausing to look up with the softest scowl he'd ever seen. "You look beautiful and I really want to kiss you."

He was caught off guard so it took Louis a while to process it, but when he did he blushed and shook his head ever so slightly. "We can't Harry." Harry's hands gripped at Louis' shoulders before he slid them down to hold his hands.

"I'm desperate here darling." Louis' eyes wandered their surroundings to see if there was anyone around but there was no point. No one ever seemed to be around in the mornings. The neighbourhood was always quiet and looked like a ghost town if anything and Louis assumed it was because people were already on their way to work before they leave the house and his classmates go to school later than they do since they walk most of the time. "Just a little lip action. A few seconds and I'll be okay." Harry pulled Louis' hands to wrap around his waist to bring him closer, his own cupping Louis' jaw.

Without warning, Louis tilted his head up to connect his lips with his boyfriend, their lips already knowing what to do. They've kissed more as friends than they did in a relationship and that was a weird thing to think about but it'd always be washed away when Harry would think about the future with Louis, how long term with Louis would be. Kisses on the sidewalk and in the corridors at school. Late nights of cuddling and laughing with Louis and soft, gentle mornings where the sun would peak through his curtains and hit Harry's back but would be soaked up by Louis' skin while he was still asleep. The exchanges of _I love you's_ but Harry tried not to think about that bit too much because the more he thought about it the more he felt obligated to say it and that was crazy. It'd only been five days.

As promised, the kiss didn't last longer than a few seconds, but it felt just as amazing. "You're just perfect, aren't you?" Harry spoke softly when he pulled away with the fondest look Louis' ever seen. Instead of responding, Louis stood on his toes to peck Harry's lips with bright pink cheeks. "I like you so god damn much Louis Tomlinson." It'd been a very long time, maybe even the first, that Harry felt his heart pound like crazy in his chest. Not even the day they reunited could compare to this. His heart was beating so fast he was getting heartburn and maybe five days was enough for Harry.

"Likewise Harry Styles."

"If we start don't start walking now, the neighbours are going to be disturbed by the amount of kisses I give you." Louis laughed and lightly hit Harry against his chest before walking to school again. "So what's the condition?"

"Condition?" Louis questioned, looking up at Harry with a quirked brow.

"About the letters."

"Oh, yeah. Just don't milk it out. You're over excessive sometimes."

Harry scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Am not." They crossed the street that lead to the god forsaken place Harry loathed so much: school.

Once they reached the grass on school grounds, Louis turned around with his arms crossed over his chest and popped his hip out. "Harry, you've got to be joking."

"You're playing it up."

"So you're not over excessive?"

"Nope."

"You bought a tapestry with a sun on it and called it Lulu because it reminded you of me."

Harry rolled his eyes and and pulled on Louis' arm to drag him to one of the tables in the courtyard. "Not entirely sunshine." He pushed Louis onto the bench and sat across from him. "I've got some confidential thoughts behind that tapestry and I needed some protection."

"I've seen some of it." Louis' eyes were trained on Harry's hands, his own fingers poking at them.

"You've read it?" Harry looked at their hands with furrowed brows and a tilted head. Not that he would mind if Louis read his wall where he spilled all of his thoughts onto, but it was slightly worrisome. He had cute little doodles sketched all across the area but he also had some deep, scary thoughts— everyone does— and a lot of them were about Louis and his pretty eyes and soft hair or his cute nose and irresistible lips.

Louis shook his head and looked up to see Harry who was already looking at him intently. He couldn't really tell how he felt about the situation but he wasn't going to lie. "No. I saw words but I didn't want to intrude. Saw a few little drawlings too."

"Drawlings," Harry snorted. "Do you want to read it?" Harry curled his fingertips around Louis', wanting to touch him so much more but obviously not being able to and he's going to blame it on the kiss they shared not too long ago.

"Don't wanna intrude."

"I don't mind." Harry shrugged his shoulders and fought his smile when Louis interlocked their fingers and laid their hands palm down on the table. "Besides, you should know, right? Like we're dating and I shouldn't be keeping things from you. Not that I am."

Louis' eyes flickered to Harry with a slight knit to his brows before scanning his surroundings and returning his gaze to their hands and back to Harry. "This isn't you trying to force things out of me, is it?"

"Oh, no. Hey." Harry tugged on their hands to gain Louis' attention again after it faltered to the table. "I understand you need time and I'm fine with that. I just thought that maybe you'd understand things a little more if you read them. I know you still have some unanswered questions that are driving you crazy and maybe what's on my wall won't exactly answer those questions but it might help give you a better understanding of things."

It was quiet for a few moments as Louis got lost in his head. It wasn't anything serious but at the same time it kind of was. Like he wanted to read Harry's wall, of course he did, but he didn't want it to seem forced or inorganic. That would only make it awkward but how could it be organic? Harry would obviously be in the room with him and him taking a peak behind the tapestry would be awkward with Harry's eyes on him. Louis also felt obligated to give something back even though he knew Harry wasn't a give and take type of person, he was a give person. He had things himself that Harry could read where he too could have a better understanding of everything but their thoughts and feelings were most likely on the opposite end of the spectrum. It wasn't the same but it was also only fair.

"I want it to be organic though. I don't want you to be like 'come over my house so you could read my wall'."

Harry laughed and shook his head. "Of course. I'm just saying I wouldn't mind you reading it if you happened to do so." Louis hummed and nodded his head, his gaze never leaving their hands.

"I have some things you could read that would get you to better understand me and the stuff I went through." It wasn't anything like court reports and stuff like that— although he could very well show them— it was just short little paragraphs he wrote to himself, like a diary, talking about his feelings and vaguely describing the events that happened on certain days. "I know it's different, but you said you don't want to be in the dark anymore and if you want I'd be willing to show you some."

There was a smile on Harry's face but not because he was just given permission to read about a part of Louis no one knew about. It was the progress Harry was happy about. The willingness to share things with his boyfriend that he probably never would have even thought to show anyone. "Darling, you're doing amazing. I'm so proud of you for taking this step but you know you don't have to."

"I know you think that, but I do have to. It's not fair and like, you have to know." Harry sighed heavily and stared at Louis in awe. This Louis was so so so different than the Louis he met in the beginning of the year it was almost unrecognisable and Harry just loved it. He loved the progress that he made and he loved that Louis was actively trying to be better and he especially loved that Louis didn't want to be surrounded in darkness anymore.

"I-" No. Harry had to stop himself from making a _huge_ mistake. For fuck's sake it had only been five days. Five fucking days and Harry almost told Louis he loved him. He tried to convince himself that it was because of him loving that Louis was trying and the word love must've gotten jumbled up in his head but he knew it wasn't true. That phrase didn't mistakenly pop up in anyone's head, not to someone as passionate as Harry.

"You what?" Louis raised a brow and bit onto his lower lip.

"Thank you," he croaked out awkwardly with a rough cough following after.

Maybe Niall was right. Maybe he did love Louis but how could that be? Him and Louis had only been dating for five days and they've literally done nothing but lay in bed and watch _The Office_. They haven't done anything special in a few weeks and it was almost a bummer but it was understandable. Yes, Harry loved Louis platonically but he didn't think it was anything more than that. Now that was weird, Harry just realised. He wouldn't say it that often but at least once a week he told Louis he loved and appreciated him but he couldn't do that now because it'd seem like a completely different thing. But it didn't mean it was any less true.

Harry wasn't afraid to love Louis, why would he? Louis was the epitome of perfect no matter his past. It could be the ignorance talking, but even if he knew exactly what happened to Louis— and he surely had some ideas— that wouldn't make him think anything less of perfect. But it was confusing him because he failed to realise that he loved Louis way before they started dating. They were never ever friends no matter how much they try to tell themselves that. It took Harry weeks, months even, to figure out he liked Louis so he could only imagined how long he loved him without him knowing.

The rest of their morning before class was spent with a light conversation in the courtyard and thankfully Niall actually listened to him and left them alone the entire time. But that didn't mean he wouldn't walk past a few times with a playful smirk on his face (him and Monet had inklings about the chemistry between Louis and Harry and yeah Monet knew most of it she didn't know they were actually together and Niall was still clueless but suspicious all the while). It felt like only five minutes passed when the bell rang for class and as Harry walked Louis to his first lesson, they had a back and forth bickering session continuing their earlier conversation about how Harry was in fact over excessive.

His defence was always that he just cared and liked Louis so much, but Louis thought that was a bad excuse. Louis liked Harry just as much but he was never like that. Don't get him wrong he appreciated everything Harry did from the letters and flowers to him taking care of him and taking him different places, but it didn't change the fact he was over excessive. Like the day of Emily's wake when Harry went to school to pick up and drop off homework for Louis when he didn't even attend school himself. There was no need for that but he did it anyway and yeah, Louis appreciated it but come on. It was a bit over excessive. Or the god damn blackout curtains. Now _that_ was over excessive.  
  


** 2:36 pm **

The last period had finally come and Louis couldn't have been more excited. He loved school and he didn't really mind his classmates as much anymore, but he was glad to see it be over and if you were to ask about his antsy behaviour he'd say it was because he wanted to go home and relax because the testing coming up in the next couple weeks are already stressing him out. Although that was true, the main reason was because his hands were itching to touch Harry and his lips longed to be played with. Call him needy, but he really enjoyed Harry's company even if that company prevented him from doing his homework some days.

He was just as surprised as Harry when he started to use pet names and be the one to initiate kisses and want to be touched and kissed in public. Louis genuinely thought he'd be incredibly anxious about it all and he still was but it wasn't to the degree he thought it'd be. When they went over things together he was fine with the proposal Harry made but with every day that passed he felt himself grow more and more impatient to get home and be able to be a couple again. It was complicated really because he wanted to go public so they could do couple things all day but he was also terrified of being scrutinised by the school. Harry was the cute new _straight_ guy and Louis somehow changed his mind and he wasn't ready for the hate about it.

All Louis had to do was get through the next forty minutes and he'd be free of all the chains he put upon himself. In forty minutes he could touch and kiss and cuddle with Harry all he wanted. But it was forty minutes away and Louis had been feeling anxious to go to theatre the past few days. Ever since Tuesday he didn't really know how he felt about being Liam's partner but he had to power through it. So what if Liam liked him? Harry was okay with Louis liking him when they were friends so Louis could surely do the same. Liam was harmless and all Louis had to say was that he wasn't interested but he couldn't to say no to people and Harry expected him to because he didn't want Liam thinking he had a chance.

Since their talk two days ago Harry had been walking Louis to his last class, staying behind until the bell would ring. And as many times Harry would ask who was the person that was flirting with him, Louis would never give an answer but Harry did fail to realise when Louis' eyes widened when Liam walked by. And Harry wouldn't be afraid to admit he stood a little closer to Louis and acted a bit more affectionate than he usually would. Louis was his after all, even if no one knew.

"Just tell me who he is baby," Harry had said as he held Louis' hand— the one by the wall of course.

"No Harry," Louis replied. There was a smirk on his face because maybe he liked the jealous side of Harry a bit more than he should. "There's nothing to worry about."

"I know that. I just want to know if they'd look good with a purple eye."

"Don't talk that way." He lightly hit Harry against his shoulder with a weak smile. "He's really nice."

"Don't care Lou. He could be Gandhi and I still wouldn't like him if he was openly flirting with you."

"He thinks I'm single." That was when Louis' eyes widened as Liam passed by with a warm and welcoming smile.

"Still. You're not." The bell rang and the smile on Louis' face grew because Harry pouted and was reluctant to leave him alone.

"You're late."

"Don't care." Harry pulled Louis in with a big smile on his face only to be pushed away. "Maybe I can stay with you, learn a few things about theatre."

"You don't have to say theatre like that and no. Go."

"Please Lou? I'm just gonna miss you _so_ much."

"Poor Harry, spending forty five minutes away from his newfound beau makes him sad." He gave Harry a huge fake frown to mock him and apparently it wasn't funny.

"Very much sad. Now why would you wish that upon your lovely boyfriend?"

Louis snorted and flicked Harry's forehead before stepping away, their hands lingering. "I've got to go Harold. You'll be dearly missed." Louis placed a hand over his heart with a faux pout. "However will I get through it?"

Still unimpressed, Harry scowled at his tiny boyfriend who was having no problem mocking him. "I hate you so much. Bye." He rolled his eyes and dramatically turned himself around and stomped away to his study hall.

"Mwah. Kisses. Au revoir mademoiselle. Oh comment tu vas me manquer." Harry raised a hand to flick Louis off not too long before he turned around to flash a cheeky smile.

Even if Louis hadn't disappeared into the auditorium, he still wouldn't have heard the words mumbled under Harry's breath. Words that were so familiar yet so foreign. Words that he definitely wasn't afraid to say, but afraid of what the reaction would be. After he said, "Je t'aime beaucoup, Louis." He turned back around and continued his walk across the school to his study hall, mumbling things under his breath. "Je tombe amoureux de toi plus vite que je ne le pensais." It'd been a few hours since Harry's almost slip up, a Freudian slip if you will, but he had some time to think about it and had come to terms with it.

Monet was right after all. His heart truly belonged to someone else and so maybe that's why he didn't have to think about loving Louis so quickly. They'd only been in a relationship for five days but it was only official for that amount of time. Nothing would convince Harry that weeks prior to their disbanding they weren't unofficially together. He didn't have eyes on anyone else nor did he really care to give anyone his attention the way he did with Louis. And the same went with Louis. He hadn't liked someone in years, not that they'd give him the time of day anyway, but it was big for him to like someone and for it to actually fall through was crazy to him. The circumstances were different, sort of, but he still didn't have eyes for someone else. Not even Liam, the only other person who gave him that sort of attention.

Harry was sure Louis wasn't where he was yet and he'd be damn surprised if he was but he was fine with it. That didn't mean Louis liked him any less and it sure as hell didn't mean he wasn't willing to in the future. Love takes time and Harry was willing to wait until Louis was as ready as he was but until then he had to do his best to keep it under wraps but with his record, he'll crack by tomorrow morning. As he walked to his last class Harry just couldn't believe it only took him five days to realise that he loved Louis. And it was very well possible that it happened before they were even together and maybe that was why Harry was miserable without him for that week they spent apart. Unbeknownst to Harry, he didn't have to think about falling in love with Louis because he already was.

It'd been twenty six minutes since all that happened and the theatre teacher finally stopped giving the lecture about the projects on what to do and what not to do. Louis was the last person to walk into class so he couldn't sit in his usual seat on stage left. Instead, the only seat that was open was next to Liam which Louis found odd. Liam was always surrounded by people and he couldn't help but feel like he added the chair right before Louis came in or kicked someone out.

"Looks like I don't have to part the seas to look for you this time around," Liam tried to joke when they were given permission to start working in their groups.

"Yeah," Louis whickered but even that was too much of a laugh. It sounded incredibly unimpressed and Liam caught onto it quickly.

"Everything alright? You seem a bit off." His words came out a bit tentative because he didn't want Louis to think it was an insult. It was just the sudden change of mood from when he saw him outside with Harry.

Louis let out a heavy sigh as he shook his head. He was being ridiculous and he knew that. Liam meant no harm and Louis was sure if he knew about him and Harry he'd kindly back off. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't- I don't know. I'm fine though, really."

"Did Harry upset you or something? Cause I remember you smiling but now..."

"No, he didn't. I just got lost in my head for a second. I zoned out." Just to prove that he was okay he attempted his best genuine laugh but it fell short.

"You two seemed a little, um, close."

Louis shrugged, reaching into his backpack to get a notebook so they could start planning stuff out since the last two days were nonproductive. "Yeah, we're close. He's my best friend."

"You were holding hands though." Liam replicated Louis' actions by reaching into his bag and getting a notebook and pen.

"Just a thing we do. No biggie." He shuffled through his notebook in search of an empty page to begin writing, his face dusted in pink. He was almost positive no one would be able to see it but at least it was only Liam, right? Besides, he probably paid closer attention because there was a possibility he liked Louis. "So what were you thinking about doing?"

"Not really sure, but I kind of want to do a mockumentary."

"Can we even do that?" Usually a mockumentary was done using a program in post and this was theatre: live action.

"Yeah, I talked to the teacher while you were out with _Harry_ and, um-" Liam cleared his through and diverted his gaze for a few seconds before returning back to Louis. See, now why did he have to do that? It was fine if Liam had his suspicions about him and Harry but that didn't mean he should talk about them in that tone of voice, but being the passive person he was, Louis let it go. "She said we could if we wanted to. We just have to do everything ourselves."

"I don't know, I think we should stick to theatre. A mockumentary sounds fun, but I don't want to be the only ones having a video to show. Sorry."

"Hey, no worries. We're brainstorming, yeah? Just throwing ideas out there. We'll figure something out."

And that they did. It took a while— the entire rest of the period— to just settle on a topic to do. But they were a step further than they were forty five minutes ago. There was a mutual agreement on tragedy because, well, Louis knew that too well and Liam was fond of tragedies, Shakespeare and all that. Human suffering came almost natural to Louis so writing a three minute script wouldn't be too hard, right? Throughout the time of their brainstorming, thankfully Harry wasn't brought up again because that was something Louis still was unsure talking about. Did Harry want Louis to deny everything or did he want people to know they were talking but not official? But then again, the only reason they weren't public was for Louis' sake and Harry probably didn't care what he said. Either way, talking about Harry to Liam had been an uncomfortable situation. He wanted to tell Liam to stop the flirting because he had a boyfriend but... And Harry wanted the flirting to stop but it was hard for him to reject people from fear of them hating him for doing so.

But thankfully the class was over and he didn't have to deal with any of that until tomorrow, hopefully. Liam and Louis exchanged numbers to discuss things about the project— Louis was sure that wasn't the full reason but he let it slide— and when they could meet up to work on it together. Once the exchange was done, Louis bolted out of the auditorium and headed straight to the bathroom him and Harry met in. In hindsight it was kind of gross but it was their thing, you know? There will be a time where they won't meet up in the bathroom anymore because Louis won't feel the need to wait the corridors to decrowd before leaving the building so they both cherished it while it lasted.

When Louis walked into the bathroom and rounded the corner, Harry was leaning against the wall passed all of the sinks, scrolling through his phone. A smile broke onto his face and he couldn't control it when his legs sped up so he could meet him quicker. The footsteps caught Harry's attention and when he saw his tiny boyfriend approaching him quickly, he smiled and welcomed him with open arms. He held him around his waist so close and so tight Louis would be surprised if he was still breathing. Harry hummed and mumbled, "This just might have replaced my favourite part of the day," into the fluff of Louis' hair.

"Why?" Louis struggled to get out, his words getting lost into the fabric of Harry's shirt.

"Because you hug me like you haven't seen me in days and I love it so much." Harry separated their bodies with a warm smile, pushing Louis hair away from his face. "Hi baby."

"Hi you." The bathroom fell silent with the only sound falling in were the pushing and shoving and nonsensical chatter from beyond the bathroom door. The two boys stared at each other until Louis found himself being tugged into the bigger stall amongst the others. "What are you doing?" Harry locked the door and stood right in front of Louis with a mischievous smile.

"Needed some privacy in case someone walks in." One of Harry's hands rested on the small of Louis' back and the other cupped the back of his neck, his thumb pressing into the skin and rubbing circles near his hairline.

"For wh-" Louis wasn't allowed to finish his sentence before Harry pulled him in for a deep, longing kiss. It'd really only been a few hours since they kissed but the way Harry was holding him, touching him, _kissing_ him was as if they haven't kissed for years. Harry was longing for Louis all day and the moment he was able to be affectionate with him, he was going to take advantage of it. But of course, just their luck, someone decided to walk into the bathroom and neither boy could understand why it was such a hotspot now. When they were just friends absolutely no one used this bathroom while they were in it, but now they keep getting interrupted and Louis couldn't help but feel like it was the universe against them.

When the door squeaked open and the loud sounds of the corridor flooded into the bathroom, the boys pulled apart and panicked. Louis turned pink and his heart was hammering in his chest in anxiety because there were two pairs of feet in the stall and he wasn't ready to be confronted or part of an anonymous rumour. But when Harry harshly whispered, "Jump," Louis was not up for it.

"No," he whispered back with his brows pulled together.

"Jump."

"No."

"Jump!" The steps were getting louder and Louis was visibly getting more anxious. It wasn't serious and whoever walked in probably wouldn't even notice, but it was the principle of the matter. Harry stood with his arms stretched out, ready to catch Louis. He was stared at for a few seconds before Louis hopped up on Harry. A short, deep chuckle escaped through his throat when he caught the small little boy in his arms, his hands giving support to his thighs until he was situated. "It's like they don't want us to kiss," Harry whispered in Louis' hair right behind his ear.

"I think this was just your way to touch my bum," Louis whispered back, pulling away to see a smirk on Harry's face. Once Louis was situated Harry slid his hands down to hold Louis on his thighs at the cusp of his bum. "I could've just stood on the toilet."

"What's the fun in that?" The smirk remained on his face when he dove back in for a kiss, their lips moving gently against the other, trying their best to keep their noises to a minimum. After a few seconds, Harry walked backwards to sit on the toilet, giving enough room behind him so Louis could keep his legs wrapped around his hips. They kissed for what seemed to be forever and Louis really wondered what the hell that guy was doing for so long. He hadn't weed or anything and the only logical answer that made sense was that he was having a wank.

As they kissed, Harry's hands were nonstop. They roamed every inch of Louis' torso to his neck and down to his thighs, sliding over to his back the creeping down to his bum for a spilt second before sliding back up to hold him tight. And it all felt amazing, perfect even, until the noise of something plopping in water resonated throughout the room. That was the only thing that could break their kiss and they had to try so hard not to bust out laughing. Louis shoved his face into Harry's shoulder and silently laughed so hard while Harry had to drop his head into Louis' neck to stop himself from doing the same. But Harry's laughs were less masked than Louis' soft little giggles escaping through his nose.

"Stop it," Louis whispered through giggles as he lightly pinched Harry's side to get him to calm down but then another plop sounded and Harry was close to losing his mind.

When he was calm enough to speak, he moved his hands to circle around Louis' back and tilted his head up to whisper directly into his ear. "We were full blown making out while he was trying to have a shit. How do you not find that hysterical?"

"It's natural!"

"I know that, jeez stop being a priss. You laughed too."

"It caught me off guard." Louis started giggling again, finally looking up at Harry which was proved to be a huge mistake. Harry couldn't stop his snort for coming out and he immediately slapped his hand over his mouth, his laughs never faltering.

"Hello?" the guy in a few stalls over called out. After that the two boys almost lost it and Harry kept pushing Louis to get off him because they've just been caught.

"Go, go, go." Louis hopped off him and rushed out the bathroom with Harry hot on his tail and once they were clear of the restroom they bursted into laughter, leaning against the wall to keep themselves upright as they both held onto their stomachs. The person inside the bathroom probably heard them cackling and Louis almost felt bad but it wasn't like they were making fun of him. The pair earned confused glares from anyone that was left in the hallway but neither was aware of it, too lost in their own world to even think about how crazy they looked.

"I see you two are back together," a cold and sneering voice spoke to them from a distance.

Being the hyper aware person he was, Louis was the first person to snap out of it and tense at the person approaching them. Harry was quick to snap back into reality when Louis stopped laughing, his eyes following his gaze and his muscles tensed. "What do you want, Aiden?" Harry snarled, grabbing a hold of Louis' arm to pull him closer.

Aiden took notice of the action and flashed a wicked smirk. "Nothing, Harry. Just having a chat with some friends."

"Well we've got to get going." As he began to turn a Louis around, Aiden cut them off.

"Why so soon? We just met up and I've missed Louis so much." His oddly warm fingers slid across Louis' forehead to fix his fringe. Louis tensed up and squeezed his eyes closed from the foreign touch. The fingers were warm but they felt nothing like Harry's. For one, the were a lot smaller and skinnier and they weren't as gentle or caring.

Harry was quick to snatch his hand away from Louis' face with a grimace. "If you know what's best for you, I suggest you don't."

The smirk was still plastered on Aiden's face, never faltering, not when Harry's grip tightened and not when he snatched his hand away. "What? You can't share? Me and Lou go way back, isn't that right Lou Lou?" The use of the nickname made Louis cringe and turn himself further into Harry's body, his own going cold and numb. Louis didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to remember his past with Aiden. Not when he was acting the way he was.

"Lou?" Harry looked down to the boy who was shaking in fear with a face full of confusion. Louis just shook his head and looked away, not wanting to talk about it right then especially with Aiden standing right there.

Feeling like he's done enough damage, Aiden's smirk turned into a smile full of malice and a deprecating laugh falling off his lips. "Just know this, he was mine before he was ever yours." And with that Aiden walked away but not before kissing the top of Louis' head and it was mystery how Harry kept his cool. It could be from the fact that he was stuck on staring at Louis in confusion that it never registered in his brain because a minute ago he was ready to pop Aiden in his jaw and the kiss would have been the cherry on top.

"Louis?" Harry took a step back, observing his obviously torn down boyfriend. His eyes were welled up in tears, his cheeks pink and wet.

He shook his head and took a step back, his hands shaking. "Not here." His voice was small and Harry could tell he was on the verge of a breakdown. "I-I can't." Before he knew it, Louis ran away, turning the corner and disappearing from the halls and Harry couldn't understand why everything was going wrong. They were cracking up not even five minutes ago and now Louis just ran away shaking and crying.

It took a few minutes for everything to process in Harry's brain and in those few minutes his mind was racing with the unknown and all the possibilities that could be. What in the fuck did Aiden mean by him and Louis go way back and that Louis was his before he was Harry's? None of it made sense, especially when Harry remembered months ago when Aiden caused Louis to blackout in the middle of the hall. When Harry had to carry him home because he wouldn't wake up. When Harry cried that night because he didn't know what to do or whether or not Louis was okay. How could someone so cruel, some so atrocious have any type of relationship with someone so beautiful and pure? He absolutely hated the power Aiden had over Louis and oh my god did he kiss his head? It took a while, but now Harry was fuming.

That was when Harry finally came back to reality and realised everything that happened. Louis wasn't by his side anymore and the halls were mostly clear by now. He didn't know if he should go and find Aiden to see if his fist colliding with his face felt as good as he was thinking it would be or if he should find Louis and make sure he was okay. It was a no brainer. He sprinted down the corridors to find Louis and he really hoped he didn't bump into Aiden or any of his friends because despite his thoughts, he really didn't feel like icing his knuckles that night. Well, he had mixed emotions about it because he really wanted to pop Aiden in his face but then that'd be a detour in his travels and Louis was more important than some prick who said things just to get under someone's skin.

Harry bursted through the doors and sprinted across the courtyard in search for Louis who was safe, thank god, and still on his way home. "Louis!" Harry shouted as he neared the boy who was only a few blocks from his house. "Lou? Hey." He slowed down once he was close enough to round his figure and step in front of him. "Baby, hey. Lou please." Harry tried his best to get Louis' attention but he'd always jerk away, flinching and tensing when he was touched, squeezing his eyes shut and cowering into himself when he was pulled into a hug.

"Get off me," Louis mumbled trying his best to push Harry away but failing to do so. "Please, please, please."

"No lovely. I can't do that." Harry held him tighter, stronger, and never dared to loosen his grip— not even when Louis persisted on pushing him away. He wanted so bad to tell Louis he loved him dearly and that everything was okay but he couldn't do that, the first part of it at least. He didn't know whether or not Louis was going to remember it after and he didn't think he'd be able to handle it if he did. Instead, he opted in to singing softly in his ear. " _Love you every day, always on my mind. One thing I can say, love you all the time. Hold me, love me, hold me, love me, I ain't got nothing but love eight days a week_." And it took nearly seven minutes but Louis finally calmed down and was latching onto Harry like a life support. ' _I love you and it hurts me to see you in pain'_ , Harry wanted to tell Louis. ' _I wish you could give it all to me just so you can be happy_ ,' he would've added. ' _I would do anything for your happiness_ ,' was how he would've ended it, but instead he said, "Let's go home my love." He kissed the top of his head and pulled him to start walking.

Louis' feet were dragging a bit and his steps came stumbled due to the way he was still latching onto Harry, nervous about what was going to happen once they were behind closed doors. He knew Harry was going to want to talk to him but that was what he was scared of. How was he supposed to explain everything that happened between him and Aiden with having another breakdown or Harry freaking out and losing trust in him? But he still held onto him, afraid that if he let go he'd fall apart all over again.

When they got to his door he gave Harry his keys and followed him up to his room. Harry shut the door behind him and watched Louis slump his way to his bed. His head laid on the hard wood, his hands resting on the small of his back, a sigh huffing out his nose. Louis sat at the edge of his bed, his thighs pressing together with great force, his hands interlocked on his knees and his head dropped to the floor. He could feel Harry's intense glare and he honestly wasn't ready to have this conversation with him. He never thought it'd ever be brought up but of course Aiden just had to ruin a perfect day for them.

"Louis," Harry spoke softly, not wanting to upset him too much. "Why didn't you _tell_ me." He wasn't really sure what any of that was about but approaching like he did would get Louis to reveal more than if he asked what happened.

Louis' shoulders began to shake and his breathing trembled, his eyes watering. "How was I supposed to bring that up?" When he looked up his eyes were bloodshot and he had red red spots scattered all over his face and it took everything in Harry to not rush over and hold him. He wanted to keep distance because they can't solve everything with physical touch.

"I don't know, but you still could've said something so I'm not losing my mind when stuff like this happens." Harry kept his position by the door, his body still resting against the wooden plain.

"Nothing happened between us!" Let the record show that Louis was the first to raise his voice so if Harry were to do the same he couldn't get upset.

"No? So then what the fuck did he mean that you two go way back or that you were his?"

"I knew him before I knew you, Harry."

"Fine so what about the other part, hm?" If Harry weren't fuming with rage he was sure he'd be crying right now. It was all lies. Louis was never only his so how could Harry believe any other thing he's said about the kisses and the relationship? Hell, what if his past wasn't even true? Who the fuck knows. No one but Louis and that was the problem.

"I don't want to talk about it." Louis rubbed his hands over his face to wipe away his tears and eventually just hide behind them because the way Harry was looking at him was not okay.

"I don't care. I'm a part of this and you need to tell me."

"It has nothing to do with you." When Louis looked back up Harry flatlined his lips and let out a chuckle, sinking down the door to sit on the floor.

"Fine. If you don't tell me I can't be in this relationship anymore." It was hard for him to say, especially since he realised just how much he adored Louis, but he didn't want to be in a relationship built on lies.

"You can't do that. That's not fair." It truly was fucked up for Harry to give that ultimatum to Louis and he knew that but how else would he get Louis to talk? Was it right? No, but he wasn't feeling any guilt in that moment. "Why would you say that? Y-you said long term. You said you wanted to love me. You-" Louis stopped talking to continue crying and it tore Harry to shreds but he had to put his foot down. He couldn't just let Louis have his way all the time. The threat was a little extreme but he meant it.

' _I_ _do love you and I don't want to leave but what else could I do?_ ' was the more ideal version of words Harry wanted to say and maybe that would've ended the fight but no. He couldn't. "That's all true but I can't be in a relationship based on lies, Louis."

"I didn't lie!" Louis yelled and it took Harry off guard for a second. "When did I lie?"

"You told me I was your first kiss and your first relationship." It was selfish of Harry to want to be Louis' first everything but he didn't care. That was his boy and he absolutely hated the thought of someone else having him the way he did.

"You were-"

"Well you said first _real_ kiss so who knows who else touched your lips."

"You were my first kiss, Harry. I've never kissed Aiden or anyone like that before, okay? And why does it matter? You've kissed people before. _Girls_."

"But I didn't lie about it."

"Neither did I!" Louis stood up, finding it hard to stay composed while being rolled up in a ball. "I have never kissed someone before but that doesn't mean people haven't kissed me."

"That makes no sense."

"I've never kissed anyone back and the most I've done was kiss someone on the cheek."

"So you've kissed Aiden's cheek?" Harry rested his head against his knees, not wanting to look at Louis because he wasn't really sure if he could handle it. Harry might've been overreacting because it happened so long ago and it was only on the cheek, but he couldn't seem to get over the fact of the possible lies that were floating in the air.

"That's not-"

"Tell me." Louis stayed silent, sitting back down on his mattress watching the way Harry was trying to keep his stress in. He could understand why Harry was so upset no matter the length of their relationship. All this time he was led to believe he was Louis' first boyfriend and his first kiss and everything else. Then he hears something like this and it just taints everything Louis' ever said.

He couldn't lie. "Yes." His voice came out incredibly weak and he could see Harry's body shudder. That was his boy but now all he could think was that he was Aiden's boy and he hated it so much. He took a deep inhale and refused to uncoil himself. His foot tapped rapidly on the carpets and his nails were digging into his jeans. Louis could see the strain and tension in Harry's body and he felt horrible. It wasn't because of what he did but the fact that Harry had to find out that way and he knew that was why it escalated so much. "We were never together." Louis stood up and hesitantly walked over to where Harry was sitting.

"Yeah," he mumbled, his voice wavering. He felt Louis' presence get nearer and nearer until he slid down next to him.

"It was never like that, I promise." Louis' eyes began to water when Harry let out a suffocated whimper. He placed a hand on Harry's back to help comfort him, rubbing circles in between his shoulder blades.

"Don't touch me." Louis retracted his hand and placed it on his knee, squeezing it before sighing and dropping his head against the door. He had to keep in mind that Harry had anger issues and he needed time to calm down but it hurt that he didn't want to be touched. He'd always been fond of physical affection but now that he was mad, he didn't want to be near Louis.

"Sorry," Louis whispered, pulling his knees towards his chest as he stared at the ceiling. He took deep breaths to keep himself from crying, his neck hurting from the angle it was in.

"Lou," Harry groaned out, lifting his head up just enough to rest his chin on his knees.

Louis' attention snapped down to Harry, observing the curls tucked behind Harry's ear and the way his breathing was still wild with anger. "Yeah?"

"Tell me everything. From beginning to end."

"Nothing happened between us, honest. Well, we just-" Louis took a deep breath and rested his cheek on his knee, his eyes still watching Harry. "When we were kids we'd always act the way you and me did without all the... seriousness of it? Like he'd hold hands and hug and stuff like that but I was like that with everyone because I used to be outgoing and extremely friendly and like-" Louis paused to think about how to word his next sentence. They never dated officially and they were just kids so nothing was ever serious. "But he said only liked holding hands with me and hugging me so I thought maybe he liked me? Because of that I didn't hold back that much and we'd give each other kisses on the cheek and hug throughout the day but it was never anything serious. It went on for a while until he told me that it was just a joke and that him and his friends were basically just making a mockery out of me." Louis' rubbed his thumb against his shin, shocked he remained composed. "They exploited my sexuality for a joke."

Harry sighed, shaking his head and resting his forehead on his knees. Everything made sense and Harry felt horrible that he would get angry with Louis when he was always hesitant and anxious about their friendship and the way Harry acted with him. "That's why you always pushed me away." Louis' already been through it before and there came this new guy who befriended the people who did that to Louis.

"Yeah, I'm sorry." It was hesitant but Louis first placed his hand on Harry's back and when he didn't flinch away or say anything, he started to rub up and down, leaning his head against his shoulder. "Sorry for never bringing it up. Obviously there were times I could've mentioned it I just- the memory slipped my mind until today really and I'm sorry."

"No baby, don't apologise to me." Harry pulled back and looked Louis in his eyes a weak smile growing on his face. His fingers were insanely delicate as they tapped the bottom of Louis' chin. He dropped his head against the door, letting his hand fall to his lap. "I'm the biggest arsehole ever."

"You're not," Louis mumbled, leaning his head against Harry's shoulder again and interlacing their fingers. "You didn't know and it's my fault for not telling you."

"No, I was just caught up in the heat of the moment. I'm not mad at you really, I'm more upset with myself for being friends with these people. Why am I friends with them?"

"I don't know, but not all of them are gross. Like Niall and Monet."

"Still. Wish we became friends sooner because then we wouldn't have to deal with all this."

"We still would have eventually." Louis sighed and squeezed Harry's arm. "It was only a matter of time."

Harry nodded and rested his head on top of Louis', kissing the top of his head before doing so. "I just hate that now I know you're not only mine."

"But I am." Louis carefully rose his head in confusion, looking at Harry with an expression that said just that.

"Now you are but I really liked the thought of me being the only person to have you. The only person to get your cuddles and receive your touches and feel your kisses. I know I'm not anymore and it's kind of crushing me."

"I don't like thinking about you being with girls either but there's nothing I could've done to stop that." Harry tugged on Louis' hand to get him to sit on his lap, a selfish move on his part but, hey, he wanted some more affirmation and Louis quietly obliged, straddling Harry's lap and circling his arms around his neck. "We both have things we don't like about the other's past but we've got to get through it."

"No, I know, but I just wished it could've just been only me, you know?"

"Yeah, but _now_ it's only you." Louis threaded his fingers through Harry's curls, neither caring about the separation or fizziness that's to come. "Gonna be only you for a while."

"Yeah," Harry mumbled against Louis' lips with a smile, his hands squeezing at his sides. "Only you." Their lips connected with slow movements, tongues not even touching until a few moments later. It was slow, proving a point to each other that they could get through anything and still be together, stronger than the day before. "You're the best thing to ever happen to me Lou." The words were mumbled on his lips in the middle of the kiss and the vibrations took him off guard before being able to register what was said. Louis kissed him back with what was said running wild in his mind.

Harry felt strongly about him and Louis really needed to stop doubting him because of his past. Harry wasn't like Zayn or Aiden or Tom or Amelia or anyone else out to get him. Harry was honest and a fool. He was so beyond whipped, not even a dolt would miss that. Louis didn't want to worry about anything between them. Out of everything in his life Harry had been the only constant for months, the only thing he could depend on. Harry was the only person that stayed by his side so there should be no reason to not believe him.

"Likewise," Louis gasped when he pulled away, pressing his cheek against Harry's.

"And I'm so crazy about you, I hope you know that."

Louis laughed lightly, pulling away to cup Harry's cheeks in both of his tiny hands, a warm smile on his face. "I could put that much together." They shared a laugh before Louis pressed a kiss to Harry's lips that only lasted a few seconds. "And if we're being so honest, you drive me crazy too."

There was a huge grin stretched across Harry's face, his thumb rubbing along Louis' prominent cheekbone. "That a good or bad thing?" His eyes were glassy, sparkling even, and Louis didn't know if Harry wanted to cry or if he was just that happy at the moment.

"Could go either way I guess." Louis' face hurt from how he wanted to smile wider but his face wouldn't allow it. "It's good but could get me in trouble."

"Same goes for me darling. C'mon." Harry lifted Louis by his hips until he stable on his feet before standing up himself. "Let's get to work, yeah?"  
  


** 6:57 pm **

The boys had been doing homework for that past few hours and the only reason it was taking that long was because of Harry's struggling with his maths as always. Louis was trying to help him but it was like Harry can't retain information that was given to him five seconds ago. And it didn't make it better when Harry thought that kisses would fix the annoyance written all over Louis' face. In fact, it annoyed Louis even more because he just wanted to get all this over with and Harry was messing around. It was then that Louis remembered that Harry couldn't work an excessive amount at a time— even though they'd only been working together for thirty minutes at that point— so maybe if they took a break, he'd feel refreshed and be able to remember things better.

Even though Louis was right— that Harry would be able to focus after a bit of a break— the break took way too long and presumably distracted the both of them. When Louis suggested they take a break for Harry's incompetent brain to rest, Harry tackled Louis, books still on his lap and all, offended by the insult even if he didn't exactly remember what incompetent meant. They playfully wrestled for way too long— Harry letting Louis pin him down a few times— and the work was all crumbled by the end of it but Harry thought it was worth it after having pinned Louis down three or four times. There was just something about having Louis underneath him being restricted of his movements that set him off. Especially when he kissed him back the way he did but that was definitely not the time to be aroused.

There was still a hint of awkward tension floating through the air about the whole Aiden situation and even more things left unsaid but neither dwelled on it, not then at least. Honestly, Harry was exhausted with the amount of hatred he felt for Aiden that he didn't want to waste energy on it if he wasn't giving him an uppercut. It was just that Aiden had absolutely no right and he ruined a perfectly good day for them. The audacity he had to taunt the both of them, ridicule Louis, mock Harry was absolutely despicable and if Harry wasn't caught up on ' _me and Louis go way back_ ' he'd surely be suspended right now.

As the homework session was coming to an end, Louis having finished before Harry got halfway through his, Louis let his mind wander freely until Harry needed his help. "Harry?" Louis asked, voice quiet and unwavering, not wanting to disturb the tranquility in the room.

"Hm?" Harry hummed, continuing to finish off the last problem that was assigned for homework.

"What upset you the most about what Aiden said? Like why did we have that quick screaming match?" Harry finished part of the equation just so he wouldn't get lost when going back to it, placing his pencil on his book and gearing his attention to his boyfriend.

"Everything." Louis stifled his laugh because Harry was looking dead serious. "The first thing to cross my mind was that you lied to me about everything. I thought you and Aiden were like... yeah." He couldn't even say it. "And I felt this pain in my heart because you were going to reject me being your first relationship but then he said you were his and I thought you lied to me."

"I never lied, not really. We were never officially together and, you know, it was all a joke."

Harry winced at the thought of kids doing something so horrible to someone who they knew was struggling just to impress their friends. That was truly sickening. "I still don't understand the whole kiss thing." Harry closed his book with his notebook stuck in between the pages to keep his place, sliding it in his backpack so that the bed was cleared off. "Did you two actually kiss or no? Lips on lips." When Harry looked back at Louis his brows were furrowed and he hated the feeling in his stomach. He didn't like the thought of someone else kissing his boy.

"He kissed me on the lips once and that was actually when the whole charade ended in a fit of laughter but I didn't kiss him back."

Harry nodded, trying his hardest to stop the jealousy that was raging through his body. "Did you like him?" Harry pulled his knees to his chest, laying his cheek on top of them looking at Louis. "I know you said it was all fake but you said they exploited your sexuality for a joke so... Did you like him?"

Louis took a deep breath in and let it out, dropping his head against the wall to stare at the ceiling. He hated this so much but he knew that this was what Harry needed to move forward. "I did."

"And you still did after everything happened?"

"For a while, yeah." Harry's sigh caused Louis to look over at him, his head in his hands, shaking from side to side.

"That's so shitty." He hated it so much, all of it. Anything bad that's ever happened to Louis. Louis, the sweetest, most perfect boy to ever exist and he never deserved any of it. "I hate it so much."

"What?" he questioned, grabbing a hold of Harry's hands to pull them away from his face, a warm smile to encourage him that everything was okay now.

"I hate it all so much. All the hurt and pain you went through for years and years. You never deserved that. You're so sweet and kind and I-" God why was it so hard to keep it to himself? Why was he having a hard time not telling Louis he loved him and it'd only been hours of him knowing. "I really like you and I just wish all the pain would just fuck off. Everything that makes you tense or cry or disassociate or whatever else. I want you to be happy."

There were tears welling up in his eyes because, yes, he knew Harry wanted all this for him but it was different to hear than to just know. "I am happy with you."

"But-" Harry took a moment to appreciate how wonderful Louis looked. Louis was looking at him in complete awe with watery eyes and Harry foolishly thought he felt the same for a few seconds, that Louis wanted to tell Harry he loved him too. "I want you happy no matter what. Not just when you're with me."

"It's going to take some time," Louis whispered when Harry closed the space between them.

"I know." He pecked his waiting lips, staying a beat longer than he first intended. "But we'll get there, together." It was a lot for a five day relationship but it didn't feel like that for either of them. It just felt right and when Louis raised his pinky for Harry to promise him that they will get through this no matter how long it will take, Harry interlocked his pinky with Louis' dainty one, kissing his thumb. Maybe Louis felt the same but wasn't aware of it just yet.

"Together," Louis whispered and he'd never felt so warm and safe and content.

Harry rested his head on Louis' shoulder and furrowed his brows right when he started looking around the room, noticing something that he was sure was not there a few days ago. "Hey." He tapped on Louis' thigh to get him to sit up, pulling away and shifting around on the bed. "I don't mean to kill the mood, but when did you get that?" He pointed over to Louis' desk and a smile crept onto Louis' face.

Louis stood up with a smile, walking over to where Harry was pointing. "Yesterday when you were out with your friends." Harry hummed and pulled the chair from Louis' desk to sit next to him. Louis started to press the keys absentmindedly. "I've been wanting one for my room for a while now and I finally saved up enough money for it." Yesterday Louis' parents took him to the music store to finally get the keyboard he'd been begging for for ages. Louis didn't exactly save up all the money because his parents did help, but it was mostly him.

"Didn't know you played." The keyboard was next to Louis' desk almost awkwardly placed from how close it was to his bed.

"Yeah, I was classically trained. I mean, I technically still am, but it's been a while."

"Did you like playing?" Harry laid his head down on the desk and listened to the way Louis' freestyling sounded amazing. He nodded, not bothering to speak, too focused on trying to not sound bad even if it was just a bunch of random keys being pressed. "Why'd you stop?"

"It brought back bad memories anytime I'd sit on the bench." Louis' fingers moved languidly across the keys, playing almost too melodically to be a bunch of rubbish, Harry thought. "I couldn't stomach it when I'd begin to play because all I'd see and hear and feel was... bad, so I stopped. Couldn't take it anymore." He was talking as if it were nothing, as if it was something he always had done and Harry wasn't sure if he should be happy or upset. He's glad that Louis is talking freely about these things without a problem, but he also didn't want Louis to completely dismiss it as if it wasn't a big deal.

But instead of pressing on it, Harry weakly smiled, kissing Louis' shoulder and going back to the desk, watching his fingers move. "And now?"

"I'm still getting those memories but they're not bothering me as much anymore." Harry could clearly tell Louis was trying his best to keep himself calm and composed. It was appreciated but he didn't have to always be strong, not around Harry at least. "Especially not when you're here."

His heart picked up paced and he quirked a brow, raising his head in confusion. "What do you mean?" His eyes flashed from Louis' face to his fingers over and over again, the music seeming to put a heaviness in his heart, like a backing track to a film.

"Well, you make me happy." Harry could hear the shift in the playing, like a key change— he thinks that's what it was called after hearing numerous amounts of rants from Louis about how he loved key changes— from minor to major. Sad to happy. And Harry has to try his best to refrain from laughing because whether or not Louis was aware of it, it was hilarious. "And you make me forget a lot. You make me feel normal and that nothing bad has ever happened to me." The playing switched back to minor and Harry frowned, wanting Louis' song of life to be one long symphony of happiness. "But when you're gone it all comes back."

"I'm never gonna leave, darling. Not any time soon."

"Good." Louis smiled and expertly switched back to a major key, ending the impromptu song with three short chords. He looked over to Harry with a smirk, obviously aware of everything that just happened.

"You're such an idiot," Harry laughed, smile prominent. He puckered his lips, waiting for Louis to lean in and kiss him. "Was really good."

"Eh, I'm a bit rusty. A lot rusty really." Louis shrugged it off as if he didn't just give the best improv ever.

"Play me something." Harry leaned back onto the surface of the desk, waiting for Louis to brilliantly whip something up.

"Like what?" He didn't want to suggest anything because then he would be giving Harry options he might not want to do, so leaving it open ended would be playing it safe. Hopefully.

"Who's your favourite composer?"

"Beethoven. Pick one of his pieces and I'll tell you if I remember it or not." A lot of piano playing had less to do with remembering the individual keys being pressed and more to do with muscle memory. But the only thing muscle memory lacked was skill. Sure he could remember how to play something but that didn't mean it'd sound good.

Harry pulled out his phone, searching Beethoven piano sonatas (an auto fill because he had no idea what a sonata was) and clicked the first link that revealed so many sonatas listed in chronological order. Apparently he wrote thirty two of them and Harry was having a hard time trying to pick one that sounded interesting because they were all called _Piano Sonata No. 1, Piano Sonata No. 2, Piano Sonata No. 3_ , and so on. So he went back and searched up the names of his sonatas and that confused him even more because the names got longer and they were just a bunch of random letters put together so he picked one that he liked the name of— one of the few to actually have a name.

"Moonlight Sonata," Harry said, locking his phone and placing it face down on the wooden desk.

"Which movement?"

"How many are there?"

"Three." Louis tried not to scoff because Harry didn't know anything about music or music history but Moonlight Sonata was so basic how could he not know?

"Okay then the third one."

"Alright the first movement it is." Louis situated himself on the keyboard, positioning his hands on the first keys to press, making sure his posture was just right.

"No, nuh uh." Harry flattened Louis' hand when he played the first notes, stopping him from continuing. "I said the third."

"But Harry that's-" Louis was extremely rusty after having years out of practice and the first time he plays an actual piece couldn't be the third movement to Moonlight Sonata. "I can't just do that."

"Why not?"

Louis sighed, slapping a hand over his face and rubbing it over a few times. "It's one of the hardest movements to play correctly with nice phrasing, intonation, tone, dynamics, and everything. I'm too out of work for that right now."

He was looked at sceptically for a few seconds, Harry's eyes squinted and lips pursed as if trying to see if Louis was lying to get out of it. "Fine. Movement one can be your warm up."

"No that's not-"

"Zip. Don't want to hear it. Play." Harry pointed at the keyboard and when Louis didn't move, he placed his hands randomly on the keys.

"But Harry, they're completely different." Harry raised his brows, almost testing and that's when Louis gave up. He sighed, shoulders slumped, gearing his attention to the keyboard and moving his hands to the correct positions.

He started to play slowly and off the bat so beautifully Harry felt it hit his soul and that was a lot to say. He never really felt moved by music, especially classical pieces, but there was just something by the way that Louis was playing that he never felt before. Maybe it was because he was throwing so much emotion into it after not having played in so long or maybe he was playing with emotion because of all the familiar hurt that came with playing. Whatever it was worked. There was such a heaviness in his heart that was aching to explode and he felt his brows being furrow, not seeming to be able to move them.

Harry wouldn't know this, and maybe he wouldn't be able to tell the difference, but the weighted keys made a huge difference in the playing and the way it evoked so much emotion. If it were a regular digital keyboard he wouldn't be able to control the intonation and dynamic changes to create great passion. It took so long for him to buy because it wasn't cheap and Louis really didn't want to think about the price because it'd give him a headache but it wasn't a regular keyboard. Really, it wasn't a keyboard at all. He bought a stand up piano which, in a sense, was like a grand piano but instead of the strings running horizontally, they stretched downwards and are struck by horizontal hammers.

Because there were actual strings compared to a digital soundboard, the sounds were warmer. The deeper tones were richer and the higher tones brighter. And that was why Harry felt like crying with a variation of four notes but it was just _so_ nice. The sounds were full with just the right amount of overtone and undertone ratio. The welled up eyes could also be from the fact that Louis was taking his time, slowing down the movement to his liking; a true adagio. More lento than anything.

"Tell me about this piece," Harry mumbled once Louis was a few bars in when the g sharp first played.

Louis smiled, continuing to play slowly and beautifully, skilfully. He liked that Harry didn't have to ask if he knew about it or not because he knew that when Louis liked something he delved into it deeply. "It was composed in Hungary, summer of 1801," Louis said softly, trying to balance talking and playing evenly. "It was written under the title _Quasi Una Fantasia_ which is almost a fantasy translated from Italian."

"Where did Moonlight Sonata come from then?" There were times were Harry would be heavily invested in one of Louis' passions, wanting to learn everything he knew— it came sparsely but there were a few— and this one was no different. It could've been the deep rumbling of the low notes song like a haunting bell with light, angelic hymns playing on top of it, almost putting him in a trancelike state.

"A German music critic said it reminded him the moon setting over the Lucerna River. There are many theories as to why it was written; one being the Countess Giulietta Gucciardi to whom it was dedicated to once it was released. She was a pupil of Beethoven's but he was taken by her. He asked for her hand in marriage but her father didn't want her to marry a man without wealth. He said he was too peculiar basically and so she married someone else: Count Wenzel Robert Gallenburg. He was a prolific ballet composer with mad money, you know, the whole lot." Harry chuckled, closing his eyes to better focus on the beautiful sound Louis was creating and the way his voice somehow blended so well with it. "So it could be said that he wrote it after being heartbroken hence the melancholic feel to this movement." Louis stopped playing, breaking Harry out of his trance. His eyes snapped open and he perked head up with furrowed brows. "You have the lulling sound of the octaves on my left hand." He played the lower notes on his left hand, going through the few variations much quicker than usual. "Mixing with the broken minor chords on my right." He isolated the triplet motif by only playing his right hand up until the higher melody comes in then started playing the movement over again when starting to talk again. "It evokes this immense sadness. There's nothing light about it. It starts out strong, almost alluding desperate ache."

"Yeah," Harry agreed, nodding his head and watching Louis' fingers move without hesitation. "I felt that in my soul. Like I could feel this great amount of pressure on me when you started playing and when you stopped I felt light, like I just woke up, you know?"

Louis chuckled, stumbling on a few keys as he did so but quickly recovering. It was funny when Harry would try to explain his thoughts on a topic he didn't know much about because he never really knew what to say or how to say it. He found it endearing but that didn't make it any less comical. "Yeah. The melody is simple because really that's all it takes. You don't need some extravagant melody to get someone to feel something. It's not about what you compose it's how you compose it that matters. It's just three notes and you said you felt heavy."

"Yeah?"

"Simple but effective. The melody's simple but it builds and builds until you get to this part where the lows are so low they sound like hums and the melody is so bright, so painfully high to be paired with such low notes it's almost taunting." Louis skipped to that part of the movement, about two or so minutes in and Harry watched as Louis' hands separated further and further away from each other until it was just his right hand ascending and descending the piano and with every note that was played as it was ascending Harry felt his heart get tighter and tighter. And when he was descending he relaxed and snapped out of it with the low hum of the left hand. And as if it were nothing, the melody went back to that in the beginning.

"I don't know why I'm feeling so much." He really didn't. He got invested in some of Louis' passions but not this much. The pieces wouldn't be put together right away but Harry would soon realise that it was because he related the music to Louis. It was heavy, so heavy, and they way Louis was describing it didn't help.

"It's okay Tin Man, you have a heart." Harry chuckled and laid his head back down. "So because of that it could be thought that Beethoven was in immense pain when he couldn't marry Giulietta Gucciardi. But another theory says there's nothing romantic to the piece at all. Some say it's merely the feeling of being overwhelmed when being alongside his dying friend." When Louis finished the movement, he started over again and continued to talk. "To prove this theory they said that there were notes in Beethoven's manuscripts about the death of the Commander by Don Giovanni in Mozart's _Don Giovanni_. The passage from the Opera was in C sharp minor and so was Moonlight Sonata so because of that and comparing the two pieces and seeing some sort of resemblance, it's to be thought that it wasn't written about romance but rather of a earnest hymn."

"I like the second theory better," Harry spoke mindlessly. "The first one makes him seem like a fool which..." Harry peeked an open to see Louis smirking at him and he just shook his head with a smile. "The first one is more realistic but the second is more artistic."

"Yeah, but that's only based on the first movement." Louis stopped playing and turned to look at Harry. "The second movement is less popular because, well, it's incredibly short compared to the other two being only a few seconds over two minutes and because of that it's not really seen as it's own piece but rather a connection between the two." Louis started to play the upbeat sound of the second movement with great delicacy and accuracy, to Harry's uncultured mind at least. It was light and such a great contrast from the first one that Harry didn't feel heavy or even want to lay down at that. The notes are much shorter and brighter with little to no lower notes. "It's like the eye of the hurricane. When you think you're fine but you're really not because you're unaware of what's about to come."

"So I'm guessing the third movement is going to be heavy than the first?"

"In a way, yes." Louis stopped playing and placed his hands on his lap, just a force of habit that's coming back to him after all those years of learning piano etiquette. "It's heavy in the sense of chaos rather than distress. It's incredibly hectic."

"Like a storm." Louis smiled at Harry when he made the connection.

"Exactly. It could be interrupted to be the powerful passion and ferocious love Beethoven felt for Giulietta Gucciardi."

"I don't hear you playing sweetheart." Harry fluttered his lashes with a fake, sweet smile.

"That's because it'd be impossible for me to talk and play at the same time."

"Then play, I'll keep my mouth shut." He pretended zip up his lips and throw away the key.

"But I thought you wanted to know about Moonlight Sonata. I have so much more to say."

"Play." Louis sighed, knowing that he was going to lose the fight if he were to argue.

"It's going to be so bad, Harry. I was never able to master this movement because I couldn't get my hands to move that fast. And I've got small hands. Pity me." Louis turned to give Harry a pout but he just shook his head and gestured to the piano. "Come on think about the intonation, Harry. The intonation!"

"I don't know what that means!" Harry yelled back, Louis trying his best not to break out into laughter and failing, Harry following suit. "Play." Louis sighed again, but lined himself up on the piano and without a second thought started to play and, well, he failed. His fingers moved too slow and ended up stumbling over each other. He started over and a few notes in he messed up again. He started back over and messed up yet again and again and again. "Hey." Harry wrapped his arms behind Louis' shoulders and whispered directly into his ear. "Don't over think it, love. Calm down and play. It's okay." He kissed the hair just above Louis' ear and pat his back for encouragement before pulling away.

"Okay." Louis nodded and took a few deep breaths in and out, before starting to play again. This time around, he was hitting all those notes, rather sluggishly but he was still hitting them. As predicted, there was a lack of intonation and phrasing and use of dynamics— the only ones he paid attention to being the accents at the end of the arpeggios. It was sloppy and anyone who was classically trained would want to sew their ears shut for sure, but Harry, being the uncultured twit he was, found it rather impressive. When Louis reached the long note before the arpeggios started over again he took a deep breath, not realising he was holding it in and said, "I hate you so much," before starting over again and it was hell.

Harry listened, completely oblivious to how bad it really was and sat there looking impressed at how fast Louis was moving his fingers, but that's the thing. Anyone who didn't know music thought fast was impressive or that a violin tremolo was hard to do but that's far from the truth. Accuracy was impressive. Phrasing was impressive. Dynamics are impressive. _Intonation_ was impressive. And Louis' performance at the moment had proven to be otherwise. But it did get easy when transitioning into the second part of the third movement. The transition area was like the eye of the hurricane as well because Louis knew it was going to go back to hell but in a much lighter tone. So he gave up.

"Why'd you stop?" Harry asked, completely off guard from the sudden quietness. "It was so good Lou."

"My hands are hurting so much," Louis scolded, standing from the bench and stomping over to his bed. "It was god awful Harry and I resent you for making me do that." It really wasn't that bad because at least he hit all the notes. Kind of. But he was a perfectionist and it wasn't good musically at all.

"Let me guess." Harry stood up and followed Louis back to his bed, walking around to his usual spot. "It was the intonation wasn't it?" With the smirk on Harry's face, it was hard to keep from laughing.

"Rather the lack of it." To throw a fit, Louis dramatically dropped himself on the mattress and in one swift motion covered himself in the duvet.

A chuckle fell off Harry's lips as he copied Louis' actions, scooting closer to him once underneath the covers. "It was good Lou. Je te promets ma poupette." He kissed his nose and ran a hand through his waves. "I may know jack shit about music theory and all that but it was wonderful. I really enjoyed it, especially the first movement." Louis tried his best not to break into a smile but how could he not when Harry was talking to him like that, _looking_ at him like that. He still tried his best to pout though.

For the past thirty or so minutes when Louis was playing and informing Harry about the history of Moonlight Sonata, Louis' parents were just outside his door with the biggest smiles on their faces. It was a huge step for Louis to want a standup piano again (that's why his parents offered to help him out) but it was another thing to be playing it freely, not afraid of backtracking. They listened carefully to the muffled sounds of Louis' words but it was being drowned out by the sounds from the piano. Either way, Laura and Charles felt like they could cry because Louis was playing the piano again and with the skill he had as a kid, even better somehow.

They silently awarded Louis for his great growth and change from the beginning of the year but they also were incredibly grateful for Harry. He brought Louis out the dump he was in, the only person to do so or even try at that, to where he was smiling and laughing and doing things he stopped doing because of his bad memories like playing the piano or riding in the car or inviting people up to his room. The Louis was unrecognisable but they loved it. Laura, Charles, and Harry. Louis too. And as they listened to the chaotic mess of the third movement of Moonlight Sonata Laura and Charles both knew they had their son back. There were still a few kinks that needed to be straightened out, but when Charles heard their bright laughter through the door, he knew it was going to be okay.

Everything was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll be posting once a month until further notice. thank you for your support as always. take care and stay safe xx


	4. i don't like that he wasn't nice to my boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi 🥺 i'm sorry if there are any mistakes in this chapter. i made sure i had extra time to edit today but then my mom called me for liked and hour and a half so i tried rushing it for it to be posted today.

mood: jealous- nick jonas  
  
  


** Monday November 26th, 7:13 am **

Life wasn't easy and Louis wasn't expecting it to be. He of all people should know it was anything but. However, after having such a great time with Harry quite literally every single day since they got together, was it too much to ask to have just one more good day? It'd be expected wouldn't it? And it was, at first. He woke up in an okay mood, not a worry in his mind. There was a smile on his face when he remembered the way Harry was looking at him last night— as if he were the only person that mattered to him. It was great, why wouldn't it be? He had Harry by his side and his life was finally turning around for the better. His life was a complete one eighty from the beginning of the school year and he loved it. Louis really thought it was going to be another great day, but it wasn't until he hopped into the shower when everything suddenly became heavy.

He couldn't explain what it was or how it happened because he didn't quite understand it himself. It'd been a while since he felt such dread, such pain, because Harry really was the best distraction, but it was like when he got into the shower everything that was Harry just washed away. He was no longer one of his many, many, many thoughts and was replaced by something dark. The first thing to cross his mind was the night of the family party he went to months ago. It was the last time he physically saw Emily and his heart clenched at the thought that he'd never be able to see her again. There was no way of knowing it would be the last time, but when looking back at it now with a much clearer mindset, he regretted not doing many things he could've done. Like instead of crying about how horrible his life was, he should've joked around and laughed with her— have a good time. He shouldn't have made everything about him but instead ask about her life and how she was doing and maybe that would've made a difference. Maybe if he did, she'd still be alive and that was what was killing him.

As bad as it sounded, it'd been a while since Louis had thought about Emily. She still meant the world and more to him, just his mind had been occupied with other things, as selfish as that was. At the same time he tried his best to think of Emily at a minimum because he still really missed her. Especially around Halloween time. They usually would see each other around Halloween but they couldn't do that this year. Together, they'd dress up and hang out, joke around, and just mess with each other like best friends would on any given day. When trick or treaters came by, they'd hand them each three treats (they'd be out of candy halfway through the night) and guess what they were and joked around with the children, some laughing along and others blushing. Louis never mentioned it to Harry because he didn't want him to worry or question anything but having her wake around that time was extremely hard for him when all those memories flooded his mind and the fact that their tradition was broken and would never be repaired.

Over the past few weeks he'd been telling himself that if he were less self centered then she could still be alive and he wouldn't have that void in not only his life. His heart was aching to be filled but nothing was good enough to fill it. No one was Emily and no one could possibly live up to what Emily did for Louis. Not even Harry. Because Harry would never begin to understand the terror he went through, not even if he attempted to explain it all and that's what put him off the most. Harry wanted to learn and understand, but that's the thing. Emily _knew_. She didn't have to learn or understand anything because she knew. When Louis was upset Emily didn't have to ask or even feel the need to have Louis talk about anything because she understood exactly what he was feeling. She'd just wrap him in her warmth and love him endlessly and that was enough for him. But Harry couldn't do that. His warmth made Louis comfortable and his love was almost overwhelming at times but it just wasn't the same. His arms were longer and lankier and his hold was more tight than gentle. His warmth radiated _'I'm here for you'_ but Emily's warmth radiated _'I'm with you and we're going to get through this together'._

No matter how much he trusted Harry now, Louis couldn't find it in himself to spill his guts to him. And it wasn't because Louis didn't trust Harry through and through, it was simply because Harry would just never understand. It was nothing personal, he just couldn't begin to comprehend it all. He didn't feel the selfish hands scavenging all over his body, hungry for something grown men should not be hungry for. Harry didn't live through the pain that would burn through every limb and vein he had. There was no possible way Harry could feel the permanent burning sensation every time he blinked from his eyes being so swollen from crying all night long because nobody would listen. He couldn't understand the nights where Louis would stay up until the morning because every time he'd would close his eyes he'd see a ugly faces, a glimpse of a nightmare, that he couldn't stomach seeing.

But Emily could. She was the only person on planet earth who understood the pain and horror Louis went through. The only person who knew the ins and out of it all but she was gone. There was nothing he could do that would bring her back and it set a fire in his heart that was unbearable. But what mildly soothed him out was knowing that she didn't have to live through the pain anymore. She was safe with the angels where she could be happy for once. Emily was finally free because there were no demons in heaven and nothing was holding her back anymore. She could finally be the person she was meant to be without all of her demons dragging her down. But the only downside was that Louis was alone in a scary world where Rory still existed not only physically but mentally. There was no was that man was going to see the light of day ever again but he haunted Louis' every move and it didn't matter if he died or not because Louis was left with the ugly scars from the past. Death doesn't rid permanent scars.

Don't get him wrong, Louis appreciated all of Harry's efforts of wanting to understand and be that person he went to when times got rough like he would with Emily, but it wasn't the same. He shouldn't compare Harry to Emily, but how could he not? Harry was wanting to fill that void in Louis' life and it was a kind gesture however, he couldn't tell him things or do the things that Emily could. It should be different now that Harry was Louis' boyfriend, but it would never change the fact that it was just so hard for him to open up about his personal life. He didn't know how Harry was going to react or whether or not he wanted to stay in a relationship with him after founding out and that was killing him everyday just to think about. Harry would then have power over him and would be able to use things against him that Louis wasn't sure he was ready for.

But Louis pretended as though nothing was wrong to his best ability because Harry seemed so excited to tell Louis about a possible future date idea and he really didn't want to be a burden. Instead of dragging his feet and slumping his shoulders, Louis was hyper aware of his posture and the way he walked and he really tried his best to walk straight without any sort of hobble. He continued to talk to Harry— though his answers would come out short and mildly uninterested. His smiles were obviously fake and short lived. And Harry wasn't a clown. He knew something was up with Louis but decided not to make a comment about it because it could've been him being tired or not liking the date idea. So he continued to rant about all the dates they could go on and how much fun they will have without batting an eye so Louis would think he was successful in his charade.

When they reached the school, Harry couldn't take it anymore. He didn't want to keep pushing their problems aside and he sure as hell did want Louis being upset. "Um, Louis?" Harry asked, leaning against his locker as he watched Louis exchange his textbooks. Louis didn't say anything, only gave him an empty look that held no life. It'd been a while since Harry had seen that look. "You've been awfully quiet this morning."

Louis only shrugged and returned to his locker, distracting himself with his books to keep himself from crying. "Just not in the mood to talk." His voice was incredibly fragile and he hated how he couldn't control it.

"Did you not like the ideas I was pitching earlier? Because if not, we could do something else. Anything. Whatever you'd like."

"No, it's not that. I just-" Louis sighed and ran a hand over his face, closing his locker then looking up to Harry. "Look, I've got to. I need to take care of a few things before class starts. I'll see you later, okay?" Louis went to turn around but Harry caught onto his arm before he could go.

"No. What's wrong?" Harry pulled Louis closer to his body, holding him way too close for the public eye.

"Harry, please. We're too close." Louis tried pushing Harry away and was successful but Harry wouldn't let him go too far.

"I care more about what's wrong with my boyfriend than the opinions of any of these people. Tell me."

"I'm fine."

"Stop."

"Harry, I really have to go." He was able to free himself from Harry's hold, taking a few steps backwards, lucky no one was behind him.

"Don't do this Louis. Please." There was a pain in Harry's heart because he could see the welled up tears and hear the shakiness of Louis' voice. "I thought we were passed this."

"Passed what?"

"The lying, keeping things from each other. I know you don't believe that I believe you."

Louis was looking anywhere but Harry, his eyes flicking all across the hallways. "I'm running late." He sighed and slumped his shoulders. "I've got to go."

"Lou." Harry grabbed Louis' hand before he walked away. He wanted to keep pushing for Louis to talk but when he was looking at him with that look he used to know so well, the look that screamed I want to get away, somewhere far from here, he cracked. "I-I'll see you at lunch then."

"Lunch?"

"Monday, Wednesday, Friday."

"Oh, okay. See you then." Louis walked away without another word or even a glance, disappearing in the crowd within seconds. He knew Harry wanted to chase after him but also knew he wouldn't because as much as he liked to intrude, he knew Louis needed his space more.

Harry watched Louis walk away and soon disappear within the many bodies that towered over him. For a few seconds he stood in the same place thinking of what could've been wrong. Obviously his first thought were the date ideas. Maybe Louis wasn't fond of the aquarium or having a picnic in the winter. But it couldn't be that because no matter how stupid or outrageous Harry's ideas were, Louis would always give him backlash for it. He'd always have something witty to say to make fun of him especially for suggesting a picnic date at the end of November. Then Harry thought that maybe he did something wrong to upset his lovely boyfriend but that couldn't be it either. They had such a wonder night last night. The two boys played with Louis' animals and laid in bed, watching a film on Louis' laptop. When he left they were on good terms and they even sent each other cute good night texts with kissy faces and everything and this morning he barely said a word to him.

But he didn't want to keep boggling his mind about it. No matter the many signs that screamed that Louis wasn't okay, Harry wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and that he'd be able to handle it for a few hours until lunch. Louis was strong, had been for years, there was nothing he couldn't handle so Harry did his best to let it go (but we all know how that goes).

Since the weather was progressively getting chillier and chillier by the day, hour even, most of the groups were meeting up in the cafeteria or roaming the corridors before class started, though some remained in the chill breeze outside. Niall on the other hand hated the cold so there was no way he was going to sit in the courtyard for twenty minutes. Harry made his way to the cafeteria, sulking because his boyfriend was sad so he was sad. It wasn't some cheesy thing he made up to flatter Louis. Quite literally whatever mood Louis was in so was Harry because he was an absolute fool for that boy.

"What's with the face?" Niall asked, welcoming Harry with open arms.

"Yeah, no offense but why are you here? I thought you said mornings were gonna be for you and Louis?" Monet chimed in, watching how effortless it was for Harry to steal Niall from her.

"He's upset and won't tell me why," Harry mumbled into Niall's shoulder. There was such a dramatic personality change when he was around Niall than Louis. With Niall, he was the biggest baby ever, wanting to be cuddled and coddled all the time and he does that with Louis as well, but it's not to the same caliber. Harry had to be the bigger, stronger one with Louis to guide him in the right direction but with Niall he could be a child and he'd take care of him like he did Louis.

"Are you two together yet or what?"

"Niall!" Monet gasped, hitting him on the arm.

"What? I know everyone's wondering it. Especially us because we love you."

"Are you two together yet?" Harry questioned back. It was meant as sarcasm but it came out a little harsh because of the damper in his mood.

Niall flushed a pink shade, pulling away slightly, feeling targeted. "Um, no. Not yet. It's um, things have to happen before we get together so I suggest you and Louis get your shit together."

"What do me and Lou have anything to do with you two?"

"Nothing," Monet was quick to respond, eyes wide and cheeks pink to match Niall's.

"Then?"

"Shut up Harry. Stop being so nosy." She crossed her arms with a huff, laying her head on top of them.

"She didn't get much sleep last night," Niall whispered into Harry's ear. "Complained her dog was snoring too loud."

"Porkers does snore quite loud," Harry chuckled back.

"For the love of god his name isn't porkers Harry." At first it was funny when Harry called Monet's dog porkers because he was on the heavier side but to call him porkers every time after that... and it wasn't like the dog would react to it either.

"Yes it is!"

"He doesn't even respond to you."

"Because he's hard of hearing Mona Lisa."

"He listens to me."

"Because your annoying squeal is hard not to hear."

"Enough you two," Niall budded in, putting his hands up as if trying to separate the two friends. "He's not deaf or named porkers."

"He isn't deaf. Porkers is hard of hearing."

Monet groaned, alongside Niall because Harry was just unbelievable. "His name is Cosmo," Monet mumbled, laying her head down in her arms. Almost on instinct, Niall's arm reached up to rub at her back to help soothe out all the stress Harry gave her.

Being the great friend he was, Harry decided to drop it since Monet wasn't having a good start to her day. He'd seen Monet like that before and he could totally understand after having experienced Cosmo's obnoxious snoring. "So why are you waiting to get together if you basically act like a couple and do couply things?"

Niall had his chin resting on top of Monet's shoulders, turning his head to look at Harry and laying on his cheek. "Could say the same to you peaches."

Harry sighed, briefly looking down to the table before returning to Niall. "We're-" He hated lying to his friends, but he didn't know what they knew. Louis had that mysterious call with Monet not too long ago but he didn't know what was or wasn't said. "-complicated," he added a few seconds later.

"I can tell that much." Harry nodded, looking down to his lap. "He called Mo like a week ago. Ow! What'd you do that for?" Niall scolded Monet after she pinched his thigh to get him to hush up, tilting his head so she could whisper in his ear. "Well I don't either so shut up."

"Um, anyway, I know Louis called her. He told me he wanted to clear his mind to think things over clearly but that was it." Monet just nodded, laying her head down on the table again, allowing Niall to lay on her with a small smile. There were many things Harry hated about the arrangement him and Louis made and hiding in general really irritated him. He was jealous him and Louis couldn't do the things Niall and Monet were doing and he hated that his best friends didn't know because he really wanted to rant how great Louis was but he couldn't. Nothing stopped him before, but he felt like it'd be different now that they're dating. Whenever he was on a rant, he didn't have control of where his mind went because his mouth would work faster than his brain, so surely he'd slip up one way or another. Yes, it was his relationship too, but this was Louis' privacy at stake and really that's all that mattered. "What'd you two talk about anyway?"

"You're not getting a squeak out of me Harold." Monet sat up, the bell about to ring any second.

"Niall?"

"Sorry mate, I've got nothing for you."

"Well thanks." Harry stood from the table, not bothering to offer either one of them a hug. "I'll see you two later." They nodded their goodbyes and right as Harry started to walk towards the doors, the bell rang. Five minutes before class.

Usually Harry would be distracted by Louis, not bothering to pay attention to the warning bell until Louis would force them to start walking. Then they'd walk the halls like they were the only two people in the school, laughing and joking around and once they reached Louis' first lesson they'd stand there until the bell rang, talking and smiling foolishly. At first Harry's muscle memory was taking him down to Louis' classroom but if he wanted to give him the space he needed to be okay, he had to reroute and head straight to his first lesson. It'd be the first time he was early since the beginning of the school year and Mrs. Jenke would surely like that.

It felt extremely odd and completely foreign to be walking alone to his own class with so many people in the halls. Was it pathetic to miss Louis only after a few minutes of being apart? If the answer was yes, Harry didn't care. He wasn't completely hopeless without Louis and he could surely hold his own whenever he wasn't around, it was just the fact that he was clearly upset but wanted nothing more than to go away without an explanation or word about what was wrong. Because of that, Harry knew he was going to be hung up on it for at least a few hours because he wanted to help him, of course he did, but Louis wouldn't let him.

It was going to be a long day for sure, at least that was what Harry thought, until he saw that beautiful tiny boy he cared deeply for standing just outside his class with a nervous look plastered on his face. He was cowering into himself, watching every single person that passed by with wide eyes and anxiety, fists pressed to his chest and Harry swore that if he were to watch one more person walk passed he'd get dizzy.

As close attention as Louis was paying to his surroundings, he didn't see Harry walking up to him, distracted by the potential dangers. "Love?" he questioned, earning a quick tense before Louis recognised who was talking to him. "What're you doing here?" He grabbed Louis' hands, giving him a comforting squeeze with furrowed brows.

Although he was upset just a few minutes ago, Louis was able to muster up a small smile for his boyfriend. "I wanted to apologise for earlier," he mumbled out so sweetly Harry wanted to melt into a puddle of goo. "I was upset and I know you've been worrying about me but I just wanted you to know that I'm okay."

"Why were you upset sweetness?" Harry lifted their hands to his lips to press a sweet kiss to his knuckles. The tiny boy's face flushed in pink from the action, his face hot to the touch.

"I just-" Louis sighed, pulling his hands away from Harry's grip, rubbing his palms against his thighs. "I'm still upset but we'll talk about it later okay? During lunch. Some things crossed my mind and I let it get the better of me. And it has nothing to do with you just so you know. We're fine."

Harry chuckled at Louis' rambling, taking a step closer to tuck away the fringe that always fell in front of his face. It was like he could read his mind. "You sure you're okay?"

Louis nodded. "Yeah, I'll be okay. It's nothing serious really, just a few memories is all."

A few moments of silence pass when Harry stayed quiet, his eyes flicking all over Louis' face— his lips being a popular destination. He was incredibly desperate for a kiss since he didn't get a good morning kiss today like he usually would but he had to let it go. "Okay bubba. Now scram before you're late."

With a kiss to his temple— it was better than nothing— Harry turned Louis around and pushed him in the direction of his class. He laughed when Louis turned around with a scold that soon turned into something flustered, pink cheeks and all, when Harry blew him a kiss and sent him a wink. When he turned around, his cheeks remained hot as his eyes searched for any possible witnesses to their obvious flirting but the halls were clearing out and people were more worried about getting to class than two boys that were head over heels for each other. Louis was able to carry on with his day without the worry of people finding anything out. But what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him because there were two people who've been very observant of anything he did (other than Harry) and now they both were more suspicious than ever. Liam and Zayn.  
  


** 2:47 pm **

As promised, Louis explained everything to Harry during lunch from how he was doing just fine when he first woke to right then and how he felt. Harry understood where he was coming from. It'd only been a few months and the two of them were close and from what he heard, she was the only one who really helped him power through everything. Before Harry came into his life the only person who'd listen was Emily so of course Harry would get why he was still sad about it. Not even that, but the way she left. Suicide wasn't a joke and it never will be and to lose someone that way is truly detrimental, especially when they share the same past. It's not only the feeling of losing someone who felt like nothing could help them, it's the overbearing feeling of not doing enough to keep them wanting to live.

That's when Harry understood why Louis reacted the way he did when it all first happened. He kept blaming himself because he truly felt like he didn't do enough for her. He thought that if he called her more or would go see her more that she would still be alive and Harry didn't know how to get it through his head that that wasn't how it worked. No matter how much love he gave Emily, it wouldn't change the amount of power those demons had on her. If she couldn't convince herself she was loved enough to stay alive, how could he?

But when Louis told him that was why he was upset he pulled Louis in for a cuddle, not caring about looks or whatever else. He wanted to comfort his boyfriend and Louis didn't seem to mind all that much either. He talked him through it, telling him that she's in a much safer and happier place now that her demons couldn't get to her. He told him that Emily truly loved him and that she wasn't taking herself away from his life but rather getting rid of the demons in her life hoping that Louis' would follow— even though it seemed like Emily's demons were now haunting Louis. He admitted it was kind of a selfish act, but he told him that she didn't want to die, she never did. She just wanted to get rid of the pain she was feeling and nothing in her life could do that, not even the immense amount of love Louis showered her in.

Of course Louis tried to counter that and say that he was there and was willing to do anything that would've kept her alive but that was the problem. Nothing was going to change her mind, not even if Louis spent every single day with her telling her how much he loved her and how much he wanted to be there for her. Harry tried explaining that there came a point where the demons infiltrated her mind and those voices were louder than the ones who loved her. She heard him and she knew people loved her but just because people loved her didn't mean the pain would go away. And, to her, she believed the only way to rid the pain was to rid herself.

Although Louis knew deep down Harry was right. It all made sense, but he brushed it off because he didn't know Emily or their situation which then got a bit heated because Harry raised his voice demanding Louis to make him understand. Months ago he said he would help Harry understand but if it's been weeks and they were boyfriends, Louis was doing a shitty job. Harry second his opinion by saying that he wasn't even sure Louis wanted Harry to understand because instead of explaining things over he just said, "you wouldn't understand because..." or "you're saying that because you don't understand," or "it's easy for you to say that because you don't understand."

That angered Harry but what he didn't know was that everything led back to Louis' past. Everything from the way he walks to why he's such a light sleeper to his impulses to why he had so many hobbies and talents. Everything was outcome of his tragic past and he just wasn't ready to talk about it yet and in all honesty he didn't know if he was ever going to be ready to tell Harry. He hated that he didn't mind the thought of telling Monet or Niall in full all that much, but telling Harry was a way different story because he didn't want Harry to leave. He wanted Harry for as long as he could and when he explained everything, there was no way he's going to want to stay. No one wanted a damaged, broken, tainted soul— not even Harry. Harry himself was upset that Louis wasn't only his just wait until he found out it wasn't only Aiden, even if it was against his will.

Eventually things simmered down between the two boys when Harry apologised, trying to see where Louis was coming from (and failing), because he hated arguing with him. Louis didn't accept his apology and said that he should've been the one apologising for not allowing Harry the chance to understand and even admitted that he was right about everything with Emily. He was just in denial because he wished he was more powerful than the demons that controlled her. He wanted to be louder and, well, nicer than the voices inside her head and so he blamed himself when Emily couldn't hear him but he knew deep down he had no control.

But still no kiss.

The school day is nearing its end and Harry was almost going insane without having a kiss. By now he'd usually have two, maybe three, but he had zero. Zero! Zilch. None. It was an outrage and anytime he'd see Louis he'd try to sneak one in only to be pushed away with a smirk. Eight hours without any loving was hard. Extremely hard and Harry felt like he was going to pass out from negligence. But when he texted Louis that, he responded with "you poor baby" with a pouty emoji after it. Then a middle finger.

Louis on the other hand was doing perfectly fine, for someone who hadn't received many or any kisses over the years. In fact, he was completely unbothered by his last lesson. So unbothered him and Liam completely neglected their assignment and decided to have a chat the entire time. As the end of class neared closer and closer, the harder the two boys laughed and Louis really wondered why they never became friends over the years.

"You're kidding!" Louis got out through chuckles, clutching his stomach from the pain. His eyes were cycling through clenching shut to trying to pry them open but even then he couldn't see from the tears that blurred his vision.

"No, I swear!" Liam laughed back, one hand over his mouth and the other gripping his belly. Unlike Louis, his eyes were open and wide, admiring the way that small boy would cackle.

"How is that even possible?" His laughs were calming down, but his body was still shaking and eyes still watery.

"I don't know celebrities that well, okay?"

"That's fine, but this is Lin Manuel Miranda for crying out loud!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't think Lin Manuel Miranda would need help getting around. He has people for that!"

"But his face Liam." Legend has it Liam just so happened to bump into Lin Manuel Miranda on the busy streets of London when he was out at the shops. Miranda was asking how to get to a certain shop and Liam being the oblivious fuck he was didn't even process that it was Lin Manuel Miranda until he was gone and he'd been regretting it ever since.

"I know, okay? I'm never going to live that down am I?"

"Nope, never." Louis laughed, his eyes widening when checking the time. "Oh my gosh. Class is almost over." He looked at Liam with a deadpanned face, clearly shocked how fast time passed.

"No way! I thought class just started." Liam checked his phone, not believing Louis but low and behold there were only a few minutes left in class. He looked around the stage and everyone was either packing up or already packed up other than them two.

"I'll be right back. I've got to go get my backpack." Liam nodded, reaching for his backpack to put his unused notebook into. Louis walked across the stage to his usual spot, a group of girls having taken up the space. "Sorry, excuse me." His face flushed pink and his cheeks felt hot when all eyes were on him.

"Oh hey Lou," one of his classmates, Ella, greeted. The use of the nickname didn't shock him as much as it did when Monet or Niall used it because although they were all nice to him, they were a part of the popular group.

"Hi," he said softly, his cheeks even pinker and warmer.

"How are you?" There was a sweet smile on her face, her teeth impossibly white but she was adorable nonetheless. Ella was a sophomore and she looked her age. Her brown, wavy hair just below her chest, her body slim and little to no makeup on her face which, Louis thought, complimented her so well. Her skin was flawless and he was glad she didn't mask it with chemicals.

"I'm alright." He nodded, glancing over at Liam who was already looking and giving him a wink. His face came down in a pout before looking back to the girls. "How are you?"

"We're alright, thanks."

"You've got a nice smile," Aoife complimented. She was gorgeous no doubt. Her eyes were crystal clear— such a light blue it looked like she had no irises especially when her hair was a dark, dark, dark brown and her skin quite fair. She was incredibly tall (just a few inches taller than Louis, somewhere closer to Harry's height) and Louis didn't know why she didn't choose to do a career in modelling. She had curves on her and she wore it damn well. In no way was she the skinniest but she looked stunning and modelling agencies were opening up their minds with model's bodies. She should definitely consider it.

"Oh, um, thanks." At this point his cheeks were burning and there was no doubt in his mind he looked like a tomato. "You, uh, you've got nice freckles."

"Oh." It was obvious in her tone of voice that she wasn't expecting Louis to compliment and her freckles of all things. "Thank you! I usually get complimented on my eyes so thank you for not being like the other basic people." Louis giggled in response, feeling incredibly accepted for once.

"So you and Liam huh?" Serena raised her brows suggestively. She, too, was absolutely gorgeous. Her eyes were a murky green, skin smooth and not a pore in sight, brows perfectly plucked. There were honey blonde highlights throughout her textured curly hair that barely touched her shoulders.

"Oh, no. We-" As he looked over to Liam— who was on his phone still waiting for Louis— the bell rang, signaling the end of the school day. "We're just friends."

"You two seemed quite chummy today." They all stood up and wow Louis never felt so short, especially since he was surrounded by girls and they all were taller than him. Except Fiona. Like Louis, she was the quieter one of the group, a shy freshman who was just about his height. Her hair was cut into a short bob, the colour a light brown with heavy blonde highlights making her look like a dirty blonde, eyes blue, frame small. She was adorable, like a doll, and Louis thought as much.

"No, we just- um, no. I've-" Out of all times, he chose now to stutter and fumble on his words. "We're just friends. I'm not-" _single_ , but they couldn't know that just yet.

"Alright then." They all giggled at how flustered he got, finding it extremely adorable. "Have a good day Lou."

"You too," he sighed as they walked away with huge smiles, immediately switching the conversation. Louis groaned and slumped his way back to Liam, grabbing onto his sleeve and dragging him towards the exit. "Why didn't you save me?"

"To be honest, I thought it was hilarious." Liam chuckled, shoving his phone in his pocket. "And you look cute when you're all flustered."

Louis squirmednover all the compliments he was given in the past couple minutes. "Doesn't matter!" But he was kind of glad Liam didn't come over because that would only make things worse. The girls could've used that as evidence that they were actually together or a thing and Liam could've used it as leverage as to why they might be good together. That is if Louis' suspicions were right.

"You're fine. You made it out alive."

"Barely." They walked down the halls together which felt weird to do with someone other than Harry. Whenever Louis would look over at Liam when he talked he'd always cock his head up way too much, used to Harry's towering height. "Where are you headed to?" Louis asked when they turned into the hallway the not-so-abandoned bathroom was in, getting ready to excuse himself.

"Was planning on walking you to your locker." Liam looked over with raised brows and an awkward smile.

"Oh, okay," Louis mumbled as they passed the bathroom. He was never good at turning people down if it weren't obvious already. He pulled out his phone to let Harry know so he wouldn't worry why he wasn't in there.

_[Louis]: Skipping out on the bathroom. I'm heading straight to my locker. Meet me there when you're ready._

_[Harry]: thanks for letting me know pumpkin. i'll see you in a few, got some things to take care of. stay safe xx_

Louis smiled, shoving his phone in his pocket. "And maybe I could drive you home," Liam kindly offered. "I've seen you walking a few times and it's not getting warmer any time soon."

"Thanks for the offer, but it's okay. I like walking and Harry tags along with me so it's not too bad." They reached Louis' locker, Liam stopping in front of Harry's and for some reason it unsettled Louis.

"Harry? Really?" He leaned his shoulder against the cold metal, crossing his legs and arms. "What's he got to do over there?" Even though Liam had no business over there because he lived on the other side of town around Niall, he might've been the slightest bit jealous? That Harry got to walk Louis home or that Louis was spending loads of time with Harry outside of school.

"Well, he's my best friend so even if we weren't neighbours I think he'd still want to walk me." He laughed because Harry would definitely walk all across the country just to walk Louis home. But when he thought about it, their whole relationship was based on them being neighbours, so maybe not. "He has a car too so I think I'd be okay but thanks for the offer."

"Oh, so you're neighbours."

"Yeah, he moved across the street from me a few months ago. He never left me alone so I guess we're close now. He didn't leave me much of a choice."

Liam nodded, not so subtly watching Louis move about. "That's good." He did his best to sound as nonchalant as he could. "You have a friend living so close to you that whenever you need help all you have to do is walk across the street."

"Friend, yeah." The two of them continued to chat about meeting up later to work on their assignment since they've gotten little to nothing done in the past week and the project was due at the end of the week.

Just a few seconds into trying decide when and where to meet up, Harry was rounding the corner and at first it took him a while to notice with all the people in the hallway, but when his eyes landed on a strange boy leaning against his locker he felt like bolting over there. But instead he decided to observe for a bit, watch how the two of them interacted and Harry couldn't tell what was worse, marching up there and telling him to back off his boyfriend or watching someone openly flirt with him with his own eyes. The flirting was terrible too. Not that he could hear, it just looked like the guy was trying too hard and never once did he see Louis laugh the way he would laugh with him. Torture, absolute torture.

He really didn't want to be possessive but he couldn't stop himself from rushing over there when he saw the guy place a hand on Louis' shoulder, giving it a squeeze with a stupid smile. That had to be the guy that was flirting with Louis that he mentioned before. Louis was completely oblivious to Harry's nearing presence but Liam wasn't. In fact, he had a smirk and Harry really wanted to punch it off. _Play it cool, play it cool._

"Hey Lou," Harry spoke with a tight voice, almost pressed. He immediately snaked an arm around Louis' waist, pulling him in close to his body. "Is he bothering you?" He looked over at Liam, eyeing him up and down through half squinted eyes.

"Harry," Louis whined as he nudged at Harry's side with his elbow.

"We're friends," Liam stated, doing his best not to be intimidated by Harry— he was big and broad after all. "No need to be all alpha male."

All Harry did was stare back at Liam with an obvious fake and unimpressed smile for a few seconds before looking down at Louis. "Wanna go?"

"He can't leave just yet. We're finishing up our plans on meeting up later." There was no need for Liam to be so god damn smug and it really irritated Harry.

"Meeting later?" When Harry looked down at Louis again he was scolding Liam, tilting his head to the side and eyes that screamed _'why did you say that'._

"We've got a project to do," Louis whispered, looking up to Harry with furrowed brows and Harry could tell he was starting to get anxious.

"No problem kitten. Finish up and then we could go." Huge problem! The mere thought of Liam and Louis spending alone time for a series of hours irked him beyond control. No one should be trying to talk to his boyfriend like that and the fact he couldn't shove that in Liam's face was even worse. And since it bothered him so much he really should have listened to the awkward planning but he was too focused on the fact that Liam's smile had never left his face since Harry first saw him.

What did bring Harry back into reality was Louis handing over his phone to Liam to exchange numbers and Harry had to keep himself from snatching the phone away. Right now it was going to be project related but in the future it could change to flirting and Harry really needed to stop being this jealous. "Five it is then. I'll see you then." Usually that was someone's cue to leave, but Liam stayed put, gazing over at Harry with a smirk. "Oh, I'm Liam by the way. Liam Payne."

Harry squeezed Louis' side way too tight (tight enough for him to whine and squirm, attempting to pry his hand off him) with a huge fake grin that only flashed for a second to prove that he was not amused. "Harry."

"Well nice to meet you Harry." Liam's eyes flicked down to Harry and Louis' hands. They were fighting because Harry was trying to hold his hand but Louis kept tugging away because they were in public. Now that was amusing, for Liam at least. "I'll see you later neighbour." Finally Liam decided to walk away with attitude in his step and Harry really couldn't understand why he was being so confident. Louis was never going to return the feelings to him.

"You can let go of me now," Louis mumbled, trying to pull away from Harry's hold obviously annoyed. He finished exchanging his books in silence, shutting his locker door to lean against, staring up at Harry with big eyes. "What?" Harry raised his brows and shook his head, turning around to walk away. With a roll of his eyes, Louis followed him out the doors, struggling to catch up to him. "Can you slow down? You're moving too fast."

"Moving too fast, hm?" Harry snapped, turning to face Louis. "Seemed fine when you were all pally with Liam."

"Really?" Harry raised his brows, testing Louis. "You're being ridiculous."

"Okay." Harry turned to walk away, knowing this was what Liam wanted. He might've not known they were together (possibly) but he had to feel like something was up to be acting the way he was and making Harry feel the way he was feeling.

"Stop." Louis tugged on Harry's sleeve, his feet practically running to keep up. "Tell me why you're angry."

"I'm not angry."

"Why are you upset?" Harry scanned their surroundings, trying to decide if he wanted to have this conversation right then especially with so many people around.

"You wanna know what's upsetting me the most?" Louis nodded his head, eyes begging for an answer. "It's not the fact that Liam was flirting with you and it wasn't his hand on your shoulder or him putting his number in your phone. It's the fact that it took me months for you to even want to associate yourself with me, but Liam could just waltz in and within weeks you're best friends."

"We're not best friends, Harry."

"Not the point, _Louis_."

"I'm in a different state of mind than I was in the beginning of the school year. What do you expect?"

Harry scoffed shaking his head because obviously Harry knew that but Louis was completely missing the point. "I expected you to be as weary of trusting of him as you were with me but I guess I was wrong. Maybe it was just me." He turned back around, walking towards his house, not caring if Louis was going to follow him or not. It was really frustrating to see Louis be so friendly with someone Harry never knew of, especially when Louis preached and preached how he had no friends other than Harry. So then what the fuck was that and why didn't it take Liam half the amount of time it took Harry?

He was on the sidewalk that led to his house, walking alone, feeling an uncomfortable amount of warmth from how upset he was. "I trusted you from the second we met." Louis caught up to him— not without running out of breath— stopping in front of Harry to halt his movements. "The only reason it took me so long to accept your friendship was because I was scared. You made feel way too comfortable for a stranger and I didn't like it. I also didn't want to make the same mistakes I did in the past."

"Same with Liam I presume."

Louis shook his head, reaching up to cup both of Harry's cheeks. "No." As if nothing, all of Harry's worries, anger, and jealousy washed away from a simple touch, leaning against the tiny hands. "Wanna know why it's different? Why Liam's friendship came faster than yours?" All Harry could do was nod, his mind too distracted by the way Louis' thumb was gently rubbing along his cheekbone. "Because someone helped me trust in people again. Someone wanted me to be able to trust others without having a worry. Someone helped me love people and see the best in them instead of expecting the worst. Someone helped me normalise and rationalise my thoughts. Someone helped change me like no other and without them I wouldn't be able to even walk to school without a fear of being made fun of."

Harry slid his hands around Louis' shoulders, his fingers lacing at the back of his neck. "Who?" Harry whispered, his eyes glassy.

"You, Hazza." Louis was smiling like a fool because for one he successfully calmed Harry down and two it was all true. Harry changed his life so much and he'll be forever grateful for it. "I'm able to make a reasonable human connection, befriend people, and talk to strangers all because of you." That broke a smile onto Harry's face, a genuine one, as he tilted his head to the side. "You believed in me so much that I wanted to believe in myself."

Harry exhaled through his nose, his brows coming together in the middle, his heart pounding like crazy, mind racing. "You're amazing Lou." He couldn't help but bring Louis in for a kiss, making him stand in on the tips of his toes. He was happy. Not only because he finally got the kiss he'd been craving all day but he was so fucking happy Louis was growing and even more so because if that much was true then so was what Monet told him weeks ago. To love Louis so much he had no choice but to love himself. "Sorry for creating a scene."

"'s fine." Louis' eyes were still closed as he leaned in for another peck. "I understand." They pulled apart after another kiss, their hands lacing together as they continued to walk to their homes.

"I still don't like him."

"That's fine." Louis gave Harry's hands a squeeze for comfort. "You don't have to but he's a nice guy."

Harry rolled his eyes because Louis always looked for the best in people. "You say that because he likes you."

"No he doesn't." His cheeks turned pink at the assumption. The thought of another person liking him other than Harry seemed far out of reach and almost outrageous, but it still made him blush because he'd never really experienced it before.

"That's the guy who was flirting with you, wasn't it?"

"Yeah?"

"Lou, please."

"Just because he flirts doesn't mean he likes me. It could just be the way he is."

"Not with how he was treating me. He was trying to get a rise out of me."

Louis groaned, letting go of Harry's hands to grab his keys from his bag. "Please Harry, he doesn't know we're together."

"But he knows we have a thing, everyone does." They walked into Louis' house, immediately succumbing to the warmth. Neither boy realised how cold it was outside from being so caught up in each other.

"What are you going on about?" Louis dropped his bag by the couch then walked over to the kitchen to get something to drink for the both of them.

"No one knows we're officially together but they must know we like each other. I mean, neither of us try to hide it anymore unless being directly addressed about it." Harry jumped onto the counter, shaking his head when Louis pulled out a carton of juice.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean everyone just assumes you and me like each other." Louis just grabbed the pitcher of water and placed it on the counter to retrieve two cups. "People still think you're straight." He poured water into both cups, handing one over to Harry.

He cringed at the label, not liking when Louis said it. "Can we like... not with that word." He grabbed the cup and took a few sips before placing it on the counter.

"Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't- what did you- what do you-"

"Nothing," Harry said, finishing Louis' thought before he could even get it out. "I don't think I fit in to any of those things." Louis hummed, taking a sip from his cup before standing between Harry's legs. "That's not me trying to be quirky I just- I'm not straight because I have a boyfriend and I'm not gay because I've had girlfriends in the past and I still find certain women attractive-"

"Harry!" Louis exclaimed, slapping Harry on his chest. "I'm right here!"

"Come on Lou, you know Selena Gomez is a cutie." He pouted but, yeah, he could get behind that. "Not cuter than you sweetheart." He booped Louis' nose, receiving a swat.

"What's your point Styles?" His arms crossed over his chest and he popped his hip out with attitude and Harry couldn't not laugh.

"If anything I'd be bisexual, right? But I just don't feel like that suits me."

"You like what you like."

"Exactly." Harry smiled grabbing Louis' shoulders to bring him in closer.

"And that's me, right?" He looked at Harry through his thick, long lashes, fluttering them to be the menace he was.

"Of course my love." They kissed again, this one falling a bit deeper than the others since they were in a private setting by themselves. "So five o'clock hm?" Harry mumbled when they pulled apart.

"Don't even think about it," Louis retaliated, thumping Harry on his forehead before grabbing his glass and walking over to the living room to do homework.

"Didn't we have plans for then? And you can't cancel on me last minute so it looks like we're all hanging together." Harry followed Louis to the couch but instead of pulling his homework out like Louis did, he dropped onto the sofa, laying on his back with the top of his head touching the side of Louis' thigh.

"If I'm remembering correctly, you cancelled our plans because your sister comes home from uni for fall break."

"Nope, don't remember that happening." Harry grabbed Louis' pencil just to annoy him, holding it out of his reach.

"You're not in our group therefore you can't be with us when we're working on it." Somehow Louis managed to get his pencil back without much of a fight.

"Where are you two meeting up anyway?" Louis opened his book forcefully, the cover slamming into Harry's face.

"Here." And he wasn't fazed?

"Perfect."

"No."

"Why would you bring him here?" The jealousy in his voice came back for another appearance, annoyance tagging along. "You better not bring him to your room."

"Wasn't planning on it."

"And don't have him on our couch."

"It's my couch and too bad. The kitchen table is for eating."

"Ugh, why _me_ ," Harry groaned, covering his face with a throw pillow.

"He wanted to meet up at the local library or at his place but I told him we could do it here."

"Why would you do that? Now he'll know where you live. Your parents are going to meet him!" With every sentence his voice got louder and louder and his pitcher higher and higher. "Oh my god what if they think you two are dating?" He sat straight up, gripping onto Louis' shoulders to shake some care into him because it seemed like he didn't. "What if they like him more than me? What if he makes me look bad? I have to-"

Louis pinched Harry's lips together because any other way would've been unsuccessful. "Calm down, okay?" He laughed, letting go of his lips and then tapping his finger on them. "It's fine. Nothing bad is going to happen. I invited him over here for a reason."

"Oh yeah? So he could meet your family and replace me as your boyfriend?"

"Okay now you're being ridiculous."

All Harry did was scoff and lay his head on Louis' shoulder watching him scribble down foreign equations. "Why'd you invite him over then?"

"Because you're right across the street." Louis smiled, flipping through his book to look up how to do a problem he was stuck on. "I didn't want to go to his or the library because we'd be alone."

"How's that any different than being here? You won't let me supervise." Louis chuckled, laying his head on top of Harry's, continuing to work on his homework. "There wouldn't be people around either way."

"Because you won't be too far if I'm uncomfortable. I can just send you a text and you wouldn't hesitate to come over."

"If you were anywhere else I would drive miles to come get you." Harry grabbed Louis' free hand to hold, giving it a gentle kiss.

"I know, but it'll take you seconds here. And knowing you're so close makes me feel better about having a stranger over."

Three words flashed in Harry's mind over and over and he had to physically bite his tongue to keep it to himself. Louis was making it so hard for him when he said things like that in his soft, gentle, mellow voice he loved so much, looking cute and snuggly in his joggers and jumper. Instead, he settled for another kiss to Louis' hand and that would have to suffice for now. Harry just wondered how many kisses will he have to give to stop himself from telling Louis he loved him before Louis was ready.  
  


** 6:13 pm **

Harry and Louis both agreed that he wasn't allowed to come over until at least half past six for a multitude of reasons. One being so he could spend time with his sister after having spent months apart. Another because he didn't want Harry to watch over them like a hawk. Him and Liam were working on a script for class and that was it— it shouldn't take too long if they remained focused. Anything more than two hours was excessive and Louis would have to call it quits because, well, then he'd assume that Liam was trying to spend extra time with him.

Gemma came home before Harry even got there. He missed his sister, but he was trying to be with Louis for as long as he could until he was kicked out. It took about quarter till five for Louis to shove him out the door so he could get ready before Liam came over. And when Harry questioned why he would need to ready himself for a boy when he had a boyfriend, Louis rolled his eyes and closed the door in his face. There were times when he liked when Harry was jealous and possessive because it showed his true emotions, but he had enough for today. There was only so much he could handle and he already reached his limit.

Once the door was shut and locked, Louis made his way upstairs to freshen up when his phone vibrated in his pocket. Of course it was Harry still pressing why Louis had to get ready for a twit. Although Louis let out a short laugh, he scolded Harry for calling Liam names and continued to explain how much of a nice guy he was. But Harry didn't care and further pressed his question until Louis would answer. It was simple and Louis knew Harry was aware of Louis' crazy hygiene. He hated the thought of being dirty or stinky in any way so he took showers, used an excessive amount of deodorant and some type of body spray, tried to brush his teeth three times a day if not, two.

Harry eventually let it go.

When he got home, he tried his best to distract himself with his sister so that his mind wouldn't go crazy about Louis spending alone time with another boy. Usually Harry wouldn't care, hell he didn't care whenever Monet was with another boy, but this was the first time it happened and Harry hated it; especially since Liam liked Louis. If it were Niall or maybe anyone else he'd be fine with it but Liam could honestly fuck off. It wasn't a competition but Harry liked the thought of Liam thinking he won when in reality Harry did because Louis was his and only his.

In the times his mind wasn't going crazy about Louis and Liam, Harry caught up with his sister. They talked at the table over a cuppa and soon made their way to the couch when Gemma complained her bum was getting sore. Somewhere within that hour or so, Louis was temporarily erased from his mind and he was fully focused on his sister and how much he missed her. They caught up on life, joking around and making fun of each other along the way. Half past five Millie came home—the earliest she'd been home in a while— to see her daughter and Harry hated how she just stole her away like that.

"He's great, Harry," Gemma sighed, reaching out to squeeze Harry's knee. "Don't be such a wanker."

"It's only been three or so months," Harry retaliated with furrowed brows. "How could you possibly have a boyfriend after three months Gem?" He really had no room to talk, especially since he had two boos in the span of three or so months, but the less she knew the better.

"If I remember correctly you had a girlfriend within weeks so don't try to reprimand me." Harry followed his sister up the stairs and into her room next to Millie's. The room was quite plain since Gemma didn't have much time to move in. It was really the guest room but she thought because she had pictures of herself and a few of her belongings in there that it was hers.

"We're not together anymore Gemma. Get over it."

"What even happened between you two? Thought things were going good."

Harry blushed, sitting on top of the bed as he rubbed a hand over his face to hide his pink cheeks. Everything inside him was screaming to tell Gemma about him and Louis, but he couldn't and it was so hard to lie to his sister. "Things were good but she broke up with me over a month ago."

"Why? You couldn't satisfy her?" Gemma laughed, sitting on the floor to unpack the small suitcase she brought with her for the week.

"No!" Harry groaned, dropping his head into his hands. "Well, I mean kind of? In a way I guess but it wasn't like that."

"Oh please, it's _always_ that." Harry didn't understand why Gemma was putting clothes on hangers and in the dresser when she only brought a week's worth of clothes.

"We never had sex Gems."

"Then?"

Harry looked down to his lap, his sister's gaze much too intense for him, especially when she didn't know that he had a boyfriend. "She asked me if I saw myself loving her in the future and I couldn't lie to her. I didn't want her wasting time on nothing you know?"

"That's cold, Harry, and very blunt, but I respect you for being honest. I know it couldn't have been easy, especially when she, I'm assuming, said she saw herself loving you."

"Yeah, we're still friends and she said she wasn't upset but I don't believe her. I feel like I used her and I don't know how to shake that feeling."

Gemma sighed, sitting next to her brother and wrapping an arm around his shoulders to bring him in closer. "I can't tell you not to feel that way and I don't think I can convince you not to, but just because the feelings weren't mutual doesn't mean you used her. You just had your differences and that's okay."

"I know, but she's such a sweet girl and she didn't deserve that and I still don't know why I couldn't love her like that." Because of Louis nimrod, but Harry didn't want to think that everything he did and every decision he made was based on Louis.

"You can't force love Harry. If you don't love her more than a friend you can't force yourself to."

"But I thought I could and maybe that's why it's bringing me down so much." Harry loved Monet to bits but he was disappointed in himself that he couldn't even try. Would he change what happened? No way because he had Louis now but he just wished Monet could of have had better from the start. "At first getting into the relationship I thought everything was okay, and it was but then when she went to break up with me I didn't feel anything. I know it was a good thing then so I wouldn't continue to lead her on, but then I wondered how long I felt that way."

"Hey, don't stress about it Harry." She whispered against his curls, rubbing her hand up and down the length of his arm. "I'm sure she doesn't think of it that way if you two are still friends and if you're having so many doubts, talk to her about it. Stop driving yourself crazy about the unknown."

"Yeah, I just-" Harry sighed, separating himself from Gemma as he tried to figure out how to talk about the next portion without confessing his love for the boy that lived right across the street. "When she broke up with me she told me that she appreciated my honesty after I apologised for feeling the way I did and she said that there was no point in continuing something that had no future and-" The only problem with the next part is that that _someone else_ was Louis and Harry just knew Gemma would want an elaboration. But fuck it. "She told me my heart belonged to someone else."

Gemma brought her brows together in confusion, tilting her head to the side. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"At the time, that's all she said, but when I asked her a few weeks later she told me that she noticed when my looks towards her changed. I started to look at her differently than how I used to when we first got together. Mo said the sparkle dulled and the excitement faded away and that it didn't take long for it to happen but she just wished it wasn't true. And that she saw when the way I used to look at her were directed to someone else."

"Holy shit, that's not good." For a high school relationship, that one was kind of tragic and almost really sad the more Harry further described the details of the relationship. Now she understood why he felt the way he did.

"I know."

"So... do you have eyes on someone else?"

"Yeah."

"The person she thought?"

"Yeah." The two stayed silent, Harry wanting to jump out the window and Gemma feeling a bit awkward. It'd only been a few months and Harry was already dealing with so much relationship drama. "The more time I spend with them makes me realise that I probably never liked Monet as much as I thought I did. I mean, god Gems, everything I feel when I'm around them is multiplied by a million. It's so intense that sometimes I'm scared I might explode."

Gemma almost wanted to laugh at how cheesy Harry was being but she didn't want to invalidate his feelings. "Maybe they're the one. Your soulmate."

"Maybe," Harry mumbled with a smile on his face. Never in a million years would he have guessed that his soulmate would be a boy but he honestly didn't mind it being Louis. "It's weird though. Like I never would have thought they would be my soulmate. I never would have even thought I would like them as much as I do."

"Why?" Gemma asked, laying down on her back pulling Harry along with her.

"Because they weren't what I was searching for. I was looking in a completely different direction before we came here."

"What does that mean?" They were face to face, inches apart from each other.

"That they're different from the rest. Different, but you'll love them, everyone does whether or not they want to admit it."

"Well, she's lucky to have you I'm sure."

"You've got lucky right." Louis wasn't a girl and when Gemma finds out his soulmate was a boy, she's going to be shocked.

"So you two have gotten close this past month?"

"Yeah, we spend a lot of time together. I would be with them right now but you decided to show up."

"Hey! I haven't seen you in months. Sorry for wanting to spend time with my brother." They both shared a laugh and Harry used a single finger to tuck away a loose strand behind Gemma's ear. "How does Monet feel about it?"

"She's pushing me to ask them out."

"Really?" That's so weird. Not only being friends with your ex after a weird relationship, but having your ex want you to be with someone else.

"Yeah, she thinks we're cute. Niall too. Oh yeah, him and Monet are like a thing now."

"Your best friend and your ex..." Gemma was clearly disturbed at the thought of someone's best friend dating their best friend's ex and being okay with it. "You guys are a different breed I swear. Like how is that okay?"

"It's complicated, like really complicated, but it's all good now. They both asked me if it was okay and I said sure because I didn't want to be the reason two people couldn't be happy. Especially when Mo sacrificed our relationship because she wanted me happy, you know?"

"You're sweet, but it's still weird." For no reason at all, Gemma punched Harry in his shoulder with slight force— enough for him to wince. "Speaking of getting close, how're things going with Louis? Mummy told me you two were doing good but then had a terrible falling out or something."

Harry groaned, rolling onto his stomach. Don't get him wrong, he loved his mum to bits but jeez she needed to not talk about his problems to Gemma. He knew it was just to keep her in the loop about things but now he had to explain himself and touch up on a time he hated to think about. "We're on good terms again. In fact, I should be heading over there soon." He checked his phone for the time, just to see if it was time yet but it wasn't and now that Louis was on his mind again, he was getting anxious about Liam being over.

"Why'd your mood switch?" Harry quirked a brow to get to elaborate because he didn't think he was that anxious. "I don't know, your aura just feels different."

"You're away for a few months and you've turned into a hippie." Harry laughed, but Gemma slapped him against his chest as he was rolling over to lay on his back. "He has a classmate over for a project and it's making me nervous because I'm protective over him I guess. Like- you've seen how he was in the beginning of the school year and I'm scared something bad might happen. He literally kicked me out because he wanted to try and do things on his own."

"Yeah," Gemma laughed, watching how Harry's breathing was beginning to pick up. "He immediately shut down you being his friend."

A nervous chuckle fell off of Harry's lips remembering when Louis blatantly told his mum that him and Harry weren't friends. "Yeah, he was incredibly stubborn. He still is but it's a lot better now. He trusts me so..."

"Well, I guess I get to see his transformation this Thursday at dinner." She rolled off the bed and proceeded to finish unpacking her suitcase— taking out products and perfumes and such. "See what all the hype is about."

"Dinner? Thursday?" Harry sat up with furrowed brows, watching Gemma place her things neatly on the dresser. "What do you mean?"

"Mum told me her and Laura made plans to have a dinner with both families on Thursday since I'm home for fall break. You didn't know?"

"No?" He shook his head, fists bunching up the comforter. "When was this?"

"She told me last week to make sure I pack something nice."

"Interesting." He got up from the bed and headed towards the door. "Does Louis know?"

"How the fuck am I supposed to know that?" Harry only scoffed and flicked her off before leaving the room and shutting the door closed. Family dinner on Thursday? They've been neighbours for months and haven't done anything so why now? Because Gemma's home?

Louis on the other hand wasn't having any anxieties at all, well at first that is. The project was going great. Liam came just a few minutes after Harry left (thank god) and they got to work right away. They started out by just throwing out random ideas, having a laugh over ridiculous ones that were basically taking the piss out of Shakespeare's plays. About fifteen minutes into brainstorming Charles and Laura came home at the same time and Louis introduced Liam to them, explaining why he was there. To say they were caught off guard would be an understatement. They haven't seen anyone (excluding Harry) in their home in years. Louis usually worked on projects alone so to see him interacting with a classmate was strange but also enlightening. Their son was coming back and that was enough for them to die happy. Charles at least felt that way.

Once they finally settled for a setting for their project, they decided that maybe the short scene would be better without a script— tell the story without using words. Together they brainstormed how they could do that and what they could use to evoke some type of emotion from the audience. Liam pulled out his laptop and the two of them scrolled through royalty free music, searching for music that would fit the storyline of their project. After an hour of searching, they found a few songs that would last the three to five minutes and meshed them together in the order of the storyline and Louis felt like that was Liam's excuse of being close to each other.

When Louis kept his distance, Liam respected it, but somewhere along the way he'd end up pressing their shoulders together and occasionally brushing his hand against Louis' arm and maybe Harry was right. Liam was not trying to hide anything or hold anything back anymore and it was slightly discomforting. But he powered through it, scooting back every time Liam would make his way closer. He really should have commented on it but he didn't want to make things awkward. Half of the backing track was finished by a quarter passed six and they both decided that was enough work for one day, heavy work at least. Liam was ready to call it quits but he wasn't planning on leaving any time soon so Louis pushed that they figure out some of the finer details to their project despite him being ready to pass out.

"We've gotten a lot done already, Lou," Liam said way too sweetly, closing his laptop and sliding it into his backpack. No, just no! Louis didn't like that and he hated that Harry actually followed his instructions for once.

"Yeah, but maybe instead of being so obvious about it we could make it more metaphorical since we're going with no script."

"Yeah but it's only Monday babes, we've got all week to figure it out." Louis was so close to texting Harry to come over immediately but then the front door flung open and his lovely boyfriend came prancing in with a shit eating grin on his face that Louis knew was fake.

"Hello friends," Harry sang, shutting the door behind him. The smile on Louis' face couldn't get any wider now that he was relieved he had some sort of safety. "Missed you Lou." Harry went in for a hug, squeezing Louis really tight and sneaking in a kiss next to his ear. "Lima," Harry grimaced when he pulled away.

"It's Liam but, you know, common mistake," Liam pressed, his muscles tense. "So you just barge into people's homes uninvited now?"

"Oh of course not. I'm always welcomed. The whole 'mi casa es su casa' type deal." He ruffled up Liam's hair that was just starting to grow out before walking into the kitchen and opening the fridge to rummage through the food.

"We're kind of working on a project here and we were doing just fine without any distractions." When Liam looked over at Louis he seemed incredibly amused and highly entertained with the back and forth bickering and when he noticed he got caught, he was quick to change his face. "Louis."

"Yeah, yeah," Louis mumbled to Liam before looking over at Harry, trying his best not to smile because he was truly ridiculous. He pulled out a pot and start to boil noodles. "Harry we're trying to work on a project."

He turned around at that with a smirk matching Louis', mixing the pot with a spoon. "Oh don't mind me sugar, just continue doing what you're doing. I'm just a bit hungry." Harry winked before turning back around.

"Maybe we should just call it quits," Louis suggested to Liam once he turned back around.

"Now you want to because Harry's here?" Liam sounded annoyed at the fact that he kept losing to Harry in the sense that Louis would much rather spend time with Harry instead of him.

"Well, I mean we could keep working on the project if you want, I don't mind. But like you said we've got the whole week ahead of us."

"We could work for like ten more minutes. I've got to get home soon anyway." Harry could hear Liam grumbling with obvious annoyance in his tone and though he couldn't really hear what Louis responded with, he chuckled. Liam would never have Louis the way Harry did and it was amusing.

Other than Louis and Liam lightly conversing about the project, Harry was quiet while he cooked his soup. He didn't want to keep being a bother to Liam because he didn't want Louis to have to deal with all of that. But he did make sure his presence was known as he walked by. "I'll be upstairs when you're done Lou and don't worry, I won't eat on your bed." Last time Harry had liquids in Louis' room it ended with an angry Louis and the sheets covered in juice a few weeks ago and ever since then Louis forbade Harry to ever have liquids in his room. Like who the hell would place a cup of juice on a mattress?

"Spill it and you have to clean it up by yourself," Louis commented without turning around.

"Buzz off Lou." The next ten minutes or so couldn't have gone any slower. The two of them talked about absolute nonsense and it was obvious Liam was annoyed with Harry's presence in the house and even more so with the obnoxious ruckus he was making upstairs. Louis had to stop himself from laughing by biting down on his lip and talking as little as he could. At first it was silent upstairs until, what Louis assumed, Harry finished eating because it was silent one minute and the next Harry was horribly playing Louis' piano as loud as he could.

"Well, I think I better head out now. I don't think Harry wants me here," Liam tried to laugh it off but it came out forced and annoyed.

"No, I don't think it's that," Louis mumbled, watching Liam pack up. "He's just protective. Someone new raises his guards. He means the best."

"I don't know, he seemed pretty passive aggressive."

"I wouldn't worry about it, honest. He's really nice."

"Yeah, I could tell." Liam stood from the couch and headed towards the door, his feet dragging on the floors. "We could probably finish the backing track tomorrow and then work on the movements and all that."

"Yeah, for sure. I think we could finish it before Friday."

"Well, I had a good time. Thanks for having me over."

"Oh thanks for coming over. I'm glad we got a lot done, it was about time."

Liam chuckled, nodding his head as he opened the door. "I know, we seem to get distracted easily."

"Well how could I not comment on you not knowing you were talking to only one of the greatest Broadway stars of this time."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll see you tomorrow." They shared an awkward smile, Liam deciding not to go in for a hug since Louis barely and awkwardly waved at him.

With a nod Louis shut the door behind him and raced up the stairs. He barged into his room, trying to scold Harry but he couldn't stop the smile from making an appearance. "Harry Edward Styles," Louis said sternly, forcefully closing the door behind him.

"Louis William Tomlinson," Harry copied, turning around on the bench. "What's up?"

"You drove him away." He walked over to his bed and sat on the edge close to his piano.

"Good, he was getting on my nerves." Harry stood from the bench and crawled over Louis, making him lay on his back. "I had a feeling he doesn't particularly like me." His lips attached to the soft skin just below Louis' earlobe, placing a kiss before gently sucking and licking.

"You don't like him either so it's only fair." Louis gasped and tightened his hands around Harry's curls, tugging on them lightly.

"But I'm charming darling, and I've got every reason not to like him." His lips travelled down Louis' neck, leaving wet kisses in its wake. The feeling of Harry's lips and hands all over him was always so sensual and he loved it so much. He subconsciously rolled his body against Harry's, their bellies pressing together.

"Tell me your reasonings."

"He was flirting with my boy and he was rude to my boy's boyfriend and that just doesn't fly with me." The term 'my boy' set off a kaleidoscope of butterflies in every single inch of Louis' body. There were upsides of possessive Harry and that was one of them. Being claimed wasn't something Louis ever thought he wanted but he liked when Harry called him his.

"I don't like that he wasn't nice to my boy."

"Me neither," Harry pouted, gripping onto Louis' hair to pull his head back to kiss underneath his chin. "What're you gonna do about it then? How're you gonna make your boy happy again?"

"How does a kiss sound?" He tilted his head back down, bumping noses with Harry.

"Intriguing, so intriguing, but I think I want something more."

"Like what?" If Louis was nervous, he wouldn't let it show but his mind was racing with things he wasn't ready for.

"Just want you to touch me. Kiss me too." Harry leaned down to kiss Louis' lips using one hand to keep himself propped up and the other to move Louis' hand to his sides. "Touch me please."

"I don't know if I'm ready for this Harry." Louis opened his eyes and halted his hands.

"Nothing's gonna happen, just wanna feel your touch is all. Wanna feel your lovin'."

"Okay," Louis whispered, closing his eyes again and moving his hands around Harry's body. They were stiff, but he tried his best to be gentle. Harry kissed him again and Louis kept his hands moving, the both of them slipping under Harry's shirt to touch his warm skin. As the movements of his hands kept going, Harry was struggling to breathe, struggling to think, struggling to hold back the moan that was stuck in the back of his throat. It wasn't much but it was everything to Harry and he loved every single second of it.

He was doing good until he sucked on Louis' bottom lip, giving it a slight nibble and Louis squeezed at Harry's sides. A small moan fell of his lips and into Louis' mouth and though it tasted so good, Louis had to pull away. "Maybe we should stop," Harry whispered, his voice out of breath.

"I agree," Louis mumbled against Harry's lips, stuck between wanting more kisses but also not ready to go any further just yet.

"You're forgiven by the way."

"I wouldn't assume anything less." Harry rolled off his boyfriend and crawled up Louis' bed to lay down with his head on the pillow. Louis followed along, laying in his usual spot, scooting close to Harry for a cuddle. "I think your boy is really happy right now."

"Is he?" Harry smiled, pulling Louis' leg to rest between the both of his. Louis nodded, scooting closer just enough to bump noses with Harry. "How come?"

"Does he need a reason?" There are only certain things in this world that makes Harry's heart flutter: when someone, literally anyone, touched the small of his back, anxiety, alcohol, and pretty much anything Louis did. But whenever Louis mentioned anything remotely related to his progress Harry felt like crying. In the past Louis used to explain why he was feeling a certain way but now he didn't feel like he needed a reason as to why he was feeling the way he was. He was happy and that was all that mattered.

"No, but I'd like to know to keep him that way forever and ever."

"He likes you better than Lima." Harry chuckled, grabbing onto Louis' handing and pressing it to his mouth.

"He better or else his boy is going to be very upset."

"You were ridiculous you know."

"Yeah, well you're mine, mine, mine and Liam can sod off. I hate that he thinks he has a chance with you. Like it's honestly driving me insane."

"Just a friend, if that. I know he'll back off when he finds out." Harry furrowed his brows, shaking his head.

"You don't though."

"Trust me, okay?"

"I trust you." Louis leaned in to lay his head on Harry's chest, holding him close. He really was happy no matter how absurd Harry was being earlier and that was something worth while because happiness was something Louis never thought he would be capable of. "Lovely?"

"Hm?" Louis hummed, snuggling closer into Harry's warmth.

"Did you know about dinner on Thursday?"

Louis pulled away with his brows knitted together. "Dinner on Thursday?" Harry nodded. "Is this your way of asking me on a date?"

"No," Harry laughed, rolling onto his back and bringing Louis with him. "Gems told me our mums made plans to have dinner together on Thursday. Both the families."

"Oh, no. I didn't know that."

"It should be fun?"

"Maybe slightly chaotic."

"How come?"

"Because you can't keep your hands to yourself for five minutes, imagine spending hours together with family." Harry wanted so bad to suggest they come out to their families tomorrow, after all it'd be the perfect time to do it, but he stopped himself. Coming out was all on Louis and when he was comfortable doing so and he didn't want to feel like he was pressuring him.

"Because you're irresistible." If suffering for hours with the word boyfriend at the tip of his tongue and his hands and lips itching to be touching Louis because Louis wasn't comfortable with people knowing about their relationship just yet, then he'd do it even if it would kill him inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> be smart and stay safe


	5. why do you always think? why can't you just do for once?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did not feel like editing as in depth as i usually do because the last few days have been so shitty but i hope it's bearable

mood: freedom- beyonce and a moor- raleigh ritchie

** Thursday November 29th, 12:32 pm **

It was the rare occasion where Ms. Jackson let her students roam around the school early. Usually, she would give a quick lesson before having them check out cameras for their assignments, but Harry assumed she got laid last night if her especially cheery mood was any tell. He decided not to pester her about it or intrude her personal life like he usually did, but quickly got his materials and ditched Niall to race to the library to spend time with Louis during his study hall. Ever since Monday, Harry had been reluctant on leaving Louis alone because who knew when Liam would try to swoop in and attempt to steal his man. Not that Louis would allow it, but still.

Over the past few days Harry had been doing a lot of thinking and the more thinking he did, the crazier it drove him. He adored Louis so much and it was so hard to keep it to himself when all he wanted to do was be a boyfriend. He wanted to hug and kiss and hold hands and everything else in public and it was killing him that he couldn't but he was willing to suffer it meant that Louis was comfortable. What was bugging him the most was lying to his family and he knew Louis felt the same. Especially because of the dinner scheduled for later that evening. How was he supposed to sit through dinner lying through his teeth to not only his family but Louis'? Where was he going to sit? Because if he sat next to Louis he'd surely want to touch him and they'd fall into their own little world like they always did. Or he could sit across from him and share awkward looks and 'accidental' toe bumps where they barely talk to each other throughout.

Either way, it wasn't going to end well for everybody in the sense that not everyone will be happy. The night could end in disaster with their families finding out about their relationship and Louis would freak out or they wouldn't and Harry would have to continue to suffer. And that, as much as he'd try to prevent it, would put a dent in their relationship because it'd been nearly two weeks and still no one knew. Two weeks and Louis still wasn't ready to face the world. Harry couldn't continue to be the only one suffering and he had to put his foot down.

"Lou?" Harry questioned with a low voice. They were in the library for Louis' study hall and Harry decided to ditch the assignment and take a nap, but he couldn't take a nap with his wandering mind. Still he tried, laying his head down on his arms, folded on the table, in the space next to Louis.

"Hm?" Louis hummed, not breaking his attention away from his work.

"Have you thought about how dinner is going to go tonight?" He opened his eyes and watched Louis concentrate on his work, admiring how there was no stress, no crease because nothing truly was ever difficult for him to do.

"Not really." He placed his pencil on his book and looked down at Harry, propping his elbow on the table and laying his head on his hand. "I don't know why you have. That's all you've been talking about since you found out about it."

"I'm just nervous. You're not?"

"No? Why would I be?"

Harry sighed and turned his head to rest his forehead on his arms. "Nothing. Never mind."

"Hey." Louis encouraged Harry to look at him by attempting to turn his head and then running a hand through his hair. "What's got you so worried?"

"Everything? I mean, I don't know. I just-" Harry took a moment to figure out how he wanted to word just how much he hated keeping their relationship under wraps, how he regretted suggesting it, and that he wanted their families to know today without sounding pushy. "We're terrible at being subtle and spending so much time with our families in one go we're bound to slip."

"Oh." Louis looked to the table, tapping his fingers along the edge of his textbook. "Harry I-"

"Just forget it Lou." He turned his head back into his arms again with a sigh. It was obvious Harry was upset and Louis could feel it seeping into his skin, but he was the one that suggested this. He was the one to come up with the idea, even if he didn't want to, but it was his own doing. Louis was slightly suffering too, but he was also terrified of what people would think once they found out, especially Harry's family. All his life him and his family believed Harry to be straight so for them to find out he was in a relationship with a boy not only was it going to be a huge shock, but what if they hate Louis for doing that? Not saying that Harry's family was homophobic, but what if they didn't want their son to be gay, or what if they don't like that Louis changed Harry's preferences?

"Love?" Louis hummed, raking one of his hands through Harry's hair. "Wanna give me a peek?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because you hate me."

Louis sighed, stopping his hand to massage at Harry's scalp. That was always an easy way for Harry to give in. "I don't hate you."

"Then you like to see me in pain."

"Stop it." Now annoyed, Louis removed his hand from Harry's locks and had intentions on going back to his homework when Harry whined, grabbing his hand to put back in his hair. "I'll think about it, okay?"

"What's there to think about?" Harry lifted his head with furrowed brows, Louis' hand falling to his neck. "Why do you always think? Why can't you just do for once? It's our families for god's sake. What can go wrong?"

"I'm not having this conversation right now." With a roll of his eyes, Louis, again, went to pull his hand out of Harry's hair but was refused permission to do so.

"No," was all Harry said with a grimace, dropping his head back down into his arm. "You owe me."

"I can't do my homework."

"And I can't be openly happy with my boyfriend so we both lose." Even though Louis wanted to do his homework, he caved in and carried on massaging Harry's scalp and playing with his hair, occasionally tugging at the roots just to please Harry because honestly, he was incredibly annoying. Sure he was cute and funny and kind and so god damn sweet, but when things didn't go his way when they easily could have, Harry pesters and he's annoying and bratty and so childish.

"Can I ask you something?" Louis mumbled into his palm a few minutes later, momentarily halting his hand to gain Harry's attention. He received a hum in response, Harry nuzzling his head back into Louis' hand. "What if I'm not ready tonight?"

"Then I'm gonna have to wait until you are," Harry muttered, his voice getting lost in the fabric of his sleeve and his tone unidentifiable.

"What will happen to us? Like would you not want to be with me anymore or..." Louis drifted off, his eyes on Harry's back to watch the rise and falls of his breathing.

That statement seemed to catch Harry's attention. He immediately sat up with furrowed brows, his entire demeanour baffled that Louis would even think that. But instead of pointing out how ridiculous that was, Harry said, "baby no," in the sweetest voice, his entire being melting. "I would never ever _ever_ do that to you." One of his hands reached up to cup Louis' cheeks, his thumb stroking along his cheekbone. "Look, it's not easy to keep everything I feel for you inside but I'd much rather do that for a lifetime than not be with you at all. I'm sorry if I'm being a brat, it's just hard and I know you're struggling with it too."

"I just want you happy." Louis tilted his head into Harry's hands, the entire half of his face being covered and god did he look so damn adorable with his wide eyes and innocent pout.

"And I don't want you to feel pressured to do something you're not ready to do just because I'm having a hard time." They stared at each other for nearly twenty seconds before Harry slipped his hand down Louis' neck to intertwine their fingers. "Just think about it, okay? Whatever your decision is I'll be by your side. And don't do it for me, do it for yourself." _Do it for us_.

Because of everything Louis went through in his past, never did he think that one day he'd be as lucky as he was in that moment. He had someone who appreciated him and wanted to understand him and all of his demons. Someone who took their time to get to know him and who was willing to let themselves fall in love with a boy who was completely shattered. Someone who never looked in the direction of boys to find a lover but still wasn't opposed to the idea. Someone who had a boyfriend because he fell for the personality and pretty face and brains and all of the hurt. Someone who didn't care about certain body parts to find someone attractive but instead longed for a decent human being.

And there were times in the short span of their relationship, even when they were friends, where Louis couldn't understand why the universe was so nice to him all of a sudden. After all the hell he went through as a kid, why was it that everything was starting to be okay after years of torture? But the thing Louis was failing to realise was that without all of that hurt and torture him and Harry wouldn't be where they were. Their entire friendship was based on Harry wanting Louis to crack a smile but if Louis was never hurt, Harry probably wouldn't even have batted an eye in his direction.

"Thanks mate," Louis scrunched his face with a smile, cringing at the word _mate_ but also finding humour in the way Harry contorted his face in disapproval.

"Absolutely not." He shook his head and laid it back down. "The time you're okay with that word, you use it when I'm your bloody boyfriend?"

"I like it now." Louis returned his hand to the back of Harry's mess of curls, his elbow having to bend a bit so he could still see Harry's face.

"Well I don't." Harry turned his head to kiss Louis' palm before shoving his face back into the crook of his elbow. " _Thanks mate_ ," Harry mocked in a higher pitched voice. "Horrid." Louis laughed, laying his head on top of Harry's back, his other hand switching out to play with his hair. Both of them were well aware that this wasn't something friends did but both were struggling to find a care.

Well of course that was until a retched voice filled their ears, Harry's opinion. "Soft and cuddly, how cute." Their tone was borderline mocking and Harry hated how he could hear the smirk. "Slightly confusing if you ask me."

Louis opened his eyes and offered a small smile, not moving from his position. "Hey Liam," he greeted, his body bouncing from Harry's grunts and groans beneath.

"I came here to get a book but then I saw my friends so I thought I'd say hi." Yeah, Harry hated this guy. Honestly who did he think he was mocking him right in front of him to his boyfriend? What kind of game did he think they were playing? Because according to Harry he's playing a completely different game, one where there wasn't any competition because he already won the prize. Louis, his boy.

"I've missed you so much," Harry mocked right back, keeping his head down because the thought of looking at Liam was nearly sickening. "It's been too long since we've last seen each other."

As much as Liam wanted to roll his eyes, he kept a smile since Louis was watching him. He took a seat where Harry would usually sit and got comfortable without an invitation. "Why're you here Lou?" The nickname made Harry shoot up but he wasn't allowed to from Louis trying his best to keep him pushed down. Nope. Liam should not have nicknames for Louis. He didn't care how idiotic that sounded.

"I've got a study hall this hour." He did his best attempt at a gentle nod with his head still laying down.

"What about Curly over here?"

"Photography." Louis slipped in before Harry could give Liam attitude about minding his own business.

Liam saw the strap of the camera still wrapped around Harry's neck, the camera sitting in his lap hidden underneath the table. "Looks like he's hard at work."

"He's got a headache. Not in the best mood." Though Louis made that up on the spot to justify why Harry was being colder than usual, he didn't think it was too far off because of Liam's presence.

"Hope you feel better mate." It was almost sincere that Louis had a hard time trying to figure out whether or not it was genuine.

Harry cringed at the word again. "That word again? For fuck's sake." When Harry sighed and lightly pounded his fist against the table Louis did his best to keep his laughter to himself. Liam flashed a look of confusion at the pair as Louis lifted his head, switching his hands to maintain the massaging to keep Harry satisfied, especially since Liam was around.

"He doesn't like that word. I literally said it to him a few minutes ago and he saw red." Liam awkwardly nodded his head, his brows still pulled together in confusion. "What's up?"

"Oh nothing. I've just left class to come get a book so I can't be gone too long."

"What class are you in?" Harry scoffed at Louis' attempts at making conversation because the one time he does it's with the person he cannot stand. He'll give him props for doing it, but why Liam? Why couldn't it have been Niall or Monet or literally _anyone_ else? Hell, he'd much rather see Louis interacting with Zayn than with Liam. As sweet as Liam seemed to be, Harry couldn't help but feel like he was bad news.

"Humanities," Liam stated now interested in the conversation. Not that humanities was interesting, but he could hear and see Harry's annoyance.

"What book? I'm here quite often. I could help lead you in the right direction."

"Um," Liam hummed, pulling out a small ripped piece of paper from his pocket. " _The Origins of Creativity_?" He looked back up to Louis with a smile, admiring how his face immediately scrunched in concentration, his eyes scanning over the shelves and books as he tried to think of where it could be.

"Well, the humanities books are over there," Louis gently said, pointing to the left side of the room. "Did you want help looking for it?"

"Sure!" Liam stood up from his seat, Louis doing the same when his hands was tugged on.

"No," Harry grumbled, red lines and marks all over his face from pressing his head in his elbow.

"Trust me." Harry groaned but laid back down, this period being the shittiest one yet. Before Liam could see, Louis pressed a kiss to the back of Harry's head. "I'll be right back." He rushed over to Liam, guiding him in the right direction to the section he needed to be in. "This is where all the humanities books are." Louis stood in between two books shelves, gesturing to both sides. "You said _The Origins of Creativity_?" Liam nodded and watched Louis scan the books on one of the shelves, stopping midway when thinking it'd be on another shelf. "Who's it by?"

Before speaking, Liam checked the paper again just to make sure he was right. "Edward O. Wilson." Louis went back to search the codes on the spines of each book. Liam always knew of them but didn't know how they worked. To him, it was just a few letters and numbers mixed together but Louis seemed to have no problem sifting through them to find the book Liam needed seconds later. "Wow, that was way faster than I would have found it. Thanks."

"No problem. On the bright side, you can return to class sooner and avoid getting a stern talking." Although he nodded, Liam thumbed through the pages of his book, stopping at random one to skim through the words.

"How do those code things work? The ones on the book." He closed the book and pointed to the white sticker taped to the bottom of the spine. "For future purposes of course." Or to spend more time with Louis.

"They're called call numbers." Louis laughed and leaned against the bookshelf with his back to Harry— not that he was looking. "They're like an address in a way. "So this first row identifies the subject of the book, that's why it says HUM." As Louis spoke Liam nodded along, his eyes flicking from the book to Louis' bright blue eyes. "This second line is just to narrow down the topic even more. So you have the genre of humanities, but then the sub genre of whatever 983 is." Liam laughed and bit down on his bottom lip, watching the way Louis' lips curved as he talked. "The letter and numbers line is the initial of the author's last name, so W, and the last set of numbers is the year the book was published."

"What a load," Liam chuckled, tapping the book in his palm. "Well thanks for the help." He smiled and it was a genuine smile, not those creepy teasing smiles he gave whenever Harry was around. "So, um, would you be available tonight to finish up our project? Like, whatever we don't finish in class." Louis' cheeks were fuming in red, warm to the touch as he looked down to his feet with his hands interlocked behind his back. "But if we finish in class maybe we could, I don't know, hangout later or something?"

When Louis looked back up, he was biting down on his lip to hold back a flustered smile. "That sounds nice Liam, but I've got a thing tonight."

"Oh." Liam seemed distracted and almost unbelieving of Louis' vague answer. "Okay."

His distant nature was really upsetting Louis and he felt obligated to explain himself. "It's just- mine and Harry's family are having dinner together tonight so... yeah."

"Oh really?" There was obvious shock in Liam's voice— like he didn't expect the families to be so close. "What for?"

"I don't know." Louis shrugged and leaned against the shelf once feeling a lot more comfortable than he was a few seconds ago. "I didn't even know until Harry told me and he found out from his sister. I guess it's just for bonding purposes or something. Since Harry and I have gotten so close over the past few months, me mum probably thought it was appropriate to have dinner together. Especially since she promised one months ago."

All Liam did was nod, feeling completely at a loss when it came to Harry. He knew he couldn't completely compete with him, but he at least thought he had some sort of advantage because of their common interests but apparently not. "Well, I hope all goes well tonight and perhaps let me know how it went."

"Thanks." Louis didn't make a comment about letting him know because really, he didn't want to. "Have fun in humanities."

"Oh yeah, loads." Liam turned around to walk out the library and Louis watched with a tilted head, eyes scrunched, and brows pulled together. Once he was gone Louis made his way back to the table where Harry was still laying down.

"Hey," Louis whispered as he plopped down in his original seat, his hand returning to Harry's messy locks.

"He asked you on a date didn't he?" Harry's voice was absorbed in his sleeve and came out muffled but clear enough for Louis to understand him.

"Wha- Harry why- why would you think that?" Louis' face was tickled in pink from the assumption, although not very far off.

"Because your entire presence is just weirding me out, so I'm just assuming something awkward happened."

"He asked to hang out tonight but I told him I couldn't." Harry turned his head to look at Louis curiously, a small smirk playing on his lips.

"Did you tell him why?" Louis nodded with a smile, sliding his hand away from the back of Harry's neck and dropping it on his lap. "Good. I honestly can't stand him Lou."

"He's not that bad." Harry gave him a look of disbelief and he just shook his head. "Sure he's very straightforward and comes on too strong but he _is_ nice."

"He hates me."

"No he doesn't. He just feels in competition with you."

"There is no competition. You're mine." Louis smiled so softly, so fondly, so completely smitten at the way Harry didn't seem to be ashamed of him. How he seemed not only okay with it, but how he was nearly bursting at the seams with how much passion he had towards Louis and how he could barely hold it all in.

"He doesn't know that though." Louis' smile remained as he reached over to hold onto Harry's hand.

"I want him to so all of this irrelevant feuding can stop." Harry easily intertwined their fingers and pulled their hands on his lap. "I don't want to feel like I'm competing for my boyfriend when he's already mine, you know?"

"No, I get it. Same goes for you."

"It's different though."

"How?"

Harry's eyes switched from either of Louis' eyes repeatedly, trying to decide whether or not he was going to find offense in his statement. "Because I'm quick to shut people down but you, my love, are too nice and let people flirt with you."

"I just don't want them to hate me for turning them down." He shrank down into his chair, his attention dropping to their hands. He pushed and pulled at Harry's skin to help calm the nerves that flooded his body. He knew he wasn't the most straightforward when confronting people, but he didn't necessarily think it was a bad thing.

"They won't bubba. Stop thinking like that." He gave their hands a tug to gain Louis' attention again. "The longer you go without saying they don't have a chance the worse it's going to get because they think they do."

"I know," Louis whispered, dropping his gaze again. He really liked Harry and he could feel just how much Harry liked him back and he could only imagine what it was like to see someone openly flirting with his boyfriend and not being able to do anything about it. "I'm sorry Hazza. I hope you know that I don't-"

"I know," Harry laughed. "No need to apologise. I understand but it's difficult seeing that."

"I can imagine." They stayed silent for a few moments with Louis playing with their hands and Harry's eyes trained on him. He really was so god damn beautiful and Harry would do just about anything to make that boy happy. Obviously.

"Wanna kiss you," Harry mumbled out, unaware that he said it out loud.

"Hm?" Louis hummed, his brows pulled together and head tilted to the side.

"I said I wanted to kiss you mon cherie." He licked his lips, staring unashamedly at Louis'.

But Louis shook his head because they couldn't have any slip ups again. "How about this." Louis kissed the tips of his fingers, holding it there until Harry got the hint to do the same. It took nearly ten seconds and a very bewildered look, but once Harry kissed his fingertips, Louis removed his hand and held it in front of him, waiting for Harry to follow to bump their fingers together.

"Okay, that was fucking cute but so unsatisfying." Louis giggled and wiped his fingers on his jeans. "Hey, that's rude!"

"What?"

"You just wiped my kiss away." When Louis flashed a look Harry couldn't identify, he pouted for a brief second before getting an idea. "What if we did this instead?" Harry kissed his fingertips and waited until Louis did the same. When they bumped fingertips Harry pressed his hand to his heart and Louis couldn't not scoff and roll his eyes.

"That's so cheesy love." He closed his textbook and shoved it into his backpack with his notebook following soon after.

"But it's cute! C'mon do it with me." Louis gave Harry a displeased look and slightly regretted coming up with the small little action because of course Harry had to make it his own. But Harry's fingers stayed pressed to his lips until Louis mirrored his action (with an eye roll of course). Louis pressed his fingers to his chest and Harry physically melted. Over exaggerated, but Louis still smiled. "C'mon, you have to admit that we're pretty fucking cute together."

"You better get going before Ms. Jackson hounds on you." Louis slung his backpack over his shoulder and stood from his seat. Harry had two minutes to get to class before the bell rang and Louis knew, from Harry complaining about it, that the teacher liked having everything back five minutes before the bell rang.

"Tell me you think we're cute." Harry stood from his seat and rushed around the table, walking backwards down the centre aisle.

"I'm not going to say that." Instead of staying those few minutes in the library, Louis followed Harry's hurried steps to his photography class to return the camera he didn't use.

"Why not? I did."

"Because you're deluded." Harry gasped and stopped right in front of his classroom with a dropped jaw.

"You hate us together, don't you?"

"Go!" Louis turned Harry around and pushed him into the classroom.

"Mr. Styles, you're late," Ms. Jackson scolded as Harry emerged into the room. "What did I tell you?"

"I know, I know, but I was in a situation." He carefully placed the camera on her desk, apologising for being late for the third time that semester. "Sorry, it won't happen again."

She pursed her lips, tapping her pen on her desk as an evil smirk slid on her face. "It seems as though you've apologised a trillion times Harry."

He took a sharp inhale as the bell rang, dismissing the class. "Don't you start with me."

"You're beginning to slack."

"I was here on the first day of school and I'll be here on graduation." Ms. Jackson raised her brows because Harry made a reference to the song. "It doesn't count! I didn't say I'm- you know." Niall wrapped an arm around his shoulder and dragged him towards the exit.

"I'll see you two tomorrow." Ms. Jackson laughed and shook her head, getting back to her work.

"So where were you this- oh." The two boys stopped right outside the door in front of Louis. "Hey Lou."

Louis offered a soft smile, returning the wave. "Hi Niall."

"How's your day been?"

"Been alright, how was yours?"

"Great, great. Well, I guess I'll leave you two be. Don't have too much fun." Niall winked and took a step back as Harry spoke up.

"Wouldn't count on it peaches, Louis hates me."

"Oh my god, I've got a class to get to. Goodbye." Louis turned around and walked in the direction of his class without a glance back. He wasn't annoyed in the slightest bit; he was just playing along with Harry's banter.

"See, I told you."

"It's just a joke... right?" Niall didn't want to joke about something if it was serious after seeing how sensitive Harry was when him and Louis were arguing.

"Course, I'll catch up with you later, yeah?" Niall nodded his head and they parted ways. Harry's steps were quick and it didn't take too long for him to catch up to Louis. "Hello darling." He squeezed Louis' arms from behind, his mouth close to his ear. It was enough for Louis to tense up for a few seconds before relaxing with a grimace.

"You're right, I do hate you," Louis scoffed, jerking his arm out of Harry's hold.

"Shut up." They walked next to each other in silence, not really knowing what to say but it was comfortable. The only thing uncomfortable was all the bumping and pressing against other students in the corridors. For a school in London the halls weren't wide enough for so many students to fit in. It was London for god's sake. There's over eight million people that live there and a good thousand or so were expected to fit these narrow halls?

But neither complained as they both seemed to know that they'd be walking to Louis' class. This period their classes were in the same hallway, Harry's class being on the opposite end so he could stay with Louis as long as he pleased. "Bub?" Harry mumbled quietly when he pulled Louis towards the wall next to the entrance of his class.

"Haz?" Louis smiled back, his demeanour inviting and his eyes enticing. He always looked so innocent Harry really felt like dying. Like he didn't deserve to witness such a beauty.

"Wanna hang out after school? Before dinner to take our minds off it for a little while?" To stop himself from touching Louis, Harry fisted the loose straps of his backpack.

"And do what?"

"I dunno, go for a drive or something. Something small. Just for a few hours."

"Can you take me to one of your adventurous accidental discoveries?"

A smile perked up on Harry's lips, pulling the corners up in a quick motion. "Yeah, course. Now I've got to think of a good one to bring you to. One that you'd enjoy because apparently you don't like walking through the woods."

"Not when branches are smacking me in the face, no."

"I'll think of something. Have fun in class. I'll see you in a few." Harry kissed the top of Louis' head without a second thought and took a step back to see Louis blushing. "Bye baby, don't miss me too much." He sent Louis a wink and stepped off in the direction of his class but he was pulled back by Louis' hand tugging on his own. There was a pout on his face, clearly not amused with something. "What?" Louis didn't say anything as he raised Harry's hand to his mouth to place a kiss to the back of his hand. "Oh, you wanna give me a kiss?" He received a nod as a response. Didn't this boy just tell him they weren't allowed to do that in public? What was he going to do with him? "How about this?" Harry leaned down to whisper in Louis' ear. "I can pretend like I'm saying something and you just nod your head." He nodded his head, biting down on his lip with pink tickling over his face and neck. "And then I'm going to pull away and you're going to respond and give me a kiss on my cheek."

Like he said, Harry pulled back and stayed down for Louis to whisper in his ear and when he finally leaned in, Louis kissed Harry's cheek for a few seconds before sliding back to his ear. "As hard as it is to keep my eyes off you, it's almost thrilling to be the only ones who know about us." His breath was warm against Harry's skin and it sent shivers down his spine and goosebumps to pop up in every follicle. Louis kissed Harry's earlobe before pulling away with a smirk. "Bye darling. I'll see you later." This time when Louis went to walk into the classroom, Harry pulled him back with a grip on his wrist.

"You can't just say that and expect to walk away as if nothing happened."

"Are you sure about that?" Louis looked at his surroundings, gesturing to all of the people around them, almost daring Harry to attack him in affection. Sure he was hesitant on going public, especially in school, but it was fun to tease Harry when he knew he wouldn't do anything if it was going to make Louis uncomfortable.

A heavy sigh escaped Harry's nose— a sigh of frustration from Louis and his taunting games. "You're a menace Louis Tomlinson." Harry took a step back and shook his head in disbelief. "A god damn menace I tell you." As frustrated as Harry was when he couldn't completely sweep Louis off his feet and prove to him that he can't say things like that and expect to walk away empty handed, his voice was full of fond, as with his gaze, his heart completely and utterly smitten.

"See you later Curly." Louis kissed the back of Harry's hand one last time before stepping into the classroom, disappearing amongst his classmates.

"Bye baby," Harry whispered to himself, his eyes locked on the last place Louis was standing. It was like he was stuck in a trance for a few seconds but it felt like an eternity and he felt like the only way he could break out of it was if Louis were to return to him. Taking his previous relationships into consideration, Harry really had never felt the way he was feeling in that moment for any person before Louis. His chest was huffing and puffing like he just went for a run, his heart racing in excitement— so fast his heart was beginning to burn— his legs felt like jello, as if Louis' presence was almost too much for him to handle, and his mind was hazy like it would be when he first woke up.

Having lived that way for so long, Harry didn't know how deprived he was of love. There was a huge difference between having love for someone and loving someone and now Harry knew that. He had love for Monet and any other girl he'd been with before he moved to London but he _loved_ Louis. It was a no brainer now. Monet was a sweet girl and one of the best people he'd ever met, but there was a reason why they were never intimate and why talking about anything remotely sexual was awkward. Just like there had to be a reason why Harry's heart wouldn't pick up pace when she'd come into the room or when her name was mentioned. For god's sake he was never jealous of boys flirting with her. He didn't even care when she said she was jealous he got a kiss from Niall.

That's not how a relationship was supposed to work but Harry was too blind to notice it. It was what he knew all his life. He wasn't raised to like girls but all of his friends did so he thought he should too. There was no problem with that, but he was always open minded. He was never afraid to compliment guys on their appearance and he didn't care about sharing lips with one either. None of it was ever serious. There were even a few times where he thought he might've fancied a boy but was unaware of those feelings at that time so he just brushed it off like it was nothing. But now? Those feelings he might've felt before, he was definitely feeling now, multiplied by a thousand, and there was no way he could just brush it off.

In that moment, his and Monet's relationship seemed like a joke and he hated it when he compared it to his and Louis'. Louis and Harry were best friends, but there was no way he was going to let other people flirt with him or even look his way the way he let boys look at Monet. He was not going to let Louis talk about other boys the way he let Monet talk about other boys and he surely was not going to let Louis hang himself around boys who were clearly after him. His guilt only multiplied and it was starting to weigh him down.

But he snapped out of his mini trance when the bell dinged, repeating over and over again throughout the hallways and as Harry walked to his class it was clear that he had to have a chat with Monet, but Harry loved Louis with his entire being.

** 3:14 pm **

The rest of the school day went by quite smoothly. Harry was lost in his head for the first portion of his speech class, but then Louis sent him a funny picture and it cheered him up, temporarily. He had speech with a few of the blokes on the rugby team— he hadn't been practicing with them much for the past month and honestly he didn't know if he wanted to be on a team where they all hated his boyfriend— and since the conversation he had with Louis about why he was friends with these people he really couldn't understand it himself. He had next to nothing in common with those people. Mostly all of them were rude, misogynistic alpha male pricks with toxic masculinities that cared about nothing but getting themselves off.

Harry was sensitive, attentive, caring, kind, and loving— almost the complete opposite of those boys. He wanted genuine relationships, not ones that are solely based on looks, popularity, and sex. He liked personality and class and they liked hunnies and ass. They were on completely opposite ends of the spectrum and he really didn't know how they got along if all of their morals were different.

None of them actually cared about people's feelings, not even the girls they were seeing, and it was gross. Granted, he never really hung out with them, but to be associated with them was an embarrassment. He didn't want people to come up to him and say, "you're friends with Tom right?" or "since you and Blake are friends do you think..." because no, he was not going to willingly set up any female with those degrading boys— he couldn't even consider them men— and he surely didn't want people thinking he was friends with any of them. It was more like an estranged acquaintance and that was the closest to friends Harry was willing to admit.

The only good thing that came with befriending those people was Niall but Harry was pretty sure he could've gotten close with him any other way since they shared a few classes together. Zayn was an alright guy, but he had some major self figuring out and realisation to do. Behind the façade he put on, Zayn really wasn't a bad guy and Harry could sense that but he was too caught up with trying to impress people that he couldn't see the damage he was doing not only to himself but to others. From the outside Harry didn't understand why Zayn made the switch from the stories he heard about him and Louis, but what he did know was that he'd have to get his act together if he wanted to remain friends when him and Louis went public with their relationship.

But all that only lasted a very long forty five minutes until all of that anxiety could be washed away when he saw Louis again. Like he had been the past couple days, Harry walked Louis to the auditorium on the opposite side of the school and stayed there until last minute before going to his study hall. The first three minutes of the passing period were just fine, dandy even, but then Liam decided it was a great idea to stop by and have a quick chat and Harry's mood dropped again.

The thing about Liam that Harry hated was this ugly, competitive side to him. No he didn't know any other side since this was the only one he saw, but if Louis was right, he hated that this was the only one he got to see. Liam really didn't have to be so crude nor did he have a right to be. It didn't matter if he felt like he was competing with Harry or not, he didn't have to be so degrading towards him because at the end of the day if him and Louis weren't together, the decision was up to Louis and who wanted to be with an asshole? No one. So whatever game Liam was trying to play didn't make any sense.

Harry played nice though and he could tell it irritated Liam just a smidge that he was unbothered by him. There was no game so Harry didn't act like there was one. When it was time to go, Harry said his farewells to the both of them and only gave Louis a hug, sneaking a quick kiss in. As he walked away he turned around to see Liam's arm wrapped around Louis' shoulders and it took everything in him to not stomp over there and tell Liam off. It was a harmless action but this was Liam. He liked Louis so no Harry didn't like it. But he decided he didn't have to when Louis awkwardly shrugged away from his hold. That put a smile on his face and he was on his way.

Through their last lesson Liam and Louis managed to stay on topic and were able to finish their project without any problem. It wasn't anything fancy but they both really liked the symbolism they included. The project didn't take too long to finish either and they were able to get through a rough rehearsal before class ended. Rehearsing was maybe the hardest part because they'd act for a bit then bust out in laughter, not being able to take it seriously for more than three minutes tops. In order to get it right when performing tomorrow, the both of them agreed to meet during lunch to practice some more just to make sure they've got everything down packed.

The dismal bell rang, ending the school day and usual Harry and Louis would meet up in the bathroom since their last classes were so far from each other but when Louis walked out the auditorium, Harry was waiting for him. Leaned against the wall with his foot perched up and his arms crossed. He looked irresistibly hot and Louis wanted to ran up to him and hug him like they did in the movies were they'd spin and there'd be music playing but he played it cool with a pep in his step. He wasn't afraid to wrap his arms around Harry's shoulders and give him a tight, nearly breathless hug. And Harry wasn't afraid to return the action, his eyes catching glimpse of Liam as he walked out the auditorium with a grimace on his face. That was very amusing to him so he squeezed Louis just a bit tighter, closing his eyes and dropping his head down on Louis' shoulder.

The hug maybe lasted a good fifteen seconds before Louis pulled away with a sparkling grin. Instead of heading to the bathroom like they usually would, the two of them walked right out the building and to their homes to leave as soon as possible. Nevertheless they still took their time walking home, hand in hand singing a few tunes together with giggles and chuckles falling off their lips when one of them would mess up the words or harmonies (Harry was getting better with learning harmonies and keeping on pitch). A few times when Harry was off by merely a semi-tone and the dissonance was extremely prominent, Louis would cringe and crack up, leaning his body against Harry's for support. He wasn't a terrible singer, he really wasn't, but he didn't know how to control or work his voice the way Louis did.

Because of that, it took more than ten minutes to walk home, but it was still sooner than what it would have been if they waited in the bathroom like they usually did. After Louis went to drop off his backpack, he waited by the car as Harry raced inside to do the same and grab a few snacks to satisfy their grumbling tummies and just like that they were on their way. Harry turned on the heat of his car because the weather, as of late, was not on their side. It was getting chillier by the second and Harry hated that Louis enjoyed walking to school. It was only November but London's weather was always brutal. They were lucky enough to get as many sunny days as they did these past few months. But the closer fall was coming to an end and winter was creeping its way in, the less appealing it was to spend time outside. The air was getting nippier, the breeze chillier, and the sun was making less and less appearances as days went by.

But Harry thought it was perfect cuddling weather— at least that's what he told Louis when he was unbearably cuddly the other day. Either way it was good weather for Louis to be drowning in his clothes and Harry couldn't be more excited. He should've been a good boyfriend and reminded Louis to bring a jumper because he knew he was going to get cold but Harry had an extra in the backseat and, again, he loved how cuddly and cute Louis looked swathed in his clothes.

They'd been aimlessly driving around for a few minutes, Harry not taking any particular route and just seeing where life took them. He didn't come up with a place to take Louis but maybe they could discover something new together. "So," Louis sighed, taking his eyes off the buildings passing by to look at Harry's profile. They were hand in hand and the music was quietly playing, bringing life into the silent car.

"So," Harry repeated, quickly taking his eyes off the road to look at Louis with a soft smile.

"Where are we going?" That was a question Harry was hoping wouldn't come up. It wasn't that big of a deal but he really didn't know where he was going.

"If I'm gonna be honest love, I have no idea where I'm going about." He slowed down at a traffic light, taking the opportunity to get a good look at Louis. "I know you said you wanted to go to one of my discoveries but nothing came to my mind so maybe we'll make one together?"

The way Louis was staring back at Harry was extremely nerve wracking because there was no emotion on his face. It was completely blank and Harry was almost convinced Louis disapproved of the idea before a few seconds later and a sly smile formed on his lips. "Okay."

As Harry's car picked up speed again, the pair fell silent. The music took over the car and though it wasn't too loud, Louis could feel the subtle vibrations on his seat and against his clothes. The heater too. When they first got in, Harry turned it up way too high because he was afraid Louis was going to turn into an icicle so he cranked that baby up without thinking about sweating his arse off. But Louis nearly turned into a puddle and had to turn everything down, the temperature and the speed. Both were doing just fine now and as they drove further and further away from their homes, the warmer Harry felt with Louis' stare on him.

Louis kept his gaze on Harry, the smile never washing away, admiring his everything from his face to his hair to his arms to his chest to his fingers and all the way down to his ankles— Louis wasn't fond of feet so he tried to forget how monsterly Harry's looked. With all the attention on him, Harry couldn't help but feel like he was being silently interrogated by his boyfriend. Not in a judgmental way, but he knew Louis' mind was reeling with thoughts of him because when wasn't it?

"Like what you see?" Harry smirked and side eyed Louis to catch his pink cheeks and take note of the way he only slightly sunk into the seat after getting caught.

"Kinda, yeah." Louis smiled, tugging on Harry's hand to bring it closer to his body.

"Oh really?" He raised his brows but kept his eyes trained on the road.

"How could I not?"

"Oh baby, you're making me blush." He was trying to tease Louis, but a blush really crept onto his face, dusting his cheeks in pretty pinks.

"I want a kiss." It was sort of unusual to hear Louis vocalise things he wanted because in the few past experiences he seemed embarrassed to do so but it was becoming obvious that he was getting more and more comfortable with the relationship and wanting his needs to be fulfilled. Harry loved that.

"I can't right now Lou, I'm driving. You don't want to die, do you?" Harry cringed at his last sentence because there was a point where that idea wasn't too far fetched for Louis.

Thank _god_ he just brushed over it— even then it didn't give Harry much satisfaction because Louis didn't exactly say no— and continued to pout. "Please Hazza? I let you kiss me at school when I said I wouldn't." His lip was pushed out and his brows came down together in the centre.

"I'm driving darling. Can't you wait until I come to a stop?"

"No." Harry huffed, leaning his head towards the passenger side but keeping his eyes on the road and only turning to quickly peck Louis' lips for a second. "Thank you so much. What an honour."

"Shove off," Harry chuckled and for the rest of the drive the car stayed silent with Louis clinging on to Harry's hand and forearm tightly. It was nice and Harry was feeling so loved.

They drove around for maybe forty five minutes in total before Harry decided to pull off the main roads and drive down a gravel road which made Louis hold on tighter from all the shaking. He wanted to ask Harry if he was allowed to go down that way but refrained from doing so when seeing a car coming in the opposite direction they were going. "Now, this isn't really a new discovery but I really liked it when Niall brought me here along with a few friends months ago and I think you'll like it too." Louis just nodded and looked out the window, watching nothing but trees pass by until the greens turns into the blue sky when they emerged into a clearing.

It was nothing special really. Just a beach but instead of sand it was gravel and the water wasn't the ocean but a lake. Nonetheless it was nice. "This it?" Louis scanned his surroundings through the car windows with a smile.

"Yeah, sorry I couldn't think of anything better."

"No, it's perfect. I've never been here before."

Harry shut the car off and dropped the keys into the cup holders in the centre and turned to look at Louis. "I can't believe you lived here all your life and you haven't gone anywhere."

Louis shrugged and glanced at Harry. "Not an outdoors person." Once he did a few rounds of glancing around the area, he looked back to Harry and placed their interlocked hands on his cheek. "It's gonna be too cold to go out though."

"Then let's stay in and kiss and cuddle." He tugged on Louis' hand, encouraging him to climb over to his side to sit on his lap. Though he was more than willing, Louis rolled his eyes with a sigh and straddled Harry's lap, letting go of his hand and wrapping them around the back of his neck.

"You drove all this way for a cuddle?"

"We've got white noise and a beautiful scenery to look at."

"What about me?" Harry laughed lightly, grabbing both sides of Louis' face to bring him in for a quick kiss.

"You're gorgeous little dove." _And I love you_ , but you know how that goes.

It really was a waste of time driving around only to pull up to the beach to have a cuddle but the way Louis was holding him and how they were forced to be pressed together so closely from the tight space made it all worth it.

** 6:21 pm **

Nearly three hours were spent at that beach doing absolutely nothing. Louis ended up falling asleep when Harry turned his car back on to put the heat on when he was getting cold. The heat from the vents and having been wrapped up with Harry's zip up laying on his back and Harry's long arms wrapped around him felt like the warmest blanket ever. It only took maybe five minutes for him to fall asleep with his head neatly tucked into Harry's neck and his arms loosely wrapped around his back. When Harry finally caught on that Louis was asleep, he carefully leaned his chair back so they were laying down at more of an angle so gravity would bring Louis' head down and he wouldn't have a crook in his neck when he woke up— it wasn't all for Louis though because Harry loved the pressure of Louis' body laying on top of him.

To waste the time away until Louis woke up, Harry scrolled through his socials, responded to texts and all that while his other hand was either rubbing patterns on Louis' back or carding through his soft waves. But when all that got boring, he put his phone away and just held Louis closer, leaving kisses to the places he could reach without interrupting his slumber. He'd hum and softly sing songs that came on the radio doing his best not to disturb the sleeping beauty in his arms. The only problem with being awake while Louis wasn't were all the thoughts that ran through his mind and the bursts and spurts of love he felt and wanted to give to the boy in his arms. Though it was a tad overwhelming, Harry really didn't mind because Louis was precious and he'd rather have Louis and be overwhelmed by love than not have him and be overcome by sorrow.

Louis slept for hours and Harry was going to let him wake by himself but when it was six and dinner was at half past six he thought that maybe it was time to head out. Reluctantly he had to wake Louis up and help him over back into his seat, buckling him in because he was still sleepy. The beach they were at was only a few minutes from where they lived so it wasn't a bad thing that they left so close to dinner time. On the drive back, Louis was still clinging onto Harry and he really wondered how they were going to make it through dinner without exposing their relationship, especially when Louis was being extremely affectionate today.

When they got home, they separated ways with a fist bump and walked away without a second glance— 'cause, you know, bros. It was only going to be a few minutes before they saw each other anyway. "Harry Styles where were you?" Of course he had to be scolded upon entering his humble abode.

"Was with Lou," Harry responded with a shrug as he walked up the stairs, trying to get away from his mum who only followed him to his room.

"You knew dinner was today at six thirty."

"I know, but it's fine. I'm here now and look-" Harry pulled his shirt over his head and took a random button up off a hanger and slipped it on. "Dinner ready."

"Where'd you two even go? You were gone for hours." Harry saw Gemma poke her head out of her room with a smirk and he wanted to flick her off but he was sure his mum wouldn't like that.

"Went for a drive to calm our nerves."

"Why would you be nervous?" Her mood sufficiently calmed down. She leaned against the doorframe and crossed her arms, watching Harry walk across his room to spray cologne on his shirt. It was a creamy, satin button up with the sleeves rolled up to mid bicep and the buttons clasped halfway up.

"I dunno. He's my best friend and I really enjoy his company and I was scared that our families wouldn't get along the way we do." It's not the main reason, but it was a part of the truth.

"We're not going to be best friends like you two, but I'm sure we'll get along just fine."

"Don't be too sure mummy, Gems is hard to like."

"Don't be too sure Harry," Gemma mocked, "by the end of the night Louis' going to want to be my best friend instead."

"Don't hold your breath." Since he arrived late, everyone was ready so when he was all finished up, they made their way across the street with a dish or two they contributed to the dinner.

Gemma rang the doorbell and the three of them waited a few seconds before the door swung open. "Oh, hi!" Laura greeted all too cheerfully. "Come in, come in." She stepped aside to let her guests in the house.

"Where should we put these plates?" Millie asked Laura as she entered the house, taking a good look around.

"On the table should be fine." Laura led them to the dining area to put the dishes in the centre of the table. "It'll be just a few minutes. I'm running a little behind. You can have a seat on the sofa and watch some telly as you wait if you'd like."

Harry separated himself from the group and made his way to the stairs to go up to Louis' room. "Don't you dare leave me alone with them," Gemma growled low enough for only Harry to hear. She grabbed his arm to get him to stop walking.

"You'll be fine Gems." Harry pulled his arm away and continued up the stairs.

"You just saw Louis though."

"And I don't want to see you anymore. Goodbye." He walked up the rest of the stairs, not bothering to knock on the door, which, maybe, Louis would have appreciated. "Hubba hubba." The sudden noise startled Louis, causing him to jump and frantically cover himself up. "It's just me darling, no need to cover up."

"You scared me," Louis sighed, keeping his shirt press against his torso. "Ever heard of knocking?"

"C'mon, gimme a kissy." Harry completely ignored Louis' frustration and sauntered over to the end of his bed to have a seat.

"No."

"Yes." He pursed his lips, squeezing his eyes closed for a kiss but never received one. He peeked one eye open and then the other and pouted. "Please?" Louis rolled his eyes and stomped over to his bed to give Harry a kiss. It was intended to only be a peck, but Harry pulled Louis closer to deepen the kiss.

After a few seconds Louis pulled away, staying close as he opened his eyes. "Harry," he sighed when Harry reached for the shirt he was holding against his chest to pull it away.

"'s just me baby. It's okay." He kept his grip on the shirt but didn't try to pull it away because he didn't want to force Louis into doing anything he didn't want to do.

"I know, but I don't know if I'm ready for that just yet." His eyes shut again and he bumped noses with Harry, trying not to melt into his touch.

"Can I at least look? No touching." He let go of Louis' shirt and dropped both his hands to show he was being serious.

"That might be worse." Louis giggled and pressed their foreheads together, allowing Harry to peck his lips.

"Nuh uh, why?" It was only for a few seconds but Harry honestly could not handle not touching Louis so he cupped either side of his face and kissed him properly.

"Because you have a creepy stare."

"Don't be such a meanie." Louis smiled, opening his eyes to see that Harry had his eyes closed the entire time as well and he only opened them when he felt Louis back away. The thing was, the smile on his face wasn't because Louis was so god damn beautiful and it wasn't because it was the first time he got to see under Louis' shirt but because Louis was wanting change and willing to trust Harry to see parts of him no one else had. "Lou," Harry whispered, the air in his lungs suddenly gone.

"If it's bad please keep the comment to yourself." He looked to the ground, biting down on his lip and linking his hands behind his back. Of course Harry's comment wasn't bad or mean in any way, but he did have a few concerning thoughts. He didn't like that he could see the outline of Louis' rib cage and he didn't enjoy the prominent hip bones poking out or the straining lines running along his belly, outlining his muscles because there was little to no fat on top of them. He didn't love how he could clearly see every single one of Louis' ribs on his chest, but he loved Louis. No matter his size, or there lack of, he'd love him.

Not responding may not have been the best decision, especially when Louis couldn't see him shake his head with a disbelieving look on his face. It was a sticky situation considering how vulnerable Louis was at the moment but Harry really felt like words wouldn't have been enough justification for Louis. So he stood from his place on the bed and took the few steps to stand in front of his boyfriend, cupping both of his cheeks to lift his head and going in for a kiss. It was forceful and begging for Louis to understand that he wasn't ugly in any way. It was reassurance that Harry would never have anything bad to say about him. It was Harry trying to tell Louis he loved the absolute shit out of him. And it took Louis a few seconds to respond, but when he did he kissed Harry back with just as much passion and need, his arms snaking around his neck. There was no need to stand on his tiptoes because Harry always compensated for their size difference by leaning down for him.

The kiss wasn't hot in any way. It was gentle and caring and wanting to prove a point, but it lasted quite a bit and when Harry pulled away they both needed to catch their breaths. "There's nothing bad about you baby," Harry whispered, his hands not moving from Louis' face no matter how badly he wanted to hold him. "You're so god damn gorgeous."

Louis' eyes welled up in tears as he became overwhelmed with so much love. "But my bones and you can-"

"You're beautiful Lou. Fat, skinny, tall, short, dumb, smart, sad, or happy you will always be beautiful to me." Louis tried to cover up his sniffle but Harry heard it and he could obviously see the tears rolling down his cheeks. "Always so pretty. Je te promets mon coeur."

"Vous promettez?" His voice was shaky and his throat was tight from trying not to cry, but it made Harry smile because Louis was starting to learn to love himself. It was a small step, but he wanted reassurance that he was beautiful and Harry wanted to give that to him.

"Without a doubt in my mind." Harry held his pinky out in front of him and watched Louis' face drop, his brows coming tighter in the middle to stop from crying like a baby. He interlocked his pinky and kissed his thumb— keeping eye contact with Harry— and nearly pounced on top of Harry, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist and shoving his face into his chest. What made Louis' heart swell even more was the fact that when Harry hugged him back, his hands and arms remained above his shoulders so that he wouldn't touch the bare skin of Louis' torso. The hug lasted a lot longer than anticipated but Louis eventually pulled away with a sheepish smile and reddened eyes. "Get dressed my love."

"Kay," Louis whispered, slipping his arms through the sleeves and buttoning up the shirt (there were a few wrinkles on the back where Harry had the fabric fisted in his hand but what Louis didn't know wouldn't hurt him). Once the shirt was buttoned up, Louis disappeared into his closet for who knows what and Harry walked back to the bed and laid on his back to stare at the ceiling. He really shouldn't feel overwhelmed because he'd seen Louis' chest before, but it was different back then. The first time Harry was too focused on taking care of Louis to have googly eyes on him but now that he could it was like a smack in the face.

All the anticipation was washed away and even though there were parts of it that worried Harry, he couldn't have been any happier. Louis was trying and that was all that really mattered. So what if he couldn't touch? They'd get there one day and he surely did not want to get the satisfaction now and have to live with the guilt of forcing Louis to do something he wasn't ready for. But one day. One day Louis was going to let Harry touch him whenever and wherever. Speaking of one day... Now Harry's mind quickly switched from Louis' bare chest to wanting to come out to his family. Certainly Harry could tell his own family he liked a boy but it was one of his own milestones and he didn't want to do it without Louis.

"What about these pants?" Louis emerged out of the closet, ironic, with a different pair of pants; jeans Harry had never seen before. His tears were nowhere to be found along with the glassy eyes and splotchy cheeks.

Harry lifted his head, leaning his weight back on his elbows and nodded. "Looks good bub." He offered a smile before sitting up completely, his posture horrible. "Hey Lou?"

From his desk, Louis looked back over at Harry with a sheepish smile. "Yeah?"

A heavy sigh fell off of Harry's lips as he slouched even more than before. He knew he was being a bother over this topic but he could only keep so many secrets at once and the one having to do with loving his neighbour was way too heavy to keep their relationship a secret, from their families at least. "I really want to tell our families about us."

"Harry-"

"You said you would think about it, Lou."

"I have and I just can't yet. I'm sorry Harry but I'm not ready."

"But why?" Harry really didn't mean to shout but he was getting frustrated with having to hide literally everything. It wasn't fair. "Nothing bad is going to happen. My mum loves you, your parents love me. I don't see the big deal."

"You said you would wait until I'm ready." His tone of voice came out almost flabbergasted, not believing that Harry was subtly trying to pressure him into telling their families about their relationship, especially after a cute moment they just had.

"I am, but I just don't see why we can't tell the people closest to us. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?"

"Your family could hate me for making you like a boy!" It was rushed and loud and definitely filled with anger and frustration, but he finally let out what had been bothering his mind since they first started dating.

"What?"

Louis sighed, shaking his head from side to side and using a hand to rub at his forehead. "Just forget-"

"You can't possibly think that's true, do you?" Harry stared at him with no expression on his face because he really was taken aback by the accusation.

He shrugged and refused to make eye contact with Harry because deep down he knew it was ridiculous but the worries and anxieties from his past infiltrated his mind. "I don't know. I mean, you've only had girlfriends and you've liked girls all your life and then you move here and meet me and then... you know."

Harry jolted his jaw to the side, a light chuckle slipping through. He looked down to his lap and pushed around the folds on his jeans. "I'm trying not to be angry not only because dinner is in a few minutes but because I want to understand where you're coming from but it's difficult when it sounds like my family is being accused of being shallow."

"Harry that's not-"

"It's fine. I know what you mean." He stood from the bed and smoothed out his pants. "You don't want to be seen as someone who tries to turn straight people gay but I just wished you saw passed that to see that none of this was your doing. You pushed me away and gave me nothing but I chose to keep after you and I chose to fall for you." He looked up and Louis' eyes were trained on his desk, his finger drawing random patterns on the surface. "You didn't make me gay. I wanted to like you and I have no problem with it. Do you?"

Slowly, Louis looked up and shook his head with innocent eyes. "No," he whispered.

"So stop worrying about it. My family doesn't care who I like or choose to be in a relationship with. Just as long as I'm happy and I am. So beyond happy."

All Louis could do was stare at Harry, completely taken off guard by his words. He didn't really know what it was exactly, but something shocked him and he felt frozen in place, a tad bit guilty for vocalising his accusation. They stood there staring at each other, Harry waiting for Louis to say something when their moment was rudely interrupted. "Dinner's ready," Gemma said with an awfully loud voice.

One, two, three seconds pass before Harry broke their stare to scold his sister. "You can't just barge into someone's room like that."

"You did." She was twenty one years old but still acted like a child at times.

"That's because this is my friend's room. I'm always invited." Louis silently stood in the background watching the two siblings interact with each other, cringing when Harry referred to them as friends. It was the first time he physically heard Harry call them friends since they got together and he absolutely hated it.

"Whatever. I'm sorry Louis." She looked passed Harry and offered him a gentle smile. The action was returned.

"We'll be down in a bit." Without another question, Gemma walked out the room, closing the door behind her, and headed back downstairs. "Look, I'm sorry for being pushy today. Take all the time you need. Just let me know when you're ready." Louis still had that blank expression on his face and Harry didn't really know how to feel about it so he closed the gap between them and kissed the top of Louis' head. "If not today, another day, right? I'd rather have this than nothing at all." When Louis still hadn't cracked a smile, Harry sighed and trudged to the door. "I'll be waiting for you downstairs. Don't be too long." He closed the door behind him and left Louis alone in his room.

He really wanted to move and think about something, anything but he was stuck for what felt like an eternity. He wanted to admit he hated keeping the relationship a secret, but he also wasn't ready for anybody's opinion. That was about all he could think of before he forced his feet to move to meet up with the people downstairs. "Nice of you to join us," Charles poked when Louis joined the group in the living room. "We waited for you before going to the table."

Harry turned around on the couch to see the apprehensive steps Louis was taking towards them. He stood and met up with him behind the couch, holding onto both of his shoulders. "Cheer up love." As promised, Harry almost exposed their relationship but he caught himself before kissing Louis' forehead.

"Let's eat, yeah?" Everyone looked at Gemma with raised brows but shook it off and headed to the dining area that was already set with three plates with utensils next to them on each side of the table.

"Where do you want to sit?" Harry asked Louis when walking behind the group.

"Next to you," Louis whispered, following Harry to his seat where he pushed Gemma out the way so his boyfriend could sit next to him instead. Once everyone was seated, Harry sat in the middle between Louis on his left and his mum on his right and Charles sitting opposite him in between Laura and Gemma who was sending him glares for having to sit with a near stranger's family.

Dinner started semi-awkwardly. The plates were being passed around and each person portioned out what they wanted— Harry having to scoop just a bit more onto Louis' plate when there were hardly spoonfuls of food. It was silent for the few minutes it took for all the food to get around and it might've just stayed that way until Harry broke the silence. "So, um, how was everyone's day?" He scooped up some food and forked it into his mouth and chewed as he looked around for an answer. Gemma groaned and it made Millie titter behind her napkin, but just like that conversation floated effortlessly.

It was easy and carefree and everyone shared stories about their own lives or one of the siblings trying to one up each other on embarrassing childhood stories. When Harry told everyone about the time Gemma was about nine years old and they went to the park (Gemma, Millie, and Harry) and there was a lady who yelled out if anyone wanted ice cream to come get it and being the kid she was, she wanted ice cream. She walked over to the lady, excited to get ice cream— and she didn't think she was alone because there were a few kids walking towards the lady. She handed a few cones out to the kids but then when it was Gemma's turn to get a cone, the lady tilted her head with a confused face and then asked who she was and that was when Millie came in with Harry in her hand, apologising in behalf of her daughter and pulled Gemma away from the crowd. It wasn't until years later that Gemma was told that the lady wasn't offering free ice cream to the kids in the park, but to the kids she was babysitting and to this day Gemma still cringed over it.

Her face was fuming in reds from embarrassment and she attempted to combat that with the story about how Harry hated wearing clothes as a kid and often walked down butt naked during parties but they'd already heard that before and didn't as much let out an amused chuckle. In attempt to mock her some more, Harry told the story about the one year they shared in high school together. He was a freshman and she was a senior and they both stayed after school to watch the netball game because the team their school was playing against was the school her crush moved to. Harry didn't want to stay, in actuality he was completely against it but she was his ride, and Gemma insisted on him staying so she didn't seem desperate— but really, who was thinking that? Anyway, they were watching them practice a bit before the crowd surfed in and when the other team got to where she was sitting, Gemma got all flustered and jolted up, walking down the bleachers all weird (just like Gemma Harry remembered it in a blur). For some reason she started to bolt down the bleachers and along the way she missed a step and slipped. She fell right on her bum, catching the attention of nearly everyone in the gym but she acted as if nothing happened, popping right back up and racing into the locker room. That night Harry had consoling to do with his crying sister.

Millie was quick to shut down the story fiasco when the two of them started to argue and the second it got violent when they started to kick each other under the table and taking snippy, petty hits at the other. If it weren't for Harry pushing Gemma to the other side of the table, it would have been easier to break up, but Millie still managed to do so after a few attempts, apologising for her immature children. The Tomlinson's didn't mind though. They found it rather amusing and borderline endearing to see siblings interact in such a way since Louis was an only child.

After the story telling bit, they moved on to asking questions about their lives, work, school, uni and all that. They chatted amongst themselves and had a fairly good time learning a bit more about everyone's lives and interests but after almost an hour of chatting, it was evident to Harry that Louis was still feeling a bit upset because he barely said a word. He knew that in bigger crowds Louis' comments came to a minimum, but it was the way he hardly looked up from his food and how he pushed around whatever he had left on his plate. Whenever he did look up he seemed distant and not at all interested in what was being said. His laughs seemed forced and not at all genuine and any time Harry would acknowledge it, he'd squeeze Louis' thigh but was quickly pushed away with a shake of his head. The many times questions were directed towards him, he'd answer them coolly and put on a façade, pretending his mind wasn't rattling but Harry knew better.

Dinner ended with a bang. Charles was cracking up over something Gemma joked about, Laura stifling a laugh as she pushed around the last bits of her food, Millie shaking her head at the inappropriate joke her daughter made, Harry chuckling along and Louis sitting with a silent smile, a genuine one. It was a success and they agreed that dinner should happen again sometime soon or maybe just spend time together. People were starting to put their utensils on their plates and were anticipating to begin cleaning up, but Louis didn't want it to end. Not yet at least.

"Hey," he said rather loudly, trying to get everyone's attention. Charles placed his plate back on the table and Gemma sat back down in her chair, all eyes on him. "Not that it matters, but I um- I wanted to apologise for not speaking up all that much throughout dinner. I've been-"

"Distracted?" Charles interrupted with furrowed brows.

"Yeah. I uh, I feel like everyone's chipped something into conversation tonight except me so before we depart I wanted to at least tell a story?" As he spoke he stared down at his plate, not able to soak in all the attention that was given to him. But when no one responded, he forced himself to take a peek up and saw all ten eyes on him expectantly.

"Well is it a good story?" Gemma blurted nonchalantly as if her and Louis were friends.

"Maybe? I hope so." His parents nodded for him to continue talking with small smiles and then his eyes went to Harry. His brows were pulled together in the centre.

"What's going on?" Harry whispered, not understanding why Louis chose now to say something.

"So, I know I'm a little late to the story party, but I hope you all will still have a laugh." He chuckled lightly to put a dent in the slight tension in the room. "Since Gemma kind of failed at embarrassing Harry I guess I'll make up for it."

"Lou, no." Harry groaned and shook his head cupped in his hands. Millie laughed and leaned back in her chair to get a better look and watched the way his eyes seemed to light up when Harry groaned and the smirk pulling at his lips that tried to hide away.

"Yes. Yes!" Gemma exclaimed, happiness and excitement written all over her face. "I knew I would love you Lou."

Louis blushed from the nickname and at the thought of Harry's family considering him as their own. It may have been a far stretch, but they both said long term and if Louis wanted to love Harry he'd also want his family to love him. "Well, um, a few months back we went to Regents and-"

"No!" Harry smacked his hand over Louis' mouth with a bit of a force, his cheeks flushed in pinks and reds. "You promised you wouldn't tell anyone."

"It's just our families, what bad can happen?" he mocked Harry's words from before. Completely childish, but also very true.

"It's not the same."

"Just let me tell it and then you decide if you still hate me at the end of the night."

"Hello? A very loving sister waiting for her brother to be embarrassed over here."

"Alright, alright." Louis laughed, his mood a complete one eighty than what it was throughout dinner and it made Harry internally raise a brow. He was almost suspicious about the sudden change in behaviour but let it go even if it meant Louis was going to embarrass him. "Well to begin, Harry nearly looked like a fool."

"Because you were stubborn and almost stood me up!" He just had to bud in because he didn't exactly know how Louis was going to describe him and, sure, he was a little salty.

"Please, love, let me tell the story." The pet name made Harry cock his head in confusion along with Laura and Charles while Millie and Gemma sat there unaffected. Louis just didn't go around calling people love or babes or mate or anything like that so to hear it come out and flow into casual conversation was definitely foreign. "Besides Harry being a fool, we walked around for a while and when we stopped by these poppies I knew it was going to be an interesting night when these little kids came running up to him because they thought he was their older shoulder." Everyone let out a light chuckle and sweet smiles. Everyone but Harry.

"Lou," Harry moaned, rubbing his hands over his eyes obviously displeased. The reason why Harry didn't want Louis to tell this story was mainly due to the fact that he was a story teller— he couldn't just get straight to the point. He was going to tell every little minor inconvenience that happened that night.

"Yeah, yeah. We walk around for a bit and it all was beautiful with the different flowers and trees, the smells and everything. One of the best nights I've had especially after I found out about Harry's fear of birds."

"Oh my god, yes! What did he do? What happened?" Gemma seemed way too excited but having known Harry all his life, she was aware of his deathly fear of birds and at first she cared and wanted to help him through it, but as he got older the more fun it was to poke jokes at him and tease him about it.

"Gemma," Millie softly spoke, trying her best not to laugh because the words Harry and birds being used in the same sentence just had to be embarrassing.

"We stopped by the lake they had in there to look at the ducks and swans swim by and I could sense something in him change but I just brushed it off." Though Harry had a fear of birds, the medium sized ones weren't too bad— actually it was only swans and flamingos he didn't mind but let him have his moment. "They were cute and Harry was sure to comment on it, but then when a seagull squawked just above us his attention snapped to the sky in fear and when I asked if everything was alright he just brushed it off." As much as Harry hated Louis for telling this story, he really didn't mind because Louis telling stories was one of the best things ever. The way he got too into it like he was putting himself back into the moment and how his eyes lit up at the memory was almost worth the embarrassment. "So we continue walking down the lakefront and this bird swoops down and perches itself on the ground just in front of us and Harry screams."

"Like a little girl I bet," Gemma said under her breath but everyone still heard and it received a few short laughs.

Being the good boyfriend he was, Louis decided not to confirm Gemma's assumption and continued on. "I just laughed because, well, how could I not? But then he played it off like it was nothing until another bird and another and another came down and the next thing I knew Harry was ripping his jacket off and throwing it on the floor. He was frantic and let out a few screams that eventually scared the birds away and it was only then when he was able to calm down. I picked up his jacket in confusion and he told me a bird pooped on him but there was no white goo on his jacket."

"This is good."

"I think my exact words were-"

"Harry?" Harry interrupted, his voice trying to mimic Louis' in a very mocking way. "I-I think it was the acorn."

Louis chuckled and squeezed Harry's bicep for comfort when he dropped his head into his hands. "I pointed to the acorn on the ground and I've never seen someone so red." He looked over to Harry with a fond smile to show him he didn't tell the story to be totally cruel but that he actually liked the memory. "First time I ever seen him blush."

Gemma was cracking up and Millie was trying to stifle her laughs as she attempted to get her daughter under control. Louis' parents were laughing along because it was impossible not to. "That's how he got his fear of birds," Gemma commented as her laughs calmed down. "When he was younger we were in the park playing and a bird pooped on him and he freaked."

"It's poop!" Harry exclaimed with blistering red cheeks. "It's waste. That's disgusting. You wouldn't want to get poop on."

"I wouldn't freak out like you though." Harry just rolled his eyes at his sister and scolded Louis for giving her the one up.

"I hate you so much Lou."

"Although that was a very memorable moment, that wasn't what made the night one of the best I've experienced." Everyone thought that was going to be the end of Louis talking since it was the embarrassing part was over, but they all continued to listen carefully with looks of confusion. Harry popped his head up with the same expression everyone else had. "It was because it was the start of our friendship." Everyone, including Gemma, smiled. She was the only one who didn't really know much about Louis but after hearing Harry gush and complain to her for advice, she thought she understood Louis enough to smile at the huge milestone.

"Our well acquaintance," Harry added with a laugh.

"Right." Louis chuckled at how playfully stubborn he used to be. "He picked flowers from the ground and trees and wouldn't listen to my protests but he somehow made me a crown and it was nice." Harry's heart was picking up because although he had no idea where this was leading, he really liked this memory of them. "I know this isn't part of the embarrassing story, but I think it's kind of important for future purposes. But anyway, he put the flowers on my hair and asked to take a picture because he didn't want to forget how beautiful he thought I looked."

"Wasn't a thought bubba, it's a fact." Harry seemed to completely forget that their families were surrounding them and that Louis wasn't telling the story to him only.

"I don't like pictures but I let him for some reason and he made it his background?" Louis laughed his skin hot and hands sweating. The build up was incredibly long and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't stalling, but it was scary being in his position. "But that's not- that's not the point. That's when I realised I was nearly three hours late meeting me mum and I dragged Harry all the way to the car park and he gave me a paper that said I was special. When I read it the first time I almost believed him and, you know, that's a big step for me."

"Lou why-"

"Back then I never thought Harry and I would be where we are today let alone still be in each other's lives." After all that build up it was only then where Harry caught on to what Louis was leading to.

"No, don't."

"Harry stop."

But he just shook his head in disapproval, everyone else left even more confused than before since Harry was the only person to know what Louis was trying to say. "You said you weren't ready," he whispered so that only Louis could hear him.

"I know, but I've thought about it." Louis pulled away with a smile to address everyone in the room. "And you were right. Nothing bad will happen because it's just our families so why should I care? I shouldn't be afraid to say-" Despite his words, Louis was nearly terrified to tell his and Harry's family about their relationship.

"What's going on bub?" Charles asked with knitted brows. Louis took a look around the room to take in everyone's confused expressions, especially Gemma. Poor girl had no idea what was coming. The last person he looked at was Harry and he was the only one wearing a smile, nodding his head for encouragement.

"The story about the birds was for a laugh but everything after it was for everyone to understand how I felt, especially Harry. Back then I put on a front and would comically shut down Harry's attempts at friendships and now I don't really think the whole background thing is weird because, well." Louis looked up first to his parents then Gemma and Millie. They all seemed to be intrigued, sitting on the edge of their seats because it was the most they'd ever heard Louis talk that night and for the latter two the most they'd ever heard him talk. Harry was the last person he looked at before knowing everything was okay. He smiled back at him, grabbed his hand, and faced their families. "Harry and I are like... boyfriends?"

Harry laughed, interlacing their fingers. "We're not like boyfriends. We _are_ boyfriends." No one said anything and the silence made Louis a lot more anxious than he thought he would feel a few seconds ago. It was so silent he was sure everyone stopped breathing. "Mum? Gems?" He turned around to look at his girls in worry because he told Louis there was nothing to worry about but with how they were acting he wasn't so sure anymore. The look of shock on Millie's face was nothing compared to Gemma's. She'd been out of the loop for way too long.

"He seems to make you happier than Monet did," Millie stated, her mind still astonished. It shouldn't be as shocking as it was since she saw how they were with each other and how Harry was willing to drop anything or do anything for him, but it was still shocking to finally hear the words.

"He does mum. Happiest I've ever been." There was a smile on his face when he looked back over to Louis, giving his hand a squeeze.

"You fucker!" Gemma abruptly shouted.

"Gemma!" She caught everyone's attention.

"No mum, he lied to me."

"What?" Harry asked in confusion.

"Our talk yesterday."

"I didn't lie, I just never said he wasn't a boy. That's your fault for assuming it was a girl." Gemma glowered Harry for a few seconds before cracking a smile.

"Sorry for ruining the moment. And I don't want you to think I'm against it. You seem lovely Louis and I'd love to get to know you." Louis smiled and nodded in agreeance before looking to his parents.

"Dad? Mum? You haven't said anything yet." They didn't look shocked either so Louis didn't know whether to be happy or upset about it.

"Well, I mean, we kind of knew already," Laura admitted, unphased.

"We didn't know you two were together but we knew it was coming sometime soon when Harry asked for our permission beforehand," Charles added.

"What?" Louis questioned.

"The day you two made up, while you were getting ready he spilled the beans and wanted to make sure we were okay with it before committing to it."

"To be honest Charles, I think I would have done it either way," Harry budded in.

"How long?" Millie asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

"Almost two weeks."

"It was the same day you two made up wasn't it?" Charles asked, picking his plate up and standing from his seat to walk it to the sink.

"Yeah," Harry laughed, letting go of Louis' hand to do the same. The rest followed suit and Harry offered to do the dishes while answering a few curious questions as Louis cleaned up the table. No one really cared to ask him questions but he didn't mind because he knew Harry would do a much better job at answering them anyway.

"He's so pretty Gems," Gemma said out of nowhere, startling Louis. She started to help Louis clear off the table once that he was nearly finished. Louis gave her a muddled expression, waiting for her to explain why she was, maybe, talking in the third person. "It was the first thing Harry told me after meeting you. When he came in the house while we were moving in, I asked him what you were like and that's what he said." She covered the Tupperware they brought and placed it on the counter in the kitchen. "I should have known."

The rest of the family flooded into the dining room to get ready to leave. The Tomlinson's walked Harry and his family out, lightly conversing as they slipped their shoes back on and wrapped their jackets around themselves, holding their leftover food for them. "Thank you," Harry said softly so only Louis would hear. They were sat on the small steps in the living room for Harry to shove his feet into his shoes.

"Wasn't just for you," Louis responded, his body curled into a ball. "I feel a lot better now that it's not only us that know."

"Thought you liked the thrill." Louis' face turned bright red within seconds and it made Harry laugh.

"Yeah, but now we could cuddle on the couch and kiss in the kitchen without worrying about being caught."

"Can't wait." Harry stood up when his shoes were tied and walked out the door with his family.

"Thank you for having us over," Millie thanked as she walked onto the porch. "It was a delight."

"Yeah, delightful pasta too Laura," Gemma added with a genuine smile.

"Bye baby," Harry mumbled, pulling Louis in for a brief hug. "I'll see you tomorrow morning." His hands were firm on either side of Louis' face as he brought him in for a kiss.

"Bye Hazza," Louis whispered with pink cheeks when he noticed there were a few eyes on them.

Harry's family walked away after another round of goodbyes and though Harry and Louis' relationship was a brand new thing to everyone that attended dinner, the last thing Louis heard before the door closed was Gemma saying, "you two are so gross." Along with Harry, Louis laughed and felt a lot lighter. The world didn't end and his parents even walked him upstairs, telling him how happy they were for him and how proud they were of him for coming this far.

Everything seemed to be falling into place. Finally.


	6. that wasn't the harry louis knew nor was it a harry louis wanted to know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is honestly so boring, i'm sorry ):

mood: complicated- avril lavigne  
  


** Friday November 30th, 6:54 am **

Whether or not dinner was a success was still in question, but it sure did feel that way. No one seemed entirely against the relationship and with all of the questions both Louis and Harry received afterwards made it feel as though everything was okay. The fact that Louis' parents knew about Harry's feelings before Louis knew about them was a little weird and he really wanted to talk to Harry about it. Really, it was relieving in a way that Harry wanted Louis' parents to know about was going on and how he felt before swooping in and taking him away. Now that Louis thought about it, when he came back home the night they made up his parents were acting a tad weird and now it all made sense.

Once everything was picked up and the kitchen was cleaned Louis' parents walked him up to his room and invited themselves in to have talk. It started off with them repeating how proud they were of him for allowing Harry into his life in more ways than just a friend and that they were happy that he found someone who genuinely liked him despite all the chaos of his past whether or not Harry knew about the details. The conversation quickly steered off to many questions about how it led to where it was and how that came about and if he had an idea about Harry's feelings beforehand. And Louis answered all of their questions without hesitation then told the story from beginning to end from his point of view starting at how comfortable Harry made him feel when they first met to Harry's annoying and pestering persistence to him finally beginning to open up at the sunflower fields to the honest night they had in Louis' backyard. He even told them about the night of the party— about how they danced and drank and kissed and messed around— and everything else up until the day of the cliff.

He told his parents everything. There weren't going to be anymore secrets now that his biggest one was out. He told them every beautiful place Harry had taken him like the river and the cliff and the sunflower fields and every sweet thing he'd done for him like writing him notes and taking him home in the middle of the school day so he could get ready for school properly and how he'd take him in when he wasn't necessarily feeling the best. He talked about all the sweet things Harry told him from the way he looked to silly things like the stars could never shine as bright as him and that the flowers could only wish they'd be as pretty. It was almost embarrassing to say those things to his parents of all people, but he wanted his parents to know just how crazy Harry was about him. Just how Louis was for him.

As they should be, his parents were completely supportive of the relationship with Harry but Charles warned Louis that if anything bad were to happen to him on behalf of Harry, things weren't going end pretty. Louis laughed at that because he couldn't imagine his dad being violent or the slightest bit hostile towards another human being but Charles was sure to get it across he was being serious. Laura kept her comments about that to herself and just smiled. She gave Louis advice about relationships and how to deal with problems if they were ever to come about and though it was appreciated, he'd already gone through that with Harry. They've shared a few verbal altercations but they've worked through them.

Harry went through something similar where his mum and sister bombarded him with questions, but it was understandable. A lot of Gemma's questions were a bit touchy because they had to do with his sexuality but he answered them anyway. Eventually she noticed how hesitant and unsure he was with some of his answers and apologised for not being careful with her words and admitted she should have been a little more sensitive. He brushed it off like it wasn't a big deal but appreciated that Gemma was a lot more careful with her words and actually thought about what she was going to say before she'd say it.

Millie simply wanted to know how this all came about. The news honestly didn't shock her all that much, especially after thinking about how suspicious those two were acting ever since they made up— Harry snatching Louis away when Millie tried making conversation, Louis and Harry staying up in his room for a good while that one morning, Harry rushing out the house to see Louis when he had Liam over, etc. But Harry's explanation was really no help either because he didn't even know himself. He told them that he just knew that he liked Louis one day and that was it. He never remembered liking Louis because he didn't think the way he felt for that boy was anything more than platonic. Sure asking for kisses and wanting to hold and cuddle your friend is definitely not normal, Harry just thought that was _their_ normal.

Just like Louis, Harry told his family everything from his viewpoint and boy was it vastly different from what Louis said. He explained how he wasn't actually looking to be friends with Louis and that he just wanted to get him to smile but then somewhere along the way he forgot his initial plan and longed to be Louis' friend. He blamed it on that first smile he received. There was just something about the way Louis looked physically broken but even then was able to muster up a genuine smile. In no way did he look happy because Harry could see the vacancy in his eyes, but he knew it was genuine. Louis Smilinson.

Gemma and Millie were expecting a fairytale story despite knowing about Harry's frustrations towards Louis a few months ago. It was foolish but they listened to Harry talk about the issues they went through in the beginning of the year and how Regents really did change his life. If Louis never showed up, Harry was more than likely to halt all of his grand gestures and attempts to become his friend because then it'd be obvious that Louis didn't want a friend. But he knew that wasn't true. Everyone wanted a friend, he just didn't want to deal with the bullshit he had in the past. Louis was afraid to make a commitment he wasn't sure what the end result would be. He then proceeded to tell them all the places they went together and throughout all that, the progress Louis made with each step.

It would be wrong not to tell them the night of the party because that was where it all really started. They both kind of made Harry feel bad, scolding him for how oblivious he was to his own feelings. Gemma kept pushing that Harry was an absolute knob for thinking him and Louis were friends. She didn't care how many times he tried to justify it with 'that's just how we always were' because no. Friends don't do that. Sure friends could have meaningless kisses and playfully hold hands but the way Harry explained it and with how much emotion were behind his words, it was obvious it never was platonic. Gemma didn't just wake up in the morning wanting to cuddle one of her girl friends or think about kissing another. It wasn't normal.

Harry's talk surprisingly lasted longer than Louis' by about a half hour because, you know, this was his first boyfriend after having a few girlfriends. When all the interrogating was over, the two boys texted all night long and it only came to an end when Louis fell asleep while typing ' _I think the pink one looks better_ ' and when Harry never got a text back he decided that maybe it was time to go to sleep as well. With it being almost two in the morning and all that. He went to sleep after texting Louis a ' _goodnight baby, i'll be dreaming of you xx._ '

The following morning everything felt... lighter. There wasn't any weight on their shoulders, no tension or worry about having to keep secret around their families (keeping it a secret in school wasn't nearly as bad as it was with the families). They both woke up with a smile, ready for the day, excited. So excited, Harry woke up early just to see his boyfriend as soon as he could, not wanting to waste any time. Last night, they both made plans for Harry to come over Louis' house early in the morning so they could have a quick nap together and then just spend time before school.

It was the earliest Harry ever woke up for anyone and he only slightly regretted it. He hated splitting up his sleep but sleeping in the same bed as Louis was worth it. He was careful to sneak out his house around six in the morning to not wake anyone after quickly freshening up. Louis sleepily opened the door and welcomed him in with a quick peck before dragging Harry up to his room. Harry locked the door behind him and slipped into bed right next to Louis, cuddling into his body and loving his tiny body clinging to his.

They slept for nearly an hour and it would have been nice to sleep those extra six minutes, but Laura knocked on Louis' door and jiggled the doorknob. "Lou? Are you up?" she said loudly to be heard through the door.

"Yeah, I'm getting dressed," Louis yelled back from his place in Harry's arms. Laura's knock woke Louis up and Louis' yelling woke Harry up. Well, he'd been awake for a while but was laying in Harry's arms with his eyes closed. The knock still startled him. He whined, shifting his legs around for a bit and giving Louis a squeeze before fluttering his eyes open, a smile immediately shooting onto his face.

"Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you look in the mornings?" Harry whispered, his voice deep and raspy, sleep still coating his tone.

"Yeah," Louis whispered back, his face covered in pinks. He moved his hand from Harry's back to tuck the hair laying on the side of his face behind his ear.

"Oh really?" Louis nodded his head with a smile. "Who?"

"Just you." He gave him a kiss. "Only you."

"Good." Harry smiled and pulled Louis in for another peck. "'s'only for me."

"Has anyone ever told you that your morning voice could clear skin?"

Harry chuckled and pulled Louis in closer by the waist, pressing their bellies together. "Not exactly but thanks?" He went in for another kiss, this time staying a bit longer than the last and enjoying the way Louis kissed him back so tenderly. "Why do you taste like mint?"

"I've been awake for a little while."

"You're so ridiculous. And now I'm the only stinky one."

Louis shook his head with a smile, snuggling closer into Harry's warmth. "'s not bad. It's only been like an hour since you last brushed." He didn't get a response but he did end up gasping when Harry rolled over and pulled Louis to lay on top of him. "You've been a bad influence on me Hazza."

"Oh yeah?" He looked down his chest to see Louis tracing the butterfly inked into his skin— his shirt was on, but rode up in his sleep from Louis wanting to be skin to skin. The tiny boy nodded, biting back his smile. "Why's that darling?"

"I used to wake up early and shower every morning to get to school early to start next week's homework and reading." Louis tilted his head up and smiled softly, scooting up to kiss the tip of Harry's nose. "Now I only have yesterday's homework done and I'm waking up a few minutes before seven like you. A lazy cow."

"If you weren't so god damn precious I'd take offence to that, but that's a good thing."

"How?"

"You don't have time to get ahead on your homework because you have a life now."

Louis stared at Harry with no particular emotion but then flicked his forehead and rolled off the bed. "I don't care how precious you are, I'm taking offence to that." Walking towards his wardrobe, he swayed his hips and strutted like he was on a runway and Harry had a hard time deciding if he was trying to taunt him or if Louis had always walked like a god damn model.

"Why aren't you laying with me?" Harry sat up so his back rested on the headboard, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Getting ready for school." Inside the wardrobe Louis sifted through his shirts deciphering on what to wear.

"But Lou," Harry whined, getting out of the bed to meet Louis in the wardrobe. "I thought we agreed that I'm driving us."

"Yeah but I don't know what to wear." Harry looped his arms around Louis' waist, dipping his head down to kiss along his jaw. A soft huff escaped his lips as he tilted his head in the opposite direction to give Harry more access to his neck, hands placed on top of Harry's.

"Want some help?" He swayed their bodies from side to side, giving Louis' body a tighter squeeze.

"Knowing you, you'd put me in my most revealing clothes."

"Oh on the contrary kitten." Louis smiled at that nickname. It'd been too long since he'd heard it. "I wouldn't want those people seeing parts of you that are only for me."

"Been a while since you called me kitten." Louis slid his hands up Harry's arms to circle around the back of his neck.

"Long overdue." He laid his head on top of Louis' shoulder and continued to sway their bodies. "Come back to bed." That sentence made it seem like they were living together and shared the same bed and just the mere thought of living with Harry sent a wave of butterflies through Louis' body. "Just wanna hold you and cuddle you and kiss your pretty lips. Mm."

"Tomorrow, okay?" Louis turned around in Harry's hold, getting a better grip around his neck. "We can kiss and cuddle all day tomorrow if you want, but right now we need to get ready for school."

A few seconds passed as Harry thought about it. Of course it was tempting, but he also didn't want to wait until tomorrow. "What about tonight?" He pecked Louis' lips, slightly lifting Louis onto his tiptoes.

"I think I can compromise." There was a smile on his face as he leaned in to kiss Harry, standing on his toes.

"You seem to be a lot happier today." Harry separated their bodies and explored through all of the hangers to find something for Louis to wear.

"You do too Hazza." Louis sat on the ground with his legs crossed, watching as his boyfriend took the time to look at each shirt as he went along. He pulled out a shirt that Louis honestly didn't remember having. It was just his size and had thick black and white stripes running horizontally with the collar being a mustard yellow. Louis shook his head with knitted brows in disapproval so Harry hung it back up on the rail.

"Because I am." His voice seemed a bit distracted from scanning the clothes. "I don't know about you but I feel brand new now that hiding our relationship from are families is no longer."

"Me too." Harry pulled out another shirt, this one being a long sleeve white turtle neck and, again, Louis shook his head. "I'm sorry for being so difficult about it. I just- it's my first relationship so I didn't really know what to expect especially with our situation."

"You don't have to apologise kitten. I shouldn't have been so pushy. I just thought it'd be the perfect time since we were all together. If you weren't ready I should have respected that." Another shirt was pulled out: a baby blue and white button up with various stripes having different spacings between each. Louis nodded, standing and grabbing the shirt from the hanger. "Wait, let me style you."

Harry walked out the closet and opened up the drawer that had Louis' jeans, going through a few pairs before grabbing a pair of skinnies and opening another drawer full of t shirts to grab a white tank. Without a word he handed them over to Louis and walked back into his wardrobe to grab a black belt, white socks, and black shoes. By the time he walked out, Louis was surprisingly already dressed so he handed Louis the socks and shoes and kept the belt to loop around himself.

"You've got me dressed like a basic white boy Harold," Louis laughed, standing as still as he could as Harry looped the belt through his pants.

"But you look adorable." Once it was through all the loops he let Louis buckle it, not wanting to touch anywhere Louis didn't want to be touched and went to slip the socks and shoes on and cuff the ends of Louis' jeans. "Perfect as always." He stood up with a smile, examining Louis' outfit. "I'm gonna use the bathroom, freshen up and all that.

"Kissy." Harry smiled and pecked Louis' lips before retreating into the bathroom. To pass the time away, Louis walked over to his piano and languidly played some improv. It was nothing special in particular, but it was sort of pleasing to the ear. The hardest thing Louis struggled with while doing a bit of improv was trying to stay in the same key. Not having a piece or music in front of him, it was easy to drift off into several different keys and to any normal person it wouldn't sound as chaotic but if Niall were in the room, he'd positively go crazy. And he didn't have enough knowledge on creating music to know how to skillfully switch keys and make it sound good or how to create beautiful melodies.

"Lou?" Harry asked as he padded his way out of the bathroom, his hands hidden behind his back and his brows pulled together in the middle.

"Hm?" he stopped playing and looked over at Harry curiously.

"I don't want it to seem like I was going through your stuff, but I was looking for some floss and found this?" He removed his hands from behind his back and held out a bottle of nail polish towards Louis. There was still a good amount of space between the two of them, but Harry could definitely not mistaken the drop of Louis' face for anything. "Nail polish?"

"I-I, um, yeah it's nail polish." His words came out stammered and his hands began to sweat. See, Louis had a few bottles of nail polish but never worked up the nerve or confidence to actually wear it out in public. There were a few nights where he'd paint his nails and would either wear it for a few hours before taking it off or removing the polish in the morning before school.

"Why do you have it?" He neared the small boy who completely shut down and froze on the bench of his piano.

There really was no reason to be nervous or feel anxious about owning nail polish because he knew that Harry was going to be supportive about anything he did, but just because he'd be supportive didn't wave the worry about not knowing how he was going to truly feel about it. "I, um, well, it's pretty." He didn't want to sound like he was questioning it because he really liked the colour of the polish.

"Yeah, but you don't wear it." Harry sat on the bed near the bench, twisting Louis around to face him.

"Because I don't want to be teased about it." Harry sat there contemplating just what to say, because really what could he say? He could only imagine what people would have said to him if he actually did before he moved into town.

It was still quiet after a minute or so and Louis was getting more and more anxious by each passing second. Harry was still quiet, still contemplating what to say. He didn't want to upset Louis in any kind of way but he also didn't want to invalidate the way he felt. "What if I wore it with you?"

"What?" Louis looked up from his hands with his brows pulled together in confusion. "Why would you do that?"

The nail polish he had with him was a nice colour and so were the few in the bathroom mirror. Louis had three pastels (blue, pink, purple) and black. Black didn't really seem to fit but it was a universal colour. "To make you feel more comfortable. Hold on." Harry treaded to the bathroom, disappearing for a few seconds before returning with more nail polish. "I think this blue would match your shirt better and I think the pink's cute so it's for me."

"Harry you don't-" Sure it was just nail polish, but it was seen as a feminine thing and yeah Harry had a few more feminine looking shirts, but that didn't mean he was okay with wearing polish. "You don't have to wear nail polish."

Harry just brushed it off and shook the bottle like he seen Gemma do so many times throughout the years, twisting it open. "Of course I do." Harry spoke as if it was the most obvious thing ever— baffled and almost confused why there was an objection. He reached forward to grab Louis' hand to paint his nails. "What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't support my god send of a lover?"

"You could just watch from the sidelines. Like a cheerleader." Despite his subtle protests, Louis was smiling, his eyes flicking from how terribly Harry was painting his nails to the soft smile that was permanently etched into Harry's face.

"And only have you get the beating? Absolutely not." Harry was on the fourth finger when he accidentally missed Louis' nail completely and covered his skin with the blue nail polish. He cursed and used his finger to wipe it away as best as he could as Louis laughed at him. "We get through hardships together no matter the consequences."

Being a part of a team was still foreign territory for Louis but every single time Harry would talk about teamwork, it seemed so easy. Harry could easily throw himself into any situation and people would love him for it because he could pull anything off. But life wasn't like that for Louis and that was something Harry couldn't understand. He was aware of the bullying but he didn't understand that there were people who literally hated everything he did. They hate what he's wearing, the way he walks, how he breathes, his haircut, they even hate when he blinks. It wasn't the same nor will it ever be but if Harry was willing to put himself out there and get a few questioning looks, then Louis wanted to be okay with getting a few poking comments.

It was better not to respond, Louis thought. There really wasn't anything he could say that could match the level of understanding so instead he surged forward to kiss his lovely boyfriend. "Lou," Harry whined, keeping their lips pressed. "You've made me mess up your polish."

"Wasn't that good anyway baby," Louis giggled, pressing closer to Harry.

"Don't be so mean." Harry frowned, keeping their foreheads pressed together but tilting his head to kiss Louis a bit deeper. "It's my first time." Louis pulled away with a smile, fixing the mistake he caused.

"All better."

"Merci beaucoup mon cherie." Harry painted the rest of Louis' nails in silence, messing up a few times along the way but nothing a quick fix couldn't help. By the end, the job definitely wasn't the best— not even close— but Louis adored it. That didn't mean he wouldn't fix it tonight when Harry left, but it was sufficient for the time being. "So?"

"It's, um," Louis began, turning his hands around to get a better look at his nails. "They're, uh, they're painted." He was doing his best not to laugh because there was smudged nail polish all over his skin surrounding his nail bed and the polish was lumpy in some spots, splotchy in others. "Thanks." He looked up and locked eyes with Harry and he could tell that he wasn't buying it for one second.

"You hate it don't you?"

"I don't hate it." Louis carefully cupped Harry's cheeks, cautious not to smudge his wet nails. "Is it the best? No, but it has character and I think it's cute."

"But like, you wouldn't show it to people?" Harry didn't really care about what Louis thought because he knew it wasn't the best but seeing Louis come up with a way to put him down gently was always comical.

"Um, I don't think I'd initiate it but if someone wanted to see them then I would." Harry carefully pulled Louis' hands away from his face, pretending to pout to cover up his smirk.

"You're ridiculous." He broke character, lightly chuckling and grabbing the bottle of pink nail polish. "Paint my nails." Just like Harry, Louis painted his nails— in a much nicer and quicker way but they stayed silent with Harry watching Louis' every move. It was almost endearing the way he carefully applied the polish on Harry's nails without slipping outside of the lines. His eyes would follow the brush when it was dipped back into the bottle, scraping the brush on the rim to get the excess off and as it returned to his nail. It wasn't until Louis was on the last nail— like two minutes later— when Harry spoke up again. "You're really good at this bubba." He spoke up with complete adoration in his voice.

"Years of practice," Louis absentmindedly responded, his mind distracted at the task he was doing.

"Years?" Louis pulled back his hand and twisted the brush back into the bottle and gestured for Harry to blow on them softly. Louis wanted so bad to add another coat and a top coat on top of that, but they didn't have time so he'd just have to think about it all day.

"I used to paint my nails all the time, but I'd take it off within hours of application because I wouldn't have the confidence to wear it out." Louis grabbed both of the bottles of nail polish and walked to the bathroom to put them back where there were.

Harry knew this was Louis' way of trying to get out of the pending conversation so he followed him, leaning against the doorframe with crossed arms. "If it's any consolation I think it looks really nice on you but I can understand where that anxiety comes from."

Really, Louis couldn't have imagined a better boyfriend or even just a better person to have in his life. Even before they started dating, Harry was always, _always_ so willing to understand and so validating. He wanted to understand Louis and he never wished for an explanation or reasoning behind anything and he never ever ever invalidated Louis' feelings— not on purpose at least. "Thank you for doing this with me." Louis was careful when he grabbed Harry's hands, not wanting to smudge the wet polish.

"Of course. I support you and you support me." All Louis did was nod and stand on his tiptoes to kiss Harry's lips, soft and gentle. There was the biggest grin on Harry's face when Louis pulled away and he honestly couldn't remember a time where he felt this happy. Sure he was excited when he got his first pet goldfish and he was extremely happy when he won his first rugby game, but it was nothing compared to how he was feeling in that moment. Words honestly couldn't describe just how happy he was. It was like skydiving from space— he knew it wasn't possible but stick with him. There was that extreme sense of anxiety from the fall, but after the first few seconds that anxiety turned into joy and relief and that sense as if you were on top of the world. "Let's go to school now, yeah?"

Harry was already dressed in his outfit for the day— he wore it when he came over to Louis' an hour or so ago and was forced to take his pants off when Louis cringed at the fact he wore jeans in bed. He sported black skinnies with rips at the knees and an eggshell silky shortsleeved button up that was loosely tucked into his jeans, black vans worn on his feet. He looked adorable and Louis could agree that the pink nail polish went really well with his outfit. They walked together downstairs, hand in hand now that they could. Laura and Charles already finished off breakfast if the cleared off table was anything to go by.

"Hey you two," Charles greeted with a smile as he wiped down the table with a wet rag, not questioning why or when Harry came into the house.

"Harry?" Laura questioned in confusion, turning around from the sink where she was washing a few dishes. "When'd you get here?"

Harry didn't exactly know how to respond to that because he didn't really know how they'd respond to the truth but when Louis elbowed his side and raised his brows, he knew exactly what to say. "Just before you knocked on Lou's door." She didn't question it and returned to the dishes with a nod of her head.

"What are the plans for today?" It was the first time in a good while where Charles would actively attempt to make conversation with Louis in the morning. Since he was growing more and more as a person with each and every day that passed, the way they interacted with each other was also improving. In no way was it how it used to be, but Louis could stomach making eye contact with his dad and would answer with more than just one word responses, even through the awkwardness.

"Um, nothing so far," Harry spoke up for Louis, knowing he was a man of a few words. "We have talked about hanging out later and watching a film maybe, but there isn't anything special planned."

"Cool, cool. Just let us know to make sure we're home because, you know, the whole relationship thing-"

"Yeah I get it Charles." Harry laughed wrapping an arm around Louis' shoulders and guiding him towards the front door. "No worries. I'll make sure my presence is known when I'm over and I apologise for not doing so this morning." Charles just gave Harry a nod and let the couple leave without another word.

"You're not sorry," Louis mumbled once the door was closed behind them.

"Not really, but I've got to respect their wishes from now on. Don't want to get on their bad side."

"Understandable." And honestly, Louis didn't feel like they needed to be sneaking around all the time because it's not like they'd be doing anything promiscuous. The closest they've gotten to remotely sexual was Louis touching Harry's tattoos on Halloween. There was nothing to worry about. Not now at least.

They got into Harry's car— along with his outfit, Harry brought along his keys and backpack so he didn't have to face his questioning family on where he was— starting it up and waiting just a minute or two for it to warm up before pulling off. "What's on your mind?" Louis found it kind of creepy how Harry could just feel when something was berating his mind without even so much as a glance.

"Call me crazy," Louis began and that was never good.

"You're crazy."

He rolled his eyes as Harry found a spot in the car park to pull into. He parked his car and turned it off, facing Louis who already had his body towards him, knees tucked into his chest and chin resting on top of them. "I don't know if I'm still on a high from last night or just wanting more thrill in my life, but I kind of want to just let loose at school."

"Like come out?" Harry's heart picked up pace, his breathing becoming erratic. This was exciting news and for Louis to be the one to suggest it was a huge step compared to what they went through yesterday.

"Yeah, I mean. Our families know and, I don't know, the moment we had this morning when we painted each other's nails made me feel really... happy? And I want the world to know how happy I can be despite everything I went through." Harry smiled and bit down on his lip, his eyes swelling in tears. It was a huge moment, okay? And with the way Louis was explaining it, it was hard not to get emotional. "That there's someone who doesn't find me totally repulsive and is willing to be be patient with me and want to grow with me."

"Baby." Harry's voice cracked, his voice almost silent as a few tears slipped from his eyes. Knowing they were happy tears, Louis smiled and reached over to wipe at Harry's cheeks. "Are you sure you're ready?" He tried his best to compose himself to keep his voice as steady as he could. "This isn't our family bubba. Everyone's going to take it differently and I want you to know that it's not going to be as easy as it was last night."

"I know," Louis whispered as he cupped one of Harry's hands into both of his, raising it to his mouth to kiss it. "I know it's going to be harder, but it's gonna have to happen eventually and I think now would be the best time. We're gonna go through it together."

They shared a smile, Louis leaning his head on their hands. "You have no idea, absolutely no idea, how proud I am of you. You've grown so much and have become this beautiful person you are today and I just- I love it." _I love you_. He really did love Louis so god damn much it truly pained him to keep it all inside. Just short one day of two weeks being with Louis and Harry was so whipped.

"All because of you." Smiling seemed to be the theme of the day since neither boy could wipe them away since they woke up.

"C'mon. Let's go before we're late." With one last peck, both boys grabbed their bags and got out of the car. It was maybe five or seven minutes before class started and if they didn't get a move on they both would be late. They met at the boot and stood in front of each other awkwardly with small smiles. "How are we gonna do this?"

Louis laughed and grabbed Harry's hand and dragged him towards the building. "I don't want to make it awkward. Just want it to happen naturally, you know? Like no announcement or anything cringey like that."

"So like just be us and then that's how people are going to find out?" Harry held the door open for Louis and let him walk in before he did.

"Yeah, just be us," Louis mocked cheerfully.

"Did you need to go to your locker?" The tiny tiny boy just shook his head and pranced his way to his class, feeling a weird sense of joy that he was holding Harry's hand in public. His boyfriend. And the fact that Harry was holding it proudly, no ounce of shame in his body.

They walked comfortably and happily to Louis' first lesson, chatting lightly along the way without as much as a glance to the world around them because in that moment none of it mattered. It was only them and the fact that they were showing affection towards each other in public. There were definitely looks that were shot their way, good and bad. A lot of them were more curious than holding opinions behind them. For those that noticed the handholding or how close Louis and Harry were walking next to each other or how the way they looked at each other was something indescribable, none of them ever said anything to them directly. If words were exchanged it'd be with friends as the passed by the couple. They just eyed them curiously and carried on with their day.

It needed to get across that this was Louis and Harry. Louis, the boy who'd been bullied for years. The boy who'd been looked down upon for really anything he did and Harry. Harry, the god sent Adonis that everyone adored. The boy that people cherished the floor he walked on. The boy everyone perceived to be straight. In the eyes of outsiders they seemed like complete opposites, but that couldn't be further from the truth. They had different pasts but were practically the same exact person. Sure it could be shocking finding out that Harry wasn't strictly into girls, but none of it should really matter.

The first comment they received directly was when they stopped outside the classroom of Louis' first lesson with just a few minutes to spare. "What the _fuck_ is that?" A voice boomed in the corridors, definitely catching the attention of both boys.

At first those words started an anger that boiled in Harry's veins, assuming it was directed towards them, and when he looked up his assumptions were confirmed, but he saw Niall and Monet approaching them with his finger pointing to Harry and Louis' joined hands. Both boys relaxed at the sight of the bleached blonde boy, mustering up a laugh. "What do you mean?" Harry entertained, standing up straighter and using their joint hands to turn Louis around and pull him into his chest.

"What the actual fuck Harry," Monet spoke up when she got close enough for them to hear over all the chatter without screaming.

"Don't you think we're cute?" Harry gave Louis a squeeze placing his chin on top of his head.

"Yeah, but Jesus Christ give a man a warning." Niall stood in front of them with a wide grin

"Since when you fucker?" Monet punched Harry's shoulder and was careful not to hit Louis.

"Lou?" Harry gave his boyfriend a squeeze, using the one word as a question to see if he wanted to speak about it.

"Well, um, it's been almost two weeks," Louis softly said, trying his best not to blush at the way both Niall and Monet widened their eyes.

"Excuse m-"

"You fucker! Why would you keep this from us?" Monet was personally offended that they kept the relationship a secret, especially after having that long chat with Louis.

"Because it's not about you, Mo. I wanted to wait until Lou was comfortable enough with the idea of us before facing the people."

"But it's us."

"You know we would support you," Niall commented, taking a step closer to give the both of them a congratulations hug. "I'm so happy for you two."

"Me too." Monet rushed over, wanting to have a hug of her own.

"As much as I want to cherish this moment, we have to go to class before we're late."

Harry nodded, gearing his attention to his boyfriend. "I'll see you in a bit, yeah?" Louis nodded, becoming shy from all the attention he received in the passed few seconds. "Kay. Bye baby." He leaned down to kiss Louis' lips, his cheeks tinting a furious shade of pink. "Say bye."

"Bye." Louis laughed when Harry pouted since he didn't use a pet name.

Niall and Monet congratulated him one last time before pulling on Harry to get him to walk away and just like last night, the last thing he heard from the three of them before walking into the classroom was Monet saying, "I'm so happy for you two but I can already tell you guys are going to be that grossly adorable couple."  
  


** 3:01 pm **

The school day went by surprisingly easy. Neither boy, not even Louis, received a bad remark about the relationship or nail polish. In fact, Louis received a handful of compliments (all of them being from girls but still) and of course everyone complimented Harry's nails. He did receive a few weird looks and hesitant compliments, but none of it ever bothered him. Between every single class, no matter how far their classes were from each other, Harry was evident on seeing Louis just to make sure he was still smiling on not dwelling on any negative comments directed towards him.

Surprisingly, Louis was doing more than just fine. He seemed free and genuinely happy through and through. Whenever they'd meet up, Louis would tell Harry about the people who complimented him and was sure to get across that they only looked at them from far away. He'd also tell him about the two or three people that ridiculed him but it didn't really seem like it effected him all that much.

During fourth, Harry could not hear the end of it from Monet. She was lecturing his ear off the entire time about keeping secrets from each other, especially one as big as a relationship. "You act like this was only effecting you, you selfish twat," Monet had reprimanded.

"Who else would it have effected?" Harry questioned back with a quirked brow. She really liked to talk some shit and make situations bigger than they should be.

"Um, me and Niall, hello?" That sentence confused Harry even more because he didn't see the connection between his and Louis' relationship and his friends'.

"Don't take this the wrong way Mo, but how the fuck does my relationship with Louis affect you and Niall?"

She sighed and ran a hand over her face, shaking her head. "Niall and I were waiting for you two to get together before we did."

"Why would you do that?" Harry knitted his brows, turning his body to face his best friend, completely flabbergasted.

"We wanted you two to have your moment, because it's quite a big one, before people knew we were together." Monet grabbed her pencil and went back to work like it was nothing. "We wanted you two to get the recognition you deserved before being shoved away by a new couple appearing."

Harry told Monet that that was completely unnecessary but she kept insisting that it wasn't that big of a deal because she didn't want the possibility of them being overshadowed. It was actually so completely unnecessary but all the while incredibly thoughtful and very much appreciated. Harry nearly felt bad for keeping it from them for that very reason, but he had to keep reminding himself that, one, it wasn't for him and, two, neither Niall and Monet minded, that's why they did it after all, right?

For the rest of the lesson, the two friends remained pretty quiet, chatting lightly as they did their work. And of course Harry met up with Louis after that class to check on him and was told that there was a sweet girl named Samantha that complimented his nails and engaged in conversation with him, telling him she knew of him for a few years now and was proud of all the progress he was making. She was glad he was starting to open up and be the person he truly was and that she'd really like to be friends one day. A total stranger was proud of Louis and he didn't really know how to feel about it. It was empowering in a way, like motivation to keep pushing for happiness because maybe, just maybe, he wasn't as invisible as he perceived himself to be.

By lunch time, now that was a doozy. Apparently Louis and Liam made plans to rehearse their play during lunch just to make sure everything would go smoothly, but Harry was extremely opposed to the idea. Not only was it their day to spend lunch together, but Liam could fuck right off. The only way he was going to allow it was if Harry was there in the auditorium to supervise. That, of course, was completely absurd. There was no way Louis was going to allow that because nothing would get done. Harry would be glaring daggers into Liam's soul and that was too much of a distraction if they wanted a good grade. But they made a compromise where Harry would get there just a bit earlier and hide in the balcony seats.

It was horrible to witness and not be able to intervene. Liam was a prick. A flirtatious prick that was flirting with Harry's boyfriend and the fact he had to sit there and allow it to happen was destructing nearly every ounce of patience and serenity left in Harry's body. Louis told Harry to give Liam a chance but how could he when shit like this happened when Liam thought he wasn't around? That ugly smile was one of the things Harry wouldn't mind given a hard tap of his knuckles to. But thankfully, and almost painfully, the period was almost up because Harry swore he was about ready to either punch something or vomit all over the place.

By the time theatre came, Louis was feeling more than confident about their play. Rehearsal went well and throughout lunch, he tried his best not to glance up at Harry but he could honestly just feel his anger and jealousy radiating in the auditorium and bouncing off the walls. He didn't exactly feel the most comfortable with all the terrible flirting Liam was giving him, and he was so close to shutting it down when it was getting too much, but the anxieties of possible anger, ridicule, or defence stopped him from doing so. It was partially selfish and in the back of his mind he was thinking about the way Harry must feel. But at least they did a really good job. Because of Louis' nerves they performed last but it went well. The teacher loved it and by the end of the performance, many of the students had questions and comments.

As exciting and liberating as it all felt, the bell rang all too soon and everyone was on their way out just like that. With one last good job from his teacher, Louis and Liam walked out the auditorium side by side. "That was great, Lou," Liam cooed as they travelled down the corridors. "You did great."

"Stop it," Louis mumbled, blush trickling all over his cheeks. "We didn't even have a script."

"But to be able to pull that emotion with just your face is amazing. Look." Liam stopped Louis' walking to stand in front of him, pulling out his shirt and looking down at the red stain. "You stabbed me!" That might've not have been the best thing to yell in excitement, especially in a hallway full of students and a red stain on his white shirt. "Sorry," he apologised. "Theatre." Everyone went back on their way to god knows where.

"You can't just say things like that." Louis laughed and rounded Liam's body to walk to where his locker was.

Harry was already waiting by their lockers for Louis to meet him. They agreed that maybe the bathroom wasn't necessary anymore and they could just meet each other at their lockers— it was on the way out anyway. He leaned his back against the cold metal, the locker feeling colder than usual because of his silky shirt, and scrolled through his phone, waiting for Louis to show up.

"Styles," a very familiar voice spoke up. The way it sent uncomfortable chills up and down his entire being, penetrating into his soul it could only be one person.

He'd been anticipating this moment all day. In all honesty, he wished it wouldn't ever come, but it was only a matter of time and he might as well just rip the bandaid off. "Malik," Harry copied his tone, locking his phone and shoving it into his back pocket. Just seeing Zayn and knowing what this conversation was going to be about was getting Harry riled up. His adrenaline was pumping and if worse comes to worse it was a good thing his backpack was already on the floor.

"I've been hearing some strange things about you today." He stood right in front of Harry with his arms crossed over his chest and his feet planted shoulders width apart.

"Have ya?" Harry stood up straight and knitted his brows to entertain Zayn.

"Yeah." He nodded his head, squinted his eyes, and slightly tilted his head. "I think you should set the record straight. Rumours could be bad for your reputation."

"Reputation?" There was a degrading tone to his voice. Was that really all Zayn cared about? Seriously, he seemed to care more about Harry's popularity than his happiness and that wasn't someone Harry could stomach being friends with any longer. "You're not serious."

"Of course I am." Zayn was baffled that Harry would just allow people to say anything about him without giving out any consequences. "Do you know what they're saying about you?"

"That me and Louis are together." Even though his blood was beginning to boil and his mind was turning hazy, he couldn't stop his lip from twitching a smile when he thought about Louis correcting him. Louis and I.

"Exactly. Why aren't you caring?"

"Why should I?"

"I get you two are like friends or whatever, but don't you think that saying you two are in a relationship is crossing the line?"

"No."

"You're ridiculous," Zayn scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. This was exactly why Harry didn't tell Zayn about his relationship personally and why he wished he wouldn't find out, not today at least. He couldn't overcome the disgust he had for Louis to be happy for his friend. "I don't-" He laughed, a smile breaking onto his face. "I don't get it, H. I honestly don't understand what your goal is here."

"There is no goal." Not everything was a fucking game and it was angering him by the second.

"Then I don't understand why you don't shut down the rumours. Do you know how detrimental that is? For people to think you're in a relationship with Louis?"

Breathe in, one, two, three, four, breathe out. Breathe in, one, two, three, four, breathe out.

Harry really couldn't lash out. It wasn't for any selfish reason like his car being taken away, but for Louis. He'd gotten this far with keeping himself in control and he didn't want Louis to see that side of him probably ever. But it was really hard when Zayn was pushing him closer and closer to his threshold. Just in case, because who knew, Harry pushed off the lockers, shaking his head to walk around Zayn. If anything were to get physical, Harry had no intentions on doing so but you never know, he didn't want Zayn to have the advantage and trap him.

Zayn's eyes followed Harry as he stood next to him before turning to face him with a devilish smile. "I get that you're a cold hearted prick who doesn't give a fuck about anyone but themselves so I'm trying my best to stay calm but you are really pushing it." His fists clenched and unclenched numerous of times as he rolled his neck. In this situation he tried his best to remember and apply the strategies therapists gave him to keep his anger at bay. "There are good and bad ways to approach things such as a rumour and instead of nipping at me, you could have just asked, yeah?"

"Um, okay?" Zayn was maybe the slightest bit confused as to why Harry was trying to reason with him.

"The rumour started when people saw me and Louis holding hands and kissing and I think if I were in that position I'd assume the same thing."

"Woah, woah, woah, wait." Zayn was chuckling, shaking his head and waving his hand in front of him. Truly he wasn't hearing correctly, right? Harry didn't just admit to being in a relationship with Louis. "You're gay?"

"No."

"Harry."

"I'm not. I'm just-" He didn't have to explain himself to Zayn. "I'm Louis'."

"Oh my god. He's corrupted you too."

"Excuse me?" His fists clenched again and the thought of getting physical didn't seem so bad anymore, Louis' opinions erased from his mind. "Do you care to explain?"

"Come on Harry, you were with Monet for months and all of a sudden you're gay? You don't see the problem in that?"

"I'm not fucking gay." He had no problem with the concept of being gay, but to be repeatedly labelled something you're not after correcting someone was infuriating.

A crowd was starting to form around, nothing more than maybe fifteen people but all the tension was attracting more and more people by the second. Usually Harry would stray away from all this negative attention but he couldn't when someone was openly bashing him and his boyfriend's relationship right to his face.

"Whatever Harry, it doesn't change the fact that you like a boy." Harry ran a hand over his face to hopefully get some frustration out but it only seemed to add more fuel to the fire. "My god and your nails are painted? Jesus fucking Christ H."

The only thing that was bad about this whole situation was that Harry forget he asked Louis to meet him at their lockers. As Liam and Louis rounded the corner, they both heard loud voices, but they were in the corridors, it shouldn't be much of a shock. But then Louis saw a few people's heads turning, friends whispering to each other as they walked towards him, and a boy who looked just like Harry wearing the same exact outfit as Harry looking quite angry. He could practically see steam shooting out of his ears no matter the charade he was trying to put on.

He was leaning against the lockers for a few seconds before he pushed off them with a smile that wasn't in the slightest bit happy. He walked enough just to stand next to Zayn, his back to Louis. "Liam stop," Louis whispered, wrapping his hands around Liam's arm and pulling him closer.

"What's wrong?" Liam asked as he looked down with worry all over his face.

"Harry." He pointed in the direction where Harry was, his curls shaking as he moved his hands around.

"What about him?"

"I don't- something doesn't feel good."

"Do you want me to walk over there?"

"No." The grip Louis had on Liam's arm tightened and it was almost to the point of hurting, but Liam just let him do his thing. Whatever was going to help. "It's not good." To confirm his thoughts Harry just screamed that he wasn't gay. He didn't run but he rushed over there as quick as he could. Harry wasn't one to yell that often, especially not as angry as he seemed to be.

The closer Louis got the louder and clearer Harry's voice got. And he didn't care whether or not he was being defended, he didn't like it. This side of Harry wasn't the most pleasant to see. "Why are you such a fucking prick Zayn?" Harry screamed. It was obvious that he was losing control of his calm, cool, and collected persona to someone Louis barely recognised. Harry wasn't lashing out but his tone of voice came out in a growl and it didn't sound like the sweet voice Louis was used to.

It was best that Louis not intervene but he didn't like where this was going. He didn't know what Harry was capable of but it wasn't that far out of imagination on what he could possibly do. "Hazza?" Louis whispered, tugging on Harry's shirt to get his attention.

The voice snapped Harry of out his anger just slightly, but at the same time it kind of angered him that Louis was there. "Not now, baby." Zayn smirked at the pair in amusement.

"Let's just go home." Louis went to grab Harry's hand but he pulled it away all too quickly, his anger definitely coming back.

"What? No. Lou, he's talking-"

"I don't care, let's just go."

"Why do you just let people walk all over you? I'm trying to defend your character."

"So we yell at our boyfriends now?" Zayn smugly slipped in. There was an ugly smirk on his face when Harry looked at him again and what he would do to punch it right off.

After that, what was being said was a blur for Louis. He zoned out after Harry yelled at him but if he were to think in the future he'd assume Harry said something to Zayn that maybe wasn't the nicest thing because Louis watched as Zayn clenched his fist and begin raise it up. Everything that happened in the next few moments went in slow motion. Harry saw Zayn's fist swinging towards his face so he went to dodge it but he really wished he just let himself get hit. There was a screechy yelp and then a thud to his right. Louis.

When Harry dodged Zayn's punch it went straight to Louis' eye as it was coming back down, knocking him to the floor, but of course he had to be by the lockers. Once he got hit, he fell backwards, hitting the back of his head on the lockers and then just rolled himself into a protective ball with tears flowing from his eyes. The look on Zayn's face was dropped from anger to complete distraught. Never, ever, ever, ever, _ever_ did Zayn ever want to hit Louis. No matter how much he disliked him, he would never lay a hand on that fragile boy. For the people who would push and shove and hit him, Zayn never put them up to it nor did he ever encourage or congratulate them for doing so. He'd actually tell them they'd went too far which wasn't good enough. Because in actuality, Louis would much prefer getting hit than being verbally attacked because bruises fade away and words stick forever.

Right when Zayn saw he punched Louis, he retracted his hand into his body, a look of mortification washing away his anger. He nearly felt like crying, but then he looked at Harry who seemed just as distraught as he was. He was bent down, hovering over Louis, caressing his face. "Lou? Baby?" Louis wasn't knocked out, but he was so filled with shock that he couldn't do anything but cry.

Liam was the first person to rush over to his side and Harry couldn't be more grateful. He hated Liam, but he needed Louis to get away from here because was really about to burst. "I'll take him home," Liam rushed, trying to pick Louis up from Harry's arms. "I've got him." Louis was in Liam's arms, maybe the only time Harry would ever let that happen. "Don't let him get away with that," was the last thing Liam said before trying to walk away as best as he could with a limp body in his arms. Harry laughed because Liam had no idea what he was capable of. He had no idea about the pure rage that was coursing through his body in that moment.

"Hey!" Niall yelled, rushing over with Monet by his side. "Let him go."

"We'll take him," Monet said, reaching out for Louis. "Come on Lou. We'll take you home." Niall and Monet were on either side of him, doing their best to hold him up as they walked towards the exit. Louis had his head leaning against Monet's shoulder as he balled his eyes out and she was sure to comfort him and tell him everything was going to be okay.

Harry was seeing red. If he was angry before, he was going completely mad. He took his time standing up and slowly turned around with his head still down. In his head, Harry kept telling himself not to punch Zayn over and over and over again but his fists kept clenching tighter and tighter and his jaw was starting to hurt from how tight it was closed. When he looked up Zayn had an apologetic and incredibly sorry expression but it was too late. Intentional or not, he punched Louis and that- Thinking about it was getting Harry's blood to boil hot, hot, hot.

"Harry I didn't-" His sentence was cut short with Harry's fist connecting with the sweet spot on Zayn's jaw. Harry was doing his absolute best on keeping himself together but the second Zayn opened his mouth he about had enough. Fist after fist after fist was thrown towards Zayn and, really, he was caught so off guard he couldn't defend himself.

The crowd's volume picked up and it peaked Louis' interest. He stopped walking to turn around and even though he couldn't pick out Harry from the crowd, he could see Harry's fists clashing with Zayn's face, his curls flopping around. It was horrible. That wasn't the Harry Louis knew nor was it a Harry Louis wanted to know.

"No," Monet whispered. "Don't look over there." Monet tried to pull Louis out the door but he was frozen, completely horrified at the sight before him.

"Let's get you home Lou," Niall said, walking around in front of Louis to pick him up because that was the only way they were going to get him to move. They rushed out the building to get Louis away from that scene as soon as possible and got into Monet's car no problem. Niall gently placed Louis in the backseat, taking the keys from Monet as she got in the back next to Louis. As they pulled out the parking lot, Louis attached himself to Monet's body and just balled his eyes out and she held him tightly, wanting to cry herself.

It wasn't the fact that Louis was hit or that Harry was going berserk on Zayn, it was Louis and everything he went through. He'd gone through so much it was almost unbearable for those who knew and Monet could only imagine how Louis felt about it all. Louis finally found someone who was willing to accept everything from his past and love him through it and for this to happen was heartbreaking. Anyone could see the horror on Louis' face when Harry was lashing out but to actually understand why was another thing.

Before she could get too deep into her thoughts, the door behind her opened. She scooped Louis up and helped carry him to the front door but still encouraged him to walk on his own. After a few steps it became evident, and she honestly didn't know how she didn't feel it before, that with every step Louis was shaking and Monet was sure he'd fall straight to the ground if she weren't there to hold him up. Slowly but surely they made their way to the front door, Niall having already grabbed Louis' keys from his bag. When the door was opened, Monet didn't hesitate to take Louis straight to his room. Niall followed behind to be there in case anyone fell back and closed the door behind them once they were all in.

"Louis?" Niall questioned, walking to where they were sat on the bed and stretching an arm around Louis' back to help comfort him but he twitched away and wrapped himself around Monet. It wasn't out of character for him to be more trusting of females than males, but it almost felt weird to experience. Neither one of them would consider themselves close to Louis and in any other situation Louis would be trying to get himself as far away from people as possible so to be wrapped up in Louis was definitely new.

Other than his family members, Harry was the only one who knew about Louis' tendency to be clingy when he was upset or when he'd slip away. But the thing about the latter version was that he would never be clingy with someone he didn't trust because there were times where Louis tried to push Harry away when he was in these situations, but it'd always been different with females. He'd always been more trusting of females and wasn't afraid to run to them in times of need if they were nice to him.

"Just let him calm down for a bit Ni, geez," Monet scolded, not faltering to hold Louis tightly and rub soothing patterns on his back. "He was just punched in the face and saw his boyfriend losing control of his temper. Give him some time to process it."

Louis was able to hear what they were saying but it sounded muffled, like the wah wah's from Charlie Brown. Minutes passed, maybe two or three, of Monet holding Louis as tight as she could without suffocating him, massaging soothing patterns on his back along with Niall. He carefully pulled away, looking dazed with confusion written all over his face, tears staining his cheeks. "My eye hurts," Louis spoke softly, his voice rough and coarse. He reached up to his eye and hissed at the pain.

"Don't touch." Monet pulled Louis' hand away from his eye and placed it on his knee. She could already see the purple making an appearance around his eye.

"My head hurts." Ignoring Monet's demand, he reached back to where he hit his head on the lockers. There was a small growing bump that was slightly tender to the touch, but nothing compared to the pain in his eye.

"Do you have any pain killers?" Niall asked, standing from the mattress to retrieve them.

"In the- in the, um-" Louis winced at the pounding in his head, the thinking doing numbers to his pain and the lights suddenly becoming too much. "Bathroom. Th-the m-"

"The mirror?" Monet asked and Louis nodded his head. "Get a glass of water first so you can turn the lights off because I think it's hurting head and then get the pills. I'll stay with him." Usually Niall would joke about not taking commands from anyone, but it wasn't the time or placed so he did as he was told. He bolted out the door and shut the lights off, retrieving the glass in no time. He handed it to Monet before frantically searching for the pills— Niall was never really good under pressure.

"Here," he said as he appeared back in the room with the pill container in hand. Monet took it from him and shook two pills out, asking for Louis to open his mouth so she could give him the pills. It reminded Louis of the time his cousin passed and Harry stayed outside his door overnight and when he went to get a glass of water he tripped over his body and hit his head against the bannister. Harry took care of him the exact way Monet and Niall were. _Harry_.

"Where's Harry?" Louis asked once the pills were swallowed.

"He's, um, we don't know." Louis just nodded his head and stood up to walk to his wardrobe without another word or glance. He shut the door behind him and all Monet and Niall could do was look at each other in confusion.

"What should we do?" Niall asked sitting next to Monet.

"I don't know." But then Louis emerged back out from his wardrobe in a different change of clothes. "Louis?"

"I'm going to have a nap." He padded to the opposite side of the bed and got under the covers, but sat up with his back pressed against the headboard.

"I don't think that's a good idea, love." Monet walked around the bed to sit by Louis' feet. "You might have a concussion. Do you want to go to the doctors?" Louis shook his head, staring down at his lap.

"Want me to call Harry to see where he's at? Tell to come over as soon as he can," Niall offered but Louis shook his head again, tears swelling in his eyes as he pictured the last image he had of Harry.

Before he could get another word in his door slammed open, a huffy and puffy Harry barging in. "Lou," Harry sighed racing over to his side. "Are you okay? Did they take care of you? Do you need-" He reached up to caress Louis' cheek but he turned his head away, tears falling from his eyes. Without announcing their departure Niall and Monet got up and left the two boys alone to have their conversation. "Hey what's going on?" Harry went to wipe at the tears but Louis flinched away again. "Louis?"

Louis shook his head, sniffled his nose, and wiped at his cheeks before looking up at Harry for the first time. He looked horrible. His hair was all mangled and there were dots of red on his face and shirt, one cheek looking more swollen than the other. It was hard to see or to even comprehend that that was his Harry in front of him because it looked nothing like him. The sight was too much to bear so Louis looked back down to his lap, his hands pulling at his comforter. "I just wanna be alone," he struggled to whisper, his voice getting caught in his throat.

"But you're upset and hurt. I can't leave you like this."

"Niall and Monet are here."

Harry knitted his brows and slid his hand away from Louis' body. "What?" He shifted around to sit comfortably on his knees. "Wait, what? Seriously?" Louis shrugged his shoulders and kept his gaze on his lap. "Lou I- I was just- he was saying bad things about us Lou. Why are you upset with me for defending us?"

"I didn't ask you to do that Harry." Louis really wanted to yell but he didn't have the energy left in him to put effort into a fight along with the banging in his head.

"I know, but what he was saying really hurt me."

"Because being called gay is _so_ offensive." He looked up again, eyes swollen and bloodshot, nose shiny, and face splotchy.

"Baby that's not-" Harry fucked up. He really fucked up. He knew how bad that could have sounded but him and Louis had a conversation about his sexuality before so he should know where he stood. "That's not what was upsetting me. Zayn, he-"

"You don't even know what happened Harry and that's the problem."

"Where's the problem in that?"

"You were so angry that you can't even tell me why you were upset." Louis stared at Harry, his eyes taking in every feature of the familiar stranger. That's not what Harry looked like. Harry was soft and sweet and his hair was never a mess and when it was he'd pull it back. His Harry didn't have swollen cheeks or blood stains on his nice silky shirt. There were even chips in his nail polish. "I wanted you to walk away. Why couldn't you just walk away?"

"Because I didn't like the way he was talking about us."

"So that means you should beat him up?"

"Well-"

"No Harry, it should never result to that! Are you kidding me? Who _are_ you?"

"Don't say that Lou."

He shook his head, insulted that Harry didn't see the severity of the situation. "Look at you!" Louis yelled, grabbing Harry's hand to show him the blood on his fists. "You've got blood on your hands and shirt, your face. Your hair's a mess, your face is swollen and you've got purple marks all over your body. I don't recognise you." He dropped Harry's hand and sat back against the headboard. "Whoever is sitting right in front of me is not my boyfriend."

Those words went straight to Harry's heart and he swore he felt it crack right in half. "Don't- please don't say that. I'm still the same person. Hazza." His eyes welled up with tears because even though the words weren't being said this very much felt like a break up. " _Your_ Hazza."

Louis looked around his room as he shook his head before returning to the boy next to him. "You're not. I know my boyfriend has issues with his anger but never, _never_ , did I think it would lead to this."

"He hurt you Lou. What was I supposed to do? Let him get away with that?"

"No."

"Then why are you upset with me?"

"Because you should've walked away when I told you to." Louis didn't understand why Harry couldn't think of that himself. He kept justifying his violence with his feelings being hurt and if that was the case, what would Harry do to Louis if he were to ever upset him? "You always preached to love and spread love. You've always told me to not care what people say about me, to not have it stick with me because they were never true. That makes you a hypocritical liar."

"It's different," Harry pleaded with a hint of anger in his voice. He couldn't get behind why Louis was upset. Sure violence was never the answer, but Harry could only be pushed so far until he can't contain himself. Besides, it got Zayn to finally shut the fuck up so why weren't they cuddling and kissing about it?

"It's not." Louis shook his head, his tears coming to a halt as he was finally being able to process the events and his feelings about them but his head was still in pain. "Your feelings were hurt about the things that were being said to you."

Harry couldn't argue with that so he stayed quiet, watching the way Louis was trying his best to not cry. Being strong was something Louis perfected over the years and it'd been a while since Harry had seen it since he was trying to allow himself to be vulnerable, but Harry could physically see the walls building back up. He fucked up and he would do next to anything to fix it. "What can we do to move forward?" Harry asked after moments of silence. "How can I fix this?"

It was Louis' turn to be quiet for him to contemplate his answer. For him, there was only one answer but he really wanted to give Harry the benefit of the doubt. "I don't think we can," Louis whispered. No matter how much he wanted to get through this obstacle, he couldn't get the image of Harry pounding Zayn out of his head. "I don't think you can fix it."

The feeling of Harry's heart falling to his arse in record time and shattering in a million pieces was the worst feeling he'd ever experienced. This couldn't be it. They weren't even together for two weeks and there was so much he wanted to do and experience with Louis. "Baby," Harry whined, his tears flowing freely. "No, please." He went to cup either side of Louis' face but he flinched away and that was like a jab to his heart. "Oh my god. Lou I'd never- I'd never hurt you. Never."

"You don't know that."

"I do. I do know that. Please? Let me- let me fix this. I'll do anything Lou. Anything."

"Harry I don't-" He looked away again because Harry was so fucking sad and he didn't want to battle with himself. "I can't get the image of you hitting Zayn out of my head."

"I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry. You don't know what I would do to go back and change everything."

As sweet as that could have, and Harry really thought he won Louis over, Louis just shook his head, eyes watering again. "You only want to change things because of how it ended. You don't regret what you did at all."

Of course he didn't, why would he? "Okay, but I do want to fix things." Harry grabbed Louis hand carefully, softly, his touch so gentle. "I don't regret it, you're right, but I regret doing it in front of you. And I know you think that doesn't change anything, but it does for me." His thumb rubbed against the back of his hand. "I never wanted you to see me like that and I would risk everything to make it up to you. Please. Please don't leave me." He was slowly breaking down again. "Please baby."

Louis looked down to hide the fact that his strength was cracking. He didn't like how sad Harry was and how he was literally on his knees begging for forgiveness. "I just need some time. Space and time." Did he think things could be fixed completely? No, but he didn't want to break up prematurely without thinking everything over.

It was better than breaking up, right? "What does this mean for us? Like did you want-"

"No." Louis shook his head. "We're not- we're still together. I just need some time to think, okay? Can you do that for me?" Harry looked back up with tears still streaming down his cheeks. He didn't want space, he wanted to figure this out now, but he had to respect Louis' needs.

"Okay." He stood up and made way to the door but before he could walk away, Louis called out to him.

"Hey." Harry turned around, hoping Louis changed his mind about needing space within those few seconds. "Kissy?" He didn't want Harry to worry about everything being over, but he also didn't want to give him the satisfaction that everything was okay. He walked over, crawling on the bed to share a kiss with his boyfriend for a few seconds, not pulling away until Louis did. "Take care of yourself darling." Louis pecked his lips one last time before Harry was on his way.

As he walked back down the stairs and to his house, he ignored Niall and Monet and then Gemma when he got to his house, locking himself in his room and crying himself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year y'all. i want to start posting more frequently since i have half the chapters written but i haven't been into writing lately so.. we'll have to see. thank you for being patient and continuing to read <3 be smart, stay safe.


	7. they wouldn't be attempting to create something out of a shipwreck

mood: should i stay or should i go- the clash  
  
  


** Friday November 30th, 6:21 pm **

It'd been a few hours since everything blew up. When Harry got to his place anything Gemma said was disregarded as he marched straight to his room. The door was locked behind him and the lights remained off, tears still falling from his eyes when he threw himself on his bed. He slept horribly; tossing and turning for minutes on end, going in and out of sleep because his mind was racing with Louis, Louis Louis and the lack of satisfaction of comfort that came with not knowing if his relationship was in jeopardy or not. It might've been a stretch, but how could he not come to that conclusion? Sure Louis said they weren't broken up, but that didn't mean they wouldn't be. And it was scarier because Louis didn't want to talk about it at all. Harry respected his answer because he knew Louis needed to think things over, but why couldn't they do that together? They were a team and this was a hardship that included the both of them.

Months ago he expressed to Louis how he never wanted him to see that side of him but he lost control. All year he was doing great with keeping his temper at bay, especially with Louis by his side but there was only so much he could take. If Louis had never showed up Harry didn't know how things would have turned out but he didn't think it would have been as bad as it was because Louis would have never been hit and Harry wouldn't have a reason to beat Zayn to a pulp. But it was hard to tell because Zayn's venom-laced words held so much power over Harry that it could have ended the same way and if he were to be honest, all lot of the anger didn't have to do with what was being said in that moment. The annoyance Harry had in that conversation was mainly from him wanting a good day with his boyfriend, and having one until then, but having it ripped away because Zayn wanted to pester him. It was built up anger from the past few months with everything Zayn spat at him about him wanting to pursue a friendship and especially all the taunting he gave Louis.

Zayn hitting Louis was the absolute final straw. He could've swooped down so low and start targeting certain topics that he knew would throw Harry off the edge but nothing, absolutely _nothing_ , would have made him as furious as his boyfriend being hit. And Harry could tell that Zayn didn't necessarily enjoy hitting Louis— if the look of distraught on his face were any tell— and he knew it was on accident, but his mind was cloudy. All he saw was his precious boyfriend being punched, his helpless screech filling his ears. Then all he saw was red.

Louis was right. He was so angry that he wasn't thinking straight and he couldn't even remember what happened without having to think hard about it and now he had to worry about the future of his relationship. Harry knew it was his fault, he had a brain, but he didn't think they'd ever be at a cross roads like this and it was tearing him apart knowing Louis was in his room right now contemplating whether or not he still wanted to be with Harry. That he was weighing out the pros and cons of staying and/or leaving the relationship. It hurt knowing that he didn't feel secure in his own relationship but he had no one to blame but himself.

After going in and out of sleep came to a halt, he had maybe thirty minutes of a decent slumber when Gemma barged into his room. She had enough of Harry's silence so she picked the lock to his door and woke him up to talk about what happened. There were many ideas on what it could have been about because with the dots of blood, puffy eyes, swollen jaw, and bruises many things came to mind. There was an endless amount of possibilities that she really didn't want to assume. He could've been attacked by a wild animal or someone on a bike ran him over, who knew? But with the fact that school just ended and there were tears streaming down his cheeks, she had quite the inkling on what it was about considering she knew about Harry's past. That, and with the call she received.

When she barged in, she slammed the door behind her to wake her brother up and smacked the back of his head. He complained and rubbed the area that was smacked but didn't have the energy to retaliate. "I don't want to talk about it Gems," Harry groaned, rolling over so that his back was facing his sister, pulling his knees to his chest. It was still all too fresh and he really didn't feel like experiencing his heart shattering for the second time that day.

"That's funny," Gemma sassed back, pulling on Harry's body to get him to face her again, "because I don't remember giving you a choice. You owe me."

"Why?" Literally nothing had happened between the two of them and if she was referring to what happened last night she had to get over it.

"Your school called."

"Shit." Harry sat up and ran a hand over his face. After all the trouble he's been in how could he forget that schools call home when he got suspended?

"Shit's right Harry. What the _fuck_ were you thinking? Seriously. I thought you were done with all this lashing out."

He was, he really was, but this time it involved Louis. "It's different."

"Oh yeah? Elaborate."

Harry had no obligation to explain the events that took place. He could have easily told his sister to shove off, but he had a feeling if he didn't there was going to be blackmail involved. "This guy, I wouldn't even consider us friends anymore, but this guy was saying stuff about Louis and me when were being public about our relationship and I just couldn't hold it back anymore." As he spoke Gemma listened, giving him her full attention and nothing else. "For months he's been making snarky remarks at me for wanting to be Louis' friend but he'd been picking on Louis for years and I just-"

"Enough was enough," Gemma finished. The thing was... Gemma understood where he was coming from. All he wanted to do was defend his boyfriend but when he got angry to the point where his blood was boiling, it was difficult for him to control that anger. And it wasn't over something pointless like in the past, this was about the boy he loved.

"Exactly, but that's not even what did it for me. He punched Louis and after that everything's a blur." Okay, yeah, now Gemma totally understood. She didn't necessarily agree but she understood.

Her jaw dropped and her eyes widened because nowhere in the phone call did they mention Louis. "He hit Louis?"

"It was meant for me but I dodged it and as his fist was coming back down it collided with Louis' eye." Harry looked down to his lap, becoming physically upset when picturing his precious boyfriend being punched. He wasn't angry anymore, more-so upset, regretful for not taking the hit instead. "I watched his fist hit Louis and I watched Louis fall to the floor and hit his head on the lockers and it-" He took a few moments to stay composed. "I could've gone my entire life without experiencing that."

"It wasn't on purpose." The more Harry dwelled on the guilt he felt for moving out of the way, the more damage it was going to do to their relationship. Gemma knew that it was going to somehow lead to him understanding why Louis would want to end things and self sabotaging the relationship. That was the last thing both Harry and Gemma wanted so she tried to deflect from that idea.

"I know, but it didn't matter. I was already too angry at that point and I just exploded." His eyes teared up when Louis' shriek sounded through his mind. "I can't get the helpless screech and the loud thud of his body hitting the ground out of my head."

Gemma wrapped her arms around her emotional brother, guiding his head to her shoulder and allowing him to vent. "It's not your fault."

"I tried to stop Gem, I really did. I tried counting and taking deep breaths and telling myself not to do it but when I looked Zayn in the eye and he started to speak it just sent me over the edge."

In the past, Harry's anger was so out of control his parents were considering either homeschool or boarding school. There were so many moments where he'd lash out on objects or people for the smallest of things. One time there was a classmate of his that dropped a pencil during a test and he just went berserk. He'd already been ticked off throughout the day and having heard the small drop of a pencil during a test was enough for him to scream and yell at the boy who dropped it. He yelled nonsense about how much of an annoying loser he was and that was the reason his parents didn't love him and what not. It was incredibly toxic and that was part of the reason they moved around a lot. Harry kept getting kicked out of schools and it forced Harry and Gemma to grow apart a bit because she'd be losing her friends every four to five months and would have to make new ones.

"You tried, love. That's all that matters." She gave him a comforting squeeze, cupping her chin over his shoulder and rubbing at his back. "I'm proud that you tried and I understand why things escalated the way they did, but you broke his nose." She pulled away to look Harry in the eye to make sure he understood the severity of the situation. "They're probably going to have mum pay for it and what then?"

"I don't know," Harry whined. It was never his intentions on actually physically hurting Zayn to where he broke something. He just wanted to release his anger and basically show Zayn that enough was enough and that he couldn't get away with talking shit all the time. He never meant to break his nose and now that he thought about it, his nose _was_ looking a bit funny in the headmaster's office.

"I've got your back, H. It'll stay between us until it gets brought up from someone else and then I can no longer help you." Harry pulled away with a small smile, placing a hand on Gemma's face to stroke her cheek.

"Thanks."

"You're lucky I answered the phone. Mum was home but she was cooking and asked me to answer it for her."

"Thanks for not ratting me out." He offered her a smile and grabbed her hand to place a kiss to the back of her palm

"Being grounded isn't fun. I wouldn't know, but watching you be miserable, I could only assume."

"Buzz off," Harry laughed, bumping shoulders with his sister.

"So why were you upset?" Gemma asked as she walked over to Harry's door, hand slipping from his hold, to flip on his light switch. The room was incredibly dark and she couldn't take talking in blackness any longer. "Like you were crying and you completely shut me out when you came home."

This was what Harry didn't know if he was ready to talk about. He missed Louis so much (more than usual because he want sure if he was going to lose his boy or not) and it hurt knowing he couldn't just prance across the street and expect his boyfriend to welcome him with open arms. "I don't know where Louis and I stand as far as our relationship goes."

"You're joking right?" It'd only been a day since she found out and now they might be breaking up? What a waste of a congratulations.

"I wish." Harry laughed to try and alleviate some of the pain in his chest but it came out rough and hoarse. "He didn't like the way I acted, which I completely understand, but it's torture knowing that it may not be something we could work through." There goes the heartbreak. "We've had a few hardships over the past few weeks, but we've always worked them out then and there, so it's scaring me a little that Louis asked for time and space. It's almost killing me."

"But, H, this is completely different. Any verbal disagreement is much easier to get over than having witnessed your boyfriend hitting someone out of anger." As much as Gemma wanted to comfort and console Harry, she didn't want him thinking his actions were justified. Sure she understood, but that didn't make them okay. She didn't want Harry to forget what the root of the problem was.

"I fucked up, I know I did, but he didn't even want to try."

"How long did you give him to process? The fight just happened and you expected him to try to solve things without completely knowing what happened?"

"You're right." Harry scratched the back of his neck to rid the anxiety he was feeling.

"Yeah, I know." One, two, three seconds of silence passed by before Gemma spoke up again. "From the information I've been given about Louis ever since you became obsessed with him, I'm confident when I say this mishap isn't going to effect your relationship." Harry sighed and gave her a disbelieving look that she dismissed. "Sure he's having a hard time with it now, but he needs to fully comprehend what happened to move forward. And as his boyfriend you need to give him the time and space to do it."

"I'm just scared. I'm so terrified that after the time and space he wouldn't want to be with me anymore and I just- I wouldn't know what to do with myself." He swung his legs over the edge of his bed and kicked his feet against his floors.

"What's so special about this relationship that's getting you caught up in two weeks worth of dating? Like you've had much longer relationships that ended but you never seemed to care all that much."

Harry stood up and started to pace around the room, his emotions beginning to take over again. He had to take deep breaths to prevent himself from crying because although the feelings were incredibly new to him, they were too intense and overbearing. "Because I just-" Gemma watched Harry pace around his room, allowing him the time he needed to get his words together. He sat down on the edge of his bay window, gripping the lip of the seat for some sort of stability. "I love him." He looked up to meet eyes with his sister and if Harry weren't so serious he'd laugh at the look on her face. Harry had never said the L word to any of his girlfriends in the past, especially not so early in the relationship.

"You what?" Gemma nearly choked on her words. Surely she heard him incorrectly.

"God, I love him so much, Gems, it hurts and I really don't want this relationship to end so soon. Or anytime in the near future at that."

This was a big step for Harry and as happy as Gemma was for him she didn't really know how to express it so she said, "what the fuck," with her jaw nearly falling to the ground. "How dare you drop that on me when I just found out you two were together barely twenty four hours ago."

He laughed. "He's so amazing it'd be harder not to love him."

"Since when?"

"I fully realised day five." He swung his legs onto the seat, wrapping his arms around them but keeping his gaze on his sister. "As we were walking to school I told him that he could read the things behind my tapestry and he said that he had a few things I could read to better understand him as well and I just loved how much he was making progress that I almost told him I loved him."

"The stuff you have behind your tapestry is pretty dark."

"You read my wall?"

"What? I'm bored, home alone all day. Don't act like you didn't go through my diaries when we were younger."

Harry was quick to shut up and get back on topic. "Anyway, by the end of the day we were joking around and he was making fun of me for being clingy and pushed me away to my class and I had that same feeling from the morning and I just- I came to terms with it I guess."

"How sweet," Gemma mocked with a hint of seriousness in her voice. Harry flicked her off and looked out his window, the smile falling from his face. "I can't believe you-"

"What the fuck?" Harry swung around to stand up from his window and rushed to his door. "I'll be right back." Without another word he rushed down his stairs and out the door to get a better look at the car in Louis' drive because surely he was seeing things. There was never any strange cars in his drive and Harry knew that Volkswagen.

Why the fuck was Zayn at Louis' house?  
  
  
  
  


About thirty minutes to an hour before Harry woke up, Louis was sitting in his room thinking things over. It was really hard to think about no future with Harry when he so badly wanted this for as long as possible, but after the events that took place today he wasn't sure if he'd be brave enough to stay. Harry had so many good qualities, more good to weigh out the bad, but there was this one bad and it seemed to outweigh all of the good. The problem at hand wasn't even about the fight, it was the fact that Harry began to pummel Zayn without a second thought. It was the fact that Harry didn't listen to him when he asked for them to leave. It was the fact that he felt no remorse.

All of this could have been avoided if they just left.

It left Louis to question whether or not Harry had been honest with him the entirety of their relationship, hell even their friendship was being questioned. Harry was a hypocrite no doubt and it was like the words he said in the past didn't mean a thing. He was talking Louis up, telling him what he wanted to hear, but when push came to shove he was effected by someone's hurtful words so much he lashed out. And the fact that Harry couldn't understand that was holding Louis back. Harry thought what he did was some sort of heroic gesture, but Louis didn't ask for that. All he wanted was to leave and avoid all conflict but he couldn't get that. They could've been having a blast with each other right now, but there he was thinking over their relationship and deciding whether or not it was something he could get over and having the constant thought of how Harry was feeling nagging at him wasn't helpful.

While Louis was just about losing his mind up in his room, there was a knock at his front door. After a few seconds passed and no one opened the door, another knock was heard throughout the lower level. "Coming," Laura yelled with a bit of annoyance lining her voice so whoever was behind the door could chill out for a bit. "Oh." Her face dropped when she opened the door, brows eventually coming together in confusion.

"Hi Laura," they greeted with a weird smile. It all felt extremely weird. When she came home earlier Niall and Monet were still in the house, sitting on the couch and engaging in a casual conversation. They informed her of part of the situation and expressed that they felt uneasy leaving Louis home alone and waited for someone to come before they left in case he needed something or someone. That in itself was weird because she hadn't seen their faces in forever. "I, um, I came to see Louis?" Laura's seen their face before but it looked so strange, so different than the adolescent image that was stuck in her mind. They were grown up, facial hair littering across their jaw, baby fat gone and in its wake was a structured outline, prominent features.

"Uh, yeah. Come on in." She allowed them into the house, walking them over to the stairs and gesturing up to Louis' room. Charles watched from the dining table with wide eyes, staring in disbelief.

"Why would you invite him in the house?" Charles whispered loudly as Laura walked back over to the kitchen.

"It's fine Charles. It'll be good for the both of them." Whether or not that was true, Charles would have thought that there would be at least a bit of hesitation after experiencing the aftermath of the torture he received at school for years and years and it annoyed him that Laura didn't put two and two together.

Louis was sitting in the same position Harry left him in when there was a soft knock on his door. "Come in," he stated, thinking it was one of his parents. Without hesitation the door slowly creaked open, such a contrast from the last time it was slammed open. Once it was open enough for him to see the person behind the door, he froze. No. Why would his parents let him in the house?

"Hey Louis." They walked into the room and carefully shut the door, leaning against the wood. "Sorry for disobeying your requests." They held up a blue sticky note that Louis put on the door for his parents, or anyone for that matter, to not bother him that read ' _Hard thinking going on in here. Do not bother. Please?_ ' The please was cute and it earned a chuckle from everyone who read it.

"Zayn?" Louis was finally able to find it in him to say something to Zayn. The last time he said something to him was the first day of school. You know, when he was being tormented for being gay. "W-what are you doing here?"

"Wanted to check up on you, make sure you're doing okay." He took small steps further into the room and with each step he looked around, trying to suppress his smile. There weren't many changes made to the room since he'd last been in there six years ago. The bed was bigger and that piano was new, there were new artwork on the walls, but the whole setup in general was the same. The placement of everything was the exact same.

Louis sat up straighter and pulled his legs in to feel safer with being in a room, alone, with one of his biggest bullies. "Why?" After years of torment why would Zayn even care how Louis was feeling?

"Look, I know we haven't exactly gotten along these past few years-" Louis gave Zayn a dumbfounded look because that was ridiculous and he knew it. "Okay, fine. _I_ haven't been the nicest but after what happened today, it just- it hurt. Like a lot." He stopped right at the edge of the mattress, knees brushing against the crinkled comforter. "I know I was mean over the years, and I want to apologise for that, but I would never think to make any of that physical and the fact that I did really put things in perspective for me."

Zayn wasn't a guy to admit his wrongs or apologise, everyone knew that, and to hear that was odd, very odd. "You can have a seat." He sat at the edge, one leg folding onto the mattress, the other dangling on the floor.

"I know things have been rough for you these past few years and I know I didn't make your experience any better, but I'd like to make up for it if you'd let me." Louis stared at Zayn, speechless, his brain not being able to comprehend everything that was happening. "I know it's a little too late, but hear me out, please."

Zayn was right, it _was_ a little too late. However, this was what Louis had been waiting for for years. He was finally getting the closure he needed so badly but why was he so conflicted about it? Why was he on the fence about resolving his past? Nevertheless, he knew it would be good for him to know. "Go on." He curled himself into a ball to feel much more comfortable and much safer with the situation.

"I wanted to start off with apologising for the way I've treated you these past couple years. You never deserved that and I don't want it to seem like I'm not taking responsibility, but I really don't know how it escalated the way it did. I got lost. I let my head get big and I hate it." Louis shook his head, eyes welling up with tears. "Something that I regret so bad is not going to court with you."

"Zayn, don't."

"That was a time you needed someone so bad and to have none of your friends there to support you on such a big day was terrible and it's something that will forever be on my conscience." He paused to get a good look at the way Louis was feeling but he had no readable expression on his face— besides the shiny eyes. "I hate that I let people pressure me into straying away from you, especially during a time when you needed someone the most. I want to apologise for every hurtful word and insult a threw at you through the years and I apologise for allowing other people, my friends, to do that to you. I'm sorry for-" It was a shitty thing he'd done in the past as a kid and he hadn't really thought about it over the years but now that he's grown, it was almost repulsive to think about. "I'm sorry about exploiting your sexuality for a joke." Seeing Louis tear up despite how hard he was trying to keep calm made Zayn emotional himself. "Did you want to say something?"

Louis shook his head, wiping a tear off his cheek. "No," he whispered.

Zayn nodded, looking down to secretly wipe a tear away. "It was so wrong to mess with your emotions like that and I know it caused some damage in you and I'm truly sorry. I know it had a factor on yours and Harry's friendship and I hate that I did that to you. I didn't come up with the idea though, Aiden did but I was still a part of it so that didn't make things any better. I'm sorry for not being there for you throughout the years when those hard times came up. There were times where I wanted to give you a hug or just have a talk for you to let it all out but I couldn't find it in myself to actually do it because I'm such a fucking coward. Harry's right. I'm a prick and I'm a coward. I'm just- I'm so sorry for everything." Louis looked away, wiping at his nose after sniffling. "I don't expect you to accept my apology and I- that's not something I'm asking of you. I just thought we both needed this to move forward because I hate who I've become without you. You've kept me so grounded and without you I don't know who I've become."

To hear Zayn apologise and admit to his wrongs was never something Louis even fantasised about happening. He thought he was going to graduate high school and that'd be the last he had to hear from Zayn, but he was there in his room wanting forgiveness for all of his wrong doings. He didn't want to be the person he'd been for the past few years and as heartwarming as that was, Louis was having a hard time deciding if it was genuine or not.

"I, um-" Louis began, choking up on his words because he didn't know how to talk to Zayn anymore. Even though he just apologised for everything, he still expected him to be nasty and critical about anything he'd say. "I appreciate the apology and I do forgive you but I can't forget anything you did to me."

"I understand."

"You- Zayn, do you even understand the severity of what you did to me? I wanted to die, did you know that?" The last thing he wanted to do was force blame on Zayn like that, but it didn't make it any less true. Zayn was the cause for a lot of his issues, but he wasn't the only cause. And after all the pain, he still didn't want Zayn to feel bad. "You and your friends pushed me so close to my limits that I thought that dying would be better than breathing but having to live with all the pain."

"Louis I-"

"You wore me so down that I honestly didn't think I would make it this far in the school year. At the end of the summer I gave myself a few months before I would call it quits." To actually hear the words coming out of Louis' mouth compared to just seeing all the moping around was like going one hundred right into a brick wall. It was a reality check that his actions had consequences and it hurt, it really did. And it was the fact that if Harry never came along and rescued Louis, he'd most likely not be around. _That_ was too much too process and Zayn couldn't imagine the funeral. "You guys beat me down so bad that I couldn't even look up. I couldn't see the benefit of having a future after graduation because of the hell I was living in."

Tears were unashamedly streaming from his eyes, the only shame exuding from his body was the shame of being the worst person to exist. "I'm sorry, Lou. I really am."

"We're both lucky Harry came along because I'm still alive. Even if you never came over tonight, I'm sure having it weigh on your conscience that you had a part of my death would be hard."

"It would have. You have no idea how detrimental that would have been for me. I just-" He hadn't cried in years, literally. His life without Louis was like he was void of any emotions and the only thing he truly felt was anger or jealousy. "And I'm grateful for him too. Harry's tried to get me in check so many times but I was so god damn stubborn." There was so much more to say, so much more to apologise for, but he really didn't want to cry because all of the suppressed emotions were being multiplied by one hundred. "Has he been treating you well?"

It was obvious to Louis that Zayn didn't want to talk about all the hurtful things he had done at the moment and Louis was totally fine with that because he didn't want to push. Although, he was going to make sure Zayn knew they were going to talk about it sometime. "Yeah, he's really nice."

"That's it? Just nice?" With how much time they spent together and how happy they looked, Zayn expected a rant about how amazing Harry was and every little detail about everything Louis liked about him.

"Well, he takes care of me and he's very gentle and kind. I don't know." He still hadn't come up with a conclusion on how he felt about everything despite how long he'd been thinking. How he felt about it all was still unknown and honestly, he was still a bit afraid of Harry.

"Where is he? I expected him to be here considering you two are practically inseparable."

Louis shook his head, looking down to his lap and pressing his lips into a flat, firm line. "Told him I needed some time and space to think about our relationship." It was really odd how easily they fell back into being best friends but it was what Louis needed in that moment. Someone to bounce ideas and assumptions off of to come to his conclusion. "I didn't like what happened today and it scared me to see him act that way."

Honestly, that version of Harry terrified Zayn too. The way he was just able to switch off any morals or remorse at that moment and just pummel him without so much as a second thought. "Yeah, that was, um, rough I guess."

"What happened with your nose?" Zayn's nose was bandaged up in a splint, swollen, with quite a bit of bruising on the skin around it.

Zayn looked at his nose, crossing his eyes with a funny facial expression that made Louis giggle to himself. "It's broken. Um, pretty bad."

"How bad?" The hesitance in his voice was completely understandable, Zayn thought. It was obvious that he didn't want to know the answer but his curiosity got the best of him.

"I had small fractures above the bridge of my nose. Like into my skull."

A hand slapped over Louis' mouth, a gasp dissipating into the air. "You have skull fractures?" God this was not his Harry at all. Louis refused to believe the two were even related.

"Not skull fractures, just the bone in my nose fractured so much it like spread into my skull."

"Does it hurt?"

"It hurt loads. Had a major headache, but they've got me doped up on painkillers so I'm feeling alright at the moment." He chuckled to try and alleviate some of the tension.

"Oh my- I'm so sorry. You've done bad things to me but you never deserved that and I'm sorry he lashed out like that."

"You don't have to apologise for him. It's fine, honest."

"Zayn-"

"Usually I would be furious but all that was on my mind was if you were okay. I think I deserved it and it put me into check so it's whatever." He reached forward a bit, fingers barely grazing Louis' knee. "I mean, it's what brought me here, right?"

Louis sighed, eyes glued to his knees where Zayn was touching. "Yeah, I guess."

He couldn't make out whether or not that was Louis being disinterested in the conversation or just not knowing what to say, so he brought up their previous conversation again. "What were you needing time and space for?" He asked quietly, almost hesitantly, not knowing if that was something he could ask. They technically were friends again, maybe, but Zayn still felt out of place and it was sort of clear that Louis was uncomfortable with his presence. Especially after all of those years, but they had to start from somewhere.

Louis licked his lips and bit down on them, stare spacing out on his comforter. Was he really going to confide in Zayn? Was he really wanting to? And why did he feel that way? "Our relationship," he admitted guilt and shame leaking through his skin. "I just- I've never seen him be violent before and he's told me that he used to be that way but seeing it? That was almost too much for me to bear and I can't get that image out my mind." He looked up, something in his eyes begging for Zayn to tell him that he wasn't being irrational, to tell him that he'd feel the same way if he were in that situation, but he received nothing. Zayn stayed silent, waiting for Louis to continue with wide eyes and raised brows. "I could have gone my whole life without seeing that side of him and now that I have I'm afraid he's going to lash out on me. Like what if I say the wrong-"

"Woah, _Louis_." Zayn had to cut him off because how could he ever think that? "He'd never lay a hand on you. Ever." It was almost naïve to think that way, to think that Harry would even think about hurting Louis physically, mentally or even emotionally.

He laughed, his head shaking from side to side. "You don't know that." With all the unreasonable things that flooded into Louis' mind about this entire situation, the unpredictability of Harry losing control on him wasn't one of them. Zayn may have thought it was dumb to even think it, but he believed it to be true. Yes, Harry cared for and had love for Louis, but no matter what he still didn't have that off switch. He will never have that switch to cool down and what if one day Louis pushed him too far? What if there were a day where Louis said or did something wrong and Harry hit him? What then? He'd much rather have a great friendship with Harry than risk getting hit by him and end up hating him for the rest of his life. But at the same time, he didn't want to be just friends with Harry.

"I do." Zayn scooted closer to Louis' body, feeling much more comfortable being in Louis' room— in his presence— than he did before. "He cares about you and you'd have to be blind to not see that."

"That's not really the problem I'm just- I'm scared that one day he won't be able to control himself."

"I've done a lot of watching from the sidelines." Louis gave Zayn a questioning look. "Don't give me that look. I'd hate watch sometimes and he's different with you. He's like... softer and more caring. Gentler and so apprehensive. At first it was like he was walking on eggshells, afraid he was going to do or say something wrong that was going to provoke you."

"Softer?" But all of Louis' focus was on what the hell softer was supposed to mean.

"Yeah, like he's rougher with us boys, even Mo, but when he's with you it's like everything softens. He's more lax and comfortable." Zayn had never seen such a thing happen. The amount of relationships he witnessed were endless, but none of them were like the relationship that Harry and Louis had. He'd seen them joke around and poke fun at each other but it was always different compared to when it was done to other people. He was afraid of hurting Louis' feelings but wouldn't bat an eye if one of the boys would get offended. "I've noticed that he smiles a lot more around you, too, and he acts so differently like his body language and stuff like that."

Louis smiled, despite all the pain he was suppressing at the moment, despite the mess that was going on his his mind in that moment. Today was honestly too much. At first it started out sweet where him and Harry shared that beautiful moment in the morning of them painting each other's nails but then he got hit, and then it was the fight, then it was his and Harry's possible break, and now Zayn was in his room wanting to apologise and talking about what he'd seen these past few months. Don't let the easy flow of conversation fool you; Louis was hurting so bad inside. It hurt that Zayn chose now to finally make amends after years and years of verbal and emotional torture and for it to only be because he accidentally hit him. If Harry would have walked away like Louis asked, Zayn most likely would have not come over and they wouldn't be attempting to create something out of a shipwreck. It hurt that Zayn didn't even want to talk more about their past and it hurt that he completely brushed over it and swayed the conversation onto Harry after Louis spoke part of his truth. It hurt that Zayn still seemed like he didn't care.

"Yeah but it's just unpredictable," Louis whispered, trying his best not to believe his own words. He didn't want to think that Harry would do that to him no matter his anger problems. He'd like to think that Harry would think twice before hurting his boyfriend. "He's so incredibly sweet and this was the first time I've seen him act that way, but what if I say the wrong thing one day, you know? Is he going to lash out on me?"

Zayn nodded his head, understanding why Louis would think that, but no matter how cold and mean he was all year long, he wasn't blind. He'd see things that were different when he wasn't around Louis. The Harry that made Louis smile through the permanent frown wasn't the same Harry presented around him and the rugby team. Things were just different and everyone noticed it. "I think it's different," Zayn sighed as he leaned his head against the wall above the headboard, watching the way Louis' breathing was steady and how he busied himself by playing with his comforter. He looked so youthful, vulnerable, it was almost nostalgic in a strange way. "Harry was provoked. I was giving him a hard time all year and I think when I hit you it was like the icing on the cake." He blinked rather long and curled his knees closer to his hips. Louis still didn't dare look at him. "I'm sorry for that by the way. I never meant for that to happen."

"I know it wasn't on purpose. I was in the way. It's fine." His words were becoming more and more distant either because he didn't want to think about the events that led to Harry's lashing out, or because he was sitting next to the person who punched him, casually talking about it.

"It's not fine, Lou." The usage of the nickname made Louis' eyes tear up and his throat to constrict. His walls were slowly breaking down and it wasn't okay. He shouldn't let Zayn in so easily, shouldn't give him the satisfaction or idea that everything was just going to be okay, but hearing him call him Lou was like rediscovering an old favourite song. Because there was a point in time where Zayn was Louis' favourite person, his favourite song. "Accident or not." The room fell silent for a few moments and even after years of not being on good terms with Louis, Zayn could tell he was crying and it was painful to witness. His breathes were still choppy like he remembered and his hands still came up to shield the side of his face to hide his tears. "Can I see your eye?" It took a few seconds for Louis to actually turn his head, but when he did his eyes immediately connected with Zayn's for merely a second before it was too much. He broke away barely after two seconds and glanced around his room, feeling an intense gaze from those curious brown eyes. Zayn cringed and frowned at the bruise. "Have you seen it?" His eye was still slightly puffy and there was a ring of reds and pinks and slight purples around his eye.

Louis shook his head and flipped his hair to the side, wincing at the throbbing pain in his head and eye. "No," he whispered.

"You look badass." They both shared a laugh and Zayn mindlessly reached up to touch Louis' eye and although Louis hissed at how tender and sensitive the bruise was, he was surprised at how gentle Zayn's fingers were. "Sorry," he whispered, his fingers trailing along the outside of the ring.

It wasn't something he thought about doing, but it's just what felt right. Him and Louis used to be so close years ago and it was like muscle memory resurfacing. When Zayn didn't pull away after a few seconds, Louis looked him in the eye and earned a smile but he didn't smile back. In all honesty he didn't know what he was feeling because the day was full of a whirlwind of emotions. "Zayn?" The next thing he knew Zayn, the boy who'd been the worst to him over the years, Zayn, the boy who never showed his emotions leaned forward to kiss his eye. "W-wh-"

"S-sorry, I don't- that was-" Not only was that extremely out of character for Zayn— the blush on his cheeks too— but he didn't even seem to notice what he was doing. It could have been from how close they were and Zayn's sudden burst of emotions, not knowing how to handle them, or it couldn't been a completely mindless and meaningless action. Either or, it didn't make the situation any less confusing.

"Why'd you do that?" He reached up and carefully touched the area Zayn just kissed.

"I don't know." Something Harry had been preaching ever since him and Louis first met was how pretty he was. He never had to give that a second thought because he was just so pretty, anyone with eyes would agree. And Harry thought that Louis deserved to be kissed. He deserved to be held and loved and kissed and maybe Zayn thought so too.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Why'd you leave me?" That familiar tightness in his throat and wetness in his eyes came back. Zayn leaving was all he could think about since, well, forever and his assumptions were driving him insane.

"Louis," Zayn sighed, tilting his head away from the boy.

"I know some of it had to do with peer pressure or whatever, but I want to know your reasoning. Like that fight we had. I don't even remember what it was about and ever since then I wondered what I did wrong. You were my last friend but then you left and it hurt so bad. So bad. I just- I need to know what I did wrong. I need closure so I can stop thinking about it."

This was the most emotion Zayn had felt in years and a lot of it had to do with guilt. He'd been carrying guilt on his shoulders for years and now that it was time to confront that guilt all of his emotions flooded out— like a dam breaking. "God." Zayn pressed the base of his palms in his eyes, looking down at his lap, tears falling onto his pants. "I hate this." He looked back up and wiped the tears out of his eyes, the skin around them reddening and his face dropping when he saw Louis' shiny nose and splotchy skin. "You did nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing wrong." He wiped away a tear from Louis' cheek (thankfully it wasn't on the same side as his bruised eye). He hated that Louis thought he did something wrong when that couldn't be further from the truth.

"Why'd you go then?"

The past couple years have been hell for not only Louis but Zayn too. It may be hard to believe but he missed Louis so much. It was hard for him to admit at first, especially being a young teenager longing for popularity and acceptance, but when high school came he definitely felt a weight on his shoulders every time something or someone would do something to hurt Louis. The hardest part of feeling that weight was not being able to express it. Because at the end of the day he cared too much about his reputation to just let it go, to befriend the boy he got everyone to hate. He'd put on a show but then have to live with the never ending pain he felt when he'd see or hear Louis crying or how he looked skinnier every single day, if that was even possible, especially when Louis would make himself look so small.

"I'm a coward," he admitted. "Harry called me out on it weeks ago and, yeah, I'm such a fucking coward." He shook his head and laid both feet out in front of him and looked around the room as he spoke because looking Louis in the eye might just be too much to handle. "I cared too much about my reputation and the way people viewed me that I lost sight of what was important. And yes, I mean you." He chuckled to make himself feel less guilty. It didn't work. "You were so important to me but I cared more about the opinions of others than your well-being and that's so shitty. In a way, I'm glad we had a falling out because I was such a bad friend. You deserved better."

"The fight?" He just wanted Zayn to stay on topic and answer his question and not veer off in his self pity.

"I don't remember either honestly. I sort of blacked out during that time but I do know that I was trying to use any little thing as an escape." He took a peek over at Louis for a second or two to see how he was holding up and it was better than Zayn expected. There were tears and sniffles but they were controlled. "At the same time, I thought that if I blew up and got into a screaming match with you, you'd end up hating me and wanting nothing to do with me ever again."

"It didn't work."

"I know."

"It did the opposite."

"I know." Louis' hands were shaking as they raised to wipe his tears away. So Zayn grab it, squeezing it in his own, knowing this was all a lot for him. "I was the worst person ever."

It took a bit for Louis to hold his hand back, but he did with much less enthusiasm and excitement that he would show Harry. "Yeah, you were, but I understand. I should be more angry and I know you want me to be as well, but I'm exhausted of being angry at you." He pushed his short thumb nail into the side of Zayn's hand, not hard enough to make it to hurt. "We were kids and a lot of the times we can't make rational decisions. Especially between a good school life amongst the popular kids or a horrible school life with the broken boy who'd do nothing but bring you down."

"I should have stayed by your side."  
  


** 7:58 pm **

Zayn was gone and for the first time in such a long time, Louis felt content. He felt like his life was beginning to be okay. Yeah, he felt that with Harry but there was still that worry of what Zayn would do or say to bring him down again, but he didn't have to worry about that anymore. All of those chains that held him back were broken. There were still people who didn't like him and enjoyed seeing him upset but he felt safe. Aiden and them held no power without Zayn and now that he finally had him on his side again everything was going to be okay. School was going to be okay.

Before he left, Zayn and Louis talked more about their falling out. He kept pushing that he was dumb for falling into the peer pressure and he was just so senseless but Louis couldn't help but feel like there was more to the story. Zayn's words sounded like they held some sort of truth but at the same time came off as if there was something not being said. Either way, Louis forgave him and Zayn hated that. The whole point of apologising was to be held accountable for his actions and he wanted Louis to hate him and give him a hard time for the years of torment and not forgive him so easily.

Louis was quick to switch the conversation because he really didn't think he could think about that entire situation anymore. He asked if Zayn wanted to see how big Midnight had grown since the last time he'd seen her and for him to meet his other animals. That was when Harry so rudely bursted into the room still drenched in anger. He was screaming and yelling sentences along the lines of "why the fuck is Zayn here," and "you have some fucking balls showing up in my boyfriend's room," none of which helped his case.

The sudden noise startled both boys and Harry hated how Zayn's first instinct was to stand in front of Louis to protect him. Zayn tried calming him down but nothing was helping because he'd grab at his shirt, push and shove him away from Louis. The ruckus went on for a minute or two until Louis yelled over the both of them to get them to stop arguing, his parents on standby in the doorway in case anything were to happen. He asked Harry to leave as politely as he could but he was ignored so the only option was to yell, "Harry, get the fuck out. Leave." The entire house got quiet and Harry immediately calmed down, remembering why he wasn't the one holding Midnight.

"B-baby," he stuttered, retracting away from Zayn and taking careful steps towards his boyfriend. "I-I'm sorry I just- why is Zayn here? He shouldn't be here."

"Leave Harry."

"But-"

"Leave!" He took a few glances around the room with a sheepish look on his face before turning around and trudged out the room. Why would Harry think throwing yet another scene was going to help Louis want to stay with him? He knew he fucked up again.

It wasn't long until Zayn left— completely unrelated to Harry's scene— and Louis was left to drown in his own thoughts again. His parents checked up on him to make sure he was okay right when Zayn left and he reassured them that Harry was just an emotional wreck at the moment and his bursting in was just a result of that. There was nothing to be afraid of, right?

An hour was all he could take. His head was throbbing still, his eye was hurting and he honestly just wanted all of this to be over with. He took an hour to himself to think about everything: Harry, Zayn, school, his past, his _future_. Really, an hour was all he needed. Going into this he knew what the answer was going to be because how could he ever let Harry go? But after seeing the second lashing out of the day, he wasn't sure what do anymore. He had to weigh out a bunch of things and it came down to two simple questions. _Will I be able to love him regardless of his uncontrollable anger? Would I ever be able to love that side of_ _Harry?_

He knew what he wanted the answer to be, but was he going to be able to go through it?

Nonetheless, he pulled out his phone to send a text to his boyfriend when he saw one from him.  


_[Harry]: i'm so sorry for that lou. i just saw zayn's car and immediately thought the worst. i really wish this doesn't have an effect on your decision. please._   


He ignored it though, wanting this situation to be dealt with already.  


_[Louis]: Come over._   


He thought he'd receive and 'okay' text immediately, maybe even a 'thank you' but his phone never lit up or vibrated. Well, maybe Harry was busy with friends to ease his mind. Or maybe he was in the shower or eating dinner, after all it was getting pretty late. But then his door creaked open and Harry walked into the room, awkwardly closing the door behind him with a pressed smile. "Hey," he greeted, leaning back into the door with his hands linked at the small of his back. Louis was still sitting on his bed, under the covers and all.

"Why're you all the way over there?" Louis laughed at how awkward he was being and he couldn't help but wonder if he ever acted like that when they were friends.

"You said you wanted space and I'm respecting you this time around." Kind of.

"Would you come over if I invited you lay to in bed with me?"

"Are you being serious or just playing with my emotions?"

"Lay with me." Harry didn't hesitate to make his way to the bed, but he did have to control himself from sprinting over. He was welcomed in by Louis lifting up the covers for him and slipping down to rest his head on the pillow. Once Harry was all situated, Louis pulled him in closer so that their faces were inches apart, knee curled both of Harry's thighs. "You've been crying." He tucked a curl behind Harry's ear to reveal more of his face. His eyes were glassy and red, slightly puffy as well, and underneath his nose looked raw, like he rubbed it too much.

"Missed you." Harry sniffled and pressed their foreheads together, looping an arm over Louis' shoulder to play with the hair at the back of his head. "Did you miss me?" He shut his eyes and revelled in the moment because this just may be the last time he'd get to have Louis this close.

Louis smiled and nodded, forgetting that Harry couldn't see him. For once he was the secure, stable one in their relationship and it felt weird but refreshing at the same time. "Yeah." He leaned forward to peck Harry's lips with his thumb swiping over his cheekbone and when he tried to pull away Harry chased after him— not that he was going to complain. "What's on your mind?"

"Too much."

"What's worrying you the most?"

"I'm terrified you're going to break up with me." His eyes watered just at the thought.

"Why does it terrify you?" Louis wasn't trying to leave Harry in suspense because if he were in this situation he wouldn't want that, but he genuinely wanted to know why Harry was terrified of breaking up. Of all the words he could have used: scared, worried, sad, concerned, he chose terrified. Why?

"Because I lo-" Stupid, stupid, stupid. He was so stupid. "I-I love everything we do together and I love the way you make me feel. We have something so special and it'd suck if this were it. This can't be the end." Harry wanted nothing more than to give Louis a kiss, but he didn't think it was his place to do that at the moment, even if Louis had just kissed him. He felt like he had to tread lightly because their future was still unknown to him. "I know I messed up. I lost control, twice, but I just- he hit you, Lou, and I couldn't let him get away with it." Louis was looking at him with no particular expression and it was killing Harry even more that he couldn't tell what he was thinking. "I'm sorry."

Louis shook his head as he ran a thumb across Harry's soft lips with a small smile. "Stop worrying your pretty little mind Hazza." He kissed his forehead.

"I need you Louis. I need you so bad. _Please_."

"Can I tell you something?"

"Please don't milk this out. I don't think I can take it." Harry gained enough confidence to push away Louis' fringe because, like always, it fell in front of his face. "If you're gonna end it, just do it."

"I never thought this day would come if I'm honest. Not this early at least." Horrid, rancid, vile, repulsive, distasteful, foul, revolting, insufferable, and awful. Louis didn't finish his sentence but Harry could already feel where it was going and it may be the worst news he ever received. He felt like vomiting. He felt like sewing his ears shut because he couldn't- this really couldn't be happening. Louis was supposed to be forever but forever turned out to be two weeks, if that. He started to cry, of course he did, bursting into tears right on the spot because he'd been rejected by the man he loved so dearly because he couldn't control himself. "Hey, hey. Don't cry." Louis pulled Harry in, holding him as tight as he could.

But he sobbed, god did he sob, and it caused tears to form in Louis' eyes. He'd always been empathetic but it really pained him to see Harry so upset. It was complicated. "Please," Harry begged, pulling away. "I'll do anything. How can I fix it? Please. I can change, I know I can."

"Baby, baby, baby. Hey now." Louis wiped away Harry's tears from his cheeks with furrowed brows. "That might've not have been the best word choice."

"Why're you crying?" Harry whispered, doing the same to Louis what he did to him.

"Because you're crying Hazza. How can I not?"

"Are you breaking up with me?" Simple and to the point. No more beating around the bush because his heart couldn't take it anymore.

"No," Louis sighed, shaking his head. "No, I-I'd never Hazza. That's not what I meant at all." He gripped either side of Harry's face to stabilise whatever piece of sanity he had left. "What I meant was that I never thought I'd see the day that I was the one to console you about our relationship. You're usually the one that keeps reassuring me that everything is okay."

"Just tell me."

"I'm sorry, but you're stuck with me. A fight isn't going to drive me away." Relief flooded Harry's entire being and he was finally able to relax. "We're more than that and me breaking up with you because of something you can't control isn't fair."

For the first time in hours, Harry was able to muster up a genuine smile. A smile so big and bright it could outshine the sun. "Thank God," he sighed in relief, surging forward without any hesitation to connect his lips with Louis' and it felt good. It was relief and reassurance and joy. "Not that I want to break up, but you have every right not to like that part of me. You shouldn't overlook it because you like me. If you feel like you can't get passed it, you shouldn't have to accept it."

But Louis still shook his head, still wearing a smile. "I want to love you and I'm going to have to accept your anger if I want to achieve that."

Louis was just amazing, wasn't he? The world's most accepting, most understanding boyfriend. It was all sweet but the only thing that mattered to Harry was that Louis was still his boy. "You're still mine." The words were whispered into Louis' mouth and they tasted so damn good.

"There was never a time I wasn't." Harry smiled at the literacy of the sentence as Louis kissed him again, deeply, wanting more and more of him by the second. There was so much more Harry wanted to ask like the whole thing with Zayn and how his eye and head were, how _he_ was, but in that moment all he cared about was having his boyfriend back. He didn't care about why Zayn was over or why they were laughing when he bursted in. All that mattered was that Louis still wanted to be with him and they could continue on with their journey of falling in love together.

From the moment they met, Louis was his. He hadn't realised it until months later, but Louis was his and he was Louis'. Never would he had thought he'd find his soulmate in a boy, but he wouldn't have it any other way. Harry could feel the extreme connection they had that went beyond friendly or romantic. It was like they knew each other their whole lives and like this was destined to be.

As Louis kissed him so tenderly, Harry repeated the phrase _I love you_ over and over again in his head, feeling very content at the thought of having Louis forever.

_I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you._   


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what a meh chapter. i rushed it so sorry if there are any mistakes. i've been super busy now that school is a thing again (vomit) and trying to balance that, school work and actual work hasn't gone so well. i haven't had much time to write or edit. next chapter will be better!


	8. but they were young and slowly falling in love

mood: who is he- bill withers

** Sunday December 2nd, 9:43 am **

Friday was chaotic to say the least. It was quite the eventful day, but both Louis and Harry got through it together. What started as a sweet and innocent day turned into something sour in just eight hours but then shifted into something quite murky. Louis didn't know how to feel about all the events that took place that night starting with Niall and Monet, then Harry and onto Zayn and back to Harry. What was bothering him the most was Zayn for obvious reasons. Sure they left on good terms, but it still irked him how Zayn decided to waltz in after years and years of abuse from him and his friends.

Of course Louis didn't have to be as nice as he was— or even forgive him for that matter— but he didn't want to hold a grudge anymore. He should've handed Zayn's ass right back to him, but in all honesty he just wanted it to end. He wanted the teasing and the pushing and joking to end and making amends with the ring leader was the way to do that. However, that didn't mean him and Zayn were going right back to being best friend or even friends at that. He couldn't just forget everything little thing they did to him or how they would make him feel. He wanted to die for god sakes.

They pushed him so far that he didn't see the point of waking up every morning. Louis was willing to remove himself from the world, removing himself from his family that- well, his parents loved him. He couldn't just forgot all the years of torment but he was willing to begin to put it behind them if Zayn was willing to change. Deep down he knew the old Zayn was still somewhere locked away in Zayn's soul. His old, sweet best friend was still there and that just might be the only version Louis was willing to accept. There was no way he was going to allow himself to be completely vulnerable around Zayn without knowing for sure that this wasn't just another ploy. It was sick to think that way, especially after Zayn apologised and cried with him, kissed his eye and everything, but it was hard to think otherwise when his track record wasn't the best.

But as confused as Louis was about it all, Zayn surprisingly texted Louis Friday night asking how him and Harry were doing, checking in on them. He told them they were still on good terms and thanked him for the help and advice he gave him that prompted him to be sure of his decision. And for the rest of the night they had a nice, light chat about nothing at all but it was quite enjoyable. At first it was a bit uncomfortable to be texting his bully of five years, but at the same time it felt like a long time coming. Either that, or Louis just really missed having Zayn around.

Harry stayed over for several hours after having reassurance that everything between the two of them was okay and went home around midnight. (Millie didn't care because it was a weekend and he was only across the street). Him and Louis cuddled for hours because Harry was afraid that if he were to let go Louis would slip away. But Louis let himself be suffocated. That was his way of coping and dealing with overcoming his sadness and who would Louis be to deny him that pleasure after all Harry had done for him. He was literally tucked into Louis' body with his face pressed deep into the crook of Louis' neck and his leg squeezed between both of Louis', his body curled into Louis' warmth. And Louis held him back, slipping a hand under Harry's shirt to rub careless circles in his skin, giving him a few kisses here and there, and singing soft songs against his shoulder, neck, cheek, ear to soothe all of Harry's anxieties.

It was never a dead serious thought. Louis never _actually_ wanted to leave Harry, but he was scared in that moment and he still kind of was. Don't get him wrong, he really liked Harry but witnessing him beating someone up— it didn't matter if it was one of his bullies or not— was something he would have never wanted to witness. It was the way his fists came down with such force, colliding into Zayn's nose, jaw, and forehead over and over again. It was how Harry didn't even flinch to do so. It was how quick Harry bounced back after being hit a few times as if nothing happened. It was how Harry wasn't afraid to lash out with Louis right there.

Weeks ago Harry told Louis that he didn't like to lash out because he couldn't fathom the thought of him witnessing that. But it happened and Louis wasn't exactly sure how to feel about. On one hand he knew Harry was feeling rage because Zayn hit him, but on the other he really thought Harry could've just walked away. He'd done it a few times in the past like with Aiden last week but apparently it was different. But just because it was different didn't mean Harry had the right to break Zayn's nose.

Things were fine, but they were walking on thin ice.

The following day Liam showed up at his house. It was around noon and Harry was over. He was only slightly annoyed by his presence since he was willing to help Louis the day prior and felt the same about Zayn getting a taste of his own medicine. He still didn't like that Liam had the hots for his boyfriend but since he found out about their relationship, he was keeping his space like Louis said. Liam only hugged him twice when he arrived and before he left and sat with a good amount of space between the two of them. Throughout the three or so hours he was there, never once did he flirt or try to tease Harry. He did, however, flinch a few times when Harry would throw an arm over Louis' shoulders and pull him in or when Harry would kiss his hair.

It was weird that Harry felt bad after he noticed it and kept the affectionate gestures to a minimum because he didn't need to rub it his face. And it was even weirder that Harry felt oddly comfortable around Liam and by the time he left he felt like they could be decent friends. When he left and that door shut behind him, Louis flashed him a smirk and all Harry did was flick him off because he really wasn't in the mood to admit that Louis was right about Liam.

That led to where they were today. Louis and Zayn's texting came to a halt yesterday morning, but he didn't expect it to go any further than what it had been. Liam was starting to heavily converse with Louis through text, not that he minded all that much. Neither did Harry. He was still iffy about that relationship, but he trusted Louis to be honest with both him and Liam. Harry and Louis were doing fine. Things are still a tad bit awkward between the two of them, but they tried to ignore it and play it off as if it was normal.

Louis woke up today feeling very meh. He wasn't happy but he wasn't sad. He just felt present and there wasn't anything wrong with that. He made sure that at least one day a weekend he went to see his nan. Usually he preferred to see her on Saturdays but his parents were busy yesterday, hence why he spent the day with Harry and Liam. He showered and cleaned himself up right when he woke up, ignoring the good morning text from Harry. He just wasn't in the mood at that moment. Once he was freshened up, he dressed in decent clothes— his grandparents having been dogging on him on dressing better because they think that'll get Harry to like him more.

They still didn't know about his relationship with Harry and he knew they wouldn't mind all that much, but he also knew he was never going to hear the end of when they find out they'd been together for just over two weeks. At first Louis was excited to tell his grandparents because that was all they've been asking for months now, but now he was a little nervous because Rose was a character. She'd surely talk some shit about it and Louis was not in the mood today or any day for that. He obviously wanted to tell them today since they were pretty much the only people who didn't know. It was the only thing on his mind since dinner on Thursday and he's genuinely excited, but he also didn't want to do it without Harry.

He couldn't wait any longer.

Once he was dressed, he headed down the stairs, grabbing the keys from the counter, not bothering to ask his mum to take him, and marched straight to Harry's house. He tucked the keys into his pocket and knocked on the front door, clasping his hands behind his back and waited for a response. "Holy shit," Gemma gasped as she swung the door open.

"Um, hi?" Louis awkwardly responded back, his eyes shifting to the ground when Gemma's widened and stared at him with her jaw dropped.

"Does it hurt?" She stepped to the side to let Louis in and shut the door behind him.

"A bit." Louis stopped at the bottom of the stairs, turning to look at Gemma with a barely there smile.

"Can I touch it?" Him and Gemma weren't the closest, not in the slightest, so it was a bit weird to talk to her as if they knew each other and it was even weirder that Gemma was being so blunt with him.

"Uhh, sure." He stayed put as Gemma took a few steps towards him and so carefully touched his eye. It only happened a few days ago so it was still incredibly sensitive. He hissed and flinched away from the touch.

"Sorry," she whispered, lightening her touch on Louis' eye. Since Friday, his eye had darkened a bit, but it wasn't anything dramatic. The purples deepened and the reds got richer but the swelling had gone done significantly. "You look hard though."

Louis laughed, scrunching his eyes which ultimately caused him a bit of pain. "I've been told that a few times."

Gemma took a step back to head back towards the kitchen, jerking her head towards the top of the stairs. "He's still in his room." Louis smiled and nodded, walking up the stairs to head to Harry's room.

Upon walking in, naturally, Louis expected to see Harry sleeping in his bed, as he should, but the bed was empty and the covers were still ruffled and the sheets were wrinkled. That wasn't any tell to whether or not Harry was awake because he never made his bed so Louis ventured further into the room and saw Harry curled up in his bay window. He looked incredibly uncomfortable because his long, lanky body was being squished into such a small space but he looked just as adorable. His head was somehow still propped up against the wall behind him, his knees fallen to the side, and a blanket placed on his legs. Literally half an hour again this boy was awake, texting him.

There was a smile on his face as he padded across the room, bending down slightly to gently shake his sleeping boyfriend awake. "Hey," he whispered, squeezing Harry's arm with both of his small hands. "Hazza." As Harry seemed to slowly, very slowly, wake up, Louis smiled even wider and ran his hand through Harry's curls to push it away from his face and kissed his cheek, forehead, and ended on his lips. "Wake up." The words were whispered against his soft lips and when Louis pulled away Harry was smiling with his eyes closed.

"Hi baby," Harry opened his eyes and immediately they sparkled, Louis saw it. They shined because the first thing he saw was Louis and if that wasn't enough to get the heart fluttering, what would? He puckered his lips out, closing his eyes again and waiting for Louis to kiss him before speaking. "How's your eye?" Louis smiled admiring the way Harry pulled the blanket over his shoulders in a sleepy manner.

"Feels better." Louis looked down to Harry's leg where he was running his nails gently the blanket. "It's not throbbing anymore but it's still sensitive."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Like when I first came over, Gemma and I exchanged a few words and she made me laugh and scrunching my face hurt."

"Want me to beat her up for you?" Harry slid his hand out from underneath the blanket to rub his thumb across Louis' cheekbone with a feather-like touch.

"No, I think I can take her myself."

Harry chuckled through his nose before jerking his head towards the window for Louis to join him. "Sit with me."

"I won't fit."

"Even better. C'mon." Louis sighed but obliged, standing straight up and trying to find a way to squeeze himself in the small space. The both of them could easily fit into the bay window no problem, it was a matter of if they wanted to be comfortable in there or not. As he kept trying to calculate where and how he would fit to the most comfortability, Louis knew that Harry didn't care. He didn't care about being comfortable or if Louis just crushed his balls with the heel of his foot, all he wanted was to be in an intimate space with his boyfriend to touch or hold.

"Just sit Lou." It was frustrating because Louis didn't want his back to be pressed against Harry's chest but he couldn't find any other way to sit comfortably. He wanted to see his face and be able to kiss him when he wanted, but to no avail. He sat down just how Harry wanted him: in between his legs. Once Louis was all situated, Harry looped his arms around his waist and tightened his thighs around his figure. And the most Louis could do was place his hands on top of Harry's.

"Why'd you sleep in here?" He dropped his head back to rest against Harry's shoulder and looked out the window. The view wasn't that nice and it surely got tiring over time but it was home, right?

"Came here to clear my mind and just knocked out I guess." Louis wouldn't enjoy looking at the same houses everyday when he'd try to clear his mind. He always liked to go for a walk to the park or something to get his head set straight, or even go to his backyard and just stare up at the sky. Though, looking at Harry's house always gave him a sense of stability so maybe that was what Harry felt too.

"What was on your mind?" Louis shifted around a bit, wiggling his bum closer to Harry's body but being cautious enough to keep some distance, trailing his fingers up and down Harry's arm.

"You. It's always you." Louis had to bite down on his lip to keep himself from breaking out into a smile that stretched from ear to ear. "But I was thinking about Zayn too and everything that happened on Friday." Louis didn't respond because, well, he didn't know what to say. It pained him just a bit to know that Harry still felt incredibly guilty about it all but no matter what he said in that moment, it wasn't Harry's fault. Sure, he said some harsh words that led Zayn to swinging his fist, but it wasn't intended for him and he blamed himself for attempting to intervene. "I don't know how I feel about it all because I can't be mad at Zayn for hitting you because it was my fault." Harry nosed along the side of Louis' neck as the room fell into a few more seconds of silence. "I know there was no way of me knowing you were going to be hit, but I do take responsibility for it. If I hadn't ducked out of the way none of this would've happened. You'd still look perfect and Zayn and I could still be friends. Maybe."

Comfort was what Harry needed. Reassurance and closure. "I don't blame you though. I don't blame anyone." Louis grabbed one of Harry's hands and lifted it up to his mouth to kiss his knuckles. "It was an accident and if there's anyone to blame, it's me."

"No way. The only reason you were there was because your boyfriend was acting crazy. You were scared for me and I didn't respect that. You're right. I should have walked away. I neglected your feelings and was selfish."

"It's not that deep Hazza."

"It always is when you're involved." Harry squeezed him. "It won't happen again, I promise."

As much as Louis wanted to believe him— and it wasn't that he didn't— Harry just couldn't promise that. There was no way of knowing. "You can't promise that."

"But I do. No more fucking up like that 'cause I can't lose you baby. I hate to even think about it."

"There's no way of knowing whether or not it'll happen though. Sometimes you get so caught up in the moment you lose sight of importance and that's fine."

"No it's not."

"Hey." Louis did his best to turn around to look Harry in his eye. "Mistakes happen. You're going to make some and so am I. You can't just think I'm going to leave anytime something like this happens. I hate thinking about what you did, but I can't change the fact that it happened." Harry stared back at Louis with knitted brows and widened eyes. "We shouldn't be afraid that the other is going to leave when a minor inconvenience comes about. We worked through it and that should be it. You're entitled to still feel guilty but don't think that is going to hinder how I feel about you because at the end of the day that's not my Harry."

It was weird to hear Louis say those words, mainly because it was borderline hypocritical when focusing on certain details. Back when him and Harry were barely even friends, whenever he'd expose a part of him that he never wanted to show he'd push Harry away and distance himself because he'd rather end things on his own terms and he was afraid of what Harry was going to think. The most toxic thing in Louis and Harry's friendship was the lack of communication. Sure they talked, but whenever something bad happened Louis would run. He never thought to work things out because, in his mind, it wasn't worth it because Harry was going to leave eventually. They never talked things through with each other to the extent that they do now and it really did used to put a damper in them trying to move forward.

But instead of commenting on that, Harry just nodded with a smile, leaning forward to kiss his boyfriend. "How is that you feel about me then?" he asked, nudging for Louis to look straight again so he could kiss down his neck.

Louis loved the feeling Harry was making him feel. So much. His breathing picked up pace and he dropped his head back, pressing his chest closer to Harry's. "Feel so much for you." He was unraveling more and more by the second, wanting Harry to keep touching him the way he was forever.

"Tell me." Harry did that often— asking Louis to tell him how he felt about it— but it was for good reason. Past experiences show that Louis was never good at communicating his feelings so by verbally asking him to do it a few times here and there, it would help Louis get more comfortable with the idea of talking about how he felt. But at the same time, in that moment, he needed reassurance just how Louis felt about him. That, and he also liked getting Louis worked up.

"Like this." Louis opted out of talking because he really didn't think he would be able to verbalise it and instead grabbed one of Harry's hands that was running along his side to place over his beating heart. Every thump came quickly, pulsing right after the other and though it made Harry's heart flutter, it wasn't enough.

"Use your words." He stopped kissing Louis' neck and fisted the fabric of Louis' shirt right above his heart. "Tell me, not show me."

"I don't know how to explain." Louis scooted forward so when he laid his head back he could look up at Harry's jaw.

"When you look at me how do you feel?" The two of them stared at each other for a good twenty seconds before a smile broke out on Louis' face and his hand rose up to tap and drag his fingers along Harry's cheekbone and down to his jaw.

"Happiness," Louis whispered with a smile, his hand falling down to his lap and his fingers being intertwined with Harry's. "Joy, bliss, _love_."

Harry's eyes fluttered at the last word Louis said and his heartbeat went wild. "Love?" Harry whispered back in a puff of air. Honestly, he was surprised there was still oxygen left in his body.

"Mhm." Louis nodded his head with a prominent smile, completely oblivious as to why that was such a big deal for Harry.

"You love me?" If it were true, Harry would explode in a big ball of happiness. Sure it had only been two weeks and they've only known each other a few months, but love didn't have a time stamp. It didn't have to wait months or years for someone to know they love someone else. Sometimes it takes days, minutes, seconds.

"No." At this point, Harry was really contemplating whether or not to call a scientist and tell them that the heart didn't beat in the chest because all his seemed to do was plummet to his ass in disappointment. "Well, it's not that I don't want to. I mean, I have love for you." Louis was quick to back himself up when he could see a slight change in Harry's face. The corners of his lips twitched downward for a split second and his eyes drooped a bit.

"So you don't love me." He understood that for some people love took longer, but he could still be disappointed.

"I want to."

"But do you? Right now?"

"Harry I-" The problem was that Louis didn't know what love was anymore. He'd been through so much hell and no one was there for him except Emily. She was the only source of love in his life and when she left, Louis couldn't associate anything to love.

"It's okay if you don't lovely. Don't stress it." Harry smiled and it was genuine. He didn't want to put pressure on the situation and he was okay with where Louis stood. "Love takes time."

"Do you love me?" Louis turned back around and rested his head on Harry's shoulder because he wasn't sure how he'd look for either answer. That, Harry was grateful for because he didn't think he could face Louis. He wanted to tell him he did, but he also didn't want to put that weight on Louis' shoulders. He didn't want Louis to feel like he should speed up his feelings and quickly search for love if he simply wasn't ready for it. Things should happen on his own terms.

"I have love for you." Harry kissed the skin behind Louis' ear one, two, three times, one right after the other. "Definitely have love for you." Well, it wasn't a lie.

"But do you love me?"

"I love everything about you."

Louis sighed and tried to slip his hand out Harry's grip but wasn't allowed to. "Why do you keep dodging the question? If you don't just say no."

"I don't want to say no though."

"Why not?"

"Because I know I will and saying no would be a waste of time. I also know it won't take long so why waste a breath?"

"You think?" Louis was smiling and wrapped his arms around himself.

"No, I know baby." Harry rested his cheek against Louis' head and looked out his window. "I can't wait until we're disgustingly and wholeheartedly in love."

"Why?"

"Because I've never been in love before and I'm glad my first time is going to be with you."

"First time?"

Harry chuckled, giving Louis a quick squeeze and peck to the top of his head. "First and last. Maybe, possibly, perhaps, conceivably, feasibly, hopefully."

When Louis turned his head to look at his boyfriend, there was a smirk on his face. "Sounds feasible."

"Does it?" Louis nodded and went in for a kiss, Harry eagerly meeting halfway. Their lips connected in sweet, tender bliss. Their soft skin nearly meshing into each other, their warm tongues sliding against the other, flicking in a teasing way. The kiss was nice. They're always so nice and every single time Louis pulled away Harry wanted to attack him in love again because he really couldn't get enough. "God this is great."

Louis laughed and pushed further into Harry's body, pulling up the blanket to cover his legs. "What is?"

"Dating you. Being your boyfriend." Louis wanted to laugh, but he was too distracted by the fluttering of the butterflies in his tummy. "Like, this is honestly the happiest I've ever been. Seriously. I know we've been having a few minor arguments here and there but we get through them and we just kiss and cuddle and I love it so much. You let me take care of you too."

"I like you being my boyfriend too," Louis whispered, nudging the back of his head closer to Harry's shoulder.

"Do you like being mine?" It was a dumb question, Louis thought, because who wouldn't want to date Harry? He's the epitome of a perfect guy and anyone would be lucky to have him and Louis still couldn't believe that this was his life. Like Harry Styles liked him back. Harry Styles wanted to fall in love with him. Harry Styles wanted a future with him. It still felt so unreal.

Louis took a few moments to respond and it confused Harry because it should've been an easy answer. "Mm, sometimes?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well you can be a lot sometimes Hazza." He turned to look at his boyfriend with a slight frown when he saw him pouting.

"I thought you liked it?"

"I do," Louis chuckled, kissing the bottom of Harry's jaw. "Just joking around. I enjoy being your boyfriend very much."

"Do I treat you well?" Harry mumbled into the skin of Louis' neck.

"Mm, very well."

"I'm glad." He kissed the base of Louis' neck and left his face resting there, taking deep breaths in and out to inhale and thoroughly enjoy the wonderful smell of vanilla Louis always carried with him. They stayed quiet for a few minutes to enjoy each other's presence.

Life was nice and Harry felt really good, Louis too. But the thing was this was all new to him. Liking a boy, wanting to _be_ with a boy, kissing his boy, wanting to touch and cuddle and hold his boy. That was all so new and foreign and yet it felt so god damn right. Harry truly did believe in soulmates whether or not Louis did. They've had a conversation or two about it and Louis seemed completely disinterested and opposed to the idea but Harry could definitely see where he was coming from. From what he's heard, Louis' life was filled with disappointment. He's been through bloody hell and back too many times to count. Going so long without feeling love from nearly everyone in his life must've been hard. Sure, there were people who still loved him but he never felt it. Because of that Louis didn't really believe in love or that love was for him.

He never thought that someone would want to love him despite how tainted, how tarnished, how defiled, how completely corrupt he was. No one wanted someone who was afraid to be touched, afraid to be intimate, afraid to be _loved_. No one wanted someone fragile, not even Harry, Louis knew that. Even if Harry didn't mind, it's not what he deserved. Harry deserved someone beautiful inside and out just like he was. Harry deserved the same love he gave out and Louis just couldn't give that to him, not now at least, and it was going to kill him when Harry realised that.

Louis was too damaged to be loved.

"Hey," Harry whispered, pulling his head out of Louis' neck to get a good look at him. "Baby you're shaking." Louis' arms and legs were shaking out of fear in Harry's embrace. He got lost in his thoughts all the time and now he was terrified Harry was going to leave once he found out what happened to him. He couldn't know, he just couldn't. "Are you cold?" It was a good thing Harry couldn't see Louis' face clearly because the watery eyes would have been a telltale sign that Louis was not fine and on the brink of falling apart.

But despite all of that, Louis took a few deep breaths to calm himself for him to speak without a falter in his voice. "Yeah, a bit," he lied. It'd be easier for him to end things as soon as he could to escape all the pain that's sure to come later on, but Louis couldn't find it in himself to do that. He wanted Harry so bad and he finally had him but how long would that be?

"Here." Harry pulled away to take the blanket that was loosely placed over their laps to wrap around Louis' body before holding him tight again. "Better?"

"All better." His voice was distant and audibly empty. There was something really wrong and Harry could sense it but couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was. He didn't think it was anything too serious because they've had a good morning together so far but he also knew how easy it was for Louis to slip back into the evilness of his old mind.

"You seem distracted." Harry kissed the space behind Louis' ear and swayed their bodies for a few seconds.

"Just thinking."

"Always thinking." Harry sighed, rubbing his palm over Louis' belly. "When will you put that poor mind to rest?"

"It's hard." Louis frowned, slipping a hand out from under the blanket to place on top of Harry's, curling his fingers around his hand.

"I know, darling, I know. You're stuck in your old ways and I obviously don't know what you're thinking about but I'm here to stay, okay? I can't stress that enough. You will never get rid of me."

"Yeah." Louis didn't think Harry was lying. He genuinely believed his words but it sucked that he wasn't aware of the reality of things. Harry wasn't aware that things could only go downhill because Louis wasn't used to this and he wasn't sure if he ever could. He was so used to disappointment that he'd be looking for it in every situation, good or bad, and it'll tear them apart. Harry just didn't know what he was getting himself into and part of it could be blamed on Louis for leaving Harry in the dark and ultimately leading him on in a way. But it also could be Harry blinding himself by how much he adored Louis. He always looked for the good in every situation, even in hard times. That difference is going to tear them apart if it remained unaddressed.

Harry decided not to press the situation any further because he learned that forcing a conversation wasn't the most effective or fun at that. "Why'd you come over anyway?" He changed the subject, wrapping his own fingers around Louis' tiny, precious hands.

"Oh shoot," Louis huffed, quickly searching for his phone. "Shoot, shoot, shoot." He was scrambling to get up, getting stuck in the blanket.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked, furrowing his brows at his suddenly frantic boyfriend who just shot up from his seat and yanked the blanket from Harry's lap. "Ba-"

"You have to get dressed. Like now." He pulled on Harry's arm to get him to stand up from the window. The stretch was painful at first. His knees buckled and and there was a pain shooting up his back from being scrunched in a confined space for hours. His neck felt crooked and his back cracked when standing up straight. "And freshen up." Louis pulled Harry out of his room to shove him in the bathroom to get ready, passing by a very confused Gemma. "If you shower, make it quick. I'll bring you the things you need."

"Can you tell me what all this is about?" Harry stopped Louis from closing the door by grabbing it in his palm.

"I will, but just get ready. Please? It's important." Louis knitted his brows and widened his eyes in a begging manner to get Harry to listen to him without having to explain himself.

His eyes flicked all over Louis' face in confusion but he relaxed and gave in. "Fine. The door will be open for you to bring my towel and clothes in."

"Thank you." Louis leaned in for a quick peck before Harry shut the door. Louis raced down the hallway to collect everything Harry needed.

Along the way, Gemma grabbed his arm and pulled him by her side. "What's going on?" she asked with both worry and confusion.

"I'm just-"

"Hey, take some deep breaths, okay? Steady yourself."

After a few breaths, Louis felt a bit lighter about everything but was still on edge due to his nervousness. "I'm taking Harry to meet my grandparents today. They've been wanting to meet him for months and he's been wanting to meet them too but this is a huge step for me like HUGE step and I don't know what to do or how to feel because what if-"

"Lou," Gemma laughed, taking both of his hands into hers and smiled at the way his were slightly smaller than her own. "You're rambling love. Look-" She let go of one hand to walk Louis to Harry's room for him to collect the things he needed. "I can tell you're nervous about this but I know Harry is going to be excited." She watched as Louis paced around the room, opening a few drawers before finding a pair of briefs. It'd been a while since he'd been through them. "He's mentioned your grandparents a few times while on the phone and how much he wanted to meet them because he knew how important they were to you."

Louis tried his best not to smile because he didn't want Harry's sweet acts to cloud his mind. "Yeah, but I'm just scared something might go wrong. Not that it will, but they're both important to me, Harry and my grandparents, and I really want them to get along." He left the room to walk back down the hall to put the items in the bathroom for Harry. As the door was swung open, steam flooded out of the small bathroom, hitting Louis in the face. Immediately he was encompassed by warmth and humidity.

"Lou?" Harry questioned, poking his head around the curtains.

"Your stuff's on the toilet." Everything was neatly folded in a pile placed on the closed toilet seat.

"Thanks." Louis gave a brief nod and made his way to get out of the bathroom because the heat and silhouette of Harry's naked body behind the curtains was getting him a bit flustered. "Wait." Louis stopped at the doorframe and waited a few seconds before hesitantly turning around to look at his boyfriend. "Gimme kissy." Louis sighed but stepped closer to the shower to peck Harry's lips before leaving the room. "Don't be so excited to kiss me."

"He's been wanting to meet your grandparents for the longest," Gemma commented when Louis walked out the bathroom. "Don't stress it love, it'll be alright. If not, I'll buy you some treats."

Louis laughed and leaned against the wooden door. "It's fine," he sighed. "I know it's going to be okay because everyone loves Harry. This is just new for me and it's getting me a bit worked up."

"He's very cheeky that boy." They both laughed, Louis nodding his head in agreeance.

"Will you cover up my eye for me? I don't feel like explaining it to my grandparents." Gemma nodded, grabbing Louis' hand and dragging him to her room. He sat on her bed and watched her dig through her already packed suitcase as he kicked his legs against the mattress. "Can I ask you something?"

Once everything was collected, Gemma headed to the bed and sat next to Louis. She turned him by tugging on his knee. "Ask away." Louis watched as she opened a bottle and shook some product onto the back of her hand. "You're lucky we're both ghost white." Louis laughed and squinted his eyes in pain when Gemma gently tapped the foundation on his eye. She was careful not to press too hard as to not cause Louis too much discomfort. "What's your question?"

"How do you feel about Harry and me?" Slowly he opened his eyes to take a peak at his boyfriend's sister but she seemed to be unfazed and too concentrated on covering up Louis' eye.

"Shocked for the most part." She nodded her head and tapped the sponge on her hand to get apply more product. "Definitely shocked. I would have never saw that coming but I don't mind it if that's what you're worrying about."

"It's not that, it's just-"

"It's fine Lou, Harry tells me everything. Well, except this whole relationship thing, but he told me what you said and I don't blame you for thinking that way. It couldn't be farther from the truth, but I get it. And we don't view you that way. Mum adores you and I'm getting there, you know?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I didn't think it to be true in that sense, I just didn't know if you'd see me as a manipulative person in ways."

"Not at all. If anything, we're glad that you two found each other. Could you imagine how dull Harry would've been not knowing his soulmate was a boy?"

"Soulmate?"

Without faltering her movements too much, Gemma internally slapped herself. Sure it could've been just a thought of hers, but if she slipped up on that, she could possibly slip up on Harry saying he loved Louis. "I mean, its just a thought, you know? Since you're his first boyfriend and I could genuinely feel the passion between you two. Besides, he's incredibly happy with you so I could only assume."

Louis was quiet for a few seconds, getting lost in his head like he always did. Gemma took this time to take a look at the cover up she did. It definitely wasn't close to the best, but it did look a hell of a lot better than it did before. "He's told me that too, you know. That we're soulmates."

"Yeah?"

He nodded his head and slumped forward a bit. "Mhm. But we were only friends at the time." He traced his fingers along the floral pattern of the comforter because looking directly into Gemma's eyes would be way too close to Harry. "Said we were meant to meet and be in each other's lives."

"He likes you a lot Lou. Like so much."

"You think?"

Gemma laughed, shaking her head in amusement. Surely Louis wasn't actually that clueless and was only acting in such a way to gain reassurance. "No, I know. That boy is crazy about you. Seriously. Since Thursday he has not shut up about you and how much he likes you." Thank god she was cautious enough to not slip up on maybe a huge and scary secret.

"I feel the same about him too but I'm not really sure how to show it to him." He looked up with furrowed brows to gauge Gemma's facial expression. "It may be hard to believe because I shelter my emotions but I'm so crazy about him it drives me insane."

She smiled and nodded her head, understanding where he was coming from. She might've not have known exactly why he thought the way he did like Harry, but she could understand where the hesitation was coming from. Love was scary, especially when it came from Harry because he could be intense at times. "He'd appreciate anything," Gemma spoke up with a soft smile. "You don't have to go all out like he does, but a little here and there would be nice."

Louis nodded his head. He was willing to open up and let Harry in even more, to show him that he wanted to be in this relationship just as much as he did but it was scary. Allowing himself to be one hundred percent vulnerable to another person was terrifying and just the thought of it made him want to vomit. He liked Harry so much but even having him adventuring the depths of his darkness was something he wasn't sure he wanted because knowing whether or not Harry would stay was unknown.

Right as Louis was going to answer, the door swung open and revealed a freshly showered Harry. He was dressed in the clothes Louis picked out for him: a shortsleeved black and white spotted button up paired with rich black skinnies— which may not have been the best choice considering they were skin tight— a nice black belt with a silver buckle, and black booties that Harry paired them with. "There you are," Harry spoke so soothingly with a loving smile. "Been looking for you everywhere kitten." He walked into the room and stood next to Louis, an arm wrapped around his shoulder.

"Been talking with Gems," Louis whispered back, with a smile of his own, looking up at his boyfriend. He didn't take notice of the nickname but Harry and Gemma did and they both smiled at it.

"Yeah? And how was it?"

"Was nice." Louis turned back around to look at Gemma with a smile.

"Yeah, before you interrupted," Gemma budded in, standing from the bed to put away the makeup she pulled out back in her luggage.

"Your eye." When Louis stood up, Harry's finger grazed over the makeup covered skin with a feather like touch.

"Gemma covered it up."

"How come?"

Louis sighed and grabbed Harry's hand to drag him out the room. "Thanks for everything." He closed the door behind him and continued down the stairs. He guided the both of them out the door and to one of the cars in his drive.

"Hey, hey, hey. Babe wait." Harry stopped their movements at the curb of the drive, pulling Louis to look at him. "Why's your eye covered?"

"Because I'm taking you somewhere and I don't want it to seem like you hit me." Louis tried to play off his nervousness with a playful smile and grabbed Harry's hands to pull his body closer to his.

"That's not funny Lou." He obviously knew it was a joke, but he didn't think that topic was something to joke about. Especially with how he got the black eye in the first place. The small boy frowned and dropped Harry's hands to his sides. "Where are we going? Is it a date?" They continued their walk to the car, Louis unlocking the doors for the both of them to get in, but Harry didn't round the boot to the passenger's side. Instead, he leaned against the driver's door, waiting for an answer. "I mean, you wanted me to dress nice and all that."

Louis, too, leaned against the door and looked at Harry sceptically, deciding whether or not he wanted to tell him right then. "Not a date, but it is going to be important."

"Important, hm?" Louis nodded and attempted to hold back his smile as best as he could, but the corner of his lip twitched up at Harry's dumbfounded curiosity. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Are you going to interrogate me or are you going to get in the car so we can go?"

"Ooo, demanding. I like it." Harry bit on his bottom lip and reached forward to grab Louis' hand, chuckling at his flustered face. "Not gonna get in a car with you without knowing for sure you're not bringing me to my death."

"I've done it with you many times before even when I didn't want to, so I think you can do it just this one time for me."

"But you know I'd never lay an angry hand on you but I don't know monsieur, you're the quiet dork in class."

"Hey," Louis whined, flicking Harry's forehead.

He just laughed and pulled Louis in closer, sliding a hand up to comb away his fringe. "The quiet ones are always the ones you need to be weary of."

"It didn't stop you before." Louis' eyes fluttered closed and his breath became short and rigid from the proximity of their faces.

"That's because I was a fool."

"You're not anymore?"

They were whispering against each other's lips, something way too intimate for public eyes, but they were young and slowly falling in love so neither cared about the possible eyes watching them from cars passing by or people walking along the sidewalk. Not even Louis who was always hyperaware of things. "Oh, I still am. Just not as naïve now that I have you in my arms." Harry was the one to initiate the kiss by flicking his tongue against Louis' parted mouth. He took that as a plead that Harry wanted to be kissed so Louis closed the space between their faces, connecting their lips in a soft, gentle kiss. There was nothing heated, nothing suggestive; it was simply a loving kiss that didn't last very long, but it was definitely highly satisfying. Once they were separated, Harry pressed their foreheads together whispering, "tell me where we're going," and then pecking his lips one more time.

"Have you never heard of the element of surprise?" Louis teased back with a small smirk. When Harry frowned Louis rolled his eyes because Harry was such a child and would not give up. He just wanted it to be a surprise. "Tell me what today is." He took a step back, not holding onto any part of Harry's body, his bum bumping into the side mirror of the car.

"Sunday the... second?" He clearly had no idea what in the fuck Louis was trying to get at but he went along with it. "Or the third, I'm not sure but I know it's December."

A small laugh tumbled out of Louis' mouth as he shook his head. "It's Sunday, yeah." He left it at that, thinking Harry would be able to understand where they were going considering Louis visited his grandparents every weekend and he even told Harry about not being able to visit them yesterday.

"I'm not sure what you're getting at Lou."

Louis sighed and shook his head because no matter how wise Harry could be, he could be a complete nut at times. "Haz, what do I do every weekend?"

Harry furrowed his brows and tilted his head to the side. "Well you-" It was then that Harry finally realised what was happening and where they were going. He cut himself off with a gap and a hand clutching at his mouth. "No." It came out breathless and full of disbelief. "Rose?"

"Rose _and_ William."

"Oh my god." Harry surged forward to hug his boyfriend probably too tight but Louis hugged him back with just as much joy because he knew how much Harry had been wanting this to happen. "Thank you so much," he whispered into Louis' waves and giving him a squeeze.

"I know you've been wanting this and so have I so I just thought why not? They're the only ones who don't know."

"Are you sure you're ready?" His eyes locked all over Louis' face to find any bit of uncertainty. "Look, baby, I wouldn't want to push you to do this. If you're not ready yet, let's go back inside and watch a film or something. Or you let me know when you get back so we can hangout."

"No, I want this." Louis smiled when Harry's smile grew wider from the reassurance. A few minutes ago he wasn't sure about it, but seeing Harry's reaction and the hesitance he expressed out of concern convinced him. "I want it so bad Hazza. You all mean so much to me and I don't want to feel like I'm living a double life anymore."

Harry didn't say anything. He simply stared at his boyfriend with nothing but complete adoration because his boy had been growing for months and he was becoming this beautiful person. Louis had always intrigued Harry and he was always beautiful, but when they first met he was like a wilting bud that was aching for water, aching for sunlight, aching for nutrients to keep him alive. But now? Now he was blossoming into the most beautiful flower all on his own. Sure, Harry provided him with some help, but it at the end of the day it was up to Louis whether or not he wanted to change and grow as a person.

There was a smile on his face, of course there was, as he pulled Louis back towards his body, bringing their faces extremely close. "You, my love," he began, poking Louis on his chest. "Are so amazing and I adore you for it." He kissed Louis again, but this time it was much deeper and filled with so much passion and love. Thinking about the vast improvements Louis had made since a few months ago was astounding and it made his heart jump. Their tongues slid and tangled with each other, their lips making soft smacking noises. Louis stood on his tiptoes just to feel more of Harry, to deepen the kiss and connect with his boyfriend.

It was times like this that made it so hard for Harry not to tell Louis just how much he loved him. Louis pulled away with a face splitting grin. He just stared at Harry with the biggest, most curious eyes that were filled with nothing but love.

"Shall we?" Harry nodded his head and hurried over to the passenger side to get in the car as quick as he could. Once he was in the car and all buckled up, Harry grabbed Louis' hand to intertwined their fingers, placing a kiss to the back of his hand. As they pulled out the drive Harry stared and chuckled when Louis struggled to turn the wheel with one hand.

The vehicle was silent for the most part— for what silent could be in a car filled with a low hum of music with Harry softly singing along as he watched the town pass them by. The houses turned to businesses and then back to houses with every twist and turn Louis took. With every second that passed there wasn't a thought in Harry's mind. He was too excited to be meeting Louis' grandparents to think about the possible things that could go wrong.

But then Louis' covered up eye popped into his head and instead of worrying about Rose and William, all he could think about was Zayn's fist colliding into Louis' face and then Louis' squeal. It was horrible and he hated that the image was so vivid and so reoccurring. It played through his mind multiple times a day and he wanted nothing more than to kill the memory. He looked over to his tiny, fragile little boy with a weak, sad smile. The makeup might've covered up the bruise decently, but he could still a bit of puffiness around the socket.

Harry leaned over to kiss Louis' eye, placing two or three gentle pecks to his skin. "What're you doing dearie," Louis chuckled, his face pink and warm.

"Kissing your booboo," Harry responded with a smile from the new nickname. "Does it feel better?"

"Of course." Louis took his eyes off the road for a quick second to flash Harry that smile he never got tired of seeing. "Kiss me again."

Without any hesitation Harry went to give his boy another kiss but before he did he pressed his lips to the shell of Louis' ear to whisper, "I could kiss you forever," and a load of kisses following after that that earned a giggle for every one that was pressed.

"It's fine, you know? It doesn't hurt when I'm just sitting around."

"Fine, then I wanted to kiss my lovely boyfriend."

"That, and trust me I believe it, or you're still feeling guilty." Harry looked down and awkwardly shifted back into his seat, diverting his eyes to anywhere that wasn't Louis. "C'mon Harry, I'm fine and it's over with. I'm over it and so should you. I'm okay."

But Harry shook his head. He didn't want to hear it because Louis didn't understand. Louis didn't understand the pain of seeing his boyfriend hurt and he didn't understand the heartache of witnessing Louis getting punched. "You don't get it, Lou. I saw how that bruise was formed. I watched you fall to the ground and hit your head. I saw you cry and shrivel up into a ball. Do you know how disheartening that is? How much that broke my heart to see?"

"I don't get it?" Louis snapped back, the light, soft mood replaced with tension. "Are you kidding me Harry? I know exactly how disheartening it is. I get that it was hard to see what you did but do you knowing how hard, how repulsive it was to see you lash out on Zayn? I know me getting hit was hard for you to see, but I witnessed you change into a completely different person. What you saw was one hit, I saw multiple. Tell me I don't get it."

Harry wanted to argue back but there were many reasons he decided not to. One reason could be because he simply didn't want to argue with Louis on such an important day. When he looked back on meeting Louis' grandparents for the first time, he wanted to remember laughter and smiles (hopefully) not an argument he had with his boyfriend on the way there. Another reason was that he didn't want to blatantly say Louis was fragile because he really wasn't. Sure he was more sensitive to certain topics than others, but he had incredible strength and that didn't go unnoticed by Harry. But Louis was small and tiny and so god damn precious that Harry couldn't help but view him as slightly defenceless and so when it all went down, something clicked in his brain. It wasn't only the fact that Zayn hit his boyfriend, and it wasn't only because of the months, or years, of torment, it was also because... Louis was fragile.

So instead of picking a fight, Harry just sighed and looked out the window, keeping his fingers wrapped around Louis', resting their hands on the centre console. "Sorry," he huffed in defeat. Louis did have a point and he wasn't going to ignore that, but it also wasn't the same. "I know, you're right. You don't act differently around me because of what you saw so I shouldn't either."

"And accept that it wasn't your fault."

Harry opened his mouth to retaliate but closed it again after deeming it useless. "I can try." The space fell silent and the music seemed to be blasting through the speakers with all the awkward tension. "Tell me what happened with Zayn. Did he do anything to you?" He looked back over and leaned his head against the seat.

"No," Louis admitted honestly. He knew it was coming but he thought it'd come much sooner. "He came over to apologise."

That statement made Harry knit his brows in confusion because Zayn didn't apologise to anyone for anything. There was that one time he apologised to Harry, but it was also about Louis and- oh. "How'd it go?" Louis slowed down to a stop at a red light and turned his head to look at how adorable Harry looked. His hair was still a bit damp and his skin was glowing with the sun beaming against it. Beautiful.

"Went well I guess." He only turned his head back to the road when a car behind him honked for him to go when the light turned green.

"You guess?"

"Yeah, I mean, it was hard at first. It was really hard actually, and I kind of hated seeing him in my room after so many years. At first I was a little afraid but he looked broken down, you know? It wasn't sadness and it wasn't gloominess. I don't know. He just looked drained."

With every word that Louis spoke Harry listened extra carefully to make sure he wasn't missing any detail. "You didn't forgive him, right? Like the shit he put you through was horrible and unforgettable."

Louis took a deep breath and struggled to turn right onto another road. "I did."

"Louis."

"Holding a grudge wouldn't get me anywhere and Zayn taking accountability for everything he did was what I wanted in the first place."

"Yeah but c'mon lovely. He gave you hell."

"I know that, but we talked about a few things and solved others and we're on good terms now. I told him it wasn't going to be easy and that we weren't automatically going to go back to being best friends, but he was willing to take it slow and make things right."

Only for a few seconds Harry looked away in disbelief. He couldn't believe that Louis could forgive his bully just like that. Fuck not holding a grudge or forgive and forget. Harry didn't want Louis being friends with Zayn ever again. "Louis," was all he said though. Arguing about it was probably only going to make it worse.

"You don't like it, I know but it's different when you're looking from the outside, especially when you don't know our history. Zayn and I used to be inseparable and I know he's a good person deep down. You've got to trust me on this Hazza."

No arguing, have a good day. He kept all of his thoughts to himself and silently admitting defeat. "I trust you baby, but Zayn will never come close to being your best friend again."

"Harry please-"

"I'm your best friend Lou. Only me."

The few minutes that were left of the car ride to hospital were spent in a comfortable silence. Harry wasn't satisfied or fulfilled with the information that was fed to him but he'd have to deal with it for the time being. But after today was over he was going to sit down with Louis to talk it out because he couldn't be left in the dark.

Louis pulled into the hospital car park, slowly drifting through the aisles to find an empty space to park in. As they passed aisle after aisle, Harry looked around in curiosity and stared at the building every time they passed it. "Lou?" he asked when Louis finally found a spot.

"Hm?" Louis hummed back while turning the car off and taking the keys out of the ignition.

"I didn't- I thought she just came here for treatments? We're visiting Rose during her treatments?" Louis flatlined his lips and got out the car without saying a word. "Lou?"

They met around the front of the car, Harry's height seeming to tower over Louis all of a sudden. "No, she lives here pretty much." He started to walk towards the building to avoid the conversation as best as he could but of course Harry was persistent.

"How come?" He chased after his small boy, linking their hands together along the way.

"She's got other problems than just cancer."

Harry could tell it was a sensitive topic for Louis so he didn't press further but did press a kiss to the top of Louis' head. "I'm excited. Are you?"

The front doors slid open for them and they walked in, emerging into the warmth that was filling the building. The heat felt nice since it was a bit nippy out. "Just a bit nervous."

Before Harry could ask why, someone beat him to responding. "Hey Louis," the lady at the front desk greeted with a smile.

"Hey Maurine." Louis smiled back and walked right passed her and through the chairs of the waiting room. It wasn't the usual front desk lady Louis was used to seeing.

"You've brought a friend Louis!" one of the other nurses commented as he walked down the C-wing.

"Someone's popular," Harry commented when they stopped in front of a closed door. 103C. Knowing that they were only a few feet away from his man was making Louis a bit nervous, but his excitement clouded over most of it.

"I'm going to go in first and you'll wait out here and I'll come get you, okay?" He was fiddling with his fingers, pulling and twisting them about in a nervous manner.

Harry took notice of the tick and calmly and ever so gently wrapped his hands around Louis' to stop his movements. "It's going to be okay Lou."

"I know," sighed Louis, tugging on Harry's hands to wrap them around his waist. "It's just- you're my first boyfriend and the first person I'm formally introducing to my grandparents and I can't help but think about the negatives that might happen after this."

Going into this relationship Harry knew it wasn't going to be easy and he knew that Louis was going to need tons of affirmation, but it was difficult. This was his first relationship where he had to keep reassuring and reminding his partner that he wasn't going anywhere and though at times it was frustrating and slightly annoying, (honestly if it were anyone else Harry would have been long gone) he was more than willing to stick through it. He wanted to stick through it because Louis was worth it. He was worth everything beautiful in the world.

That's why he did his best not to be upset about Louis doubting their love and passion. He put a smile on his face and raked Louis' fringe away from his face to be able to kiss his forehead. "We'll discuss that later, yeah? Let's just focus on right now and how I'm going to woo your grandparents and ask them for your hand in marriage."

Louis scoffed and gently shoved Harry away with a playful smirk and a newfound glint in his eyes. "Give me a few minutes." He turned to walk away but Harry still had a hand around his waist which he used to grab onto Louis' tiny hand to pull him back for a kiss. It was only fluid motion of Louis spinning around and being pulled forward to receive a kiss from his foolish boyfriend. The action took him by surprise but he easily and so quickly melted into the kiss, throwing his arms over Harry's shoulders to pull him in closer to distract his running thoughts.

Louis reciprocated the kiss, tangling their tongues together in a hungry manner. "My love," Harry laughed as he pulled away, placing his hands on top of Louis' to pull them down. "Everything will be okay, yeah?" Louis nodded, bringing Harry's hands to his lips to kiss the single ring he wore on his pointer finger. "Now get in there. We aren't getting any younger and I plan on getting married before my balls drop."

Louis rolled his eyes and released any connection he had with Harry with a scoff. He completely ignored the mention of marriage again for his own sanity. "Must you always be so unladylike?" With that, Harry watched in awe as Louis swayed his hips as he walked into the room before the door closed behind him. And as he waited for Louis to return, he propped himself against the wall with a foot pressed against it and his arms crossed over his chest.

"Please, there's a sign put up for a-" Lauren started to scold whoever barged in the room without knocking. "Nice of you to show up but the rule still applies to you." At the hospital, they were strict on their rules and if Louis was as aware of his surroundings like he usually was, he would've seen the sign Lauren always put up when doing vitals and bloodwork. It's for the patients really, for their privacy.

"Oh, Louis," Rose cooed, her sluggish mood brightening when seeing her grandson. "We didn't think you were going to show." Only one glance at his Nan and he knew that today wasn't a good day for her. She looked exhausted and quite pale. There were puffy bags under her eyes and her lids were drooping low.

"Hey, sorry," Louis apologised, taking a few apprehensive steps further into the room. "I didn't see the sign and I got caught up with something this morning."

"Hi son," William greeted with the best smile he could muster up. His wife wasn't doing well after all.

"Hey grandad." They wrapped themselves in a quick hug and when it was over Louis sat on Rose's hospital bed next to her feet. "You look beautiful nan." Louis grabbed her hand— the one that wasn't being poked with needles— and kissed the back of it.

"Oh don't bullshit me Louis," Rose quipped, pulling her hand away from his grip.

"You're always beautiful," William and Louis responded in unison.

"Something about you looks different," Lauren budded in once she pulled the needle out of Rose's vein, securing all the tubes and neatly placing them on a rack. "Hm. Well why were you late?"

"Got caught up in something."

"Yeah, but what?" Louis wondered if this was what living with a sibling was like; if Harry felt like this with Gemma. The bickering, the blunt comments, the poking remarks.

"I, um, I kind of got lost in my head so I went to clear my mind." Louis coughed and sniffled his nose, looking up from his lap to continue speaking. "I've actually- well I've brought someone along? But since nan isn't feeling well, I just might take them home and come back."

"Nonsense," Rose said the same time Lauren asked 'a friend?' "It's not the best day, but you've brought them all this way and I'd hate to be a poor sport."

"Granny, if you're not feeling well it's fine. I'm sure they'd understand if you didn't want to see anybody today."

"Bring 'em in. When else am I going to meet one of your friends?"

Louis nodded his head and stood from the bed, his weight shifting from foot to foot. "I'll bring them in." As he walked back towards the door he heard his grandmother say something along the lines of 'why the hell would he bring a guest and make them wait outside?'

Right when the door opened, Harry's attention snapped away from his phone and onto his boyfriend. "Hey baby." He locked his phone and shoved it in his pocket. As Louis walked closer to his boyfriend, Harry stretched out his arms to hurry the process up, pulling him to his chest with a lovely smile playing on his lips. "Is it showtime?"

"Mhm," Louis hummed, balancing on his tiptoes to be close to eyes level with Harry. It started out just being a quick peck, but when Harry tried slipping some tongue in Louis pulled away with a laugh falling off his lips. "We've kissed so much today."

"I don't see a problem in that. I could kiss you all day."

"Well, right now you're going to meet my grandparents so I hope there will be an exclusion."

"Of course monsieur, but when we get home your lips aren't leaving mine until we sleep." It was gross really, but they were still heavy in their honeymoon phase and, no, neither cared about the off looks they were receiving.

"Come on hun." He lowered himself off his tiptoes, taking a step back and grabbing Harry's hand to pull him across the hall to the room. They stopped right before the door and Louis turned around with furrowed brows. "Before you go in, I just wanted you to know that today's not a good day for me nan." All Harry did was nod, biting down on his lip with wide, eager eyes. He was so close and yet so far.

Louis pulled Harry into the room, both his hands behind his back so they wouldn't know right away that they were holding hands— Harry stayed close behind him as well so that helped. The pungent smell of sterilisation was even stronger in the room than in the corridors. "Shut. Up," Lauren sighed out in shock. She was the first to see Harry since Rose's bed was tucked behind a wall.

"Lauren," Louis whined just before passing that wall, entering the eyes of everyone in the room.

"Oh my," Rose gasped, placing one hand over her heart and the other over her mouth. "I-it's the boy."

"His name is Harry dear," William spoke gently as to not reprimand her since it wasn't the best day for her.

"Harry, that's right." There was a bright smile on her face, her crinkling eyes incredibly endearing. "What are you doing standing behind Lou? C'mon over here and give me a hug." Harry gave Louis' hand a squeeze as if asking permission to go. Louis squeezed his hand back and tugged on it for Harry to round the corner. The only person who was able to see the secret gesture was Lauren and she was sitting off to the side trying to hide her excitement by biting down on her bottom lip.

"I haven't been completely honest with you guys except, well, Lauren." Louis said softly pulling on Harry's hand to get him to hang for a second.

"What is it bubba?"

"Harry?" Louis twisted his torso to look back at Harry with a small smile, tugging on his hand again to make him round his body.

"Ohh," Rose gasped in the cutest way possible, Harry thought. William silently gasped at the sight of Louis holding hands with Harry. They knew this was going to be coming sometime soon, but they honestly didn't think it'd be so quick.

"Harry and I are together and we've been together for the past two weeks."

"Two weeks and one day," Harry budded in, bumping his hip into Louis' side and maybe it was the perfect first words he could have said. Rose surely thought that was better than introducing himself. "I don't think I have to introduce myself, but I'm really excited to be meeting you guys. Louis' talked so much about you."

"Oh I'm sure he's talked more about you. Come." He let go of Louis' hand and bounced on his feet as he walked over to Rose's bed to give her the much anticipated cuddle he'd been waiting for.

When he saw Rose start to sit up to hug him, Harry rushed forward to beat her to it as to not cause any stress for her. "If I would've known that you weren't feeling well, I would've brought you some flowers." Even though Rose's health wasn't the best and surely her physical strength wasn't at it's prime, she squeezed Harry tight. So tight that his face was being smushed into her shoulder.

"I'm more of a crisps kind of gal, but the generosity is appreciated." They spoke to each other in a hushed whisper just so that they were the only ones to be able to hear.

"I'll remember that for next time."

"I'm so happy to finally meet you. You have no idea how long I've been waiting to see you."

"Same goes to you little Miss Rose."

She pulled back with a warm and inviting smile, her eyes so clear and so full of adoration for Harry. "Please, call me Rose. Or nan. Whatever you're comfortable with."

Harry just nodded and walked around the bed to introduce himself to Louis' grandfather. Along the way he looked at his boyfriend who was completely smitten about it all. He had a foolish smile on his face and his teeth sinking into his bottom lip. Harry sent him a wink and puckered his lips in an air kiss before turning back around and walking in front of William. He was already standing, his smaller stature being towered over just like he would with Louis. For a second he made the connection— Rose's bright blue eyes crinkling and William's shorter height— to Louis, but he wasn't sure whether or not these grandparents were his biological grandparents or not.

He stuck his hand out to shake William's hand but he just laughed and held it out of his way. "Please, us Tomlinson boys love our cuddles." Well that answered his thoughts. The hug wasn't awkward at all and honestly he now knew where Louis learned how to hug so good. Harry wanted to melt into William's arms and wished he was cradled in his arms when he was a baby because _that_ was love. The way William was holding him was love. "Thank you so much for bringing our boy back to us." The words were whispered to Harry when they pulled apart, the hug not lasting nearly as long as his hug with Rose.

Harry shook his head, his cheeks hurting from how much he'd been smiling but it was a great feeling. "He was always there, he just needed a friend to believe in him."

"We're going to get on really well, you and me." Harry's smile never faltered throughout the entire exchange. Well, that was until he turned back around and Louis wasn't looking at him like before. He was still smiling, but his attention was directed to his phone. The smile that was always directed at Harry was now directed to his phone and Harry hated it. The thoughts that popped into his head were crazy outlandish, but he couldn't help but think that Liam was the one causing that smile and that Louis liked it.

When in reality, as Harry was getting chummy with Louis' grandparents, Louis was watching with utter fondness but as he was hugging William, his phone vibrated in his pocket. No one really texted him besides Liam every now and then and Zayn that one day but it'd been a day since then. But he checked it anyway in case it was his parents wondering where he was.  
  


_[Zayn]: hey lou i was busy with my sisters yesterday so i'm sorry for not responding quicker. well, i don't know if you wanted me to respond or not but this is me trying again. i want to right my wrongs. maybe we can hang out sometime and i'd understand if you want to bring someone along if you don't trust me just yet. geez i can't believe i'm rambling. okay i'm done_   
  


He smiled. Of course he did. That was his old best friend that he dearly missed. The message was sweet too— for Zayn at least. It wasn't much, really, but it was enough to warm Louis' heart and brighten his smile.  
  


_[Louis]: No worries. You don't have to text me if you don't want to. It's honestly not a big deal. Let me know when you want to hang out and I can make some accommodations for then. I think it'll be good for us._   
_[Louis]: I didn't mean it like that. I mean, I think you know that but I didn't mean us like romantically? I meant as friends because you know I have a boyfriend and you don't like boys so._

_[Zayn]: yes lou i know lol. relax a bit, yeah? i don't mind that you're gay, i never have_

_[Louis]: Sorry._   
_[Louis]: Um, well, I'm visiting me nan right now so I'll talk to you later?_

_[Zayn]: yea for sure. tell her and william i said hi_   
  


When Louis returned his attention back to Harry and his family, they were just like how he last saw them. He walked over to stand next to his boyfriend, linking their arms and leaning his head against his shoulder with a smile that screamed content stretched across his face. To make this a good memory he decided not to bring up why Louis was smiling so wide at his phone and why his eyes sparkled when he tried to bite back his smile. And it wasn't just for him either. He wanted a good first impression on Louis' grandparents and having his jealousy get the better of him was not going to be a pretty first impression. He also wanted Louis to go through this without a stressed mind. So instead of making a comment that he was so ready to spit out, he kissed the top of Louis' head and laid his head on top of his as he listened to Rose tell the story of how her and William met. And while she was talking, Louis listened with a smile, his heart racing out his chest because although their relationship was new and rocky in that moment, he wanted what his grandparents had with Harry.

He wanted to spend years with him, live a life with him, have kids with him, grow old with him, everything. There are so many things that Louis was unsure of living in this horrid world, but Harry had been the only good constant and he believed that there was a reason for that. There was a reason why he was the first boy Harry liked and there had to be a reason why he felt so strongly for him so early on in their relationship. Not even a month passed by of the two of them being together but Louis felt it. He felt like he could love Harry and, really, thats all he wanted. He longed for it, yearned for it.  
  


** 3:57 pm **

To say that things went smoothly was a complete understatement. Harry got on really well with Louis' grandparents it was like he'd always been a part of the family. Louis couldn't wrap his mind around how being Harry was possible. Like, how could he charm everyone he came into contact with and how could he just flow into conversation about something he had no idea about like he'd been practicing it for years? There was no doubt in his mind that his boyfriend swept his grandparents off their feet with his kind heart and wise words. Even Lauren fell in love. She was hypnotised by his charisma, entrapped by his anima, and lost in his mystique. She stayed nearly the entire time they visited until she was paged to tend to another patient.

The first thing that was ranted about was about the months of Louis talking about Harry and his hopeful, but all the while hopeless, mentality about their friendship. Rose would tell Harry how much Louis had adored him and how highly he thought of him since the day they met. She would tell him about every time Louis felt hopeless about his feelings for him. How he'd look down on everything and downsize all the events that happened between them because he believed Harry to like girls. And Harry ate it up. He always loved to get insight inside Louis' mind and in a way that was what he was getting. What was being talked about was during a time where Harry had no idea what was going on in that troubling mind of his boyfriend and it almost felt like closure. There was a sense of relief, like a weight lifted off his shoulders, when he learned that Louis actually did like him through it all. He never truly wanted to push Harry away. Learning about all of that was a good distraction from his raging jealousy of Louis texting Zayn.

While his grandparents practically embarrassed him, Louis listened with a wide smile. Surely any other time Louis would die from embarrassment, but he loved the conversation just as much as everyone else in the room. Yeah, he groaned a time or two, blushed a few times, and hid his face away into Harry's body, but there was just something about how domestic everything felt that lifted any ounce of shame he felt. In a way, he was almost glad that Harry was hearing these stories just so he knew that Louis really did like him.

His emotions were still locked away in a safe and he knew Harry had the combination but they weren't in the right order. He had all four digits but they were jumbled up in a nonsensical order. With those four numbers he had twenty four combinations to choose from but only one was correct. The odds weren't in his favour especially when Louis wasn't obligated to be honest whether or not he had the correct order. Even so, Louis wanted to open up.

Especially when Harry looked the way he did anytime someone would talk about him.

Especially when Harry looked the way he did anytime he would talk about him.

The conversation the entire time was like any conversation someone would have when meeting someone for the first time. They talked about hobbies, aspirations, family life, everything. Except they were obviously able to get more in depth answers given their certain circumstance. As always Louis barely talked but this wasn't really about him. It was about Harry meeting and apparently successfully swooning his grandparents just like he wanted. His comments came minimal and only when asked or to interject when there was disrespect put onto his name. Like when Harry lied about how Louis lost their bake off because, no, he absolutely did not. He made sure his grandparents knew that he actually won and how much of a sore loser Harry was. Other than that, he didn't speak much but he couldn't have felt more comfortable. Hours upon hours were spent in that hospital room and not even a single minute did Louis catch on to Harry's bothered mood.

Which only made things worse when it was time to leave. The farewells went on for minutes because Harry always found a way to spark up a conversation with even just a goodbye. But when they officially left, they left hand in hand. As they walked down the corridor Harry made up an excuse— like checking to see if his mum messaged him or whatever— to let go of Louis' hand because how could he not catch on? The walk to the car was silent but Louis was on cloud nine, practically prancing as he walked and either greeted or said a farewell to everyone he knew as they passed by. The chilling breeze nipped at Louis' skin but he couldn't be bothered to feel it. Everything inside him was warm and cozy that not even the winter air could put a damper in his mood.

The car ride was less silent than their walk, but no words were being exchanged between the two of them. Music was humming at a moderate volume— something random from Harry's playlist— and cars zipped by as Harry was weaving in and out of every lane to pass the abnormally large amount of slow drivers on the road— he blamed it on the old church ladies. Louis was humming as closely to the unknown tune as he could, bobbing his head side to side as he watched the town pass by. They were about five minutes out from their destination when Louis finally spoke up. "Today went smoother than I first anticipated," he said in a slightly louder voice than the music to be heard.

Harry was still being distant, hands clenched around the steering wheel. "Yeah," Harry agreed, "you get lost in your head too much." He knew that was hypocritical of him to say, but he honestly couldn't care. Who else would be texting? And why would he feel the need to smile that wide?

"I know, but this was a big step for me Hazza." He looked at his boyfriend when he slowed down to a traffic stop with a blindingly bright smile. "But I'm glad it finally happened."

"Me too Lou." He felt Louis look at him so he turned his head and flashed him a smile.

Finally Louis could tell something was up with how short Harry's sentences were and how fake the smile seemed. He saw how tight he was holding the wheel but he couldn't think of anything that might have upset him so he figured it was all in his head. "They loved you, I know they did. Nan had been wanting to meet you for ages, grandad too."

"I could say the same about them."

"I know, and I'm sorry for waiting so long. If I would have known it would turn out so well I would have done it sooner."

"'s fine Lou. All that matters is that I actually got to see them."

"Lauren is in love with you."

There was something about that sentence that didn't sit well with Harry. He knew he didn't mean it romantically and he never interpreted it that way, but it was something about Louis talking about someone being in love with him but not talking about himself that didn't feel right. "She was delightful as well. Seemed like a sibling to you."

"Yeah, we're pretty close." Harry pulled into his drive and parked his car quite abruptly, immediately shutting off the engine and getting out the car. Now that was weird. Usually they sat in the car for a minute or two before heading out. But he followed along and got out the car, waiting for Harry to round the boot.

"I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" He knew that if he were to walk away without saying goodbye or giving Louis a kiss it'd set off red flags and although he wanted Louis to realise something was wrong, he didn't want to talk about in that moment. Not anymore.

"Oh." Louis furrowed his brows and tilted his head to the side. He was leaned against the car, the toe of his shoe gracing the blacktop beneath him. "I mean, yeah, but it's only four and I thought you'd want to hang out or something."

"Oh, sorry Lou. I forgot I had something to do today."

"What do you have to do?" Now Louis was getting suspicious.

"Nothing big. Just promised I'd meet up with someone."

"Who?"

"Do you not trust me?"

"Yeah, but you're acting weird." Why was Louis the one receiving an attitude? "Just curious who you're going to be hanging out with."

"Rich," Harry scoffed, looking down to the ground, kicking the frozen ground.

"What?" Surely he didn't hear that right.

"Nothing. I really have to go though. I'm gonna be late. Bye baby." He took a step closer to his boyfriend to give him a kiss on his lips for a brief moment. When he pulled away Louis was peering up at with furrowed brows with his lip pulled to the side. He gave in. "Niall."

"W-we can't hang out when you come back?"

"I'm not sure when I'll be back." Now Louis felt like Harry was trying to avoid him.

Harry took a few backward steps. "Okay. Well can you at least call me before you sleep?"

"You got it. Bye Louis."

Louis stood by Harry's car watching his boyfriend turn around and jog to his front door. He didn't even turn around like he always did. "Bye," he whispered to himself before dragging his feet across the street.

** 10:39 pm **

Louis was sleepy by nine but he stayed up to wait for Harry's call and couldn't be more excited when he heard his car pull in across the street. But Louis would soon learn that he stayed up for nothing when twenty minutes later his phone never rang. So he went to bed feeling ignored, insignificant, and an immense weight of sadness lingering in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HATE THIS CHAPTER. I AM SO ASHAMED. I'M SORRY. GOODBYE.


End file.
